Thank you for your continued interest and support. I appreciate it. I do not own Glee or the characters, neither do I own Grayson's Vow.
Very very long chapter...
MERCEDES
Oh my God! Stevie... Sam's brother. And Olivia... The woman he'd been about to propose to before he'd been sent to prison... who is now his brother's wife... Here? In the flesh?
I smoothed my hands down my jeans and tried my best to look cool, calm and collected. Or at least as cool, calm and collected as a person could look after having just removed themselves from a sprawled position on the floor from flying off a bannister.
"Is this her?" Stevie asked, apparently ignoring Sam and instead looking at me. I wasn't sure exactly what to make of his question, but the look on his face was friendly and his tone warm, so I smiled and held out my hand again.
"I'm Mercedes Jones" I said.
"Evans now, isn't it?"
He gave me an open, boyish smile and took my hand in his.
I glanced at Sam... His expression was shuttered.
"Well, yes." I cleared my throat. "I keep forgetting," I murmured.
"Well, it's still new, right?" Stevie said, giving me an understanding half smile.
"Right..." I whispered.
The tall, striking blonde smiled warmly at me and moved forward, grasping my hand in both of hers once I'd let go of Stevie's.
God, she really was gorgeous... Grace Kelly's even more beautiful sister.
Stevie looked at Sam...
"When Alice told us the news, you could imagine our shock. But we hoped it meant..."
"That you'd be welcome in my home?" Sam asked icily. "You were wrong. You can turn around and leave again."
"Sammy," Alice said, moving towards him. "They came all this way to see you and to meet Mercedes."
"You manipulated this, Alice," he said, his livid stare resting on her.
"Sam," I whispered, feeling awkward in the middle of this frigid family reunion. "Maybe I should..."
He swung his eyes to me, pausing momentarily...
"I won," he said, and for a minute I had no earthly idea what he was referring to. Then I realized he was talking about our race down the bannister.
I would've argued with him, for he certainly had not, but I thought what he really might mean is that I had no choice but to stay in the house now if we weren't going to raise suspicion with his brother and sister-in-law...his ex-girlfriend, nearly fiancée.
Good Lord. That was if he was going to allow them to stay. And if he was going to make it look as if we had a real marriage.
My heart felt like it was beating a mile a minute...
I just nodded.
Harrold cleared his throat...
"I believe I'll excuse myself."
I thought I'd do the same.
"I'll just," I nodded my head towards my suitcase and Sam's overnight bag still sitting by the door. "Take these upstairs and let you all talk."
I felt severely self-conscious and on display as I moved to pick up the bags, because the foyer went utterly silent except for the sound of my clacking shoes.
With my face feeling many degrees hotter, I turned at the foot of the stairs...
"So I'll just," I cleared my throat. "See you at dinner," I said. I was looking at Sam, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at Olivia with an expression on his face I'd never seen before.
He didn't answer..
He didn't even tear his eyes from her long enough to acknowledge me.
It felt like a fist to my gut.
Suddenly, I heard Fifty's nails clicking on the stone floor and she appeared around the corner, staring at all of us. She gave a small chuff and dropped her head.
"Here, Fifty," I said quietly. And she trotted towards me.
"Nice to meet you, Mercedes," Stevie said, giving me a sympathetic look. And I'm guessing, he knows his brother still loves Olivia.
Alice nodded at me, wringing her hands at her stomach... She knew too.
Why had she pushed me towards Sam if she knew?
Does she want me to leave?
Olivia gave me a small half smile, her eyes darting to Sam and quickly back to me, her cheeks pink... Does she love him, too?
Oh, God. It was all too much. I turned and hurried up the staircase and into the room I'd stayed in when I was sick, with little Fifty on my heels.
Tossing the bags down, I leaned against the closed door long enough to catch my breath.
"Stupid woman," I admonished myself. "A few kisses, a few personal revelations and you thought Sam was what? Your friend? Your true husband? You are such an idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!"
The way he had looked at that woman downstairs was not how he had ever looked at me. But she was married to his brother... So it wasn't like he could ever have her again.
God, but just the fact that he still wanted her, hurt enough in and of itself. And I hated it.
Hated it.
I stood up straight... Thank goodness I hadn't given myself to him completely.
Things were fine. I was fine.
So we'd shared a few moments. Now we'd go back to the original plan, which was a much better idea anyway.
How I'd let myself veer so far off track, I had no idea. But as I said before, back to the original plan.
