This is who we are

by Carzekiel

Carol and Ezekiel finally reunite at the Commonwealth.

This is who we are

Disclaimer: They`re not mine. Not making any profit with them. Just having fun.

The late summer sun is slowly setting outside the window, its last rays of the day warming the small room. It is scarcely furnished – just a bed, a small cupboard and a dresser with a mirror hanging above it. The furniture looks kind of old-fashioned, giving the room a charming touch, at least a little bit. At first entering, one would consider the room to be uninhabited, unpersonal, although not completely uninviting. Like a hotel room waiting for its guest.

It was no hotel room, of course. Those stopped existing a long while ago. But it was a clean and safe place and in this world that was a very valuable thing.

Carol puts down the hairbrush with which she had been trying to tame her long curls. She has just taken her first hot shower in weeks after finally arriving at the Commonwealth a couple hours ago. She has been in a constant turmoil of emotions ever since the strange soldiers had first shown up at the gates of Alexandria. Naturally, her and everyone else at Alexandria have been suspicious and wary at first. There had been a long discussion on whether or not to trust the strangers, but ultimately the desolate situation in Alexandria did not leave them any other choice than to accept their offer.

Carol hadn`t said much, quietly observing the debate most of the time. She had been hoping her group would decide to join the strangers. Not because she trusted them. Not even because her people desperately needed a safe place again with enough food for everyone. No, her motives were completely selfish. Even if everyone else had decided to stay, she would have left Alexandria behind. She had spent the past weeks trying everything in her might to keep everyone alive, to somehow make up for her mistakes. To be a part of the community again. To find her place again.

Finding Connie alive and well has given Carol some peace of mind, lifting a huge weight of her heart. But there was someone who was even more important than her. More important than anyone else. And Carol`s place was with him.

The leader of the strangers had told them why they had come to Alexandria, who was responsible for their "rescue mission" as they called it. They even brought a video tape as proof of their good intentions, but the latest storm had destroyed the last working solar panels. Carol didn´t need to see it. Hearing the mentioning of her husband`s name was enough proof for her. Proof that he and his group had made it to their destination. Nothing else mattered. Even if these people were lying or deceiving or simply leaving things out – it didn`t matter.

Carol needed to see Ezekiel again – and if these strangers could take her to wherever he was, she would take this opportunity.

The trip was long and hard and tiresome. She was torn between hope and dread, fearing the moment when they would finally reach their destination while impatient to be there at the same time. Whenever her fear threatened to overwhelm her, Carol turned to Jerry. Besides her, he probably was the person who wanted to reach the Commonwealth the most. For the safety of his own family, of course, but also because of Ezekiel. Jerry`s optimism helped Carol to focus. Irrational thoughts of the worst things that could happen wouldn`t get her anywhere. So, she tried to push them aside.

Carol wasn`t sure how long they`d been on the road. Three weeks? A month? Longer? What she had to admit, though, was that despite her caution towards the strangers, they did everything they could to ensure every single person of their group would make it. And they succeeded. When they finally arrived at the Commonwealth, they hadn`t lost a single person. Then the group got divided. During their trip Carol didn`t talk much to the soldiers. But she listened. So, the interrogation didn`t come as a surprise. She tried to keep herself in check despite her raging heartbeat. She wasn`t even surprised to find that obviously their travelling companions had gathered as much information about them as they could, presenting it to the people who questioned her.

What did surprise her was the moment when the tall guy in that ridiculous orange armor stopped the interrogation and asked her to come with him. His whole appearance was intimidating somehow, but he was being polite, and Carol was way too exhausted to try and argue or demand an explanation. To be honest, she was in a situation where she simply had no other choice than to do what was asked from her anyway. So, she followed him.

The man led her through the city. This city – Carol couldn`t believe her eyes. She wasn`t sure what she had been expecting, but clearly it wasn`t this. So many people. Normal people. There were shops and – wait – was that an ice cream truck? It all felt so unreal, so completely impossible. Maybe she was dreaming… No, even in her wildest dreams her mind wouldn`t come up with a place like this.

They stopped in front of what obviously was a small bakery. Without saying a word, the man gestured for Carol to enter. She expected him to follow her inside, but he remained positioned outside the door. Carol took in her surroundings. So much food. Well, actually not just simple food – delicious looking cakes and pastries of all sorts. For some moments, she was so overwhelmed by the sight and smell that she didn`t notice the other person entering through a door in the back.

"Carol?!"

When she heard Ezekiel`s familiar voice, her head snapped into his direction. Her heart skipped a beat, then thundered away in her chest. There he was. Alive. Unharmed. The look on his face told her that he was surprised to see her. Carol felt a pang of infinite sadness but in the blink of an eye Ezekiel`s face transformed into one of those full-fledged smiles she loved so much. Thinking back to that moment later, she still wasn`t sure if he was the one who moved or her or both of them. Her mind wasn`t able to keep up with her feelings or her actions. But the next thing she remembers is that she was in Ezekiel`s arms, holding on to him as tight as possible, wetting his neck with her tears.

This has been less than two hours ago. And now here she was in Ezekiel`s room in the small apartment he`d been sharing with Eugene during the past couple weeks. When they`d finally been able to let go of each other, they`d stared at one another, neither finding the right words to express their feelings. Ezekiel`s hand came up to cup Carol`s cheek, his thumb wiping away another stray tear. She had grabbed it, holding him to her, desperate to have a connection with him. It was kind of comforting to Carol to see that Ezekiel`s eyes were swimming with tears as well.

Before either of them could come up with something to say, two more people emerged from the back of the bakery. The man was unfamiliar to Carol, but the woman was someone she knew. Instinctively taking a step backwards, Carol remembered the last time she had seen Yumiko and their rather unpleasant confrontation. She didn`t blame Yumiko for hitting her, shame and regret for her actions still haunting her. Swallowing down her pride, Carol forced herself to look Yumiko in the eye, a sad little smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. Even though it certainly wouldn`t change Yumiko`s opinion about her, she owed her to give her the good news about her friend.

"Connie is okay. She`s here. She – we found her. She`s with the others … somewhere … I`m not sure where …" Carol`s voice was breaking, and more tears were threating to fall so she blinked them away rapidly, turning her head towards Ezekiel, focusing on him. He`d regarded her with a concerned expression, noticing her fatigue. Stepping closer to her, he`d taken her hand in his, squeezing affectionately.

"You must be tired. I`m taking you home."

And that he did. Excusing himself from Yumiko and her brother (as he told Carol on their way to his place), he ushered her out of the bakery and towards another part of the city. When they stepped outside, Carol noticed that the man who brought her there was no longer to be seen. She asked Ezekiel about him and with a raised eyebrow he`d told her that he was the chief of the Commonwealth`s army. Carol wondered what Ezekiel had to do with him but decided that they could talk about it later.

Once inside the apartment, Ezekiel had first shown her to his room where she dropped her few belongings, then he gently pulled her towards the bathroom. He told her to go take a shower while he would organize some fresh clothes for her. Grateful, Carol took her time, trying to regain her composure. The physical and emotional stress of the past couple weeks and months had worn her out and now she was feeling completely drained. When she left the bathroom wrapped in a big fluffy towel, she could hear Ezekiel rummaging around in the kitchen, the smell of food drafting into her nose, making her stomach growl.

