A/N: Hey everyone! Guess who's back! I hope that you all are well and safe. I've gotten back to writing after such a long time so I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. Please let me know what you think- Here's the new chapter. Enjoy! xoxo
Getting ready to leave his bedroom the next morning, brought a new sense of foreboding to Severus. He couldn't bring himself to even think that Harry may be waiting on the other side of his door to tell him that he hated him and that he couldn't forgive him for his role in his parents death, that Harry would say that everything that has befallen him up until this point has been because of Severus and the decisions that he made all through his youth and adult life until he came back to beg Albus for his help.
Or worse, would Severus open his bedroom door and find that Harry had disappeared? That all his belongings had been removed from Severus' living quarters… That Harry had decided that he was better off without the help of a man who had a hand in destroying his life, that he could find someone he didn't loathe to help him navigate the wizarding world.
The thought of Harry leaving both him and his quarters stung but it was enough to jolt him back into action and get him to leave his room, to go in search of the younger wizard.
He didn't have to look far.
Harry was sitting at the little table in the living room, quietly eating his breakfast and across from him was a plate of food which Severus assumed was meant for him.
As he entered the living room and approached the table, he saw that Harry suddenly sat up a little straighter and turned his head to the point where Severus had stopped next to him.
"Good morning Harry. Is that for me?" asked Severus, gesturing to the plate.
"Yes Professor," replied Harry as he stood up, "I'm going to be exploring the castle a bit today."
Severus sat down and reached for the tea, "Well if you give me a few minutes to have a cup of tea, I promise not to delay any further."
Harry, however, had already started walking towards the door as he replied, "I think today I'd prefer to go by myself actually."
Severus' eyebrows shot towards his hairline, "Harry, you should not be wandering the castle by yourself."
Harry opened the door and then turned in the doorway to face Severus, "I went out of the castle yesterday and I was fine, your potion does its job and besides, I didn't need Tinkys' help even though she followed me around all day at Diagon Alley."
Severus was glad that Harry couldn't see the contrite look on his face, "Harry, I-"
"I could feel her. I could feel her magic… that's how I identified her, so I'll be fine walking around the castle by myself for a few hours," he turned to walk out and stopped when Severus chair scraped rather loudly on the floor as he stood up.
"We need to talk about what I told you last night," Severus knew he sounded like he was pleading.
"I'm sorry Professor but I spent all night thinking about what we discussed and I need to just clear my mind and spend some time by myself today. Please don't send anyone after me," said Harry as he finally stepped out of the living quarters and shut the door behind him.
Severus sank down onto his recently vacated chair and ran his hand through his hair. He had allowed himself to feel a little hope when he saw that Harry hadn't left and he had in fact ordered them breakfast, but now with Harry asking to be away from him, he couldn't help but wonder if the younger wizard would come back to him.
Xxx
Harry spent a while wandering the halls in the castle, going up and down staircases and he even managed to focus his magic to detect just when the staircases where going to change. He wasn't too happy when his foot went through a step on one of the staircases though; he'd initially felt a bout of panic rise up within him but once he'd centred himself and grabbed hold of the bannister, he easily yanked his foot out of the space on the staircase.
He spent a few moments walking up and down this and the nearby staircases, making a mental note of where the trick stair was and checking if any of the other staircases had them.
When he was eventually convinced that he wasn't going to fall through any other staircases, he made his way to the entrance of the castle and walked out onto the grounds.
He enjoyed basking in the warmth of the sun for a while as he strolled, casually projecting his magic around to familiarize himself with his surroundings until he sensed a large presence in front of him, "Hagrid, is that you?"
"Hello Harry, what are yer doing all by yerself out here?" asked the man.
Harry beamed at Hagrid, "I was just testing my magic and exploring the castle."
"Ah, I'm surprised ter see that Professor Snape let you go around without him in the first place."
Harry frowned, "He's just helping me with adjusting to this new world, he doesn't really tell me what I can and can't do."
Hagrid chuckled, "Well when school starts up you'll find that he can actually do that," he paused and then added in a thoughtful tone, "'Though I suppose he may not be so tough on you. He's got a real soft spot for you, that's for sure."
Harry wanted to ask how Hagrid could be so sure about that but instead he said, "He's just trying to make up for all his mistakes from ever since he chose Vol- You-Know-Who over my mother, his best friend…"
"Yer know about, do you?" Hagrid placed a hand on Harrys' shoulder, "How 'bout you come down to me garden and we can chat while I get to harvesting some of those vegetables that are ready for picking?"
Harry nodded and although he didn't really need Hagrids guiding hand on his shoulder, he didn't move away or shrug it off- it was nice to have a friend.
Xxx
Breakfast tasted altogether bland for Severus, who'd lost his appetite the moment Harry walked out of the living quarters. He paced for a while replaying their conversation over and over in his head and then considered going after Harry but he realised that Harry probably wouldn't appreciate being hounded when he was actually looking for space. As much as Severus hated that, he was going to have to force himself to respect Harrys' wishes.
Just as he was considering what he could do to pass the time that required only his partial consideration, his fireplace flared up alerting him of a floo call from Filius.
He dismantled his wards and Filius' head popped up amongst the flames, "Hello Severus! So I'd been up all night but I finally think that I have a solution to how young Harry can engage in his studies just like all the other students."
Severus really wasn't in the mood for the perky personality of the charms professor but then again, he was a friend and he was assisting Severus, so he set aside all his personal feelings and greeted the other man, "Filius, you didn't have to stay up all night just to help me."
