As of late, Adrien has been taking particular notice on how close Marinette and his cousin, Félix, have been. Once a pair that gave each other menacing glares, venomous words and quarreled over every-little-thing, now are joined at the hip and do nearly everything together with loving smiles and little glances filled with such affection for one another, like close best friends, or maybe even…? No, that couldn't be- the shift would be too sudden but each time he sees them together like this…It just…He just feels a tightness in his chest and a lump in his throat form, a sense of sadness and dread wash over him with tears threatening to fall. He always puts on a false smile for the crowd, that is what he is good at-faking it, hiding how he truly feels about things. Fake being content in the life that he was dealt with by fate, to be perfection...
He should be delighted that Félix is making friends, after all he has always struggled to do so ever since they were kids but this…closeness he sees with them. He cannot put into words how much he loathes it. It wasn't like this for anyone else, just those two and he cannot for the life of it figure out why that is the case and it is pissing him off—but he has to remain cheerful, perfect. The perfect boy should not be having these issues.
This morning in class, as Marinette walked by to get to her seat, she greeted him with a wave and warm smile which brought upon a rush of emotions within him: an intense euphoria mixed with anxiety and nausea. With a sharp breath, he returned her greeting with a curt nod and nervous stuttering that vaguely sounded like he was telling her, "Good morning." God, he must be tired from his tight schedule and being Chat Noir to be fumbling over his words like this, right? Right…? She gave him a sympathetic look then continued further up the classroom. Adrien's eyes followed her as she made her way not to her seat, but to Félix's desk instead.
He swallowed the bitter taste that formed in his mouth as he observed both of them with animosity. A soft blush was dusted on Marinette's cheeks as she conversed with Félix, her eyes gleaming with want, desire for his cousin. That…that expression made his stomach turn, a vile taste came from the back of his throat as he clenched his jaw from the sight. His gaze finally traveled to Félix, who was scrutinizing him with a glint of interest mixed with hidden concern in his otherwise cold stare. He swiftly turned away from Félix's stare as a wave of anxiety hit him like a truck. Shit, shit shit shit. How can I get out of this? He is going to ask why he was watching them. Maybe he can just say he was curious if they were dating…That feels like such poison to him. It made him so fucking sick thinking about that as a possibility. Why…?
A giggle snapped him out of his stupor–it sounded like the most beautiful noise to his ears. He didn't even have to see who it was, he just knew it from the depths of his heart that it was from Marinette. This caused a weird cycle of sensations that he honestly doesn't know how to process properly: pleasure then an immediate surge of resentment for his cousin. He was mortified to take a gander behind him, knowing full well it would cause even more pain in his chest than what was already there. It hurts, it hurts so much– he is struggling to breathe and he can feel his stomach twisting and turning as his mouth starts to salivate. He parts his lips to try and attempt to get more air but he can feel something is about to come up from the pits of his stomach as he starts to gag. He needs to leave-he needs to get away from them. NOW. With haste, he mumbled to Nino that he was heading to the nurse and stormed out of the classroom before his best friend could even respond.
Holding his hand in front of his mouth, he rammed the bathroom door with his shoulder and swung open the nearest stall. He fell in front of the toilet, nearly hitting his head on it, and violently hurled–not even bothering to close the stall door behind him. With a light shuffling within his pockets, Plagg peeped up at his distressed owner with drooped ears then flew out of his pockets to pat his shoulder as he continued to vomit. The kwami's ear twitched towards the bathroom door, the black cat quickly returned to his hiding spot right when the door opened. Adrien could faintly hear the sound of footsteps approaching him, but he didn't bother to turn or greet the person. He just kept a tight grip on the toilet bowl, afraid that if he loosened his grip–he would collapse onto the floor. The person standing behind him, cleared their throat as more a way to announce their presence than anything else. Before Adrien could acknowledge them, a coughing fit began, the roaring pain set aflame within his throat that caused tears to trickle down the corner of his eyes and his head began to pound on his right eye.
He felt the person's hand rub soothing motions as he heard something placed down next to him , "Adrien, I brought some water. It is next to you whenever you are able to drink."
That feeling–that malicious feeling combined with guilt began to swallow him once again when he heard Félix speak in his standoffish tone, but he could tell that his words were faintly laced with concern that was so meticulously hidden. He knew his cousin was trying to assist him and he just wanted to yell at him to go fuck himself. Adrien could feel Félix brush against him as his cousin continued his motions on his back, snapping him out of his train of thought. From the corner of his eye, he could see Félix's lips pursed and brows furrowed while digging in his pocket for a handkerchief that he always kept since they were kids.
