Homeward Hours

By CrimsonStarbird

Chapter Six – If All This Was For Me

A nice, easy D-ranked job.

Right.

Natsu burst into the guildhall with Lucy's body in his arms, hollering for Wendy at the top of his voice, pleading with every deity ever to grace the myths of men that the Sky Dragon Slayer wasn't out on a job, because the doctors couldn't help Lucy now, she needed magic, and if Wendy wasn't here…

It was his fault. He should have realized something was wrong. He should have been paying more attention: maybe she'd been less talkative on the train journey than normal, maybe she'd been tired, maybe she'd been pale, but as usual, he'd been too busy trying not to throw up to notice. Or, rather, too busy enjoying the hesitant way – but growing more confident every minute, as he pretended to be too ill to notice it – that she was running her comforting hands through his hair.

She had seemed a bit distant when they'd gone to meet the client, letting him take the lead, but he'd put that down to her having done enough negotiating recently. Besides, he wanted to handle it himself. Wanted to show her she could rely on him the way she used to, before the Alvarez War.

And when he'd suggested luring in the Cherry Bear they were supposed to be capturing by tying her up, slathering her in honey, and using her as bait, the fire in her eyes had been just as bright as he remembered.

That barely hidden smile told him all was right with the world.

It wasn't, though.

He just hadn't realized it until he'd smoked the bear out of its den and chased it through the forest to where she waited with her whip to ensnare it… only to find her unconscious on the ground.

"Natsu?" Wendy was fighting her way through the crowd. "What's- oh!" Without another word, she led him into the guild's infirmary and closed the door firmly behind them. Blue-green light from her hands was already wrapping around Lucy's form before she asked, "What happened?"

"I'm not sure." Natsu's eyes did not leave Lucy for a second. "It was- it was an easy mission. We were supposed to be capturing a Cherry Bear that had made its den too close to the town, and relocate it back into the wilderness. I chased it towards Lucy… but she collapsed before it even reached her. I was too far away, and- it bit her." The beast was long gone now, but the anger in his voice was real – the anger at himself for not having reached her quickly enough. "The doctors said it was magical venom-"

"She's going to be okay, Natsu," Wendy cut in with a tired smile, overriding his worry in a few short words. "I've already neutralized the venom. You brought her here so quickly that it barely had the chance to do any internal damage. She's going to be fine."

He nodded tersely. He wasn't sure he could manage more than that right now. His heart was clenched in an iron grip; he could still smell her blood. "But why'd she collapse? It hadn't even reached her!"

"That's what I don't understand," Wendy frowned. "Her magical reserves are severely depleted. I would have expected it if you had come straight from a difficult battle, but…"

"It was a D-rank job! We hadn't even started fighting!"

"That's what I thought." Wendy glanced anxiously back down at her patient. There was barely an imprint left where the monstrous bear had torn into Lucy's shoulder, and yet she was deathly pale. "I'm sure it's magical exhaustion. Anything else, and my healing magic would be able to sense it. But if she hadn't even used any spells, I suppose it must be something else…"

But Natsu had frozen.

Because there was one spell Lucy had been sustaining for several days now, wasn't there?

Pausing only to make sure Wendy didn't mind keeping an eye on her, Natsu strode out of the guildhall.

He'd known Lucy's plan to rescue Zeref was a stupid one. He would have given anything to be able to turn back time and stop her before she did it – even if it meant siding with the Rune Knights and stopping her rescue attempt in its tracks. The irony that he'd missed Lucy's insane prison break while he'd been out trying to prevent exactly this situation from arising wasn't lost on him.

The golden dome of Fairy Sphere glimmered almost mockingly in front of him. Once, it had saved the guild; now, it held their doom.

Zeref stood just inside the dome, though he hadn't noticed Natsu's approach. All his attention was on the barrier imprisoning him. At his side, there hovered a magic circle almost as large as he himself was, formed of black and silver letters. It was constantly in flux: runes flickering and evolving, concentric circles rotating independently, writing and rewriting, observing, analysing, calculating in time to the ancient words which danced along his lips.

Then, without warning, Zeref swung a fist swirling with shadowy energy into the Fairy Sphere. The whole dome shuddered – but remained intact.