"Nonsense, this is Harry Potter, it's an honour and besides, when have we ever gotten a chance to get together and create our own spells!"
"Well then you better come through and we can work from here. I'm not spending the day crouched over a fireplace."
Xxx
Harry spent around an hour outside in the garden with Hagrid while the man told him all about the many creatures that he finds fascinating and how even the scariest of them have a trick that gets them if not friendly then at least to a level where you're not in immediate danger.
They went inside when Hagrid realised that Harry hadn't eaten lunch yet. Thankfully Hagrid deemed rock-cakes an inappropriate lunch substitute and allowed Harry to call up Tinky to bring them both something to eat.
Once they'd eaten, Harry started to feel rather exhausted from his morning out and the hearty lunch he'd wolfed down, however any chances of laying his head on the table for a quick nap where quickly dispelled when Hagrid spoke, "Harry, 'bout what you said earlier… y'know, Professor Snape choosing You-Know-Who over your mother, he feels terrible 'bout that."
Harry sighed and straightened up in his chair, "I know that Hagrid, he told me so himself and I could hear it with the way he spoke about all of it too, but that's not all of it and I suppose that's not the part that bothers me the most either."
"Look Harry, yer may have a hard time believing this but the Professor and I are actually friends, not just nowadays mind yer, he's been coming to my hut since he was a schoolboy. Whenever he wanted to escape the bullies, when he wanted to escape his so called friends who were busy leading him down the wrong path, even when he and Lily would have their little arguments… Even the day that they had their last big one, he was down here, bawling his eyes out telling me how much of regret he already feels.
"Now these days, we still talk, he still comes by every now and then but he doesn't tell me everything. I don't think he can really tell me everything, all I know is that he's got a big responsibility on his shoulders in the wizarding worlds fight against You-Know-Who and I may not know exactly what he told yer that's got yer so upset with him but yer just got to know that he really cares 'bout yer. Professor Snape is one of the good guys; hell, students will think I'm barking mad if they hear that from me but it's the truth. A man can play hundreds of roles when he's in the eye of others but it's what's in here that really shows yer who he is," Hagrid took Harrys' hand and placed it over the young wizards' chest.
Harry suddenly felt like crying but he didn't understand why, "Do you really think he cares that much about me?"
Hagrid let out a sudden bark of laughter, "Are yer kidding? He was terrified when Dumbledore first asked him to help yer out. He used ter worry that he wasn't going ter be good enough, was scared that you'd hate him like all the other students. Ter be honest, I think he was more afraid of why it suddenly mattered what other people think of him."
Harry thought for a while and then decided that he will definitely have to speak with Professor Snape today, but first, he really was sleepy, "Say Hagrid, do you think I could take a nap here before going up to the castle?"
"Well I got some errands to run but I can leave Fang here with yer until I get back. What d'yer think?" asked Hagrid.
"I think that's perfect," replied Harry with a yawn.
Xxx
Severus couldn't believe how much he missed the feeling of achievement whenever he created a new spell.
Filius had left about 15 minutes ago and since then Severus had been making sure that everything they had done would achieve everything that Harry needed assistance with.
By the time Severus was satisfied with their work and he was sure that he had something he could actually show Harry, he realised that it was approaching darkness outside and that Harry still hadn't returned from his time out in the castle.
Just as he was getting ready to leave to go in search of Harry, the door opened to reveal not just Harry but Hagrid as well.
"Sorry Professor, time ran away from us there but here's Harry," said Hagrid as Severus looked at him questioningly.
Harry walked in and Severus asked, "Did you spend the day with Hagrid?"
"Most of the day," replied Harry, then he turned to Hagrid and said, "Thanks for today Hagrid, see you soon?"
"Of course, Harry. Have a good evening Professor," said Hagrid as he pulled the door shut behind himself.
Harry turned to the couch and sat down, "Can we talk Professor?"
Severus didn't know what to expect but he was much too frantic to sit down. He remained standing, "Yes we can, Harry."
Harry took a deep breath, "About what you said to me last night, yeah I was angry about a lot of it but I don't hate you, I did think that maybe that might have been easier but I know that you're not horrible and that you did everything for a reason. I know that you've basically got your life on the line for a debt that you think you can never repay… I just have one question."
Severus didn't allow himself to be relieved that Harry didn't hate him, "What is it?"
"What will you do if Voldemort returns? Will you still have to work for him?"
Severus sighed, "Harry, if the Dark Lord does return then quite honestly he would still be under the impression that I work for him and sure enough, Dumbledore would also have a plan of his own- a plan that involves me pretending to be loyal to the Dark Lord while ultimately serving the side of the Light."
To Severus' surprise, tears started to flow down Harrys' cheeks and his voice was filled with emotion, "Why do you have to sacrifice your life? Isn't it enough that you chose to walk away from him? Why does Dumbledore want to use you to gain an advantage, can't he find some other way to gather information?"
Severus sat down next to Harry but didn't touch the younger wizard, Harry would come to him when he needed to.
"Harry, this is not just for Dumbledore, it is for the entire wizarding world. As much as it may seem dangerous, it is also fortunate for our side to have such an advantage and besides that, my duty to serve two masters was long ago decided by the choices I made in my life and that should not be something you have to suffer for now."
Harry moved to sit closer to Severus but he didn't hug him or hold onto him, he just sat there for a while facing the flames of the fire until his tears had long since stopped and then he turned to Severus and said, "What did you do today?"
Severus was disappointed that Harry hadn't actually said that he forgives him but the fact that the younger wizard seemed to want to engage in conversation gave Severus a small bit of hope for their friendship.
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