Back in his room, Carol found that Ezekiel had placed the clothes he got for her on his bed. Appreciating his choice with a small smile, she put them on – jeans, a simple short-sleeved t-shirt and a long-sleeved checkered button-down shirt to wear on top. Normally, they would have fit her perfectly (she wouldn`t have expected any different from her husband), but Carol lost some weight since she last saw Ezekiel. She hoped it wasn`t too obvious. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned to the dresser to take care of her messy hair.

After combing her hair, Carol puts down the hairbrush on the dresser, her eyes landing again on the only personal thing she detected in Ezekiel`s room. It`s a small wooden box with a metal latch that seems to be broken. It looked old, but the dark beautiful surface was smooth and shining, as if it has been polished recently. Her fingers glide over the material, tracing the letters that have been carved into the lid. It`s these letters that tell her unmistakably that the box belongs to Ezekiel and hasn`t just been placed into the room from some random stranger. In a beautiful squiggly fashion, he has carved her name into the box.

Carol wonders what is inside, but she doesn`t dare opening it. Whatever it is, it must be important to Ezekiel or otherwise he wouldn`t have spent so much time on the delicate carvings. Her heart flares up with her love for him, for the millionth time regretting some of her choices of the past months. Lost in her thoughts, Carol barely hears the knock on the door, flinching a little when it opens. Ezekiel`s head pokes inside before he opens the door further. His warm and gentle gaze glides over her from head to toe, giving her a fuzzy feeling inside.

"I fixed us something to eat. You must be hungry."

As if on cue, Carol`s stomach is growling again, making both of them chuckle.

"I just need one more minute."

"Okay."

Once Ezekiel has left the room again, Carol turns back to the mirror. She picks up the brush again, running it through her drying hair a couple more times. Staring at herself, Carol contemplates whether she should just leave it open, but then decides for a loose braid, some unruly strands framing her face. With a last curious look to the little box on the dresser, she then steps outside to join Ezekiel for dinner.

Ezekiel is just putting down two plates with steaming stew on the small table when he hears Carol coming up behind him. He turns around, his heart immediately beating a little faster when he sees her. It`s strange somehow, but he`s feeling nervous around her – a crazy mixture of shame, hope and excitement bubbling inside him. Carol has always evoked the strongest feelings in him, rocking his world like no one else ever could. Obviously, that still was the case, even after a decade of knowing her and being married to her for most of this time.

When she suddenly showed up at the bakery earlier today, it was like a shock. Of course, Ezekiel had known about the "rescue mission" – that Eugene had finally broken down and given away the location of Alexandria. And although they couldn`t have been a hundred percent sure about their motives, Ezekiel had decided to trust the people from the Commonwealth. Maybe not every single one of them – but yeah, the people in general. So, he had hoped that his friends – his family – would make it there safe. That his – and Eugene`s, Yumiko`s and yeah, even Princess` - efforts hadn`t been for nothing.

He just had to believe that.

The thing was – a part of him thought that Carol wouldn`t come. He had tried not to think about it too much, but deep down inside him there was this gnawing feeling. That last time they had seen each other some weeks ago, after they`d made love, they had been sitting on his bed for a while longer, reluctant to let go of each other knowing what was lying ahead of them. Carol had confided in him that she had been the one to release Negan from his prison and what she demanded from him in return.

When she hadn`t shown up at the meeting point after the fire, at first Ezekiel had panicked. But then he heard from Eugene that Carol had made it out and he knew that she went on her very own mission again. Her mission for revenge. He didn`t blame her for what she did, he never did that for a second. After all, she did it for their beloved son. And yeah, for him too, Ezekiel was aware of that. So he could find peace. But although he knew that, he was hurt that she had left. Again.

Leaving with Eugene and Yumiko to find help at the Commonwealth had been a welcome diversion for him. He tried to run away from the hurt and the pain of his memories, the all-encompassing feeling of failure that he`d been living in ever since they lost Henry. Ezekiel told himself that if they succeeded then maybe that would make up for his failings. That maybe then he could leave this world in peace.

Another self-deception. It didn`t take long for him to regret the decision he made. He couldn`t shake off the feeling that maybe he was the one who abandoned Carol. Maybe that wasn`t rational. But – she HAD come to him, she HAD kissed him and she HAD trusted him with her secret. A secret she kept from anybody else. Ezekiel had seen how lost she was, how utterly lonely. He never should have left. He should have gone searching for her instead, help her doing what she needed to do. What they both needed to be done. It never should have been just her responsibility.

Once he and his companions had made it to the Commonwealth – once Ezekiel had seen with his own eyes what an incredible place this community was – he had started to believe that maybe he did something right. He had set his mind on doing whatever was necessary to rescue his people. And then, when suddenly all was a go – when the soldiers of the Commonwealth left for Alexandria – he`d began doubting himself again. What exactly did he contribute? Hasn`t he simply been a burden to the others? And then the things that really bothered him, kept him awake at night.

What would Carol think of him when she got here?

Would she even come?

What if she thought he had given up on her – on them – and she had just run away after her mission was done?

For some reason, Ezekiel never doubted that Carol would succeed. He`s never known a more stubborn person than her.

At some point the feeling that he wouldn`t see her again had settled in his gut. Ezekiel never allowed himself to really think about that possibility, but it was there somewhere inside him.

That`s why he was surprised to see her.

That`s why he was feeling ashamed.

That moment in the bakery – for some heartbeats he`d been totally stumped. But then his heart took over, shutting down his mind. His body acted on autopilot, rushing to have her in his arms. Hope and happiness flared up inside him. She was there. She hadn`t given up on him. On them. The way she hugged him back, her tears wetting his skin. That was real. It was.

He had come down back to earth when he was preparing dinner, listening to the water rushing in the bathroom. Was he still happy to have her back? God, yes, he was. Was he unsure about her motives? Her expectations? Yes, and yes. Did he fear her rejection? Yes! Was he still hoping they had a chance? YES! Was she still calling out to him? Her looks, the way she moved, the way she looked at him? Oooh, yeah …

"That smells fantastic!"

Ezekiel is turning around to face his wife, her appearance momentarily taking him back in time, back to when they were simply happy. Carol is giving him a small smile, her posture telling him more than any words could do. She was just as nervous as he was. A part of Ezekiel just wants to hold her in his arms again, tell her that everything was alright. That he still loves her and that they could make their way through this mess. Together. But even though his heart urges him to do just that, to try and take away her pain, his mind knows that before they can try to move forward (if that is what she wants), they will have to do some serious talking.

But first, she needs to eat.

"Come, sit down. I`ll just get the bread."

Carol takes the offered seat and waits until Ezekiel has returned, sitting opposite her, before she digs in. The food is delicious. Carol can`t even remember when she last had something this good. And the bread! She eats slowly, savoring every bite. She doesn`t even protest when Ezekiel wordlessly gets them a refill. Living in the Kingdom, she had forgotten what it was like to be really hungry, to barely have enough to survive. The last weeks in Alexandria had been hard for everyone and to her especially because she felt responsible for the destruction the Whisperers had left behind.

When she has finished her second plate, Carol leans back in her chair, meeting Ezekiel`s gaze. There`s a longing in his eyes, hope mixed with sadness, that makes her heart constrict in her chest. She wonders if he can see the same in her eyes. She hopes so. She hopes that he can see how much she cares about him. How much she wants to be a part of his life again. No matter how long that will be. His sickness – the thought of losing him as well – it was terrifying her. But she wouldn`t leave him alone with it.

