A/N: Hey everyone! It's been a while but I'm back as promised. Totally not gonna abandon this story so don't worry.

I hope that you all are still safe. Things are slowly getting back to normal in South Africa so I've gone back to work but I'm still gonna make time for my writing.

I have been reading all of your wonderful comments and they make me smile so please continue to comment and let me know what you think.

This chapter turned out a bit differently than I initially planned but I'm quite happy with it so I hope that you all enjoy it!

Let me know what you think!

xoxo

This was the morning that Harry was meant to go up to Dumbledores' office and floo to The Leaky Cauldron alongside with Hagrid for his shopping trip to Diagon Alley but Severus found himself on edge to the point that he seriously considered whether he should actually take the chance and accompany the boy himself.

He busied himself by calling Tinky while Harry was still in his bedroom to instruct her on how important it was that she always kept Harry in sight and also didn't reveal her presence to them either.

Thankfully, by the time Harry was ready to leave their quarters, Severus had managed to rid himself of the notion that he needed to be at Harrys' side at all times and managed to find some solace in the fact that he trusted his potion to do its' job and he trusted Harry to remember their training.

When they entered the Headmasters' office, Hagrid was already there waiting for Harry.

"Harry!" exclaimed Hagrid, "Ready fer an adventure today?"

Harry beamed with excitement, "Yeah, I actually can't wait!"

Severus watched as Dumbledore cast an expansion charm on his fireplace so it could accommodate Hagrids' bulk but it still turned out to be a tight fit when the half-giant stepped in.

"See yer on the other side, Harry. Bye Professors," and he was off.

Severus saw Dumbledore approaching Harry with the floo powder and decided to speak before the Headmaster did, "Harry, you are going to step into that fireplace and then I am going to hand you the floo powder," he took the bowl out of the Headmasters' hands, "and then you are very clearly going to say 'The Leaky Cauldron' before you throw the powder down at your feet," he waited for Harry to nod and then asked, "What are you going to say."

Once Severus was sure that Harry had the name and enunciations correct, he allowed the boy to step into the fireplace and prompted him to take a handful of floo powder, "You are going to be alright, Harry."

And as Harry said bye and was swept away, Severus couldn't decide whether he had said that to reassure Harry or himself.

Xxx

Albus knew that with Harry gone from the castle for the next few hours, Severus couldn't possibly have a reasonable enough excuse to pass on having tea with him and Severus clenched his teeth as he smiled tightly at the Headmaster before taking a seat across from him at his desk.

Severus knew that Albus was fishing for information; the Headmaster wasn't subtle- if he even knew what subtlety was.

There were questions about the potion and about the training. He wanted to know how soon he could sit in on a training session- which Severus dismissed immediately stating that the boy didn't need distractions while he was learning. He also wanted to state that Harry wasn't some performer in a circus but he held his tongue on that one.

Once it became clear that Severus wasn't willing to divulge much on their training, Albus turned his attention to how Harry and Severus were getting along on a more personal level; whether they had friendly chats and spent time together outside their training, whether Severus had divulged any information on his past and whether Severus felt like Harry was a capable enough wizard to outshine the other students at Hogwarts.

Most of Severus' morning had, in this way, been wasted by the Headmaster and so at the first lull in conversation, Severus saw his opportunity and made an exit using the excuse of experimenting further on the potion- which in essence wasn't actually a lie.

Once he had made it out of the Headmasters' office, Severus made his way to the hospital wing to seek out Madam Pomphrey.

"Poppy," said Severus as he knocked lightly on the slightly ajar door.

"Severus," Poppy smiled at him from her seat at her desk, "I didn't expect to see you here. Is Harry okay?"

Severus entered and took a seat opposite her, "Harry is fine. He has gone to Diagon Alley with Hagrid to shop for school supplies."

"Oh," she had a strange smile on her face, "I find it hard to accept that you let him out of your sight willingly."

Severus glared at her, "That is beside the point. I wanted to discuss the potion that I have made for the boy."

Her face turned serious again, "I didn't realize that you had already made the potion."

"Why is that always met with surprise?" Severus sighed, "I wanted to know if you had any ideas of how to make it so that Harry wouldn't need to have to take the potion every single day. I have been running through a few ideas of my own but I would appreciate your input."