There was a sudden knock at the door and I startled, stepping away from it and turning around.
I pulled it open to find Olivia standing before me. She smiled a little bit shyly...
"May I come in?" she asked.
I swallowed, but returned her smile and gestured for her to enter.
"I'm just showering in here," I lied. "The shower in the master bath is broken."
She sighed...
"God, what isn't? It looks so different around here..."
She trailed off, the look on her face saying it all. She didn't mean different in a positive way.
Fifty came over and sniffed shyly at her feet. And she started to bend down to offer her hand, but withdrew it quickly when she got a good look at Fifty's face.
"Oh, she's... Is she...?"
"Her name is Fifty Cent," I said, scooping her up and depositing her on the chair to the right of the bed, then giving her a few pets before walking back over.
Meanwhile, Olivia took a seat on the vanity bench and crossed her shapely legs. And I sat down on the storage trunk at the foot of the large bed.
She was wearing a short, flirty pink skirt and a pale gray, silky tank top that showed off her summer tan. There was a string of beads around her neck with several strands knotted between her breasts.
She slid her fingers down them in a nervous gesture as she studied me. And I fidgeted under her scrutiny.
"I love your outfit," I said. And I did. It was classy, but fun and fashionable, too.
She smiled broadly.
"Thanks. It's one from my own collection. I have a little boutique in San Diego. I'm considering opening one here, too, actually. That's part of the goal of this trip...to find a space. I didn't grow up with much and dressing fashionably on a small budget has always sort of been my passion. That's the goal with my shop...fashion chic on a budget." She blushed prettily and lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm babbling."
Olivia cleared her throat before raising her eyes to mine and continuing...
"We were so filled with happiness when we heard Sam had gotten married," she said, changing the subject. And she looked sincere.
I wrung my hands in my lap...
"Thank you," I finally said. "I mean, I don't know exactly what happened between Sam and Stevie, but I hope they can find a way to work things out... "
God, this was awkward. Was I supposed to be pretending Sam's and my marriage was real?
I wished he had taken a moment to talk to me before I had to have a one-on-one with Olivia...who looked like she was struggling, too.
And I had to wonder how much she felt for him. And why she had done what she'd done.
I wanted desperately to ask her, but it didn't feel right, and I wasn't even sure I should act as if I knew anything at all.
"Me, too," she said, biting her lip. "They're in the study talking. Anyway, I really just wanted to take a few more minutes to say hi to you and let you know how happy I am to have a sister."
I was taken aback...in a good way.
"Thank you, I appreciate that. And me, too." I smiled. "I'm happy to have a sister as well."
Even though I'll be a temporary one...
I twisted the ring on my finger in nervousness as Olivia stood. Her outfit remained perfect and unwrinkled. How had she managed that if they'd been traveling?
I really wanted to hate her for many reasons, but she was making it difficult with her kindness and sincerity.
No wonder Sam loved her. She was everything I was not.
Her eyes moved down to my ring finger...
"May I?" she asked, her brow creasing slightly.
I glanced down at my hand and then lifted it as she grasped it in hers and studied the ring Sam had given me. She drew in a breath...
"An opal! Look!" At that, she lifted her engagement ring to show me her center stone was an opal as well. "It's my very favorite stone," she explained. "It signifies love and passion." She grinned broadly, her teeth straight and perfectly white. "Well this proves it, we both love opals. We were meant to be sisters."
She moved forward and hugged me quickly, the scent of some light, expensive perfume that was just as lovely as her, hitting my nose, and then just as quickly, she stepped away.
"We'll talk more later?"
"Sure," I said, then smiled weakly.
When Olivia left, I sat down on the bed, my eyes narrowed on the ring on my finger. I recalled Destra Fabray saying she knew Sam had bought a ring for Olivia, though he'd never had a chance to propose.
I hadn't imagined this ring was an engagement ring because of the unique center stone, but I'd been wrong.
"He gave me the ring he'd intended to use to ask her to marry him," I whispered disbelievingly.
Anger and hurt lanced down my spine and I twisted the ring until it came off.
"Scaly beast," I murmured halfheartedly under my breath. But, somehow, calling him a name didn't diminish the hurt.
Calling him a name didn't repair the tiny fissure in my heart either...the one his blindingly beautiful scales had created.
After taking a shower and letting the conversation with Olivia roll off my shoulders as much as possible, I went downstairs in search of Sam.
We were going to have a sit-down and talk about exactly what I was supposed to be doing in this strange, uncomfortable situation.