As the shivers of black energy dissipated across its surface, Zeref took a step back, clicking his tongue in disappointment as he shook the pain out of his fingers.

"Stable against seventh-order dissonances," he murmured. At his side, the diagnostic circle hummed and rotated again. "It seems that force will not be an option. Perhaps I will have to deconstruct it from scratch-"

His analysis cut off abruptly. Impenetrable it may have been to him, but the Fairy Sphere posed no barrier to one with the guild mark, and Natsu's fist smashed straight into his face.

Zeref was sent sprawling to the ground. Crimson fire still blazed around Natsu's fist, drawn back, ready to strike again, but Zeref did not spring to his feet and commence the attack. Rubbing at the already-fading burn on his cheek, he pulled himself into a sitting position, regarding Natsu appraisingly.

"Hello, Natsu," said he. "I wondered how long it would be before you came to see me."

"What the hell are you doing?" Natsu snarled.

No more fazed by his anger than by being towered over or threatened, Zeref waved one cool hand towards the golden dome. "Determining the parameters of the magic imprisoning me."

"Your experimenting could have killed Lucy! We were on a job- your attempts to break it were affecting her- she lost consciousness against an enemy; she could have died!"

"Ah, what terrible luck," Zeref said thoughtfully. "If she had died, the barrier would have fallen and I could simply have walked out."

Natsu seized the front of his robes and hauled him to his feet. "How dare you? After everything she's done for you, all the risks she's taken-"

"You're one to talk," came the infuriatingly mild response. "You've not told them yet, have you?"

An animalistic growl slipped through Natsu's lips, but he refused to rise to it.

"You know," Zeref continued, eyes glittering, "she only came to see me in the first place because she was worried about you. She wanted to know what you weren't telling her. So, really, this is all your fault, isn't it?"

The guilt Natsu had been trying to bury beneath hard labour and distance reared up again, and he clenched his jaw. He knew he'd have to face up to it at some point. He'd known ever since Lucy had made the catastrophic mistake of releasing this villain from the Council's prison without consulting him, because her knowing the truth was the one thing that could have prevented this disaster from occurring.

But not now. Not here. He wouldn't give Zeref the satisfaction.

"And even though you didn't help her, Lucy still decided to rescue you," Natsu growled. "Because that's just the kind of person she is. Now look at you – once again able to walk and use magic and attempt murder all because of her, and this is how you repay her?"

"I never asked for this."

"Well, neither did I," Natsu spat. "So why don't you hurry up and kill me, and then you can get back to trying to drain all the magic from my friend and kill her, too?"

They stared at each other, the fiery spirit that dared and the darkness that surely could have drowned it in death magic with a thought.

And then Zeref stepped away, brushing Natsu's hands dismissively from his collar. "Not now, Natsu. I'm busy trying to deconstruct the most powerful protection spell ever devised."

"You-" the Dragon Slayer snarled, stepping back towards him, furious that Zeref had backed down so easily, that his bluff hadn't been called. No matter how stacked the odds would have been against him, Natsu was ready to fight – more than ready. Magic surged through him, and power, and sheer, righteous hate. Memories of their last battle burned to ash in the heat of his fury.

But Zeref just shrugged him away again. "I find it astonishing," he continued idly, restoring his diagnostic circle to life with a wave of his hand, "that your guild is capable of invoking magic such as this without having the faintest idea how it works. Surely you have realized that if it were a simple matter of magical strength, my captor's against my own, the barrier would have become insufficient to hold me the moment I had recovered. The source of Fairy Sphere is bonds and trust and belief – the very idea of the guild. However, the caster remains the focus. The further they move away from the people with whom they share those bonds, and in particular from the guildhall itself, as the guild's symbolic heart, the more difficult it will become for them to channel that power, and it will begin to draw from them personally instead. And no single mage can sustain a spell of this level for long. If you hadn't brought her back so quickly after she passed out, the Fairy Sphere would likely have collapsed soon after."

He gave an exaggerated sigh. "If you want to make this even remotely challenging for me, Natsu, I suggest you arrange it amongst yourselves to change the focus of the Fairy Sphere to someone who is staying behind when you wish to leave the town on a job. Now, please leave me alone. I have a fascinating protective shield to analyze."