Poppy crossed her arms over her chest, "I'm sure you've already thought of just increasing the longevity of the potions effect but all in all Severus, I can't say that I would advise that."

"Increasing the duration of the potions effect may make it easier for Harry to keep up with his doses," argued Severus, "Especially when classes start and excluding the fact that he is an eleven year old child who probably has a memory like a sieve."

Poppy sighed but she had a kind smile on her face, "I understand that you want to make this easier on Harry but you're already training him and you already have created a potion for him. Now while none of this is his fault at all, he's still going to have to burden some of the responsibilities and actively make sure that he's using every avenue of opportunity that you have created for him," She reached a hand over to pat Severus' which was lying on the desk, "One of those responsibilities is taking his potion regularly and on time."

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "What if he forgets to take it and he's attacked? Anything could happen to him when I'm not there to protect him…"

When Severus opened his eyes again, Poppy looked like she was barely holding back laughter and so Severus sneered "I didn't realize that this conversation amuses you, Poppy."

"No, no," defended Poppy but her smile didn't falter, "You misunderstand me… it's just that I never thought I'd see the day when you become so protective over someone the way you are with Harry."

"I'm not-" Severus paused, "I have been asked to do a job and so I am doing it."

"Well it is still a sight to behold," she sighed before standing up, "On a serious note, prolonging the potions effect on the boy may have dire consequences to his physical health and apart from that, we wouldn't want him to become dependent on the potion. The sooner he's able to use his magic to substitute the potions' effect, the sooner he won't have to rely on anything other than himself in order to thrive."

"That could take years," said Severus.

"At the expense of sounding like a crazed fan, I find that I still have to say that this is Harry Potter after all," Poppy caught Severus' gaze and reassured him, "He is not just an ordinary wizard and so he might just surprise you with how much he can accomplish in a short amount of time."

Severus' shoulders sagged and he had to admit that he did feel slightly relieved knowing that Harry wasn't just your everyday kind of wizard.

He stayed back for a while to chat to Poppy and when he left, he made his way straight to his quarters to firecall Filius Flitwick.

The moment Filius' face appeared in the flames, Severus started to speak.

"Thank you for your time today Filius, especially since it is still the holidays but I assume you received my owl and are aware of the current situation."

"Hello Severus," came the cheerful voice, "It's no problem at all! I do hope that young Harry is coping well but I'm sure with your guidance, he's in the best hands."

Severus smiled proudly, it was an unlikely companionship that he and the Charms professor had. Filius was always explicitly honest with him and never seemed to treat him with the thinly veiled disdain that so many other wizards thought they were being subtle about.

"Harry is doing well so far and we should be able to start on spellwork soon but I however need your assistance on a different matter."

"Of course, what is it?"

"Harry is going to require some aid in being able to make use of his textbooks. I already have an idea for how he can take down his own notes but he will still need to read them as well. I was hoping that together we could find the easiest way to assist him," explained Severus.

"Oh I'm glad you asked!" exclaimed Filius, "I have quite a few ideas."

Xxx

Severus hadn't realised how much time had passed with him and Filius throwing ideas back and forth on the best charms to approach the situation. They had eventually settled on one that they hoped Harry was going to be able to master.

It wasn't even a full 30 minutes after Severus was done with the firecall when the door to his quarters swung open and Harry entered.

"Harry!" he couldn't explain why he felt his shoulders sag in relief at seeing the boy, "You're back. How was it?"

Harrys' arms were laden with his purchases as well as a cage which held a beautiful Snowy owl. He placed everything down beside the couch and hopped on beside Severus.

"You have an owl…" said Severus, hoping that there was an explanation coming.

Harry beamed up at him, "Yeah, I named her Hedwig. Hagrid bought her for me as a birthday present."

Severus nodded and studied Harrys' expression as his smile fell away for a rather sullen look to take its place.

Something happened at Diagon Alley but Severus couldn't think of what it may have been since Tinky certainly hadn't come to him with any news.

Trying a different tactic, Severus asked, "Do you want to show me what you bought and tell me about your day?"

