This is a work of fiction for entertainment purpose, and the characters and the world do not belong to me but to the original creators.

'man'-thought

"man"-speech

"huufh"- breathing

"man"- Technique or words pronounced by a higher entity or in a high emotional tone

1)Ok, first of all, why is that old geezer staring at me…? Fuck, I am a cute shota, I should get big titty onee-san's, not this creepy pedophile gay geezers attention!

-? POV-

The beeping of the medical equipment was the only sound that could be heard in the hospital room. From time to time, a nurse would come in to check on the redheaded boy that was resting there.

Suddenly, the boy opened his eyes and swore:

"Fucking Hell, why the fuck does my head hurt so much?" Putting his hands on his eyes the boy continued to swear while massaging his scalp. After 2 minutes of swearing his voice finally started to get quitter until it completely stopped.

'So reincarnation, huh.' The boy slowly stared to look around himself and observing the room he was in. 'Ok, so let's calmly ascertain the situation like a responsible adult…'

"How the fuck could anyone keep calm after they have been reincarnated in fucking Type Moon, aka: World of hax, aka: World of harem protagonists." While I was in the midst of having an existential crisis, a thought suddenly occurred to me:

'Wait, did I not just become a harem protagonist myself? The thought was so ridiculous that I couldn't help myself but burst out laughing, A HAREM PROTAGONIST, I A MOTHERFUCKING HAREM PROTAGONIST!'

The new reality of his existence was so ridiculous that the boy simply could not stop himself from laughing until tears finally came out of his eyes. When his laughter finally reached its end, the child took a seated position and closed his eyes in concentration.

'Ok, let's summarize how did I get myself reborn into the body of Emiya Shirou, aka: Idiot/Harem Protagonist/Future Counter Guardian. So the first thing I remember is meeting a being calling itself the Primordial Chaos. Then it told me that in exchange for me completing some missions and entertaining it, it would make me into its champion, so far so good. Then it told me that it wants me to take the place of Shirou Emiya because he apparently did not survive in this reality.'

The boy stopped thinking for a moment and looked around the room to see if there is any mirror there. Spotting one on his bedside, he took a look at it to see how he looked at the moment. Two orbs of molten gold met his gaze. Rising his eyes a little bit he saw the noticeable tuff of red hair that defined the iconic protagonist. Yep, he officially became Shirou not yet Emiya.

'I remember asking it if there are any other possible choices for reincarnation, cause fate universe is bullshit and no sane guy would ever go there despite the waifus. Moving on, Chaos told me that the only other place where the protagonist died and is in need of urgent replacement is Dark Souls. After that I instantly decided that if I have to die, it will at least be between Tohsaka's thighs. That's the type of man I am!'

After he finished gathering all of his thoughts, Shiro finally managed to relax and lie down again. Rising his right hand, he made a grasping motion toward the ceiling while a goofy smile appeared on his face.

"Prepare yourself ladies, because the new and improved Shirou is gonna rock your world!"

After he finished proclaiming his existence to the world (the female part of it at least) the young boy finally fell into the land of dreams.

-Kiritsugu POV-

'Fuck, why was it so scary to enter into the room and talk to the boy?'

Kiritsugu could not understand why was he behaving like a teenage girl before her prom date came to take her from home. He was a goddamn assassin, there should be no problems with simply meeting a random boy he met once in his life.

'Maybe it is because I've been on a dry streak lately?' Idly thought Kiritsugu while smoking his fifth cigarette. While not lustful by nature, he did have a beautiful wife, and a sexy mistress before the war finally started, so he was a little unaccustomed to not have any sex over such a long period of time.

"It's Iri's fault for sure." With a fond sight the broken man recalled all those instances of intimacy that they have shared. Because she was a homunculus that wanted to experience everything that she could, Iri was very, very creative in bed. It wouldn't be wrong to say that she even made him a little dependent on sex during the time they were living together. Not to say he couldn't control himself, it was just that it was a new feeling to wake up all alone again after such a long time of having to willing and frankly very kinky partners.

"Sir, the boy passed all the preliminary checks and is eligible for visitors."

Acknowledging the nurse with a nod of his head, Kiritsugu finally straightened his coat while murmuring:

"There's no time like today, I suppose." Taking a final puff, he extinguished his cigarette and set off to meet the boy who would possibly become a new part of his family.

Entering the door where the supposedly newly-awakened child should have been rested, the assassin was in for an unexpected surprise. There, lying on the bed, the boy was surrounded by 3 cute nurses who were showering him with love and attention.

"Snort" It looks like the sound was enough to get the attention of the residents of the room. The nurses hurriedly stood up from the bed and rushed past Kiri with red faces not forgetting to wave to the red haired brat sitting on the bed.

Now that he looked at him closer, Kiri could already foresee that the kid on the bed will most likely grow into a real heartbreaker in the future. Unfortunately, as amusing as this may be, now was nor time nor place for such thoughts.

Taking a nearby chair, the mercenary sat down while resting his hands on the back of the chair.