"How are you?" she asks him in a soft voice.

Carol`s eyes flicker down to Ezekiel`s neck, then immediately back up. Her worry for him had kept her going over the past weeks. It was a huge relief to find he was okay. At least that`s what it seems like on the surface. Carol isn`t so foolish to believe that his outward appearance was any indication. But it was encouraging.

For a split second the expression in Ezekiel`s eyes changes, a shadow flickering over his handsome features. He composes himself immediately, softly smiling at Carol.

"I`m good."

Good? Well, okay. Carol tilts her head slightly, her eyes drifting out the window. It was completely dark now, but she can see lights coming from the building across the street. She thinks back to earlier when the soldier (what had Ezekiel called him?) had led her through the city. How she`d stared at everything around her in wonder.

"They have a hospital here." She looks back at Ezekiel, her eyes boring into his.

"Yes, they do." He returns her stare, unmoving. Carol raises her eyebrows slightly, her unvoiced question hanging between them. Ezekiel has no idea how to answer it. Casting his eyes down, he gets up from the table, gathering their plates.

"Do you want dessert? There`s cake in the fridge."

He doesn`t dare looking at Carol again, just turns around and heads for the kitchen. She stares after him, hurt by his evasion. Taking a deep breath, she pushes that feeling aside. This wasn`t about her. If she was terrified by his condition, then it must be much worse for Ezekiel. Pushing her chair back, she follows him into the kitchen. He`s cleaning the dishes, not looking up from his task.

"Zeke."

The way she says his name, the sound of her voice, makes him look at her again. She appears calm, but he knows her, sees the struggle in her eyes. It pains him to hurt her, it`s the last thing he wants in this world.

Taking a step forward, Carol summons up her courage to say what she has to say. What she needs Ezekiel to know.

"I – I know I have no right to ask you about it – but I – I just want you to know that I am here, okay? I – I will be here …"

Ezekiel shakes his head, interrupting her. "Carol, no! That`s not the reason! I just –" He closes the gap between them, unable to stay away any longer. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulls Carol close. "Let`s just not talk about this right now, okay? I`m fine."

Carol presses herself against him, holding on tight to him. Okay. She closes her eyes, breathing deeply. Okay. If Ezekiel didn`t want to talk about this now it was okay. She can handle it. She will give him all the time he needs and when he will be ready, she will be there. When she feels she can look at him again without crying, she pulls back.

Nodding, she acknowledges his request. "Okay."

"Okay. So – dessert?"

Ezekiel`s disarming smile makes Carol chuckle, but she shakes her head. Maybe later. Right now, she can`t eat anymore. Ezekiel resumes his task of washing and storing away the dishes, gently pushing Carol away when she tries to help. He tells her to get comfy on the sofa, still mindful of the long journey that lies behind her. Carol gives in, taking up residence in one corner of the worn red sofa, pulling her legs under her body. She`s dead tired, but she knows she won`t be able to sleep, a million questions still swirling around in her mind.

Some moments later, Ezekiel joins her on the sofa, handing her a glass of water. Now that her worst worries concerning Ezekiel have been eased a little bit, Carol allows herself to think of something else.

"What`s with the other`s? What`s happening to them now? We`ve been divided into separate groups once we got here."

Ezekiel had asked himself the same questions. He wishes he could give Carol a solid answer, but the thing is, he does not know what is going on now. Not exactly, that is.

"I`m not sure. When we got here, we`ve been held in detention for some days somewhere outside of the city. And we`ve been questioned. For hours. Frankly, there was a point where I was convinced this whole thing was a farce and they would simply kick us out. But then we`ve been granted "asylum" as they call it. I suppose the others are undergoing the same procedure. When exactly did you get here?"

"This morning." A small frown appears on Carol`s forehead. "Ezekiel – this man in the orange armor, he – I`ve been questioned, too, but he stopped it and brought me to you. Why did he do that? I mean, I`m pretty sure the soldiers who brought us here gathered personal information about us during the trip, but – I don`t think anyone mentioned to them that we are married. I didn`t have the impression the people who questioned me knew that. How did he?"

Ezekiel`s heart immediately beats a little faster hearing her choice of words. He`s trying not to read too much into it, though, focusing on her question instead. That, actually, he could answer.

"Well, the guy`s name is Mercer. He`s the chief of the army, here." Carol nods, reminding Ezekiel that he`d already mentioned that. "Him and me, we – we kind of hit it off on the wrong foot." Carol makes such a genuinely incredulous face that Ezekiel has to laugh. "Yeah, I know. He comes across as a bad guy, but he`s quite the opposite in fact. At first it seemed like the mission to rescue our people wouldn`t be approved, but he intervened. Convinced the people in charge that it was the right thing to do."

Ezekiel pauses to take a sip from his water, contemplating his next words.

"After that we started to get along better. A while ago, he asked me if I had a family back home. If that was my motivation, you know. I – I told him about you. Nothing personal, just – just that I had a wife I wanted to see again. I guess I did mention your name. He must have made a connection."

Geez, he sounded pathetic to his own ears. Carol instead was touched by his words and yes, also relieved that Ezekiel had been thinking about her. But there was something that was bothering her.

"You were surprised. Back at the bakery. You were surprised to see me. You – you didn`t expect to see me."

It`s not that the thought hadn`t occurred to her. She had left. They`d made love and then she left him. Again. It`s one of many decisions that Carol regrets. What was Ezekiel supposed to think after that? That she had already given up on him after learning about his sickness? That even with that knowledge her revenge had been more important to her? Of course, her actions must have hurt him. She shouldn`t be surprised that in the end he had given up on her. And although she`s not blaming him, the thought hurts like hell.

Again, tears are stinging her eyes and this time, Carol allows them. She can`t summon the strength anymore to try and keep her emotions in check. And she doesn`t want to. She did that for the past year, trying to run away from the pain and the guilt. It was enough. Burying her emotions, concentrating on her hatred, had cost her everything. Her friends, her family – the man she loves more than anything in the world. Even if he doesn`t want her back anymore, Ezekiel deserves to know how she felt – how she feels. And he deserves an apology.

Carol forces herself to look at Ezekiel, two big teardrops running down her cheeks.

"I`m sorry. I`m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Carol …" Ezekiel tries to interrupt her, reaching out to wipe away one tear with his thumb. He always hated to see her cry, his heart aching at her pain. Carol grabs his hand, holding on to it with both of hers, shaking her head.

"No, please. Let me say this." Ezekiel gives her a short nod, understanding that this was important to her. To them. Briefly closing her eyes, Carol takes a deep breath, then looks back into Ezekiel`s eyes. The warmth in them is soothing her, encouraging her to speak.

"That night at Hilltop – for the first time since I ran away, I felt something else than just – pain and hatred. You – for some precious moments I felt safe again. Not alone anymore. I know it was my choice to leave, but – I`ve been so lonely without you. And I thought I deserved it – you know, that – that I didn`t deserve to be loved anymore. You made me forget for a little while and it almost felt like – before."

Carol pauses, bittersweet memories of their last time together flooding her mind. She really wants Ezekiel to understand what has been going on inside her that night – and after – but she`s struggling to find the right words. Ezekiel waits patiently, giving her the time she needs, even though his heart is racing in his chest just listening to her. The sadness on her face and in her voice is painful. He wants to make it go away, but he`s aware that – if they really want to move forward – they need to get through this now.