I called hello, but when I didn't receive an answer, I walked outside to find Stevie tinkering with the fountain.
He had a small toolbox on the ground next to him and was leaning all the way over the apparatus in the middle of the empty well.
"Hey," I said.
He sat up, smiling at me...
"Hey there."
"I was hoping someone would be interested in getting this thing fixed at some point," I said, smiling.
He smiled more broadly...
"It seems it just needs a new part. I'll run into town tomorrow and pick it up."
I nodded and then there was an awkward silence before we both started laughing softly.
He grinned, and I saw so much of Sam in his smile. He really was a very handsome man. Well, more boyish-looking, whereas Sam wasn't just handsome, he was striking, but just as tall and masculine.
"Do you know where Sam is?" I asked.
Stevie's smile faded...
"He went into town for dinner."
My heart plummeted...
Sam leaving without a word... Leaving me to fend for myself in this awkward situation, only confirmed that I mattered very little to him.
"Oh...um...with Olivia?" I whisper-croaked and then cleared my throat.
Stevie shook his head slowly, his eyes focused on my face.
"No. Olivia drove out to see her parents."
I let out a breath...
"Oh. Right."
I hadn't even thought about her growing up here, too. My belly clenched when I thought about all the history these three had together. And I wondered where I fit in amongst them, deciding I probably didn't fit in at all.
'Temporary, Mercedes. You're temporary.'
Stevie sat down on the edge of the fountain and nodded his head next to him, silently asking if I'd like to sit, too.
He offered me a tentative smile, however, I walked the few steps and took a seat, turning and facing him.
He studied me for a moment, and I flushed under his gaze.
"Can I ask how much you know about the situation with Olivia, Sam and me?"
So we were going to cut right to the chase...
"Not much," I answered honestly. "Just that Sam and Olivia were...together, and you and her got married while he was in prison."
I bit at my bottom lip.
Stevie pressed his lips together.
"And that, naturally, he feels betrayed by us."
I nodded, my eyes trained on his face, trying to read his expression. If I had to assign any name to the emotion that seemed to cross over his features, I'd pick grief.
Strange...
"Naturally," I murmured.
"There's more to it than that," he said. "I love my brother, Mercedes."
I nodded. And I believed him. His expression was so somber and filled with sadness.
"Then why?" I asked.
He exhaled a deep breath...
"I really owe it to Sam to explain first. I realize we've put you in an awkward situation...and with no warning. But I just wanted you to know we've tried everything." He shook his head. "He won't answer letters and he won't take phone calls. The only thing we haven't done is strap him to a chair with duct tape and force him to listen to us."
I laughed without much humor...
"You might want to consider it. Men in general can be stubborn and prickly. And I find The Dragon especially disposed in that direction."
Stevie squinted at me, smiling with amusement.
"The Dragon? Is that what you call him?"
"Only when he breathes fire and goes flapping around the house."
"Flapping around the house." Stevie's grin broadened. "Alice said as much, but I could hardly believe it about my serious, detached brother. Then I saw him sliding down the bannister like the child he never was..."
"Oh, that? We were just settling a bet."
Stevie tilted his head...
"I think you're good for him. And I had hoped he would be more willing to listen to us now that he's found happiness with you."
Embarrassment gripped me. How would this man feel when he found out the truth?
Maybe there was no reason for him to. And if Sam hadn't simply up and left without even saying goodbye to me, I could've asked him.
And why had Alice set this up?
I had thought she wanted to see Sam and me together. I couldn't understand it, and I couldn't help feeling betrayed even though I couldn't figure out exactly why.
"Well, he didn't kick you out anyway, right? That's a start."
Stevie smiled...
"Yes, that's a start." He stood up, offering me his hand. "Alice and Harrold are having dinner with friends. But she put something in the oven and it's just about time to take it out. Join me for dinner?"
I took his hand and stood up.
"Sure."
We went inside and he took Alice's stuffed chicken out of the oven, while I mixed up a small salad. Then we sat and ate together as he told me about the software business he'd started in San Diego.
It sounded like he loved it, and it allowed him to work from home as well.
"So you had no interest in making wine?" I asked, taking a bite of salad.
He shook his head...
"No interest and no skill. Computer technology has always been my thing. When my father left me a little chunk of money, I used it to start my own firm."
I nodded.
"Well, luckily your brother did want to make wine."
He nodded, but his expression was somber.
"Yes, luckily."
