Homeward Hours

By CrimsonStarbird

Chapter Eighteen – Closing Doors

The next winter brought with it colder weather, shorter days, and Lucy's first S-Class Trials as Guild Master.

The first surprise had come on the day before the nominations were to be announced, when Natsu had publicly declared that he wouldn't be competing this year. It was Lucy's time to shine, not his; he didn't want any allegations of favouritism marring her first Trials. It had made being impartial a whole lot easier for her, and she'd been deeply moved by the gesture, even after Zeref had pointed out that taking the pressure off himself to become S-Class was probably Natsu's attempt to come to terms with Gray having beaten him to it.

Natsu's surprise, however, was shortly eclipsed by the second of the season, when Levy blitzed through the challenges faster than anyone and became the guild's newest S-Class mage.

Well, it had been a surprise to the rest of the guild, anyway. Zeref wondered what exactly they thought Levy had been doing at his house every week. He had no issues with teaching someone who had such a sharp mind and an excellent aptitude for word-based magic.

That being said, he wasn't entirely thrilled when he found out that Levy had been cheerfully telling everyone where she had picked up her new skills. Apparently, several of her rivals were currently mustering the courage to come and ask him for help with learning new magic. That irritated him. Levy was one thing; she was easy to get on with and they had a lot of similar interests. What were the odds that they would all be people he could tolerate? With any luck, their fear or their dislike of him would keep them away, and he would never have to find out – but then again, this was Fairy Tail, so he didn't have much hope.

Her spectacular victory aside, though, Levy was quite visibly pregnant by this point, and so she had agreed to put a pause on any dramatic S-Class heroics for the time being.

Which had somehow led to the unusual scenario confronting Zeref today.

"Zeref," Lucy said, shuffling from foot to foot, her hands clasped behind her back. "Please please please could you waive the guild's rent for this month?"

"Why?" he asked, curious. "I believe I am charging a very reasonable rate."

"Yes, if you charging us to use a building you stole from us in the first place can be described as 'reasonable'," Lucy sighed, but she didn't push the matter further. Interesting. That meant she was serious about this. "But this is… a special situation."

"Oh? How so?"

"We've run out of money," Lucy told him frankly.

"You've… run out of money?"

"Yes."

"How? I reviewed your cash flow forecasts last week before you sent them to the bank. The guild was looking surprisingly stable."

"Well, that was a week ago. Then the lawsuits happened, and our legal team are demanding payment up front this time, not to mention the damage repairs, the hospital bills, the obligatory payments to cover the clients' therapy… and, long story short, we're all out of money. Please waive this month's rent."

"I will allow you to defer this month's rent, at a very competitive rate of interest," he countered easily, "if you tell me exactly what happened."

"…I'd quite like to not have to do that."

"I know. That's why I made it a condition."

She gave him a pleading look; amused, he folded his arms and waited.

"Alright, fine," she scowled. "Gajeel has been out of sorts ever since Levy made it to S-Class. You know what he's like – he's been fixated on the idea ever since he wasn't allowed to compete on Tenrou Island, but since the war ended, it's become an obsession that he just can't separate out from his relationship. Levy earned the rank, and he knows it, and he's putting more effort into being happy for her than I've seen him put into anything, but it clearly got to him."

"So?"

"So, he asked me if he could go on an S-Class job. He told me he'd found one that was perfectly suited for him, and that it wasn't more dangerous than anything he'd done against Tartaros or in the war. He explained that he just wanted to get a feel for what it was like, so that he could better support Levy to get back into it once their child is born."

"…At which point you reminded him that the rank of S-Class exists for a reason, and it wasn't an accident that he hasn't yet been given it, and therefore there were no circumstances under which you would let him do a job he wasn't qualified for on his own?"

"…"

"You're an idiot," Zeref stated.

"Gee, thanks for the support."

"If you honestly thought I would support such an idiotic decision, then you are even more of an idiot than I thought."