Lucy had to admit that she found herself a little disappointed, waking up in the guild's infirmary with Natsu sat by her bed. Drifting half-awake in the comfort of the blankets and the distant lullaby of someone smashing furniture in the guild's main hall, the memories of holding Natsu tight as he fought a mental battle against his demonic side were all too vivid. After all the stress she'd been under recently, that would have been a nice way to wake up.

Still, given that it had only been two days since she'd done something stupid and then yelled at Natsu for pointing out exactly how stupid it was, she knew she ought to be grateful that he had chosen to be here with her in any form.

In fact, given that her last memory was of a giant, venomous magical bear charging towards her, it was probably a miracle that she was waking up at all.

"Luce? You're awake, right?"

She managed a noise of affirmation, and then put the effort into forming words. "Natsu? What happened?"

He didn't answer straight away, but his hand found hers atop the covers, his thumb slowly stroking across her knuckles. "Turns out it's harder to maintain the Fairy Sphere the further you are from the guildhall and other guild members. Plus, Zeref was actively trying to break it down, which made it even worse. It drained your magic until you passed out, and then you were attacked, but Wendy healed you."

"…Huh." Now that he mentioned it, she should probably have recognized the unnatural feeling of weakness that came with the slow draining of her magic. Even without identifying it, though, she should have said something as soon as she started feeling uncomfortable – but she'd been worried that Natsu would cancel the mission, and she hadn't wanted to lose her chance of reconciliation, her first time alone with him in months.

In an attempt to divert the conversation, she inquired, "How do you know how the Fairy Sphere works? You weren't even there when I cast it, let alone when Levy, the Master and I were working on the modifications…"

Another pause. Even the thumb stroking along her hand had stopped, and she cursed her own curiosity.

"Zeref told me," he said reluctantly.

"Well, he probably lied," she groaned. "Trying to cover up the fact that he's actually found a way to poison me, or some other creative way of getting revenge."

"He didn't lie." Quiet, bitter, but so very certain. "You've gotta transfer the Fairy Sphere to someone who's staying in the guildhall next time we go on a job. Otherwise, the barrier could collapse and Zeref could break out."

Sleepily, she murmured, "He can try. We'll just put him straight back in there. You've already beaten him once, Natsu."

At this, his hand pulled entirely out of hers. Yet it was the pain in his voice that caused her to open her eyes: "I didn't, Luce."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't beat Zeref."

"Well, someone must have done," she pointed out, only to receive a tight shake of his head in return. "Then what happened? How'd he end up in prison?"

"I… I dunno, really. He beat me. He's immortal; he shrugged off all my attacks like they were nothing. I thought he'd killed me, but he must have just knocked me out. And when I came round, he was just… staring at me. He had all this power, Luce. He'd stolen Fairy Heart from the First, and it felt like everything that ever was and ever would be was converging upon him." She saw him shudder at the memory – at a power that dwarfed the lesson Gildarts had drilled into him on Tenrou Island. "I couldn't have stopped him. I couldn't even have stood up. And he was just looking at me, as I blacked out again.

"Next thing I knew, all that power had vanished. The First Master had vanished too. The Rune Knights were there, taking Zeref into custody. They assumed I'd beaten him into submission, exhausting myself in the process. But that's not what happened. He was unbeaten. I don't know why, but he must have chosen to go with them.

"Then I got dragged into the fight with Acnologia, and when it was all over… I wanted to tell you all what happened. I really did. But… everyone seemed so happy. How could I tell our friends that, after all the effort they put in, and everything they sacrificed, Fairy Tail only triumphed because Zeref decided to turn himself in? How could I interrupt the celebrations to say that our enemy was only in prison because he chose to be, and therefore that it was probably all part of some greater plot to destroy us?"

He'd stared down Acnologia without flinching, but in that moment, he couldn't even meet her eyes. "I… I know I shouldn't have kept it to myself, Luce. But you all deserved to be free from worry for a little while…"

"Is that why you pulled away from us?" Lucy wondered. "Because you thought we'd reject you if we knew you'd lost? Because that's crazy-"

"It wasn't that," he admitted. "I just… I knew I had to get stronger. It would only be a matter of time before Zeref broke out and tried to destroy the guild again. This time, I had to be ready for him."