I told him a little bit about myself, skirting around the fact that I was estranged from my father, because it would only invite questions.
And once we'd eaten and cleaned up the kitchen, I told him I was going to head to my room and read, since it'd been a long day and I was tired.
More truthfully, though, I was nervous he was going to start asking questions about Sam and me that I wasn't prepared to answer.
After getting ready for bed, I decided I needed to make contact with Sam.
Truthfully, I had felt like we were building something between us, though I refused to try to define it at this point.
But surely he was upset and vulnerable right now with the unexpected arrival of his brother and ex-girlfriend. Perhaps he could use a friend.
I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text.
Mercedes: Are you okay?
I waited several minutes, but when there was no response, so I picked up my book and tried to focus on the story I'd been reading.
When he still hadn't sent me a message an hour later, I turned off the light and hugged my pillow, closing my eyes and trying desperately to will myself to sleep despite the early hour.
I came awake with a start, the feel of strong arms lifting me out of bed... I struggled, kicking out with my legs and flailing my arms until the person holding me let out a loud, "Oomph," dropping me on the soft bed and coming down next to me.
My eyes met Sam's in the semi-darkness, his expression pained as if I'd made contact with something vulnerable.
"What are you doing?" I hissed, coming up on my knees. I could feel my hair a wild mess all around my face and down my back.
He rolled to his side and lay looking up at me, his head on my pillow, his eyes dreamy looking.
"You were supposed to be in my bed tonight," he slurred.
"Your bed?" I asked. "You expected me to..." I leaned in, inhaling. "You smell like liquor and cheap perfume."
I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice, but he was likely too drunk to notice anyway.
He came up on one elbow...
"Some blonde was all over me at the bar."
"Oh."
What was I supposed to say to that?
I fisted my hands on the tops of my thighs, despairing. His ex shows up so he goes to a bar and lets a stranger grope him?
'Why couldn't you have come to me, Sam?'
"But apparently," he said, running a finger along my bare thigh. "I don't like blondes anymore. I like women with dark brown hair...or brunettes. Or the perfect mixture of both. I like you." He squinted up at me, his expression suddenly confused. "Why aren't you in my bed?"
I scoffed, turning my head away from him and crossing my arms over my breasts.
"You must be kidding. You take off without so much as a word to me, leaving me to contend with your brother and your ex. And then you get drunk and let women grope you in a bar, and you expect me to be conveniently waiting at home in your bed? What do you take me for exactly?" I seethed, anger mixing with the hurt.
He leaned up higher...
"I take you for my wife."
His smile was filled with intimate warmth despite his inebriated state.
I raised my chin, refusing to let him charm me. He had hurt me.
"In name only."
"Let's change that. Tonight. Earlier, you were willing." He momentarily looked very vulnerable and my stupid heart stuttered. "Please, Mercedes, tell me you want me. I just... I want you, I need you."
His voice sounded raw. He needed me?
So I was nothing more than a convenience...
Nothing more than a way to temporarily slake his physical desires. But I wanted more than his lust. I wanted...
Oh, God, I wanted his heart.
My chest filled with sudden panic...
"Are you still in love with her?" I blurted out.
Sam's expression hardened immediately, and he pulled himself to his feet, obviously, even in his drunken state having no question about to whom I was referring.
He stared down at me, the look on his face suddenly cold and removed.
"You're not going to answer me?"
I lifted my chin, refusing to look away, hating that he had such an overwhelmingly physical presence, especially standing over me as he was.
His gaze was piercing, his green eyes seeming to see right into me.
"I don't want to hurt you, Mercedes. But the situation with Olivia, my brother and I isn't any of your business. It has nothing at all to do with you," he stated.
If he hadn't wanted to hurt me, he had a funny way of proving it...
Pain sliced through my chest, but I held Sam's gaze. I would not let him know how his words had caused a pit to open in my heart.
I barely wanted to acknowledge it myself.
"Please just go," I said, my voice unwavering. "I don't want you. I don't want you at all."
He ran his hand through his hair, seeming to be deliberating something, looking as if I was the one hurting him. But then he swayed slightly on his feet, catching himself and letting out a sharp breath.
Then he swore softly, turning and walking out of my room, closing the door softly behind him.
If Stevie and Olivia weren't staying here, I would've left for the sanctuary of my cottage. I had planned on sleeping with him tonight. And now, sleeping in a room in the same house as him felt unbearable.
I collapsed on my pillow, hugging myself, but refusing to cry.