"You asked me if things had gone differently if we hadn`t thought that we would die that night. To be honest, I really thought that would happen. That we would die. And I wanted a good memory on my mind when, when …" Another deep, shuddering breath. "But the next morning I was still there and you – I was terrified. I tried to keep it together. But – I got into an argument with Yumiko. She – she …" Carol doesn`t want to tell Ezekiel that Yumiko hit her, so she just shrugs her shoulders. "I felt worthless and completely alone again. And I really didn`t want to find out that you hadn`t made it. I don`t think I could have dealt with the pain. So I – I left. I tried to concentrate on finding her again. Killing her."

Her. Alpha. Ezekiel knows that she is dead. That much Eugene had been able to find out in his short radio contact with Rosita before they`d been busted. He doesn`t know how it happened and he`s not going to ask Carol about it. It didn`t really matter to him whether she was the one who killed her or someone else. He was certain in the end she got what she deserved. Carol doesn`t want to talk about the details either. This moment here, it is about them, not her. It is about trying to fix what had been broken.

"After she was gone – I don`t know. I felt empty. Like there was nothing left to live for anymore. I was certain you were dead. There was nothing but this deep void that tried to consume me. I could barely breathe anymore. It made me angry. At you. Because you made me love so deeply that the loss was unbearable. And also at everybody else. Because they simply couldn`t leave me alone. I tried to justify my actions. I tried to tell myself that they had no right to judge me or to be mad at me for doing what I did. I knew that wasn`t right. I convinced myself that it would be best if I just disappeared. I almost did."

Carol`s voice was barely more than a whisper now. Thinking back to that time hurt, filling her with shame. She closes her eyes, concentrating on her breathing, concentrating on Ezekiel`s warm hand in hers.

"What made you stay?"

The sound of his voice, deep and raw with emotion, makes Carol look up again. His eyes are swimming with tears as well. These beautiful soulful eyes she loves so much.

"I – I realized I was being selfish. I had my revenge – but it didn`t make anything better. Not for me. And certainly not for everybody else. All those other Whisperers they were still there. And I knew that our friends – our family – they would have to suffer the consequences of what I did. It wasn`t fair of me to just run away. I knew you would expect me to fight. That Henry would. If not for me, then at least for them."

At the mentioning of their son`s name, Ezekiel`s grip on her hand gets tighter, a single tear finally spilling over.

"Back at Alexandria – I know that many didn`t want me there anymore. But I was glad I went back because at least I found out that you had survived. I focused on the fight. After – there was barely anything left in Alexandria anymore. And yeah, many blamed me for that, too. I considered leaving again, but – I was hoping you would come back."

Even though Ezekiel is relieved to hear that Carol had been waiting for his return, guilt is crawling up inside him again, tearing at his heart.

"I never should have left."

"What? Why? You found this place …"

Ezekiel interrupts her. "But I left you behind. Yes, I was hurt when you didn`t come back. But I knew what you were doing – what you were trying to do. Henry was my son, too! I shouldn`t have let you carry that weight alone. I failed you. And him."

Carol shakes her head. "No!" How can he even think that?!

Ezekiel holds up his hand, stopping her from saying more, his eyes pleading with her. Carol has bared her soul to him, shared with him her deepest emotions. Now it was his turn.

"I did. That day – at the fair – I failed both of you."

Carol tries to hold in the sob that`s rising in her throat, but Ezekiel hears it. He hates to remind her of that day, hates to think about it himself. Still, he goes on.

"You thought he was safe with me and I – I didn`t even realize … After he was gone – I failed to help you grieve. I saw you drifting away from me and I – I didn`t know what to do. I didn`t know how to stop it from happening. I should have done something. I should have tried more, I – instead I let you walk away. I told myself that it was the right thing. That you needed to be away from me. Because I was responsible. And I didn`t want to be responsible for reminding you every day of Henry. I didn`t want to increase your pain.

That`s also why I didn`t tell you about my – my …" Ezekiel makes a vague gesture with his hand towards his neck. "You seemed better when you came back. I wanted it to stay that way, even if it meant to stay away from you. I failed to see how much you were still hurting, although I should have recognized it right away. I failed to realize where you were headed, and when I finally did – when I realized what you intended to do – for Henry, for us – I left you to do it alone. I should have accompanied you when you tried to find the herd. Not Jerry. Me. I should have been there with you, even if it wouldn`t have made any difference.

And then after the fire, after what we shared that night – I should have gone after you. I should have helped you instead of running away, instead of leaving you to deal with everything on your own. I failed you. In every decision I made after we lost Henry – I failed you."

Ezekiel falls silent, a big lump in his throat. Carol still tries to wrap her mind around the things he just said. Did he really think that she blamed him for Henry`s death? Did he think that`s why she left him? Nothing could be farther from the truth! How could he think that he did anything wrong when she was the one who screwed it all up?

And how on earth did they end up in this mess? Why didn`t they talk to each other earlier? Carol lets go of Ezekiel`s hand, instead reaching for his face, gently wiping away the silent tears. She needs to end this misery now.

"It wasn`t your fault. What happened to Henry. And it wasn`t your fault what happened to me. There wasn`t anything you could have done to stop me from slipping into this darkness. The pain and the hatred – they kept me alive. It was right to let me go. It was what I needed at that time – and I needed you away from my darkness. I wanted to protect you. I wanted you to be safe."

A memory flashes into Ezekiel`s mind of the day they went on his "secret" projector bulb mission. Carol looking at him with an adorable mixture of annoyance and amusement, saying in a teasing voice "I`m not gonna not keep you safe!" What a wonderful day that had been. A sad little smile is tugging on his lips, thinking about their happiness, unaware of the danger that had already been looming over them.

Carol`s soft voice pulls Ezekiel back into the here and now. She`s still holding his head between her hands, stroking his cheeks. Her face is red and puffy from crying, but the expression in her eyes is tender, loving. The small contact suddenly isn`t enough anymore and before his mind can stop him, Ezekiel has reached out, wrapping his arms around Carol`s waist and pulling her closer. She`s not resisting, willing sliding onto his lap, her eyes never leaving his.

"You never did anything wrong. Going with Eugene was the right thing. If it wasn`t for you, the risk you took, none of us would be here now and many more would die back home. I`m proud of what you did. I always was proud of you. Without you I would have disappeared years ago. But you showed me what love feels like. You made me happier than I ever thought possible. I loved every day of our life together. You are the only one who ever truly knew me, who saw the real me and still loved me. Through everything. You let me go when I needed it even though it hurt you. And when I needed you more than ever, you found me. You were there for me without expecting anything in return. I will always be grateful that I was a part of your life. That I got the chance to be your wife, to have a family with you and Henry. I don`t regret that and I never will."

Ezekiel slowly relaxes as he listens to Carol`s words, the unmistakable truth of what she said shining from her eyes. It`s like a weight has been lifted from his heart and he can breathe easier now. There is one thing, though, that he needs to clarify. Something he needs Carol to know without any doubt.

"You still are a part of my life! And you will always be. I never loved anyone the way I loved you. I still do. Nothing`s ever gonna change that."

Relief is washing over Carol, the small smile that`s forming on her lips pure and honest. Sliding her arms around Ezekiel`s shoulders, she sags against him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. She feels completely drained, but in a strange way at peace like she hasn`t been ever since their life was ripped apart. Like something deep inside her knows that now they can start healing – together. Her eyes slip shut, her ears listening to the sound of Ezekiel`s heart beating against her chest.

