It was just 3 months ago when he looked in the mirror and loved the way his body had mir life, fat and muscle now he absolutely hates it. Of course he was stronger now but he didn't like the way the attention wouldn't get to him because of his main insecurity. He stared himself in the mirror. He turned to his sides again, but this times he doesn't have a o for his mouth and his eyes aren't sparkling but they look dead. He gets angry at what he sees. His arms look stronger and have more fat mass. His legs are no complete sticks but have more curve to them. He lifted his shirt. His ribs wouldn't appear from just stretching a little. His collarbones weren't as prominent and his stomach looked a bit more... stuffed? He should be happy, but something just isn't right. He like the view... but he also disliked it with pure passion.. Because simply something was missing. The jokes, the comments, the roasts. They were gone. They were not laughing about the way he looked like a stick but they were complimenting him about his 'new' body. He didn't like it. The first few weeks were nice but after a while he saw that they would not joke about his weight. Now he had to choose and answer that billion dollar question whether he would like to have a strong frame without that one satisfaction or looking like a frail little stick with the satisfaction? He looked at himself again.
He couldn't look at himself the same anymore. He just couldn't. The way his shoulder and arms had more fat and muscle on them made him sick. They way his uniform was getting too small for him. He had already changed from the 8-9 labelled to the 11-12 one. The way his teammates wouldn't even joke about his insecurities anymore. No! He couldn't let this continue! There was a missing spark in his life recently and it's that one satisfaction missing. It's the way his biggest insecurity isn't being used as joke anymore. The way they don't even talk about it. It makes him feel bad. No, it makes him feel even fat. He couldn't look at the muscles proudly anymore. And those muscles weren't worth that satisfaction. Especially when he looked at them differently now and not positively any longer. Heck, he was probably heavier than raven by now.
Beast boy then took his phone and took pictures of himself in the tight uniform. On from the front. One from the back and two from the sides. He also showed his collarbone and took a picture and he did the same with his stomach. Then he took a photo from the label oof the uniform he was wearing currently. Then he took out his scale. Last time he checked he was a low 40 kg (88 pounds) for being 5'1 (1,54 c,) which made him low in BMI. So he took a breath in and stepped on the scale with one then the other foot. Then he saw it the thing that prevented that one satisfaction. The one thing he hated like meat. His weight - gain
He had gained 8 kg which made him go up to 48 kg (105 pounds). He took in a shaky breath before stepping of the scale he took his phone and wrote his weight. And his goal. At first he wrote 42 kg but that wouldn't be enough to have his attention back and neither would 40 kg. He had to get even lower maybe. He thought 38 kg was a nice number. So he tipped it in and then slumped onto his bed. He began to question himself. How and why had he gained almost 10 kg? Now all that was going to have to be forced out with more effort. Couldn't you just stay the same? Many questions ran around his mind as he let the tears fall out on his cheeks.
'48' he thought. 'An ugly number, just fits me..' he smiled and then broke down again his tears streaming down. He had a deja vu of the same thing happening throughout the years. Stepping on the scale, writing it down, overthinking, crying and all that while having that one number in his head. 48.. His scale would always be an enemy for him. He was sure, no matter if he went lower or higher.
He curled and turned to his side as he thought 'tomorrow I will go on a diet and will not let myself and my friends down..
And that is the only thing I will be focusing on a lot, I will get to 38 kg and will get the satisfaction back'
And you shouldn't be fooled because the boy has a lot of destemination in himself and would get the biggest goals of his life done if they were possible and would even push anything that is in the way...
{hey thanks for reading! Please leave a tiny review! Bye}
09.10.2021
Words: 847