If I had thought the dawn of a new day would have The Dragon flapping into my room and begging for forgiveness, I would've been sorely disappointed. In fact, I barely saw him at all over the next few days.
Evidently, he had escaped to the winemaking facility, installing new equipment and ensuring everything was in working order. Or at least, that's what I learned from Stevie, who seemed nearly as frustrated as I was that Sam was ignoring all of us.
Clearly, he didn't even care if our marriage appeared to be a sham.
"I'll just stick around and put myself in his face whenever possible," Stevie said. "Eventually I'll wear him down."
He winked at me, although he didn't look particularly convinced by his own statement.
As for me, I wasn't willing to do the same. In fact, my MO had usually been to run from hurtful situations, and that was my instinct now. But I had a party to plan and the clock was ticking on that.
What had I been thinking to give myself such a short window in which to do it?
I could barely remember now. All the same, invitations had gone out and people were expecting an event...an event The Dragon surely wasn't going to put on.
It was up to me, even though, at this particular point, it was difficult to remember why it even mattered at all.
I spent the first part of the week cleaning up Sam's office and trying to make some sense out of the financial files, Harrold helping me where he could, since he'd been the one keeping things updated as much as possible...although he didn't know the programs as well as I did.
"Harrold," I asked, as he went through the accounts payable with me. "Do you think I could see some of the financials going a few years back? I don't want to overstep my bounds, but I want to get a better idea of where things started going downhill for the winery."
I thought if I understood why things had crumbled...literally and figuratively...so quickly once Dwight Evans had become ill, I would better be able to help manage the vineyard accounts, maybe even offer some advice to Sam. Not that he deserved it.
I should probably watch in glee as he failed to fulfill his vow. But I couldn't do that. My heart wasn't in it and I wanted to see Gram's money go to good use as well.
Harrold cleared his throat, and I thought he looked slightly uncomfortable.
"The records weren't well kept back then. Everything was neglected once Mr. Evans became ill."
"But surely there's something? If I could just take a quick look at whatever there is, I think it might help. Really, I don't know if I can help now if I don't understand what happened in the past."
He was quiet for so long, I didn't know if he'd heard me. But when I looked up, he was staring at me intently.
I almost startled. I'd never seen a look that was anything other than impassive on his face.
"I'll see what I can find," he finally said.
"Thanks, Harrold."
Later that day, when Harrold brought me a stack of CD-ROMs, he looked me pointedly in the eye and said,
"These are the accounting records going back five years."
"Okay," I said, stepping closer to him to take the discs. "Thanks so much."
I put my hands on them, but he held them as he said,
"Like you said, it's easier to help in the present if you understand the past. I hope these are useful."
I frowned...
"Yes..."
He let go of the stack, nodding his head to me and walking stiffly away. What had that been about?
I didn't have time to begin going through the discs until I had the current files updated, so I put my effort into that. I also sought out Olivia in the kitchen and asked if she had time to help me with the party preparations.
We'd already received a handful of RSVPs, enough to make me slightly nervous. But people were going to show up and we'd better be ready.
And I could use some assistance.
I explained the theme to Olivia and showed the lists I'd made so far.
"Oh my goodness, of course. I'd love to," she said. "What an incredible idea!"
"What's an incredible idea?" I heard in a deep dragon timbre from behind me. We both whirled around to see Sam as he strode to the refrigerator and took out several bottles of water, little Fifty Cent trailing behind him.
My eyes raked over him... I hadn't seen him in days and it felt like my eyes had been starved. He was sweaty and gorgeously flushed.
I looked away, feeling pained by my reaction to him. Clearly, he was completely unaffected by me now that Olivia was around.
"Mercedes' party idea," she said. "Did she tell you? It's a fairy-tale masquerade..."
"She told me," he said, opening a bottle of water and taking a long drink.
I watched as his throat muscles worked, swallowing the water, and when I looked up at his face, his eyes were zeroed in on me.
I looked away again, pretending to concentrate on my list. But I felt my face flush and wanted to kick myself.
Olivia looked at me excitedly...
"My very favorite fairy-tale character is Tinkerbell." She laughed. "Is that dumb?"
I smiled at her...
"Not at all. As long as you can convince Stevie to dress up as Peter Pan."
She laughed again, the sound as musical a sound as I'd ever heard. She'd be the perfect Tinkerbell. She'd be the perfect anything.
I looked at her standing there in her long coral-and-white-striped halter dress, her hair sleek, golden and straight to her shoulders. She was perfect. And I hated her. No, I didn't. I liked her... I just hated that I liked her.