Harry sighed and looked like he was about to stand up, "I'm really tired, Professor. Can we do that tomorrow? I think I'll just go to bed."

It wasn't nearly late enough to retire for the day, "Harry, what happened today? Please talk to me about it."

Harry had been on the edge of his seat, ready to stand up but he froze when Severus spoke and remained that way for several moments until he bodily launched himself into the older mans' arms.

His face was buried in Severus' robes and his arms fastened around the mans' middle. Severus' initial shock gave way to concern and so he held Harry close while the boy seemed to be battling with whatever he wanted to say.

Harry wasn't crying but his body still trembled as if he was scared at the mere memory of whatever he had encountered. And while Severus tried his best to give the boy the time he needed to gather his thoughts, it still alarmed him that Harry was so strongly affected by whatever was going on.

"Harry, did someone do or say anything to you?" he paused then asked, "Are you hurt?"

Harrys' grip on him tightened but thankfully the trembling seemed to stop. He took a deep breath before speaking, "I met so many wizards today… they all knew me and they all thanked me for saving the wizarding world from Voldemort-"

Harry stopped speaking rather abruptly and Severus suspected that it was because his body had stiffened in the younger wizards embrace and his breath had hitched at the mention of his previous master.

"Are you okay?" Harrys' grip on Severus loosened somewhat and he leaned back slightly.

Severus forced himself to relax, "Yes, I just- that name…"

To Severus' surprise, Harry looked rather sheepish and hid his face again, "Yes I know… I'm sorry. Hagrid told me that people don't actually say his name. I'll remember that from now."

"What else has Hagrid told you?"

"Well after everyone had shook hands with me, and some of them did multiple times, I asked Hagrid why I was so famous… I mean, I knew a little bit from that first day when I was brought here but nothing really made sense. So Hagrid told me about- about him, and how he-" Harry stopped talking and pressed his face into Severus' robes.

Severus ran his hands down the boys back in a soothing motion until he started to speak again, voice muffled but still clear enough to understand.

"He killed my parents… and he wanted to kill me too but he couldn't and that's why I'm famous. Everyone thinks I'm a hero and I don't even remember what I could have done to save myself when I was just a baby… and the worst thing is that Hagrid says that there might still be some of You-Know-Whos' followers around. I can't understand that, Professor. How can there still be people who are siding with him after everything he's done?"

Severus swallowed dryly. He had two options here and whichever he chose could dictate whether Harry was going to trust him or not in the future.

He looked down at the small, vulnerable boy in his arms and made his decision.

"Harry, there is something I wish to tell you. Something about me that may very well upset you but you need to know who I am, who I once was and maybe then decide for yourself whether you still want me in your life and whether you still want to be working so closely with me."

His heart broke in those few seconds that Harry drew back and seemed to consider his words. The boy could very well decide that he wanted nothing to do with Severus and Harry could always find someone else to teach him about magic but what would become of Severus if Harry no longer wished to have him in his life?

When Harry finally spoke, there was an honesty behind his words that nearly brought the older wizard to tears, "I don't think that there's anything that would make me want to leave you, Professor. You make me feel safe and you feel like home."

Severus cleared his throat tried to keep his voice even, "Lily was my best friend…"

"My mum?" asked Harry in shock.

Severus smiled fondly, "Yes, your mother was my best friend but over the years we spent in Hogwarts, I started to befriend more and more of the wrong sort of people and once when Lily and I had a rather nasty falling out, I found myself turning to those other friends and in a way, I never really looked back again afterwards. We were so intoxicated by the idea of all we can accomplish through magic that when I was offered to join forces with a wizard who many deemed as greatly powerful, I took the opportunity with both hands."

Harry was silent and so Severus chanced a look at him. His hands were clenched in Severus' robes but he no longer was embracing the older wizard.

Severus continued, "As time went by, it became clear that this wizard had a particular agenda in mind and while he had made all of his followers' promises initially, it was evident that we were just his means to an end. But by that time it was too late to leave and besides that, he had painted a rather pretty picture of what his plans would accomplish, of why it was necessary. He had made it so that no one would want to leave… "

Harry seemed to no longer want to keep up pretences as he blatantly asked, "You worked for Voldemort?"

