A Letter
It's Valentines Day and Tashigi realizes that Smoker has never received anything for it before. Written for the OP Valentines Zine.
Tashigi settled herself down amongst the crates in the cargo hold. A sack of potatoes squished into her back, the smell of all manner of the things needed to run a warship smoothly clogging her nose.
She pulled out the tiny candle from her pocket and set it down on the crate across from her, lighting it. She blinked against the warm glow before pulling out her pile of paperwork. Footsteps ran across the deck above her and she looked up, pushing up her glasses. Tashigi sighed. So far, her plan was working. No one had been able to find her, and she could do her paperwork in peace.
The candle flickered as the ship swayed on the ocean. If she showed her face at all today… Stupid holiday. Stupid men on her stupid crew.
Stupid paperwork for being so boring!
She leaned her head back against the wood box, the sound of her skull making a dull thunking noise. Why couldn't she be as scary as Smoker-san? Instead, it was a slew of pink letters under her door, in her inbox, chocolates, roses, and teddy bears. Stammered and embarrassed "I love you's" and "will you go out with me's" and pining sighs as she walked by. All of them had to be turned down and written thank you notes and- and- Ugh! Smoker on the other hand never got a single box of chocolates or silly love letters or bouquet of roses!
Actually. Tashigi perked up, blinking with a frown. She'd never known him to get any gifts at all. No candy, or presents or surprise thank you notes. She stared at the candle, a wisp of smoke drifting up towards the ceiling above.
After all he did for the G-5, making sure that she and the rest of their men were safe, that the Base got the funding it needed, that the paperwork got done despite how much he hated it, not a single word of thanks. And every year she complained to him that the gifts from their men were absurd!
Tashigi jumped to her feet, the potatoes tumbling down and tripping her up. She fell backwards onto the floor, stunned for a second, before putting out the candle. She had work to do! Super important and long neglected work!
She scrambled out of the cargo hold, carefully shutting the door behind her. No one needed to know she'd been down there, that would be embar-
"Captain-chan!" Tashigi yelped and spun around, eight of her men holding out flowers toward her.
"Happy Valentine's Day!"
"We love you!"
"You're the best!"
Tashigi flushed, scratching the back of her neck, barely resisting going back in with the potatoes. She stuttered out a thank you, taking all the bouquets into her arms. Yellow, pink, red, purple, white, so many colors!
As she waved her men off, silly grins on all their faces, she could barely see over the flowers in her arms. They were on a warship in the middle of the ocean, where did they even get these?! Better still, what was she going to do with them?!
FINALLY! Tashigi sighed as she sank into her desk chair, taking off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose. After a moment, she reopened her eyes. Her tiny office looked like a cherub had thrown up all over it. Bouquets of all kinds and colors, shiny wrapped boxes of chocolates, piles and piles of pink, perfumed letters.
All ultimately expressing gratitude once she looked past the stupid. Now, to figure out how to enact her plan! It should be easy enough, after all, she had all the materials she could ever need in front of her! Tashigi tapped her chin.
He wouldn't like flowers. Or would he? Did Smoker like flowers?! The image of her commanding officer wearing a flower crown and surrounded by roses filled her brain.
Yeah, no.
But maybe? She grabbed one of each color, bundling them together. The end result looked…well, not great. She didn't know anything about making a bouquet. And wrapping them nicely was a lot harder than it looked. Maybe the flowers were a total bust.
Okay, if not flowers, then… the chocolates in their shiny boxes gleamed. Would he like chocolate? Which ones? Had he ever eaten anything sweet in front of her?! Tashigi wracked her brain, coming up with lots of memories of Smoker inhaling coffee and…not much else. Should she be concerned about that? Now wasn't the time! More importantly, WHAT IF HE HATED CHOCOLATE? Worse, what if he was allergic?!
Tashigi put her head in her hands. This task was herculean. Maybe she should go with the third option. A letter. But not on pink paper with hearts all over it. She made a face at the pile of letters she'd have to go through later. But her note to Smoker had to be nicer than the sticky notes she usually covered his desk with.
Hadn't Hina given her some decent stationery at some point? Yes, when she'd made Captain! Tashigi slapped her fist into her palm, that would work! She tore through her desk, tossing aside issues of Katana magazine, paper clips, and a collection of wanted posters, until at the bottom of her bottom desk drawer, she found it.
Simple, good quality paper, with a classy black swirl motif at the top. Trust Hina-san to have good taste! Tashigi grabbed her pen, tapping it against her lips. Now what to write?
Dear Smoker-san, Vice Admiral Smoker,
Happy Valentine's Day! We love and cherish-
Agh, no, that was so sappy! Tashigi drummed her fingers on her desk. What did she want it to say? "Even though you yell at us a lot we know you want the best for us" sounded horrible. So did "We appreciate you even though you haven't caught Straw Hat yet!" and "We are glad you aren't dead!" was just terrible. Telling him that watching him struggle so much to protect them, that he was willing to give his all for people the rest of the Navy wrote off, that his belief in her, the G-5, was the reason they kept trying so hard to get stronger was all so darn sappy!
Tashigi glared at the page with all of her attempts scratched out and sighed.
Maybe she should just start simple?
Dear Vice Admiral Smoker,
Thank you.
Her pen flew out of her fingers as the alarm bell rang across the ship. Pirates spotted! Shoot! She grabbed the note and shoved it in her pocket so she wouldn't forget. But first, duty called!
Rain poured down, thunder and lightning smashing overhead. Pirates yelled and cursed as she and her men engaged them. The booms of cannonfire and gunpowder shook the deck. Shigure twanged off her opponent's battle axe as Tashigi slipped in the rain, a stroke of luck causing her to end up between her enemy's legs. She struck out with the hilt of her sword, knocking their knees out while she scrambled to her feet and knocked him unconscious.
Tashigi shook the rain out of her eyes. Her men were rounding up pirates on the enemy ship. She hoped they would surrender soon. This storm was nasty and she wanted to get into dry clothing as soon as she could.
The blurry shape of the pirate's disturbingly neon yellow and green clothed Captain toppled out onto the middle of his ship's deck. "Please Captain, let's surrender!" yelled the -in Tashigi's humble opinion- rational Vice Captain.
"Screw you Navy Scum! You won't take us alive!" Their Captain screeched instead. He whipped his coat open and Tashigi's eyes widened. Was he insane?! That much dynamite would kill them all! He laughed like a psycho and struck a match-!
In an instant, thick white smoke surrounded him, a blow to the back of the head from a familiar sea-prism-tipped weapon. Quickly, her Commander ripped the dynamite off the idiot and tossed it overboard. The pirates surrendered. Tashigi breathed a sigh of relief as the rain stopped as suddenly as it had begun.
Smoker lit up his cigars as their men took the captured pirates below deck. His white hair gleamed in the sun, a frown on his face. He'd protected them all once again and not a word of-
Tashigi stepped towards him. "Vice Admiral Smoker, Sir!" All motion on the ship stopped, everyone looking at her.
"What Tashigi?" She held out the slightly soggy note. It was perfect, scratched out messages and all. He raised an eyebrow and took it, unfolding it. His eyebrows went up, true surprise (not the bad kind!) on his face for the first time she could recall.
"Happy Valentine's Day from the G-5 Sir!"
His lips curled up at the corners, just the smallest bit. Tashigi smiled, her plan a total success.
Notes:
This was originally written for the OP Valentines Zine. I had a good time working on it, I love the G-5!
Do you think Smoker framed the letter and hid it in his office after?
As always, thank you for reading and you can find me on twitter at buggyisbest!