"Natsu, if you were worried, we should have been training together! You, me, Erza, Gray – all of us. That's where our true strength is. Even if Zeref does attack us again, you won't have to face him on your own."

"But I was on my own." There was a haunted look in his eyes. Impulsively, she took his hand in hers, repeating the same calming motions he had done for her, but he didn't seem to notice. "That's the thing, Luce. Everyone else did so well. You, Erza, Wendy, everyone – you all suffered through so much and defeated all the enemies you faced. You opened the path and got me to the guildhall to face Zeref. But I couldn't do my part. When it came right down to it, you'd all put your faith in me to finish the job, and I was the one who let the team down. I was the one who needed to become stronger."

His voice dropped to a murmur. "And then you went and broke Zeref out of jail."

Lucy swallowed.

"And you told the Queen and the Magic Council," he continued, bitterly, "that there was no danger, because if he broke out, we'd just beat him again. But we didn't beat him the first time. No one did. If he turns on us again, we won't be able to stop him."

"We have at least one thing that can stop him: Fairy Sphere," she tried to reassure him – to reassure them both – but he shook his head.

"He's confident that it won't take him long to break it."

"Well, he might be surprised." Lucy had never seen such a wicked grin as when the Master had added the tenth counter-trap between the resonant magical layers, and Levy – well, she'd seemed almost fanatical. "What I don't understand, though, is why Zeref let himself be incarcerated in the first place. If he didn't want to fight any more, why didn't he just walk away? And no offence, Natsu, but why didn't he just kill you?"

Natsu looked away. His jaw twitched, like there was a truth trying to escape.

"Natsu?" she repeated, pushing back the covers and sitting up. "What happened?"

"I dunno why he wanted to be imprisoned," came the terse response. "I dunno what he did to the First Master, or why he let go of Fairy Heart's power and stopped fighting."

"But you know something, don't you?" she pressed. "Don't push me away again, Natsu. Whatever it is, we can deal with it together, like we always do."

"He's my brother, Luce."

The words came out all at once.

"So he says, anyway. I don't have any proof, since I don't remember anything from before Igneel, but it doesn't… it doesn't feel wrong, and I hate it." He pulled away from her entirely, eyes burning quietly as he glared at something beyond the infirmary's safe walls. "Apparently, I died in an accident when I was really young. He devoted himself to researching life and death, and after years of study, he managed to bring me back to life as a demon… by which point his research had already hit him with the curse the First Master told us about. He gave me to Igneel, partly because he was no longer able to look after me himself, but partly because he was already despairing of his own existence and thought Igneel could make me strong enough to kill him."

"But that's…" Lucy tried, eyes wide. "Then you're…"

"Yeah. I'm the reason why he is the way he is. He got cursed by using forbidden magic to try and save me. Maybe that's why he couldn't bring himself to kill me. Didn't want to waste those four hundred years of suffering." He gave a bitter snort. "That's why it was easy for me to go and provoke him today. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Everyone else, but not me."

"That's…"

Lucy didn't know what to say. She hadn't thought Natsu – her cheerful, defiant, untameable Natsu! – was capable of such self-loathing, though she could imagine it very well indeed from the shadow of a man she'd met in the Council's prison. It was the first time she'd ever considered a similarity between them, and her heart ached with it.

Cautiously, she ventured, "Maybe this could be a good thing, Natsu. Maybe this is a chance for you to get to know him-"

"I don't want to get to know him!" he snapped. "He attacked Fiore! He tried to destroy Fairy Tail!"

"But in the end, he chose not to."

"So? It doesn't make him a good person. People died in the invasion – on both sides!"

"I know," Lucy assured him softly. "But he wasn't always like that. We already knew that from the First Master, even before you told me what he did for you. Your existence might be the thing that brings us all onto the same side."

"No. You can't tell anyone about my connection to Zeref."

"But-"

"I don't accept him as my brother. I can't."

"But if you just tried talking to him-"

"You don't get it, Luce. He was cursed trying to save me. Everything he's done these last four hundred years; everyone who has suffered as a result of him or his demons or the evil magic he created – I don't want that to have been for me!"