"How are you feeling?" Not what he meant to start with, but he simply had to ask the boy about his condition. Even if Avalon did protect and heal him, you can never be too careful with curses, especially if they come from a corrupted object of immense power like the grail.

"I am… fine?" the boy looked confused on how he should answer that question. "My body doesn't hurt, but I can't remember anything but my name… I'm Shirou, who are you Mr.?"

It hurt him that an innocent child had to lose his memory because of him, but maybe it was for the best. If he still remembered that hell he came from, he may than remember about his parents, and he did not want the boy to break down because of such gruesome memories.

"My name is Kiritsugu, and I came to ask if you would like to come and live with me Shirou."

"Ah, I understand!" That was rather fast, not that he was complaining, now the boy simply had to agree to come with him and they would be out of the hospital in less than half an hour. Say whatever you want about the him, but needles and injections freaked him out from the time he was a kid. Needles and priests, but priests can be killed, needles are fucking immortal tools of torture that try to suck out your blood.

"You are one of those pedophiles I heard about, The Creepy Black Cloak, right?"

"Ye-" Wait what?

"Could you please repeat yourself, I think I misheard you."

-SHIROU'S POV-

'I just couldn't stop myself, the Magus Boogeyman being called a pedophile, just for this alone I deserve a reward like balls of titanium or something.'

"I heard that grown men who wear long cloaks and take children home with them are called pedophiles, am I wrong." To support my words, I furrowed my brows to five the impression that I was seriously thinking about the correctness of my words.

Kiritsugu grimaced after hearing my question, I guess it's kind of awkward to explain to a kid why you are not a pedophile.

"No, I am not a pedophile, and I suggest you don't go around calling people that, it is pretty impolite. On another kid, since I have heard that you lost your memory I wanted to adopt you, so I wonder if you would be ok with that?"

"You want to adopt me? Why?"

"I…" he stopped speaking for a second. Then with a heavy sigh Kiri continued: "I am just happy that I managed to save someone form that fire. You lost everything there, and I simply don't, no, I can't leave you alone after all you have been through."

"Wow old man, that's… deep." I mentally pondering if there is any advantages for me in rejecting Kiri's offer, but I couldn't really find any, so I decided to agree

"Sure, becoming your son sounds like fun, it would be my pleasure for you to adopt me."

In response to my words the assassin froze for a second, and then he gave me a smile… it was so bright and full of relief, that I nearly had to close my eyes not to get blinded by it.

'I think I can finally understand why that single smile molded the original Shirou into that reckless hero. If I didn't have my maturity from my past life, then there is a big chance that I to would be ensnared by that smile, but alas it is not to be in this timeline, for I am not an innocent kid that would get corrupted so easily.'

"Well then, let's go then, it will take me a few minutes to complete the documents for your release, so could you wait for me here?"

While I am 99% sure that he was going to call his governmental or criminal contacts to deal with the issue of my adoption, it is not like I could call him on his bullshit. After all, what does a kid know about adoption and documents?

"Ok, but don't take too long, I am kind of hungry."

"Sure thing kid, I'll be back in a moment"

-TIME SKIPU-

It has already been an hour since Kiri left, guess it takes some time to arrange all the formalities for adoption, huh. On a bright note I did get something to eat from the cute brunette nurse that visited me.

"Hah, Emma you are really cute, but unfortunately you are married and alas I am to busy preparing for a magical nonsensical war, so it is not fated for us to be together. But if in 10 years you gain that nice older lady look, then you can expect me to come and sweep you right off your feet."

"Hahaha, you little charmer, if you become a handsome young man at that time then I may take you up upon this proposal of yours. Now, lie down and rest while I am gonna go find your father to explain to him what a child should know about, and what they should not."

After the sexy nurse left the room, I decided that it would not be bad to get a little rest before Kiritsugu came back, so I closed my eyes and prepared for my slumber, but before I could enter the land of dreams I heard the door open.

Turning to the door I saw something that froze the blood in my veins. An old man was standing there using a cane as support. He looked like a breeze could knock him over, but I knew the truth about him: that he was an old bastard that liked torturing little kids.

'Why the fuck are all the characters I meet some old men/pedophiles, I am 100% into girls, where the fuck is my Shirou trademark luck… Although he did always meet some enemy far above his power, so I suppose the girl part simply comes later? Fingers crossed!'

"I am sorry for intruding young man, do you know where I could find Dr. Shuhei?"

"Nuh-huh, sorry grandpa, I don't know where he is."

"Oh, is that so? Well no matter, I will find him in the end. Would you like a candy my child?" A smile graced his lips as he took out a candy form his pocket. I couldn't help myself.

"Pedophile! Save me, my ass is not prepared for something like that. Police, Police."

Zouken froze for a second before he did something I never expected to see in my life: he rushed toward the window while shouting.

"I will not go back to prison, Freedom to love!" Then he jumped out of the window never to be seen again.

After that people rushed into the room to see what the commotion was about, somewhere during all the chaos Kiri joined me with the documents for adoption, but through all of that the only thing that came to my mind was that I was goddamn right, Matou was dangerous, just not in the way I expected him to be.