JENNIE

—Eat Up, Little Joker. Then We Ride the Ride—

..

..

Yap, yap, yap…

Yap, yap, yap…

"Shut it or die, Bingo." The rumble of Lisa's voice rouses me.

Yap, yap, yap…

Lisa stirs and adjusts her grip around me to attempt a whack at Kuma. My growing smile transforms into a large yawn and I stretch my sore arms. Heat burns over my cheeks at thinking about why my muscles hurt. Sex. I had sex for the first time, with a sexy, amazing, wonderful con man, and I loved every single, messy, amazing moment of it. I replay the whole night, trying to remember all the IOUs I need to write. Replace Dorothy's now-ripped dress. Thank God it was only a replica. Toto, since Kuma kind of ate him. Bad doggie. The Wizard of Oz blanket, which we horribly disgraced. Bad Lisa.

I snuggle my face into the makeshift pillow, which reminds me of another IOU. Ruby red shoes, because those are coming with me. Replace hot air balloon basket, because when you're propped up on it and making out heavily, it breaks. Every other inch of this place because Lisa had me lip locked and hot and heavy up against, over, and under. Dear Lord. My cheeks could start a fire they're so heated at the memories. I can't even wait to tell Beatrice. She's going to simply die!

"Mommy, why are those statues naked?"

"Bingo, I'm serious. You're headed to the same fate as your rival, Toto."

My ears perk at the unfamiliar sound. Definitely wasn't the sweet little bark of Kuma. I swear it sounded more like…

My eyes shoot open.

Gee willikers!

Yap, yap, yap!

I pray my sight is playing tricks on me. I'm currently making eye contact with a young child along with a wide-eyed mother.

"Bif, I'm serious, zip it or—shit!" Lisa shoots up, realizing too late she's naked as the day she was born, and grabs a remaining shred of Toto, covering her man parts. I dart up, just as fast, grabbing for the Wizard of Oz blanket, but it causes Lisa to stumble, dropping her patch. The child's mouth falls to the ground, while the horrified mother throws her hands over her son's eyes.

It seems after our all-night escapades we fell asleep in the yellow brick road window display.

"Oh God, Lisa, what do we do?"

She snatches up her clothes, searching and throwing me Dorothy's torn dress. "Private tour's over, babe. Gotta go." She hooks Kuma under her arm, just as her jaw bites down on the small leftover patch of Toto, and we both make our hasty, breezy escape.

..

..

We're three hours into our trek to Colorado, still wearing our goofy grins. Maybe I'll leave some of the details out when I spill to Beatrice. "I'm not sure I'll ever get that terrified woman's expression out of my head."

Lisa chuckles and squeezes my hand she's been holding since we threw ourselves into the SUV and escaped, just like Bonnie and Clyde driving away from a bank robbery. "Imagine the poor woman having to explain the monster he was exposed to."

I shake my head. My eyes roll, even though monster is dead on. I truly hope one day I walk normal again. She takes her eyes off the road. "Some things you can't con, you know?" And winks at me.

My lips part and my mouth waters. Between my legs begins to pulse, even through the soreness. I inhale a deep breath to calm myself. "A little full of yourself, don't you think?" I try to mask my sudden need to want to play with said monster.

"We can pull over if you need another presentation."

I finally lose my composure. My entire face blasts crimson. Thank goodness I see a sign, welcoming us into Colorado, and change the subject. "Oh look! Colorado! I wonder what the population is. You think more or less than Kansas? California? Maybe in—"

Lisa pats me on my thigh. "All right, squirrel girl, dropping the subject."

I exhale. Thank God.

"But to answer your question, Colorado is a monster state. Really big. Hard on gun law—ouch." She bends forward, laughing when I whack her in the stomach. "Geez, when did my girl get so violent?"

I open my mouth to reply, but my words get lodged in my throat at the way her head tilts to catch a look at me. I have no idea when I became so violent, or bold, or carnal. But if I had to pinpoint the exact change, it would have started the moment I laid eyes on my sexy outlaw.