"You're not responsible for someone else's choices, Natsu," she told him, alarmed by the anguish in his tone.

He just shook his head savagely. "How am I supposed to look Gray in the eye, knowing that Deliora only existed because of me? How am I supposed to fight alongside Erza and Jellal with a smile, knowing I'm the reason why they couldn't grow up like normal kids? How many people have died so that I can live?"

"Natsu." Emboldened by his grief in a way she would never have been by his kindness, she leaned over and wrapped her arms around him. He was shaking. Hot, angry tears seeped into her clothes. "You know that none of this changes who you are to us, don't you?"

"Yeah."

But she heard the words he wasn't saying loud and clear: it changes how I think of myself.

"Natsu," she said, again, entangling her fingers in his hair. "The moment you start thinking that way is the moment we lose. Remember what you fought to protect – our guild, our home, our friends. Aren't they more important than he is?"

And then, softer: "You mean more to us than anything he can say or do."

His grip tightened, and he murmured, "You're the best, Luce."

"I wouldn't go that far," she said, a blush tinging her cheeks. "I won't repeat what you told me to anyone in the guild if you don't want me to, Natsu. But please consider telling them yourself, when you feel ready. I guarantee it won't change anything, except maybe to help them understand what you're going through."

He made a noise that wasn't an affirmation, but she thought it was the best she was going to get. She let it slide. They had time.

"In the meantime, though, I would like to try another job," she suggested. "Let's ask Mira if she doesn't mind being the focus for Fairy Sphere while she's doing her shift at the bar."

"Are you sure you're well enough, Luce?"

"I'm fine now, thanks to Wendy." When he hesitated, she added, "We can worry about Zeref later, if he continues being uncooperative. For now, let's make the most of the freedom we've won."

It was several days later – several days of rather predictable silence from her communication lacrima – that Lucy ventured back up to the still-unnamed prison in the forest outside Magnolia, hauling a plastic crate full of supplies. Well, alright, Taurus had done most of the hauling, but she'd carried it into the clearing by herself. She had no secrets from her Spirits, but this was something she'd wanted to do alone.

As before, the door to Zeref's house was closed, and the curtains drawn. The only sign that anything had changed was the handful of scorch-marks in the grass, which she assumed was the recoil from his failed attempts to break down the Fairy Sphere.

Setting down her crate just outside the barrier, she activated her communication lacrima. Somewhere inside the house, she could hear his lacrima ringing in response, but she felt no presence through the crystal, and no connection opened in her mind.

Scowling, she called again, this time shouting with her voice at the same time: "Zeref! Come out, I want to talk to you!"

No response.

Well, she wasn't about to back down at the first sign of hostility. As soon as the lacrima rung off, she called again, with her magic and with her words. "Zeref, I am not going away until you answer!"

The front door slammed open. Danger visibly shimmered around him as he strode across the grass. She trusted the Fairy Sphere, she knew he couldn't break it so easily, but she took a step back anyway. There was something so primal about the hellfire blazing in his eyes, something no amount of rationality could smooth over.

"So," he snarled, "you think you can just summon me like a faithful hound whenever you want something-?"

Every instinct in her body – and every frustration from the past few weeks – was telling her to turn around and walk away, but she forced herself to look past the spite, past the hate, past the humiliation of the cage that held him. He was steady on his feet and unwavering in his fury. No longer did he look exhausted and drawn. Nightfall and nature had been good for him; the freedom of his magic, of his immortality, had gone a long way towards repairing the damage that the Council's prison had inflicted upon him.

He looked human. Even his anger was just another sign of life.

"No," she told him, tired but sincere. "You know it's nothing like that. I just couldn't risk you ignoring me again and leaving this out overnight. There's rain forecast, and it'll ruin."

Carefully, she slid the crate of supplies towards him, so that half of it lay within the barrier – within his reach. "You've been here for well over a week, and I know we only stocked the house with seven days' worth of fresh food. You didn't tell me what you wanted, so I just bought what was cheap. If there's anything you particularly want, or anything you don't like, let me know for next time."

He didn't look at the crate. Didn't look away from her for a moment.