A chuckle escaped from Adrien's lips and spoke in a hoarse voice, "Thank you, Fé."
Félix murmured something as he wiped Adrien's mouth with the smooth cloth–his stern, attentive blue-gray eyes filled with questions. Those same eyes stared into green eyes that flickered with several emotions: annoyance, guilt, gratitude and hatred. Félix gave a knowing hum as he clicked his tongue. He then let out a long, frustrated sigh as he played with Adrien's hair like he used to do when they were kids to try and relax him. "Adrien, control your emotions. We do not want your…" he cleared his throat, "...Shadow Moth to take control of you. Listen to me and inhale and exhale when I tell you," he commanded his cousin who responded with a curt nod.
Breathe in: He could feel how tight his chest was and honestly how fucking hard it is to take in air without feeling like he is being crushed alive. It feels like it is about to burst.
Breathe out: His throat screamed in agony as the tickling sensation started another coughing fit.
Hard pats hit his back as Félix handed him the bottle of water. He greedily gulped it down in seconds, the cooling sensation helping soothe his dry, raspy throat, however he drank it too fast and choked on it instead.
"Jesus-fucking-Christ Adrien, slow down. I can get you more water if you need it! Sheesh."
Adrien gave his cousin an apology in between the coughs. After a few moments, the coughing died down and he took a deep intake of air. Trying his best to calm his nervousness, he gazed at Félix who, to the majority, had his general surly expression with the corners of his mouth curved downwards, but he could tell that he was in some distress from the glimmer in his eyes. He could never fathom why people say his cousin has no emotions when he clearly has plenty of them–he just doesn't wear it on his sleeve like he does and only shows them when adequate.
Félix stood up and dusted his bottom off from sitting on the bathroom floor, "I'll get you some more water. Stay there."
Before the blond could take a step, Adrien grasped his hand which caused Félix to give him a puzzling expression. A deep frown etched along Adrien's features, he softly requested through stutters, "C-can you take me to the nurse i-instead…P-please…?"
With a click of his tongue, Félix gave his answer by pulling the sick blond off of the floor and gently leading the way, just like when they were kids.
_
After missing the first two periods and begging the nurse to not call his father, Adrien finally felt like he recovered enough to continue the rest of the day. Maybe what happened earlier was a fluke; he is extremely worn out from his life-at least that is what he is praying is the case. He bid thanks to the nurse as he left with a quiet shut of the door. While humming, he walked towards the direction of the next class, he turned a corner and saw Félix and Marinette alone-together. They haven't noticed him yet so he went back around the corner and leaned on the wall, breathing becoming a bit stilted as he can feel his heart hammered against his chest. He should just walk away, although he knew he couldn't. Burning curiosity ate at him, (damn fucking cat miraculous…) giving him enough of a reason to peek around the corner, even though his mind and heart were DESPERATELY screaming at him to run the other way.
His breath hitched in his throat at what he saw, he could see Félix holding Marinette's hand and intertwined his fingers between hers as a broad smile beamed on his cousin's face–a genuine smile that he honestly hasn't seen on his cousin since before his father's untimely passing. Normally, Adrien would be ecstatic about this. He loves his cousin even if they had a falling out, which was because of his damn father not letting him come to the funeral. He pleaded to his father to the point where he was grounded from pestering him during his busy schedule…He did inform Félix of that but there is only so much that an apology and explanation can do to heal the broken bond they had, but he could tell that Félix still cherishes him in his own way. It is healing slowly and for that he is grateful but god…THIS is eating at him. He fucking depises the fact that he is giving her that smile and those loving gazes and she is returning them as well. With gritted teeth, he leered at Félix with disdain–it should be him and not his cousin. Wait, why did he say– His cousin's voice brought back his attention to them as he eavesdropped on their conversation.
"Mari," Félix spoke with a tone drowning in affection, "would you like for me to accompany you home after school?"
She pretended to muse over the question, giving Félix a teasing smile, "I don't think it would do any harm but what about Adrien? You mentioned you found him puking in the bathroom. Is he ok? Shouldn't you take him home first?"
A once big smile that could light up a room, fell into a deep frown as a sullen expression overtook his features. His eyes casted downwards at her statement, "I-I do not believe he desires to see me, especially with you. His eyes expressed certain things that I believe he needs to resolve within himself."
Marinette cocked her head, "Care to explain a bit more in detail?"
"To simply put, I think he is experiencing jealousy although I do not believe he understands that he is nor why he is having spouts of it currently."