Why couldn't she have been a big ol' bitch?
"I'll make sure he's a masculine looking Peter, with just enough boyish-ness. Just like him."
"What?" I asked distractedly. I shook my head, forcing myself back to the conversation. "Oh...Stevie...Peter Pan, right."
I happened to glance up at Sam who was slowly screwing the cap back on the water bottle, his expression hard, a small tick working in his jaw.
Then little Fifty stepped up and tentatively sniffed Olivia's feet and she leaned down, her hand petting the dog's head quickly before drawing back.
"I feel like I'll hurt her every time I go to touch her," she said, her voice filled with sympathy.
"You won't," I said. "She needs love more than anything. The only thing that will hurt her is holding it back."
Sam stared at me for a moment and then without a word, turned and walked out of the kitchen. Fifty followed him, looking back at the doorway and letting out a small moan, then lowering her head and running to catch up to him.
My heart clenched in pain so I looked back at my list to hide my face from Olivia's probing eyes.
He couldn't even pretend to like me, for appearance's sake?
What must his brother and Olivia think?
"I'm sorry, Mercedes," Olivia said. "Our presence is putting a strain on your marriage. We should go..."
"Not on account of me. Stevie and Sam have something to work out. And I won't get in the way of that."
I'd be gone soon enough, but Stevie would always be Sam's brother. And I refused to be the reason Sam didn't give him a chance to...at the very least...explain himself to him.
Whatever physical interest Sam had in me was long gone. And I could see why. Who could compete with Olivia?
She was beautiful inside and out, and I felt like the witch Sam called me...ugly, ragged and excluded.
No one ever wanted to be with the witch, after all. Not in the end.
Alice came bustling into the kitchen a few minutes later, shooting nervous looks between Olivia and me.
Since Stevie and her had arrived, I hadn't gotten any alone time with Alice, but whenever I did see her, she seemed to be wringing her hands and saying prayers under her breath.
Which didn't give me much confidence this situation would turn out well.
However, she, Olivia and I went over the lists in detail and split up the tasks.
"Now who's going to help me make a butterscotch peanut butter cake? Stevie requested it...it's his favorite," she said delightedly.
"Oh, I'll help," Olivia said. "I need to learn the recipe so I can bake it for him myself sometimes."
At that, Alice grabbed two aprons from the drawer, handing one to Olivia and offering one to me.
"Next time, Alice," I said. "I need to go outside and make a list of items that have to be accomplished there."
But really, I realized that these two women deserved time together. I was only going to be here for a short time, while Olivia was a true part of this family.
At the thought, the sharp ache in my heart seemed almost excessive, but it was there nonetheless.
Alice looked at me with sympathy, and nodded almost sadly. But I couldn't be angry with her. She knows I'm temporary. Olivia would be here forever, whereas I would be leaving soon.
It was more important that the older woman help build a bridge between Stevie, Olivia and Sam, than try to push Sam and me together more permanently.
It would be a wasted effort anyway. Perhaps she'd finally realized that.
Feeling alone and melancholy, I wandered outside to look at the façade of the house. I had a crew of gardeners scheduled to work the rest of the week. But getting the grounds looking decent was going to take quite a bit of work.
The house was going to look so much better once the ivy was cut back...
I jotted down the few things I thought could be accomplished to the outside of the house in time, then turned to walk behind it to make some notes about that area.
I would love to open up the back patio and get the pool cleaned if possible. I imagined twinkling lights strung in the trees, casting a magical, fairy-tale glow...
For a moment I stood there, picturing the scene, my gaze rising to the rows of grapevines beyond. Why did I feel this desperate longing inside?
I thought about what Sam was doing right now, and how much I was growing to love this vineyard and the people who lived and worked here.
And I thought about how I'd imagined Sam and I were moving in the direction of...what?
Love?
Is that what I had secretly begun to hope for?
An emotion like dread clenched my gut and I walked a few steps so I could lean against a nearby elm tree, closing my eyes in misery.
I had the terrible feeling that somewhere along the way, I had fallen in love with my husband. There was no other explanation for the agony I was feeling at his sudden cold indifference, and the possibility that he was still in love with another woman.
Staring out at the afternoon sun glinting on the grapevines, I admitted, only to myself...only ever to myself...that maybe I had even fallen in love with Sam the first moment I'd laid eyes on him.