I blame the hopeless romantic in me, but I can't control the roller-coaster of emotions I'm riding on. Every time she looks at me, touches me, I ache for more. A once unchartered territory for me. But now that I've gotten a taste of it, I want to explore every single outlet. Beg for her to touch me in ways I've only read about. The fierce heroine, bold and confident.

"Okay, spill. I can see your brain spinning."

"What?" That's not possible, right?

"What are you thinking, Nini?"

That I love when you call me your girl. "I wonder what the state animal in Colorado is."

"Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep. Spill it."

You have the most beautiful eyes and I want this adventure to never end. "Wonder how often it snows here?"

Another low chuckle. "A lot. Now stop avoiding the real question."

I wonder if you'll ever think of me after you've saved your family and go off being wonderful while I'm imprisoned by God knows who, my only friend being a goat, and possibly the neighbor if he's still alive when we— "Wait a minute!" That's it!

"I am waiting. You keep stalling with weird questions."

"No, I mean, wait… I know how we can find information on Mr. Death!" I grab her phone nesting in the cup holder and open the Google search app.

"Jen, I know you're stuck on this idea, but he's not Andy Garcia."

I wave her off. That's still to be determined. "Not what I'm searching for, but who. Mr. Death mentioned his neighbor, Gordon, remember? I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier, but what a rookie move! He gave us more vital information." Remembering the conversation, I type in 'Pesticide litigation, claim: harm to land, livestock, Plaintiff, Gordon' in the search engine, my foot tapping on the floorboard while the wheel spins. One by one, links matching my keywords pop up. "Bingo."

"What? Did you find something?"

"Yes! Listen to this." I click on a link that leads me to the county website for California jurisdiction. "It's a public complaint filed by a Gordon Eisenhower. It says his neighbor, name undisclosed, trespassed and stole his farming equipment. The items listed are Hydraulic Sprayer, tank, pump, and nozzles. This has to be him!"

Lisa doesn't look sold. "I don't know. This all seems so farfetched. We're talking a mob boss here. Assuming one who has connections to bad people and no fucking soul, since he kidnaps people for ransom." I turn my raised brow on her. "Okay, moot point. You're enjoying this kidnapping."

I need to control the temperature in my cheeks. "Well, miss, I didn't see you wanting to quit last night yourself. If I can remember correctly you told me you never wanted to leave my dripping wet—"

"All right, babe. You win. Let's stay on track. Say this is him. And we just found this Gordon, what does that do for us? Besides prove he has it out for his neighbor?"

I copy Gordon's full name and enter it into a new search engine. Immediately a Facebook link matching his name pops up. I click on it. An old stocky man, thick white hair matching his bushy white mustache. Gordon Eisenhower. I click on his photos and an abundance of pictures taken with him and his cat appear. One's of them sitting in a rocker, one's in the backyard feeding him treats, one's—

"Oh my God! Look! It's Juniper!" I shove the phone in Lisa's face, causing her to swerve.

"Jesus, woman!"

"Sorry. But do you see? It's him! We found him!"

"Yeah, I see, as well as the car I almost sideswiped. It's also just not matching up. A mobster who lives on a farm and raises goats? Come on. It doesn't make sense. I feel like your intentions are good, but—"

"Look!" I screech, throwing the phone in her face again, and Lisa slams on her brakes to avoid crashing into the car in front of us. "It is him! Look at the fence. It's the same fence from the photo Mr. Death sent us with Cala!"

This time, Lisa swerves to the right, causing a sleeping Kuma to slide off my lap. Avoiding two accidents, she pulls off to the side, throwing the car in park. "Give me that." And she snatches the phone from my hands.

I sit with a winning smile on my face as she inspects the photo. "Say it. I'm a genius." She doesn't but keeps scrolling. "Three simple words, I'm a gen—"

"This is all so fucked up."