"And you do not want to overwhelm him or damage your remaining relationship, correct?"
Félix nodded as he shifted to leaning on the wall next to her, taking a deep breath, "I do still care for him and I do not want him to be crestfallen by this whole situation. His father sheltered him to the point where he struggles to understand his emotions and others. I don't want to be the one that shatters him when he is already close to that breaking point…"
Marinette leaned onto Félix as he wrapped his arm around her, "I can understand that but wouldn't it be better to tell it to him?"
Félix let out a loud snort, "I have tried along with several others. He doesn't fully grasp the situation at all, albeit I suspect he is coming to terms with that now." Félix stands up straight, leaving Marinette alone on the wall, a clear pout forming on her lips. He chuckles from her reaction, "So can I come over or not?"
A pout turns into a warm smile for the blond, "Yes, yes you can, Fé."
Briskly walking away, Adrien's mind is in such disarray at what he just heard, a sour and bitter taste formed as he took a hard swallow. Some of the stuff Félix talked about kind of put some pieces of the puzzle together, yet others brought even more questions upon himself. Could he have been feeling jealous earlier? Is that why it made his skin crawl when Félix held Marinette's hand, hugged her and called her by a nickname? It is a sound theory, Félix always fought with logic more than guts and he was cunning to a fault. He understood he was right, he didn't want to because that would mean he was having these deplorable thoughts about his cousin dating Marinette–the person he now realizes he MIGHT have a thing for. But, wait, are they even dating? They did some couple-like things but never stated anything. Maybe they were talking about it, are they keeping a secret?
He just CRAVES the answer to that, he needs to know if they are dating like he needs to breathe air. He must know if what little bit of glue that is keeping his heart and mind together will be shattered into a million pieces…How would he obtain that information? Duh, he is Chat Noir, he visits Marinette at night from time to time. It wouldn't be out of place if he did that while Félix was there! It would be a happy little coincidence. He will have to be careful though, his cousin could figure him out. Bastard is way too clever but he will have to play a dangerous game to quench his thirst for knowledge.
_
Before the start of third period, Adrien went into the classroom and sat down when no one was there. He needed a moment to recompose himself which was easier said than done. He leaned forward, tilted his head down and began rubbing his temples in an attempt to calm the raging migraine that had developed earlier. A faint tap of his desk pierced his ears, causing him to take a sharp intake of air and mumble a curse under his breath. Still not making eye contact with the person, Adrien groaned from the pain, "What is it?"
Not answering, the person's closed-hand came into Adrien's view, placing something down on the desk: it was a pill and a green Jolly Rancher-it was his favorite childhood candy. As a kid, Félix used to always give it to him whenever he was under the weather or as an apology gift. He would do the same for his cousin as well but with the blue ones since those were Félix's favorite. Adrien flicked his head up, a surprised gleam in his eyes to see Félix taking the same type of pill with a sip of water.
"It is my migraine medication. I assume you have one by how you are carrying yourself," Félix informed calmly, "The candy is to help get the taste out of your mouth from the earlier incident."
Adrien huffed and mumbled a thanks, taking the pill with a swig of water that the nurse gave him then popped the candy into his mouth. Félix snapped his fingers to get Adrien's attention, once he saw Adrien looking at him, he showed in his hand a blue Jolly Rancher. With some fluid motions of his hands, he clasped him together then opened them up, revealing that the candy had vanished. Adrien raised his eyebrows with his mouth agape, he knew that Félix was into magic but never knew how he managed to do all his tricks. He would ask but Félix would never tell him how he did it stating "a magician never reveals his secrets" or something like that.
"Now," a smirk proudly showing on Félix's face with eyes showing a devious twinkle, "check your left pocket."
Doing as he was told, Adrien stuck his hand into his left pocket, he could feel many things within it. He took out a handful and set it on the table: it was several green Jolly Ranchers with a single blue one in the middle.
With lights shining in his eyes, Adrien looked at Félix, "How'd you do that, Fé?"
"You know I can't tell you that. It would ruin the wonder of it all," stated the blond with a smug expression on his face. That expression fell a bit as uneasiness flashed on his face, "Are you feeling better? Do you need me to take you home now, or possibly after school is over?"
Adrien tapped on his arm, sucking on the candy in his mouth while he hummed in thought, "I think I will be ok to continue going to classes today as well as being able to go home on my own. I don't want to disturb the plans you had to visit someone later today." The last sentence had some animus in his normally sweet tone which didn't go unnoticed by his cousin. Félix narrowed his eyes and knitted his brow, he clicked his tongue and opened his mouth to speak then instantly closed it back, giving off a prominent, pouty moue. Guilt instantly hit Adrien that traveled to his features, twisting into a grimace as he gave an apologetic look. He shouldn't be letting his frustrations out on Félix when he is honest to god just caring about his well-being.