My knight in shining armor standing in front of that bank, the promise that he would save me, and I, him, flowing through my heart like a secret whisper.
Oh God, this was a disaster.
An epic disaster.
I wanted to run, to flee from these feelings, from these realizations. And I knew that was exactly what I would do just as soon as the party was over.
I couldn't stay here knowing I could fall even more head over heels for my husband at any moment. He'd never love me back.
Instead, the pain of his unrequited love would slowly drive me to desolation until I could no longer find any joy in life.
My desperate thoughts were cut off when I saw a lone figure walking around the perimeter of the hedge maze below me. I squinted, recognizing Stevie...
Hesitating only briefly, I put the list and pen in the back pocket of my jean shorts and walked down the hill to join him.
"Hey," I said softly. He spun around, obviously startled, letting out a quick breath.
"Hey, Mercedes."
He smiled...
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you."
"No, no, I was just deep in thought, I guess."
He sat down on a stone bench next to him and gestured for me to sit as well. I did, leaning my palms behind me.
Looking at the maze next to us, I said,
"It's really incredible. You must've had fun in it as kids."
Stevie let out a breath, running his hand through his hair like Sam sometimes did. His expression was slightly pained...
"God, no. My father would walk us to the middle once it'd turned dark and have us find our way out. He tortured us with this godforsaken thing."
I felt the blood drain from my face and I turned towards him.
"Why?" I croaked.
He shrugged and shook his head, looking suddenly like a little boy.
"Who knows why my father did what he did? He had ideas about how to make men out of us. That was one of them. Of course, Sam got the brunt of it, being the oldest." He paused, looking down at his hands in his lap. "I used to hear Sam out here crying for our dad, trying to find his way out, night after night..."
Misery swept over his expression as if he was back here again, hearing his brother call out for help, and being unable to do anything about it.
I sat up, wrapping my arms around myself. He continued...
"After searching through Dad's files, Harrold found a map of the maze...of course, I only learned this years later...and gave it to Sam. Sam must've been seven or eight, but he told him, 'Study this, my boy. Go in during the day and learn every single turn, every nook and cranny, and when your father walks you inside, you'll be the one in control. Make sure he doesn't find out, but know the maze like the back of your hand. Then there will be no fear.' Well, that's just what Sam did."
He smiled suddenly, the shadows fleeing from his handsome face, and I couldn't help smiling, too. Harrold... God bless, Harrold.
Stevie went on...
"Later, when my dad took me inside, Sam snuck in from the back, found me, and led me out without our dad knowing. He'd stay hidden in the maze until we'd gone inside, and then he'd sneak inside, too. I never knew the fear he did because he always rescued me. I only knew those brief moments before he came. And, God..." His voice broke slightly, but he cleared his throat. "There's nothing on earth like the feel of someone who loves you grasping your hand in the dark when you're lost and afraid."
Bleak heartbreak overwhelmed me... That poor little boy. I didn't know what to say. I was at a total loss of words, a lump the size of an orange blocking my throat.
No wonder Sam hated the maze. It had served as a massive torture chamber for him.
"My brother did that for me in a hundred different ways over the years, too...found me in the dark and grasped my hand," Stevie said.
"Then why?" I whispered, blinking back tears.
He turned his head to look at me...
"Why Olivia?" he asked.
I nodded, biting my lip.
"Please tell me, Stevie. I'm trying to understand. I'm just trying to understand and maybe if I do, in some way, I can help."
He sighed...
"Because, all my life, I've loved her." He paused, smiling a small, sad smile. "We grew up together, you know, the three of us and Sam never seemed to notice her the way I did." He squinted off into space for a moment, probably remembering specific events. "But then he asked her out first, and I thought maybe he'd just been hiding his feelings, and so I...stepped back, when I would've thrown my hat in the ring, so to speak. I would've bared my heart, had it been anyone else. But I couldn't. He had always gotten the short end of the stick and had sacrificed for me over and over again. How could I not do the same for him? And so...I loved her, but I let her go without ever saying a word."
I pressed my lips together, sadness moving through me as I stared out at the blue sky...
"But then he went away..."
"Yes," he said softly. "You must think I'm such an awful person."
"No. I'm not your judge," I said softly.
Stevie sighed, running his hand through his hair...
I didn't ask him any more because I knew he wanted to explain the rest to his brother, first. But I thought I had a little bit of a better understanding of the situation, from both perspectives.
I only wondered how Olivia felt about Sam now.