"Alright," she said. "That's all I came here for. If I don't hear from you, I'll see you in a week."

She was halfway across the clearing when danger flashed across her senses. Hand going to her keys – still moving, too slow – she twisted in time to see something huge and black smash against the barrier. Darkness dispersed like a breaking wave across the inside of the dome, revealing Zeref stood there with his right arm outstretched.

"Worth a shot," he remarked.

A frightened breath left her lungs. At least she now had proof that the Fairy Sphere could hold up against pure death magic as well as force. The abyss seethed within the portals of his eyes, no remorse to be found there, no respect, no acknowledgement.

And she wanted to scream at him. Why couldn't he see that she was trying to help? Would he rather be in the Council's prison, no privacy, no rest, no food at all, no one to notice or to care as he faded from existence?

She wanted nothing more than to walk away and leave him to rot in isolation, just as he would have done to her or her guild.

But.

But.

He hadn't asked for this. For mercy from his enemies. For his own life to endure beyond his defeat.

He wasn't like her, or Natsu, or any of their friends who had been scarred by the Alvarez War. They had each other. Even Natsu had finally been able to accept that and reach out. But Zeref knew full well he had no one to rely on. Why wouldn't he lash out at anyone who claimed otherwise?

So she ignored his words, his actions. She looked him in the eye – those hateful eyes! – and said, softly, "Natsu told me you're his brother. Is it true?"

A scornful laugh cut through the barrier in the way his magic couldn't. "What, do you think I would lie to him and tell you the truth?"

"No, of course not," she sighed. "It wasn't really a question, and it doesn't require an answer. The point was to let you know that I know. Natsu is struggling with it at the moment, and it made me realize that you might be too. If so… I wanted you to know that you could talk to me about it."

Even his virulent scorn seemed stumped by that. For the first time, his silence didn't seem hostile, but baffled.

"…You're actually doing this, aren't you?" he asked. "All of this. The prison, the inane food deliveries, the idiotic idea that you're going to look after me. You're serious about it."

"Yes," she told him simply. "You don't have to like it. You don't even have to play along. I am here, for you and for Natsu, if you need me."

He stepped forward again, suddenly, his eyes flashing. "I will never be your friend."

"I know. I don't expect anything from you – not friendship, not gratitude, not even respect. I am sorry that this prison is the best we could come up with. I am sorry that you're stuck with me, rather than someone who understands you. Believe me, this isn't what anyone wanted. But if you do not communicate with me, this is all I can do."

This time, he did nothing to call her back as she headed towards the guild. It was her who stopped on the edge of the clearing, turning amongst the safety of the trees to see if he was still furious, or if he had chosen to listen and understand.

The figure in black and white had gone. The crate of supplies had gone, too. His front door was once again closed.

And within the Fairy Sphere, all the grass around the cabin was dead.

A/N: Poor Zeref just has no clue how to deal with Lucy being nice to him. We saw how he reacted to Mavis being kind to him on their first meeting, and she had no prior reason to dislike him, unlike Lucy, who is nonetheless going out of her way to help him in a very practical way. She was already feeling sorry for Zeref from the prison, and so hearing about his relationship with Natsu has only made her more determined to befriend him. Not that it will be so easy to win him over, and in the meantime, he continues to act in perplexing ways...

And Natsu has finally come clean to Lucy about Zeref, and how the truth about their relationship is a crippling source of guilt for him. His difficulty with accepting that is something I really wanted to write about. Between the unwanted indebtedness to his guild's greatest enemy, and the guilt he feels over what happened as a result of him being brought back to life, it's going to pose a significant obstacle towards building any kind of relationship with his brother. Natsu was hoping it would all just go away, as it does in canon, and things would go back to normal for him. But that's not going to happen with Zeref starting to play a big part in Lucy's life, and that won't be easy for Natsu to deal with.

Plus, I mentioned at the start that Natsu vs Zeref went differently in this timeline, and Natsu has now revealed what happened from his perspective. It's going to be a long time before Zeref is willing to talk about why he didn't go back in time with Fairy Heart or why he turned himself in to the Rune Knights, though...

Hmm, I seem to be in a very chatty mood this evening. Thank you for all your support on this story so far! ~CS