"Oh dear cousin, how did you acquire that piece of information?" Félix bluntly asked, glaring at his cousin.
"What information…?"
Félix scoffed, "The fact that I am visiting someone."
Adrien's eyes shot wide open, his mouth formed a thin line as his whole body tensed up–he fucked up, now Félix will know that he was eavesdropping on him regardless of what excuse he comes up with.
With a snarl, Félix headed up to his desk-his cousin's reaction was enough of an answer for him. Before he could go far, Adrien grabbed his arm once again. He whirled his head around, giving his cousin a threatening glare while speaking through gritted teeth, "What is it?"
In a quiet murmur, Adrien placed something in Félix's hand before turning away to lay his head down on his desk in shame.
For a few seconds, Félix's sight darted from Adrien back to his hand that held the blue piece of candy that his cousin placed. Finally, with a huff, he put the candy in his mouth and muttered, "You are forgiven."
An audible but relief sounding sigh can be heard from Adrien as a response to that statement before students began rushing into class.
It has been a few hours after class and Adrien is pacing around his room, he is on edge. He could barely eat dinner with the thoughts of what may transpire today plaguing him.
"Kid, you know you could have just asked him about it when you guys were in the classroom and not have to do this. It isn't like your cousin is shy about telling it how it is," Plagg stated as he inhaled the piece of cheese.
"He did say that he doesn't want to break me though! That could mean he may not tell me the entire story so I will find out for myself!"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
Adrien stiffened at that question. Did he really want to know? What would happen if Félix was dating Marinette? The thought of it made his heart ache and his stomach twist painfully. If not knowing is causing this, fuck delaying the inevitable. Rather have all the pain hit all at once than have it continue like this for god knows how long.
"Yes, yes I do. You done? " Adrien spoke with conviction.
Plagg nodded to his owner and with that, Adrien transformed and headed to Marinette's balcony.
_
Landing on Marinette's balcony, Chat Noir stared at her trap door, his nerves kicking into overdrive at what is below it. With a deep breath, he made his way to the door and gently knocked on it, hearing the sounds of voices and shuffling behind it. In about a minute, the trapdoor opened and poke out Marinette, who gave Chat Noir a big grin, "Kitty!"
"Kitty? Up here?!" inquired a voice from the room, Adrien assumed it was Félix.
She stepped up to her balcony and ushered the other person to join her, "Yes, grumpy, it is a big kitty!"
"What do you mean by big kitty? I am not that grumpy by the way!" the voice hissed out as he finally climbed up to the balcony. It was Félix, just as Adrien thought. When Félix made eye contact with Chat Noir, his eyes widened and glimmered with interest, "Very big kitty…"
Chat Noir gave a cheeky grin at his cousin's reaction, "Well, well, well, I see Princess has a guest over! I am sorry for intruding but I wanted to see how my favorite civilian is doing."
"Oh no you are not! We were just, um–" Marinette's face turned bright pink as she stumbled over her words which earned her a curious expression from Chat.
"We were just discussing some homework she was having issues with," Félix smoothly finished for her.
Chat raised a brow, cocking his head and studied the two of them for a moment. Marinette's hair appeared to be patted down in an attempt to straighten it while Félix's shirt was wrinkled to hell and back, which was odd for how much of a perfectionist he could be about his appearance.
"Studying, huh?" Chat murmured, his eyes flashing a bit of sadness before returning to its usual glimmer, "Is that why you both are a bit messy?"
A loud cough came from Marinette as the redness reached to her ears, "Y-yes we were studying!"
Chat snorted at her cute response, "Ok, ok, I'll lay off Princess!"
Félix tugs at Marinette's jacket in an attempt to get her attention, "Hey, Mari, do you mind getting something to snack on?"
Marinette clapped her hands together, "Oh, of course! Chat, do you want some croissants?" She gave him a cheerful expression to the black cat that caused him to get a bit flustered. He just nodded to answer her instead of trusting his words.
Once Marinette left, Félix's gaze was fixed on Chat sitting on the chair with his back leaning on one arm of the chair and his legs dangling off of the other arm, "She told me you do visit from time to time although I find this a bit too…convenient per say."
Giving him an innocent smile, Chat spoke, "Convenient? Whatcha mean by that?"
Félix's lips twitched down while he clicked his tongue, "Let's just say some circumstances that happened prior make me a bit weary about your motive."