What a mess... A mess I needed to step back from and let them figure out, especially in light of my own realizations about where my heart lay.
I had been right. There was no place for me in this. And maybe Sam had been right, too. Perhaps none of it was really my business at all.
Sitting here, I felt suddenly lonelier than I'd ever felt before...
"He told me about your mother...his stepmother...that she never accepted him," I said softly.
Stevie blew out a breath...
"No, she hated him. She hated what he represented. She considered her life perfect before his mother showed up on her doorstep. I hadn't even been born at the time, but I heard her remind him enough over the years. And our father...he wasn't the most nurturing of fathers anyway, even to me, but he treated Sam especially coldly as a way to send the message to my mother that he'd recognized his mistake. There was no atoning for it in her eyes, though. Not that that was the proper way to do it anyway." He suddenly turned his head towards me... "I'm surprised Sam told you anything about that, actually. I've never known him to talk about it, even to me."
I shrugged...
"He said it so matter-of-factly, as if explaining the course of the weather."
Stevie's smile was wry.
"Trust me, Sam doesn't express himself a whole lot, but he feels anything but matter-of-fact about his father and stepmother. I was there."
I nodded again, not knowing exactly what to say, only knowing I shouldn't be delving more deeply into Sam's hidden torment. It'd only make me love him more.
Wasn't that just the way with women?
And I was no exception.
What was sexier on a man than great abs and a heart full of hidden torment?
They should bottle it and sell it by the truckloads. Or perhaps write a book... "Abs and Hidden Torment: A Man's Guide to Bagging Babes."
I would've laughed if I didn't feel so much like crying.
And it was clearer to me than ever that he'd never love me, even if he could move past his love for Olivia.
Blocks of ice surrounded his heart and I'd be a fool if I imagined I'd ever be enough to melt them.
"Hey, don't look so sad. We do have a few good memories here, too," Stevie started. "Our childhoods weren't all horror and trauma. We also used to steal cookies from Alice and frequently annoy Harrold by trying to get him to break into a smile now and again."
I laughed despite myself, creasing my brow at the same time.
"Thank you for sharing what you did with me, Stevie. It means a lot that you trust me enough to confide in me."
He studied me for just a second, his face breaking into a smile. And without thinking, I leaned forward and hugged him, picturing the small boy he once was, alone in the dark as his brave older brother took his hand.
He laughed, hugging me back. And when I pulled away, he started to say,
"I'm mostly..." but was cut short.
"You already stole one woman from me. Figure you might as well steal another?"
We both stood up quickly as if we'd been caught doing something wrong. I stepped away from Stevie.
"Sam, we were just..."
"Stay out of this, Mercedes," he said, his furious gaze focused on his brother.
"Jesus, Sam," Stevie said incredulously. "We were just talking."
Sam stepped forward to Stevie, his jaw hard and tight. And I sucked in a sharp breath, not knowing if I wanted to cry or start throwing things.
"I'm well aware of how talking works," he said, his voice raised, but his tone deadly cold. "And it doesn't involve arms and bodies. So tell me, is that it, Stevie? One isn't enough? Looking to seduce Mercedes, too?"
"Seduce Mercedes? God, you really are an idiot when you're jealous. Do you think I would seduce your wife, you stupid fool?" Stevie yelled.
Sam's jaw ticked at the word jealous, his eyes lowering to slits as he glared at his brother.
"Jealous? You think I find you untrustworthy because I'm jealous? Not because you're a lying, betraying bastard? I'm not jealous." He moved a step closer. "Jesus. She's not even my real wife. We got married for money," he growled.
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Olivia and Alice rushing towards us...
However, I sucked in a breath of air that felt like I was inhaling razor blades, my face flushing with heat.
Silence suddenly rang out as three pairs of eyes focused on me. I looked around...
Stevie's and Olivia's expressions...shocked and Alice's expression...pained.
And Sam was still glaring at Stevie, but when he saw that they were all looking at me, he turned his gaze in my direction, his expression seeming to clear momentarily as he became aware of what he'd just said.
"Mercedes..." he started to say, but I turned around and ran, away from the looks, away from the judgment and away from the shame and searing pain.
Just away.
What a chapter! I just couldn't cut it in two and of course, I won't be reading over, so sorry for any extreme mistakes or character name mix-ups.
Hey Homies, I love this too. And yes, I am doing well and my family is well, thank you. Sadly, I haven't had that much time to myself due to work, but it's all good. Best wishes to you and yours.
Best wishes to all.
Stay safe!