Ezekiel holds her close against his body. He can tell from the way Carol is breathing that she is on the verge of falling asleep, feeling incredibly tired himself. He`s aware that their position isn`t really comfortable and that they will regret it in the morning if they sleep like this. But he is also unwilling to separate from Carol. He considers if he should just push her off his lap, so she can lay on the couch, but quickly dismisses the thought. Carol has been through lots of hardship in the past weeks and she deserves to sleep in a real bed.

Gently pushing against her upper body, Ezekiel calls Carol`s name. She resists, trying to snuggle closer against him, but he`s unrelenting. Raising her head a little bit, Carol looks at him sleepily.

"What?"

"We can`t sleep like this. Get up." Carol blinks, more asleep than awake, but Ezekiel slides forward, forcing her to stand up. He follows suit, touching her chin to make her look at him.

"Go to bed. It`s more comfortable. I`ll stay here." It`s not what he really wants, but he`s not going to crowd Carol. One step at a time.

Carol frowns in confusion, staring at the couch, then back at Ezekiel. Slowly, she shakes her head, reaching for his fingers. No – no, this wasn`t what she wanted.

"I don`t want to be alone." Her eyes are begging him, showing him how much she needs him now. "Please."

Ezekiel nods, squeezing her fingers. She probably hasn`t slept well in months. If she wanted him by her side now, he would gladly be there. "Let me just shut out the lights."

Giving him a little grateful smile, Carol lets go of his hand, then heads for his room. Ezekiel turns to shut out the lamp in the living room, gathering their glasses. He takes them to the small open kitchenet, making sure everything is in its place before turning out the lights there as well. When he enters his bedroom, Carol has already crept under the covers. The small bedside lamp is burning, and he can see that she placed her pants and shirt on the stool that`s standing next to the bed.

Ezekiel closes the door behind him, slipping out of his boots. He hesitates just a second, then sheds his pants and shirt as well, slipping into bed in his shorts und undershirt. As soon as he is lying next to her, Carol comes scooting closer, searching his proximity. She presses herself up against his side, her right arm and leg sneaking over him, her head resting on his shoulder. Ezekiel can`t quite suppress the grin spreading on his face. When they started their relationship, Carol had been a troubled sleeper. Not really a surprise there. But in his arms, she was able to relax and let go of her fears. She had turned into a real cuddler real soon, the closer the better. He`d been teasing her about it, asking her if she tried to crawl into him completely, but Carol had just looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smile as if asking him if he was going to complain about it. Of course, he never did, enjoying every full body contact with her.

Now was no different. His arms wrap around her, a content sigh escaping his throat. He`s nuzzling her hairline with his nose, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Smiling, Carol drifts off into sleep, knowing she was safe with Ezekiel. He reaches out to shut out the lamp, then settles back into a comfortable position. He is trying to fight off sleep a little longer, glad to finally have her back in his arms again. Eventually though, Ezekiel loses the battle, softly snoring in the darkness of the room.

When he wakes up, Ezekiel is alone. It`s still dark, so he reaches over, searching for Carol next to him, but no – she wasn`t there. Panic is rising within him, and he tries to quench it down. No way did she just leave in the middle of the night. But what if it all had just been a dream? His foggy mind is trying to fool him, so Ezekiel shakes his head, telling himself not to be stupid. Of course, it hadn`t been a dream. He sits up, realizing that a small sliver of light was coming from the door. Carol had left it open a crack. In the shadows he can make out her boots and bags that she left in the corner of the room earlier. She was still here. Of course, she was.

Probably she just had to use the bathroom. He`s listening and yeah in the silence of the night he can make out the bathroom door at the end of the small hallway opening and closing again, then the muffled sound of Carol`s footsteps. He would recognize her footsteps anywhere. Relaxing, Ezekiel waits for her return, but she seems to stop before reaching the door. A second later, he hears her going in the other direction, towards the kitchen. Thirsty, he thinks. He waits another minute, but Carol still isn`t coming back and he can`t hear her anymore. Wide awake now himself, he decides to go checking on her. Maybe she had a nightmare.

Carol had woken in the middle of the night slightly disoriented. At first, she wasn`t sure where she was, but she recognized Ezekiel`s familiar smell immediately, relaxing back against him. Memories came back – the Commonwealth, his room, safety. She tried to go back to sleep, but the dull ache in her bladder drove her out of bed. Blindly tapping through the darkness, she searched for the doorknob, and then for a light switch in the hallway. On her way back to bed she realized that her stomach was growling. That had become something so present in her life that she hadn`t recognized it at first. Hesitating, Carol considered if she should go searching for something to eat. Well, obviously food – or lack thereof – wasn`t an issue here, so, shrugging her shoulders she ventured off into the kitchen.

Ezekiel finds her leaning against one of the cupboards, a plate in hand, eating a slice of the chocolate cake he offered her earlier. Chuckling, he leans against the doorframe, watching her. He should have known that Carol wouldn`t be able to stay away from the treat. She raises an eyebrow, daring him to say something, but he chooses to just grin at her. Before taking another bite, Carol holds up her fork, offering it to Ezekiel. He shakes his head, so she stuffs it in her own mouth, slowly eating the rest of the cake.

Ezekiel takes the opportunity to simply look at her. She still was just as beautiful as he remembered her. Sure, some lines on her face had gotten deeper, the sorrow and grief of the past months leaving their marks. He carried the same. She also had lost some weight, though not in an alarming way and obviously she hadn`t lost her appetite. He was certain, it wasn`t anything to worry about. He would simply make sure Carol had regular meals from now on. Very slowly, his eyes travel over her body, committing the picture to memory. He`s got millions of them in his mind, each and every one precious to him.

Finally, Ezekiel`s eyes settle on Carol`s hair. Her thick braid has loosened up a bit during sleep, making her look adorably young and wild. He feels the sudden urge to touch it, feel its softness under his fingertips. To him, her gorgeous grey hair had always held a special attraction, whether it was short or long curly strands like now. The color was so uniquely Carol, Ezekiel simply couldn`t imagine her any other way. He still remembers the first day he saw her (or rather talked to her – he`d seen her before, when his men brought her and Morgan to the Kingdom, barely conscious). She`d been sitting in that old wheelchair, batting her eyelashes at him in mock innocence, her hair sticking in all directions. Ezekiel hadn`t gotten her out of his mind after that encounter, wondering what it would feel like to bury his hands in her hair and kiss her senseless.

As he found out mere weeks later, it was heaven on earth, and he became addicted to it for a lifetime.

Carol is acutely aware of Ezekiel`s eyes on her, a fuzzy feeling spreading in her belly. His warm gaze feels like a caress, making her long for his touch on her skin. She wonders what he is thinking, wonders if he still likes what he`s seeing. Before Ezekiel, Carol had not been giving much on her appearance, but being the center of his desire – well, it had certainly boosted her self-esteem. Now she feels uncertain. Sure, they`d been together at Hilltop, but the circumstances, well…

Pushing away from the cupboard, Carol places her now empty plate in the sink, still not daring to look at Ezekiel. The moment she moves she can literally feel his eyes drop to her butt. When she got up, she hadn`t bothered with putting any clothes on, walking to the bathroom in her panties and t-shirt. If she had known that she would end up standing in the kitchen with Ezekiel, she would have slipped into her shirt. Well, or not. Turning her head, Carol catches Ezekiel staring, his eyes immediately snapping back up to hers.

