The Pet Pyramid

Alex Rider was very, very, very done with this whole undercover thing. He had simply decided that he no longer gave a fuck about fitting in with whichever rich gits it was this time. The headmaster was eyeing with the usual mix of contempt and pity. Well, he could go fuck himself. Maybe saying that could help his eight-thousandth "rebellious teen" cover have some energy? Alex was in more of a malicious compliance mood anyway. "Our students are required to have pets to inspire responsibility in them."

Wait, what? The headmaster paused for what he assumed was effect. "Er, what sort of pets?"

The headmaster's lips twitched. Alex almost couldn't be fucked to remember his name. Honestly, he thought it started with a B? "That would be up to you. Currently, the school is offering four."

Alex sat back in his chair. Hopefully, none of them were a lot of work or potentially attention-grabbing. The headmaster went to the cart sitting behind his desk and wheeled the thing out. Well, holy shit. What kind of place- It was clear to him at that moment that the quality of these animals' lives depended on who picked them. Time to pick the most pathetic one and be nice to it. Hopefully, it would help him cut down on social interactions. He was just very tired. Alex saw four small animals. The first was a small colorful lizard. Lizards were kind of cool. Maybe if the other ones were more awesome? There was a small frog whose cage could probably use a cleaning. There was an almost-cute rat. The fourth cage appeared to have a giant fluffy brown cotton ball in it. It chirped at him. The chirping was kind of soothing, to be honest. "What is that?"

The headmaster cleared his throat and muttered something about experimental breeding. Alex felt his molars beginning to grind at the thought. "I'll take it."

The headmaster's mouth fell open slightly. Alex scooped up the cage. "Why?"

He shrugged. What was something he could say? "Well, we're both experimental rejects nobody likes. I can feel the connection deep in my soul."

Blunt had dressed him up as a Goth this time so he may as well have some fun with that. Alex could swear that the man almost laughed at his remark. The fluff ball let out a chirp. Alex picked it up. It was surprisingly warm to the touch. The fluff ball immediately snuggled him and started purring. Alex ran his fingers through the plush and slightly matted fur. "Do you have pet supplies or something? And maybe pet-safe black hair dye?"

The man cleared his throat slightly. Alex made sure to guilelessly look up at him while petting his new furry friend. That seemed to snap him back into headmaster mode. "I'm afraid hair dye is unsafe for pets. But here are the supplies for your furry friend. Pets are to be kept on your person or in their terrariums for the duration of your schooling. Please record your daily interactions, including feeding times, in the journal."

Alex was handed a small book bag with what he assumed were pet supplies. His school supplies were supposedly already in his room. "Anything else?"

The headmaster coughed slightly and looked away. Alex folded his arms. "Spit it out, old man."

The man hesitated for a few seconds longer and then let out a sigh. Alex wondered if the dinner was canceled or something. "Your pet is not going to help your popularity."

Alex rolled his eyes. In truth, he was kind of enjoying the whole social rejection thing. The black clothes were great and the black lipstick had garnered him many amusing looks. The fashion didn't look bad on him either. It wasn't like he was in one place long enough to get a date of any kind. "I don't care, but thanks."

Alex was promptly sent out of the office holding a terrarium and with his new furry friend tucked into his heavy jacket and right above his heart. The fluff ball was a sort of pink-tinted white. It let out a soothing little trill as he got back to his room. Alex pulled it out and stroked it, lightly running his fingers through the fur. "Oh my God, I didn't think they'd make anyone take that pet."

Well, this was going well. Alex held his hand as he felt the space near his eyes tighten. "I'm Alex."

The other boy grinned at him and flopped on the twin bed opposite his. There was a terrarium on his bedside table. "I'm Jake. You got me because nobody else likes my glow-in-the-dark fish."

Alex sat down and pet the fluff ball. It purred against his hand. "There's nothing wrong with Fluffy."

His new roommate rolled his eyes. Alex folded his arms, careful not to crush the fluff ball. He wasn't exactly sure how vulnerable it was to being accidentally squished. "Uh-huh, sure. I'm starting to see why you got sent here."

Alex grinned at Jake. This was going to be fun. "See, the normies all say that, and then I catch them borrowing my eyeliner and lipstick."

Jake made a noise and seemed stumped for a minute. That had been almost too easy. "I AM NOT GOING TO BORROW YOUR FUCKING LIPSTICK."

Alex burst out laughing at the utterly outraged expression on his face. He was so going to pull pranks on this guy. Why not have some fun while undercover? Jake was now sulking on his bed and avoiding Alex's gaze. "Sure. Just let me know in advance so I can give you a fresh stick."

A pillow sailed past his head. Alex chuckled as he started unpacking. Jake was pouting. "You're awful, you know that?"

He walked over and ruffled Jake's hair playfully. Alex placed the pillow back on the bed. "Nah, I'm just British. Plus, I don't judge. Your secret dreams of-"

The pillow whacked him in the face. Jake was now rolling his eyes. "Bad Alex. Also, are you cool with the fish or not?"

Alex touched his face to see if anything smeared. Jake seemed to be waiting with bated breath. "Sure. Fine. Whatever. Not like I can talk since I picked the semi-sentient fluff ball."

There was a slight pause. Jake stared at him incredulously. "You PICKED the fluff ball?!"

Alex was looking forward to lunch. These kids needed a shakeup.

Based on a prompt by Zyzyax (see story summary). This is the 111th work in the Winds of Change 2022 Alex Rider Prompt event, where a new prompt (plus a short 1-3K work) is posted every day. For more details, see the AO3 collection :) Want to discuss? Leave a comment beneath, or join the discord (Link on AO3 Fics or just PM me, lol). Want to take part in our Alex Rider anniversary celebrations in September? Join the WoC discord to take part in a fanfic event! Want to showcase your work to your fellow fans and authors? The WoC server has a new feature! Any author who joins can ask to join our authors' feed, which shows all the fics from the authors who opt in, including non-AR fics!