Severus sighed, "I did."

"But you didn't realise that he was evil when you first started?"

Severus paused in trying to get his phrasing correct, "I knew that he was power hungry but I had not anticipated that he would cause so much destruction to the wizarding world…"

"Did you leave when you realized he was evil?"

Harrys' questions seemed to be coming forth seeking some kind of definite answer but Severus was sure that his truths were hardly going to be reassuring to the boy but it mattered to him that Harry trusted him and even if the boy didn't anymore after today, at least he could trust that Severus would tell him the truth.

"Harry, I didn't leave immediately… I spent a few years in his service and I have done- there are things… I left when I found out that he was going after Lily and her child."

Harry seemed to pause and then he moved away from Severus to sit on the other end of the couch, "So you wouldn't have left if he had decided to go after any other family? If my mum hadn't been your best friend, you would have just stayed with him? You wouldn't have been helping me like you are now? I'd be- I'd be nothing to you?"

Severus reached for Harry but stopped himself before he made contact, "Harry, I cannot sit here and defend myself against the idea of 'what ifs' but I need you to know that I knew that he was wrong long before he even threatened Lily. I don't know how but I know that at some point I would have figured out a way to leave him. Having Lilys' life being threatened just sped up that process; it gave me incentive to actively seek out help. I came to Dumbledore asking him for help and he offered me this job and his protection…"

Harry was crying now, tears falling down his face but Severus knew that the boy wouldn't want comfort, not from him at least.

"Why are you telling me all of this? It's way worse than anything I could have imagined you'd tell me and I don't even know what to feel right now but surely you know that I could decide to hate you for this."

"Do you hate me?" asked Severus.

"I hate him!" Harry seemed furious all of a sudden, "I hate him for making it seem like joining him was a good idea and I hate him for destroying your life… I- Have you ever- Did you ever kill for him?"

Severus was not prepared for the turn in conversation, "I have not but I have done things that I suspect are much worse…" Harry let out a sob then, "I- There was something that I had overheard and reported to him about and in that moment I did not think of what damage I was causing until he had reported to us afterwards that the piece of information I had brought him had led him to search for the Potters."

"He came after my parents because of you?"

There was so much of disbelief in the boys' tone that Severus instantly regretted even bringing up the topic.

"Harry, I shouldn't have-"

"You didn't know that it would lead him to us though… but it was still you who informed him…" It looked like Harry was talking to himself, trying to work his thoughts out and so Severus sat silent, waiting for his judgement.

"You knew he was evil and you wanted to leave but you couldn't leave," Harry continued, "But you left when he was coming after us… Didn't Voldemort come looking for you if you just left him out of the blue?"

Severus swallowed thickly, "To his knowledge, I hadn't left him at all."

"I don't understand…" Harry was now standing and wringing his wrists with nervousness.

"Harry," said Severus gently, "The headmaster made a deal with me. He would protect me if I was his inside man. If I spied for him and brought him information about You-Know-Whos' movements."

Harry suddenly buried his face in his hands, "That's horrible! That's dangerous and that's stupid. What if you were caught? It's a good thing he's dead now…"

Severus' right palm immediately covered his left forearm and the silence was deafening.

"He is dead, isn't he? Hagrid said he was destroyed when he tried to kill me."

"It is the general belief, yes, but many who know of his power are not entirely convinced. He was too powerful to die in that manner."

Harry looked like he was struggling to articulate his thoughts until he said, "So you could still be working for him?"

Severus inhaled sharply, "I am working for Dumbledore."

"You know what I mean though. He could come back and he would still think that you're one of his followers?"

"That is a possibility, yes."

The cold, hard truth.

Harry took a few steps backwards and then turned fully to head into his bedroom.

"I need to think… I'm exhausted and I can't- I'm sorry…"

He walked into his room and the door slammed shut behind him.

Severus' chest hurt, he could hear the muffled sobs from the other side of the door.

He glanced at all of the bags strewn about his living room floor and on any other day, he would have tidied up before retiring for the night but he suddenly felt drained and he needed this day to be over.

A vial of dreamless sleep was going to be his saviour that night.

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