All her insecurities disappear in an instant as she sees the look in his eyes, telling her without a doubt what had been going on in his mind. They stare at one another, both frozen on their spot, neither daring to make the first move. The same thoughts are swirling through their minds – what if this is going too fast after everything? But then again – what should they be waiting for? Haven`t they already wasted too much of their precious time together?

Mentally kicking herself, Carol is the first to break eye contact, looking down at the empty plate. Without giving any thought to it, she speaks out the first thing that comes to her mind.

"The cake was delicious."

Ezekiel isn`t responding right away, so Carol looks back up at him, hoping he`s not feeling rejected. To her surprise, he`s grinning at her in this charmingly annoying way that`s usually driving her crazy. Did she miss something here? He`s still not moving from his spot at the door, arms crossed leisurely in front of his chest. Damn, he looked good standing there like that, his dark skin a stark contrast to the white muscle shirt. Well, looks like her mind wasn`t being distracted from its amorous thoughts.

Okay, then. Turning to fully face him, Carol mimics Ezekiel`s pose, her hip leaning against the sink. Tilting her head a little, she raises an eyebrow again, prompting him to say something.

"Yeah, it is delicious. But it`s nothing compared to some of your cookies in the middle of the night on the kitchen floor."

Oh. Oh! Carol can`t control the blush creeping into her cheeks as she gets the drift of Ezekiel`s thoughts. Very amorous indeed. During their relationship there had been countless nights where they sneaked down into their kitchen after they made love to enjoy some late night cookies together. There even have been two or three occasions – when unfortunately they had run out of cookies – where they started making new ones in the middle of the night, making out like teenagers while they waited for them to be ready.

Carol thinks back to one particular night. Not just any night, but their wedding night. It had been a hot summer day, the temperature still warm during the night. They had made lazy love, soft music filling the air. Later, they had sneaked out into the royal garden, sharing a big piece of their wedding cake under the trees in the moonlight. And then they`d made love again on the soft grass, completely forgetting that the world around them still existed. This has been the happiest day in Carol`s life, the memory bringing a smile to her face.

Lost in her thoughts, she`s not realizing that Ezekiel is finally moving until he`s standing right in front of her, invading her personal space. Her eyes find his, her emotions reflected back at her as if looking into a mirror. Seems like they have made a decision on how this night was going to end.

Carol`s hands land on Ezekiel`s hips, her chin tilting up to offer her lips for a kiss. He grabs her face tenderly, holding it in his large hands. Bowing his head, Ezekiel softly presses his lips to hers, just a whisper of a touch, before pulling back again. He returns a second later with a little more pressure, a little longer. And again. And again. Teasing, slowly increasing their desire for each other. Each kiss gets more insistent, more passionate. Lips wrap around each other, sucking softly, trying to hold each other captive.

Ezekiel`s right arm sneaks around Carol`s waist, his left hand moving to cup the back of her head, crushing her to him. She doesn`t mind, her hands sliding up his back, trying to even press closer against him. Their mouths separate, and for some moments they stare into each other`s eyes again, breathing heavily through parted lips. Carol`s tongue sneaks out to wet her lips, drawing Ezekiel`s attention. He lowers his head again to brush his lips against hers, the soft hairs of his mustache tickling her, making all her hairs stand on end. She tries to capture him, but he`s gone too fast, running the tip of his tongue over her lips instead.

A shudder is running through Carol, her fingers digging into Ezekiel`s back. He was driving her crazy. Chasing his mouth, Carol mimics his action, her tongue wetting his lips, begging for entrance. Ezekiel grants it, allowing her to plunder his mouth. They keep exchanging deep wet kisses until they can barely breathe anymore. A little lightheaded, Carol finally pulls back, resting her head against Ezekiel`s shoulder. His lips land on her ear, sucking the soft flesh into his mouth. Carol has to bite her lips to stop herself from moaning out loud. She can feel Ezekiel`s obvious desire for her pressed against her lower belly. Tempting. Promising.

Time to get more comfortable!

Raising her head, Carol steals another kiss, searching for Ezekiel`s hand. Smiling, she steps out of his embrace, pulling him with her as she moves past him and out of the kitchen. Ezekiel follows her willingly, kicking the bedroom door shut behind him with his foot, leaving the world outside. The small bedside lamp isn`t giving off much light, casting the room into shadows. Carol stops in front of the bed, facing Ezekiel. He smiles at her tenderly, his hands coming to rest on her hips again. He`s waiting, leaving it up to her to set the pace. There was no need to rush things, nothing to worry about. This time was just about them, reassuring each other of the love they felt.

Carol presses her hands against Ezekiel`s abdomen, carefully avoiding the bulge in his shorts. For now, that is. She`s deliberately trying to keep things slow, hyper aware of every move, every touch. Her belly is a quivering mass of excitement and nervousness, the feeling reminding her of their first time together. What an experience that had been! So intimate and powerful, shaking her to the very core. Although their real marriage happened many months later, Ezekiel once told Carol that he believes that first night they shared together, it had been the marriage of their souls, binding them together for all times.

And although Carol had never believed in such things, she knew without a doubt that he was right.

Slowly, oh so slowly, she slides her hands up, feeling Ezekiel`s muscles under his shirt, his pectorals, so firm, so male. She`s not stopping there, her fingers gliding further up, over his neck to his jaw, curling into the soft hairs of his beard. Carol leans into him for another toe-curling kiss, the deep rumble of his moan reverberating all through her body. Ezekiel`s own hands slide to her butt, kneading the firm flesh. When they separate again, Carol slides her hands all the way back down and under the hem of Ezekiel`s shirt. This time, she lets her fingers glide over his heated skin, pushing the shirt up. Ezekiel helps by pulling it over his head, letting it drop to the floor carelessly.

Carol`s hands are still resting over his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart. Ezekiel fights to hold still, his breath hitting her face, as she slowly glides down again, lightly scratching his skin with her short nails. She stops at the waistband of his shorts, subconsciously licking her lips. Ezekiel`s eyes are fixed on her face, watching her every reaction, reveling in the obvious pleasure she takes from touching his body. Carefully, Carol lowers his shorts over his straining arousal, still keeping her hands away from the object of her desire.

She is overly aroused, her eyes glassy and her cheeks stained pink, breathing through parted lips. Her hands shake a little bit, when she reaches for Ezekiel again, hands splayed out over his ribcage. Her undies feel uncomfortable, chafing her sensitive skin. She wants out of them, needs to feel his skin against hers. Carol pries her eyes away from Ezekiel`s manhood, meeting his gaze. The lust she sees swirling in his dark orbs takes her breath away. Swallowing hard, she licks her lips again, struggling to tell him what she wants from him. Her foggy mind settles for a husky "Now you", but he gets it. Of course. They`ve always been able to communicate with more than just words. Barely able to keep it together himself anymore, Ezekiel decides to skip the teasing. Reaching for the hem of her top, he pulls it over Carol`s head unceremoniously, then pushes her panties down.

Two seconds pass, three, four where they just stare at one another. And then they move at the same time. Carol`s arms wrap around Ezekiel`s neck as his hands grab her behind, lifting her up. Their mouths fuse together, moaning at the sensation of their naked bodies touching in the most intimate way. Her breasts press against his chest, his hardness trapped between them, wetting her belly. Holding Carol tight to his body, Ezekiel turns, carefully lowering them down to the mattress. It`s impossible to tell where one begins or the other one ends. They are one, a tangled mass, arms and legs wrapped around each other. They only separate for mere seconds for some much needed oxygen, drinking each other, breathing each other, as if their lives depend on it. Maybe they do.