"Wait, what? Why?"

I lean over and look at what she's reading. One after another, crazy posts about his neighbor. All posts tag the profile name, Godfather_V. And no shocker his profile photo is the one and only, Andy Garcia.

Gordon Eisenhower: You're going down @Godfather_V. No one be fooled by the goats! He's a mobster! Stole my farming tools! Neighbors beware. He's hiding something over there! #thief

Godfather_V: Those goats have eyes. They see what you do with that cat of yours. #sicko

Gordon Eisenhower: Keep my cat out of it, you maniac! Stay off my property! I know what's going on over there! #mafiaaction

Godfather_V: I goat to tell you, you really need to get a better hashtag, you crazy old man. Sounds like you need more than just a kitty petting. Wanna borrow one of my goats?

Gordon Eisenhower: You're sick! Keep those damn goats off my fence! I'll shoot anything that trespasses! #goatfordinner

Godfather_V: I do love eating pussy myself. #challengeaccepted

..

On and on, his posts are meant just for this Godfather_V, the two of them going back and forth.

..

Gordon Eisenhower: I saw you last night @Godfather_V! If anyone in town goes missing, they're buried in his backyard! We all have eyes and ears!

Godfather_V: Sure it wasn't your cat I was burying? #meow

Gordon Eisenhower: Nice try. She's sitting on my lap right now. You don't scare me!

Godfather_V: Oh, I bet she is. Heard you both moaning all through the night. Really need to try out one of my goats. Give that poor cat's ass a break.

Gordon Eisenhower: You're sick! I'm calling the authorities on you! Let them know who you really are! I see all the nighttime action! Goat farmer my behind! #lies

Godfather_V: Do it. I bet they don't find you when they come ringing your doorbell. #sixfeetunder

Gordon Eisenhower: My neighbor's crops are growing because he has dead bodies buried under his fields! Anyone missing? Check @Godfather_V's property!

Godfather_V: Thank your wife for my tasty tomatoes. Nice and juicy. Really easy to pluck. Just like she was.

Gordon Eisenhower: How dare you! Bertha was an amazing woman! And I know for a fact she isn't buried in your crop field! She's living with her sister in Ohio! #mobsterlies

Godfather_V: Oh yeah, that's right because she left you for fucking your cat. Thanks for clarifying. #getsomerealpussy

Gordon Eisenhower: She didn't leave me because of that! She left because she didn't understand me and Sherley's bond! No one does. Cats are beautiful specimens.

Godfather_V: Whatever you say. Wait, is that Sherley outside right now? Fucking my goat? #cheatingcat

..

"These are ridiculous. I've had enough. Click on his damn name. Let's see if it's Vincent's page," Lisa grumbles and I press on the name, disappointed because I was quite entertained by them, but when I do, it takes us to a private Facebook account, requiring us to request his friendship to see his page.

"Should we friend request him?" I ask.

"No, we shouldn't fucking friend request him. He'll know we're onto him."

Good point. "Maybe we should friend request Gordon."

She snatches the phone from my hand. "No, we shouldn't. Listen, it can't be the same person. The one we're dealing with isn't messing around here. He will hurt my family. He's made it clear and at no time since they've been taken has he convinced me he won't. He's dangerous. Not a pretend mobster playing with goats and arguing on social media with his neighbor." She's lost any sort of laidback demeanor. In its place is annoyance. "Let it go, Jesus. Okay?" She stares at me until I nod in defeat, and she throws the car in drive and pulls back onto the small highway.

I want to turn to her and argue that it's not safe for her family to be in the hands of this madman, but she plans on handing me over to him? I reroute my attention to the window and stare at the passing scenery, wondering who Mr. Death really is, and when he has me, if he'll at least grant me some answers, before he buries me under his crops.

..

..

..