Chat gave a hum, "What do you think my motive is? I sometimes visit Marinette so there should be nothing weird about that."
"Well, yes, but something about you…" Félix trailed off as he bore into Chat Noir. First his eyes scanned his face then his posture, "Your phony smile and how you are sitting, it reminds me of someone but I cannot recall who…It is on the tip of my tongue. Almost like something is blocking me from remembering…"
FUCK. Chat's breath hitched and let out a cough to try to cover up his panic, "Dunno whatcha referring to. I don't even know you, Félix."
The other boy raised a brow, "You know me enough to know my name before introducing myself."
Oh. My. Fucking. God. "I mean, you and your cousin are well known. How could I not know you?"
"I am more well known in London than here, however," Félix countered.
Fucking smartass. Chat clenched his jaw, he was feeling a mix of irritation and nervousness course through his body. He is playing with fire right now and Félix has the advantage. The other boy is studying him hard, Chat can see the gears grinding, trying his damndest to figure out who he is. He has to divert his cousin's attention quickly or he will put it together soon.
The taste of iron filled his mouth from biting down on his cheek. He swallowed his blood and hastily shot out the first question that came to mind, "Are you two dating?" Instantly, Chat's expression contorted into terror as he stammered out, "I-I am sorry! I didn't mean to be s-so fra–"
"Is that why you came?" Félix interrupted him while giving him an attentive gaze, "To ask that question?"
Chat gave a sheepish smile to him while biting his lower lip in shame.
"So I take that as a yes? I want to hear you confirm it." Félix stated, glowering at the cat in front of him
Playing with his thumbs, Chat stuttered out while looking away from his cousin, "Um…I-I…Yes, it is." A nervous laugh escaped from the cat as he took a glimpse at his cousin-which he expected to be absolutely livid.
Instead of anger, Félix's features showed he was perturbed by something but then softened up in a matter of seconds. There was silence for a few moments, his eyes shimmered with realization and apprehension then he gave Chat a knowing smile. Chat could feel a lump in his throat, his anxiety cranking up more than what it already was from that smile. Now, whether it was from the fact he may have figured out his identity or what his answer would be, maybe even a mix of both possibilities. He had no idea…Regardless, he waited with bated breath for Félix's answer.
Félix approached, never taking his eyes, ones that held such remorse, off of him. He took Chat's hand and placed something in it, then closed it. Chat couldn't feel what he placed in his hand, the suit prevented that sadly, so he just stared at his fist. Honestly, he was afraid of what it could be since Félix still hasn't replied to his earlier question. Furthermore, Félix didn't budge, he just kept his sight on Chat, his breath shallow. Finally, with a gulp, Chat slowly opened his hand to reveal a green Jolly Rancher–he knew exactly what that meant without Félix having to utter a word…
"I'm so sorry Adri…" Félix spoke so low that even with his enhanced hearing, he barely caught it.
Chat's heart shattered, his face twisting into one of despair and anguish in an instant. His mind is filled with so many thoughts, so many emotions attacking him at once. He can't focus, he is feeling so damn fucking overwhelmed by everything happening within him. The world is spinning or is it collapsing? He can't tell at the moment, he can't think clearly. His mind is so muddled. He feels so fucking broken. It is so fucking dark. He can't he can't he ca-
With a violent shake, Chat was brought back from the depths of his mind with a panicked Félix staring straight at him, "Hey, hey hey! Breathe, breathe. It is going to be ok! Listen to me! Breathe in then out-slowly."
Chat let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding, his eyes welled up as tears poured down on his cheeks. He gawked at his cousin with an array of emotions eating at him. Fuck this, he doesn't care anymore–He just wants to let out all his frustrations, his disappointment, sadness, all of it. He is done… He is so tired of keeping this façade…"I hate it Fé, I just fucking hate all of this! I hate it. I hate feeling like this, I hate my fucking life, I fucking just want to be free from my father's control, I want to be happy. I don't want to try and be the perfect fucking person! I make mistakes, I have feelings! I can't always be perfection Fé! I-I-I just want to have a normal life with a caring fucking father and a family that isn't holding on by a damn thread!"
In the distance, a butterfly flew towards them. Félix noticed it from the corner of his eye as he pushed Adrien out of the way, making him hit his head on the railing, dazing him even more.
"Adri run! Now!" Félix yelled at his cousin but Adrien couldn't fully grasp what was happening.
The butterfly flew into his bell and the last thing he heard was Félix calling him by his childhood nickname in pure horror before everything went white.