Their bodies are slick with sweat, sensually gliding against each other. They are beyond thinking, acting on pure instinct. Ezekiel slips effortlessly into Carol`s welcoming body, her wet heat enveloping him like a furnace. They both moan into their kiss, the sensation of being finally joined almost enough to set them off. Almost. Close, so close. Ezekiel tears his mouth away from Carol, burying his face in the crook of her neck. His hand digs into her hipbone, desperately trying to still her movement, but she keeps rocking against him.

"Carol, please. Just – stop – one – sec …" he chokes out. Even in his haze of lust, he doesn`t want to disappoint her.

Carol isn`t having any of it, though. She is already poised on the edge, ready to fly. The way he is filling her, so deep. Her hands slide down Ezekiel`s back, grabbing his ass, trying to get him to move. "Please. Please!"

Ezekiel recognizes the desperate breathlessness of her voice, giving up on his efforts to hold on. His hips start moving, fast powerful thrusts. Carol`s walls are quivering around him, gripping at him, but he withstands her pull, again and again. The feeling is delicious, exquisite, sending jolts of pleasure all through their bodies. It`s not taking long and they both go rigid in each other`s arms as the waves of ecstasy crash over them, leaving them shaking and gasping for air. Ezekiel crashes on top of Carol, his weight a welcome comfort that she clings to.

Some minutes pass, where they try to catch their breaths, lazily stroking each other wherever they can reach. Eventually, it`s Ezekiel who raises his head, looking down at Carol with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Sorry. We used to be better at this."

Tilting her head to the side, Carol looks at him with a pointedly raised eyebrow, trying to suppress a smile.

"Yeah? I thought this was pretty amazing!"

"Amazing, huh?!" Ezekiel`s hands frame her face, his head lowering down to gently rub his nose against hers. "Does that mean you had enough for one night?"

The genuine pout that appears on Carol`s face makes him chuckle low in his throat. Yeah, that was his girl. He bows down to kiss the pout away, allowing her to pull him in, groaning when he pulls away. She looks up at him, her lips curving up in a seductive smile.

"Yeah. No. We`re not done here, mister."

They stare and then they break into a grin at the same time, reaching for each other, kissing forcefully. When they separate, they rest their foreheads against each other, giggling. God, it felt so good to laugh with each other again. Like they`ve finally found home again after an endless search in the dark.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too, my Love."

Their lips find each other again, softer this time, sweeter. Communicating the love they feel deep inside their hearts. For them, making love has always been a way to express their deepest feelings, when words simply weren`t enough, a secret language that only the two of them could understand.

Slowly, Ezekiel kisses his way down Carol`s neck, over her collarbones and the swell of her breasts. His lips are drawn to the soft flesh like a magnet. He takes his sweet time, alternating between kissing and nipping, sucking the flesh into his mouth, sampling the saltiness of her skin. It`s delicious, the taste, the plumb roundness filling his mouth. He`s deliberately teasing her, avoiding the puckered nipple. One hand comes up to cup the other breast, gently squeezing. Ezekiel loves the feeling of the perfect roundness filling his hand, firm and yet soft, heavy with her arousal.

Carol`s eyes are closed, indulging Ezekiel`s sensual ministrations. Her lips are parted, her chest rising and falling rapidly. The mixture of all the different sensations is exquisite – his wet lips and rough tongue, the scratch of his beard, the feeling of his heavy dreads touching her skin. Her fingers are restlessly roaming over his broad shoulders, kneading the firm flesh. Her legs are tightly wrapped around his waist, holding him inside of her. His nose brushes against her nipple, making her shudder. A second later, his lips wrap around it, sucking it deep into his mouth.

Oh – my – God!

Carol can`t quite contain the strangled cry falling from her lips. The jolts of pleasure shoot all through her body, centering in her clit. Her fingers dig into Ezekiel`s back forcefully as her walls grip at him, thoroughly coating him with wetness. His answering groan against her skin sends shivers up and down her spine. Raising his head, his mouth comes crashing down on hers, stealing her breath. He`s hardening again inside her, swelling until he fills her completely. With a wicked smile he looks down at her, whispering in a low rumbling voice "Sensitive, are we?"

Carol isn`t in the mood for talking, nor does she really trust her voice at the moment. So instead, she scratches her nails over Ezekiel`s back all the way down to his well-shaped butt, grabbing it while at the same time tightening her muscles around him. His hips buck against her and she has to bite her lips to stop another cry, her eyes daring him. Ezekiel`s eyes dart down to her chest, all flushed, then back to her face. Lightly, he runs his thumb around the nipple that he hasn`t touched yet, observing Carol`s reaction. Her eyes slip shut again, her back arching to push her chest closer to him. Well, that was enough of an invitation for Ezekiel.

Lowering his mouth to her breast, he starts teasing her again, the cute whimpering noises she makes music to his ears. How he missed having her in his arms like this! The way she reacted to his touch, it always felt like magic to him, so powerful, so beautiful. The moment his tongue touches the sweet pebble, Carol shudders, tightening her hold on him. Ezekiel knows that she is about to come, so he concentrates all his efforts on pushing her over the edge, sucking, scraping his teeth over her highly sensitive nipple. It`s all she needs, her whole body shaking in his arms. Ezekiel holds her through it, watching the beauty of her orgasm on her face.

When she comes back to her senses, Carol smiles up at him, pulling him down for a leisurely kiss. She is very aware of his hardness still nestled inside her and she craves it, craves their connection despite her powerful climax. Not interrupting her kisses, Carol pushes Ezekiel to his back, settling on top of him. She feels completely relaxed and comfortable, high on endorphins. Playfully, she wriggles her butt lazily, drawing a deep moan from Ezekiel. Hmm, oh yeah, that felt good.

Both hands fisted in his dreads, Carol looks down at him.

"Hey, you."

"Hi." His hands glide down her sweaty back, grabbing her behind.

"You feel sooo good" she breathes into his face huskily.

"Oh yeah?" For Ezekiel, there just wasn`t anything better than Carol in this deeply sensual mood, ready to take them both to heaven. His whole body is tingling with excitement, anticipating the pleasure she is about to give him.

"Yeaah." Engaging him in another sloppy open-mouthed kiss, Carol starts to move above him. She rides him slowly, but steadily, her mouth returning to his again and again. Their breath comes in shallow gasps, deep moans falling from their lips. Ezekiel`s hands can`t decide where to touch, restlessly roaming over Carol`s body – from her butt to her shoulders and back down again, every so often wrapping around her tousled braid that is sensuously touching her back.

They are in their own world where nothing else exists anymore but the two of them. There`s no concept of time, all that matters is the way they make each other feel. Aside from their moans, the only other sound in the room is the wet sucking noise of their bodies slapping against each other. Geez, that sound! It`s toe-curling – so erotic – so deeply satisfying. The constant pleasure is running through Carol`s body like electricity. She`s permanently on the brink, all her nerve endings on fire.