I must have dozed off because when I reawaken, we're pulling up in a parking lot with tall rocks surrounding water. "Where are we?" I ask, scrubbing away the tiredness from my eyes.

"Small town outside of Denver. I don't think we're being followed, but I want to ditch the car. Think here's a good place to scope one out."

I sit up, taking in the scenery. Surely is beautiful. Kuma jumps up, his little paws against the window ledge enjoying the view, when we pull into an open spot. In front is a lake. "The sun's about to go down. I bet this place is going to fill up with cars. Tons of people who want to hang by the beach and do bonfires. When it gets dark, we'll swap and head out. It will be hours before they realize their car's gone. Maybe not even until morning."

I nod and bring my attention back to the lake. A few people are already setting up chairs and makeshift tables with coolers.

"Are you going to be okay here for a bit?" she asks. "I'm going to go scope out the scene."

Another nod.

"Hey, look at me." This time her voice is tender. Gone is the cruel tone from earlier. I do as she asks and when our eyes meet, I can't help but quickly forget the disappointment from earlier I held over her. "I'm sorry. I don't think your ideas are silly. It's just… I'm just as confused. I don't think my sister is truly in as much danger as Mr. Death wants me to think. But I also don't think he's innocent either. Something's off. This may be him trying to throw us off his trail. But one thing's for certain. I don't want to risk doing anything stupid to put my family or you in harm's away, okay? Come here." She extends her arm around my neck, guiding me closer and pressing her lips to mine. "We're in this together, right?" I nod. "Bonnie and Clyde, minus the shoot-out?" Her lips curl into a smile as I cringe. Darn it, she heard that whole conversation. "We'll figure it out. I won't leave you with him. Whoever he is. I promise."

Her lips fuse to mine once again, and I accept her apology in the form of a really great kiss. We break apart and all is good in the world. Kind of. Minus the whole kidnapping and ransom and—

"You okay here or did you want to come with me?"

I want to follow her to the end of the earth if it means the gift of those lips at my service any time I want. Kuma interrupts, letting me know he has to do his business, and I snap out of my fantasy.

"Actually, I'm gonna go take Kuma for a walk. Maybe enjoy some of the lake, if that's okay."

She stares at me for a minute, contemplating it before nodding. "Yeah, just be careful. Be aware of your surroundings. If anyone looks suspicious, run. Cool?"

"Cool."

A quick kiss and she's jumping out. Cuddling Kuma under my arm, I grab his leash and go on my own adventure. I discard my shoes and hold them while I sink my toes into the sand. It's cold and smooth, unlike the old, worn sand in the parks back home. The feel of the grains under my feet is glorious and I start my trek closer to the water. Kuma stops at the garbage can and pees. I'm admiring the calmness of the water, when a man comes out of nowhere. I pop back as he addresses me.

"'Sup, little lady. You chillin' for the bonfire?"

Watch my surroundings. If anything feels off, run. Don't talk to strangers.

I smile wide and inviting and say, "Well, hello there. You're an interesting looking fella. I've never been here before, so I'm not sure what you're asking."

His hair is long and braided into knots. It looks heavy and possibly giving him a headache. That or he has bad allergies because his eyes are red and squinty.

"Newbie to the Chatfield Reservoir. Rad! This place digs newbies. You look like an adventurous chica bonita. Interested in riding the ride while you're here?"

I look around in confusion. "Sure, but where? I don't see any rides."

The kid laughs, whipping his long locks around. His clothing is super colorful—red, yellow, and green from head to toe. "Snap. Jokes. Dig it, girl. You look like something sweet's coming your way."

"It is?" I ask, curious. I love sweets. He pulls a brownie out of his knapsack and hands it to me.

"Eat up, little joker. Then we ride the ride."

Eager, because I'm actually starving, I take the brownie down in seconds, being polite and feeding a portion to Kuma. "Thanks, that was tasty. So where are these rides?"

"Give it about fifteen minutes and they'll appear."

Fantastic!

..

..

..