She`s slipping from one orgasm to the other. Sometimes it`s her pushing up on her forearms, speeding up her movements – sometimes it`s Ezekiel holding her tight, driving himself up into her in rapid succession. More and more wetness is flowing out of her, coating him, easing his way. Carol is floating on a wave of ecstasy, her body on autopilot, her mind shut off. Just when she is pushing up again to better slam down on Ezekiel, he moves his hands up her body, over her ribcage, squeezing her breasts. His thumbs touch her nipples, rubbing, driving her out of mind.

Carol`s arms give in, slumping against Ezekiel, a full-body-orgasm wrecking her completely. Ezekiel surrenders, allowing her to pull him with her. His arms wrap around her again, and with his feet planted on the mattress, he drives himself up into her, flooding her with his seed. Their release washes over them, pulling them under, leaving them a boneless heap. Long minutes pass before Carol finally moves, fishing for the bedsheets somewhere behind her. She pulls them over their cooling bodies, snuggling up close to Ezekiel. He turns his head, sleepily looking at her, a soft smile on his lips. She reaches up to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing over his lips. He presses a kiss on it, but it`s not enough, so Carol leans up to steal a quick kiss from him. Settling back in his arms, she rests her head on his chest, hugging him tight.

The bedside lamp is still burning, but neither of them bothers to move again.

The next morning

Once more, Carol is standing in front of the mirror in Ezekiel`s bedroom, brushing her hair. They had slept in, startled awake by the sound of someone moving around in the apartment, doors opening and closing. Carol had been alarmed, but Ezekiel calmed her, whispering "Eugene. He`ll be gone again soon."

They`d waited and sure enough a couple minutes later they heard the front door slip shut with a loud thud. When they were certain that they were alone again, they got up, heading for a shower together. They just stood there under the warm spray, holding each other close. Grateful that they`ve been given this chance again.

This morning, Carol feels a lot lighter than she did the night before. Of course, things weren`t magically the same again – not the way they used to be before they lost Henry – and themselves. The past year had left scars behind that couldn`t be undone. But both, Ezekiel and her, had many scars from the past and they had found that they could deal with them easier together. They had helped each other heal, accepted their scars and flaws, and made something beautiful. Last night they had proved to each other that they were still capable of doing just that. Together they could deal with their pain and even though there certainly will be tough days lying ahead of them in the future – they will get through them, and they will be stronger in the end.

Ezekiel enters the bedroom, coming up behind her. His arms wrap around her waist, pulling her against him.

"Breakfast is ready."

Carol smiles at him in the mirror, putting her brush away. "I`m ready."

Her eyes land on the small box on the dresser again and as last night, her fingers brush over the letters of her name. Looking up, she searches for Ezekiel`s eyes in the mirror.

"What`s inside?"

Ezekiel doesn`t have to look down to know what she means. He spent many hours carving her name into the box, mostly in the middle of the night when he couldn`t sleep. When the fear of never seeing her again threatened to overwhelm him. He wanted her to have it in case of his death. The items he put inside were his most personal belongings – memories from the past that he had put in his pocket the night of the Hilltop fire, keeping them safe. They had helped him through the past lonely months, and he had hoped that maybe they could do the same for Carol when he wasn`t there anymore.

Swallowing hard, Ezekiel pushes those thoughts aside now.

"Open it."

For some more moments, Carol keeps looking into his eyes, seeing the emotions swirling in them. Strangely, she`s a little bit scared of what she is going to find in there, scared of another emotional rollercoaster. But her curiosity finally gets the better of her and so she carefully opens the lid. There`s a folded piece of paper in it and lying on top of it a metallic item. Carol picks it up, recognizing the shape immediately.

It`s a tiger.

"I found it in Henry`s stuff at Hilltop."

Ezekiel`s warm voice floats into Carol`s ear, the raw emotion evident in it. Tears are pooling in her eyes, the love for her son welling up inside her. When she puts the tiger down on the dresser it`s with a smile on her face. Henry knew how much Ezekiel loved Shiva. Carol then reaches for the paper, unfolding it. To her surprise it`s a photo. One of the very rare pictures of her and Ezekiel – taken on their wedding day. They`re standing in the pavilion in the Kingdom, arms around each other, kissing. That must have been right after they exchanged their rings.

"You looked so beautiful that day."

Carol`s fingers lightly glide over the old picture, caressing it, memories of that day running through her mind. How she loved that dress. She`s never really been the girly type (her first marriage having a lot to do with that), but she wanted to be her wedding with Ezekiel something special. Wearing a dress was a must. So, one afternoon she`d been rummaging around in the Kingdom`s storage for clothes with Nabila, trying to find something adequate to wear.

Of course, there weren`t any "real" wedding dresses to be found there, so they had to improvise with what was available. Thanks to Nabila`s sewing skills, the outcome was even more beautiful than Carol had dared to hope for. In the end the dress had consisted of a long-sleeved lacy off-white top and a skirt made of a blush-colored tulle that flowed around her legs. She hadn`t told Ezekiel about the dress in case it wouldn`t turn out the way she wanted it or if she`d feel uncomfortable wearing it. The look on his face when he saw her in it had been priceless.

"That was the happiest day of my life" she whispers.

Yes, it was. And she`d been happy for years afterwards, happier than she ever thought possible. A single tear spills over, sliding down her cheek. Carol wipes it away absentmindedly. When she moves to put the picture back into the box, she realizes that there is another item in it which she hasn`t noticed so far. Her heartbeat accelerates realizing what it is. She picks it up, turning in Ezekiel`s arms to face him. He regards her lovingly, but she can detect the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. Determined to reassure him – to unmistakably prove to both of them where they were standing with each other – Carol reaches for his hand – and then slides his wedding ring back on his finger. Right where it belongs.

"For better or worse, right?"

She`s feeling a little unsure herself, but the smile appearing on Ezekiel`s face washes that uncertainty away. He`s not saying anything, but he`s holding up his other hand, palm facing upwards, waiting. Carol knows immediately what he wants. What it is that he`s silently asking her for. Reaching into her jeans pocket, she pulls out her own ring, placing it in his palm. She`s been carrying it around the whole time, watching over it carefully. This ring has been her connection to Ezekiel, a memory of her happiness.

Carol holds her hand up, shaking visibly. Ezekiel takes it, softly speaking her name.

"Carol."

She looks up at him, her breath hitching in her throat.

"I love you." With these words, he slides the ring back on her finger.

"And I always will" she breathes out, repeating his words, feeling them from the bottom of her heart.

More tears spill over, his and hers. So many feelings, all mixed together. Love. Fear. Hope. Relief. They reach for each other at the same time, exchanging a tender kiss. The past couldn`t be undone, but the future was still a possibility. Maybe not a fairytale anymore, but still good enough for them.

There`s still something weighing on Carol`s heart, something she needs to say.

"I`ll be here, no matter what. I`ll be by your side, even if it gets hard. I promise. But you need to promise something, too. You have to promise that you will fight. For every single day."

Ezekiel closes his eyes. He hates to think about what is happening to him. He ignored it for as long as he could. After all, there wasn`t anything to do about it, anyway. And there wasn`t anything left for him to fight for. At least, that`s what he thought for a while. But now they were here. In this place. Him and her. And there was hope again. Opening his eyes, he nods his head.

"I promise."

Yes, he will fight for his life. For his life with the love of his life. His queen. Maybe in the end they will lose. But that wasn`t important now. What was important was that they will honor and cherish every moment they have together.

Because in this world – the real world – it was enough to have the small moments. And getting to have as many of those moments as possible.

And they would fight for them.

Because this is who they are.

THE END