"I just… I didn't know how to say no to him."

"Ah yes, Gajeel Redfox, that master of persuasion," Zeref said dryly.

"He made a really convincing case, okay? And he said…" She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He didn't know why; she was the one who had come to talk to him. If she hadn't been prepared to confess everything, she shouldn't have bothered.

She continued, "He asked what right I had to decide who gets to do S-Class Quests."

"That's the very definition of being Guild Master," Zeref pointed out, unimpressed.

"I know, technically, but all these people are more powerful than me – I would never be classed as S-Class in my own right! So… well, it's no wonder they struggle to accept it when I tell them no. Guild Masters are supposed to be old and wise, and I'm neither."

"So why do you think they chose you?" Zeref asked neutrally.

"Collective insanity. I'm sure they're all regretting it now."

"Lucy."

He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh, not believing he was about to do this, but he didn't like to hear her sounding so despondent. It wasn't just the thing with Gajeel, he knew. That may have been the trigger, but it had been building ever since she had taken on the role of Guild Master, amidst grief and misplaced hope.

She had only done it for him.

He continued, "You say you are not powerful, but you know that no one in the guild would be able to beat you in a fight, right?"

"Uh, I think they would."

"Not if you came straight up here and let me out. I would fight them for you, and you know my immortality makes me unbeatable."

She blinked. "You'd really do that?"

"Either that, or I'd take the chance to massacre the lot of you and make my escape," he pondered. "But the point is, I might do that for you. I wouldn't do it for anyone else. You may not have been anyone's first choice when they needed someone to negotiate with the Magic Council and complete the guild's paperwork, but that wasn't a problem, because you convinced me to help you, and you've been improving ever since."

"It was Natsu who convinced you," she pointed out weakly.

"It was Natsu who threatened me, but I didn't do it for him. That's where your strength is, Lucy. That's what they saw in you when they elected you Guild Master. Don't underestimate it."

"Well- it's different-"

"No, it isn't. If you can win me over, you can definitely out-argue Gajeel." He shook his head fondly. "I do not know how you can be so firm in your convictions while facing me, and yet find it so hard to stand up to a friend."

Quietly, she admitted, "Maybe I just didn't care so much about disappointing you, when we first met."

"Maybe not." He shrugged. "You'll get there, Lucy. You just need a little more time to come into your own. Even if you hadn't become Master, you'd have been S-Class in your own right sooner or later. Not yet, certainly, but then Natsu doesn't have the skillset of an S-Class mage yet either, so I wouldn't get hung up over it, if I were you."

"I…" She dropped her gaze. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

And then: "So, about that rent…"

"No rent for this month," Zeref conceded, with an exaggerated sigh. "However, if I hear that you've let Gajeel go on any more S-Class Quests unsupervised, I will be taking legal action against the guild to recover all the unpaid rent you owe me."

She laughed. "Not likely. If I let Gajeel do that again, you'll be fighting with the liquidators over what's left of us." Then, before she could lose her nerve, she added, "Zeref, can… can I rely on you?"

"I'm fairly sure you already rely on me, Lucy."

"I don't mean like that. I mean… you said yourself, I might get there as a leader one day, but I'm not there yet. If I don't know if a job is appropriate for someone to take, or if they're pressuring me… will you tell them no for me? Can I send them up here, where you can explain it logically, in a way I definitely can't do under pressure?"

He didn't answer immediately.

It was clear what she was getting at. While she absolutely did rely on him, it was only for the technical elements of being Guild Master: the annual returns, the planning for the S-Class Trials, the approach to use when she was invariably hauled before the Council over some misdemeanour or other – and often for no real misdemeanour at all, merely a show of power over the guild that had saved Fiore more times than they had.

The interpersonal side of being Guild Master, from resolving disputes to authorizing missions and trying to guide her friends in their personal growth, she was dealing with entirely on her own.

He was too much of an outsider for that. A stranger at best, and an enemy at worst. Not to mention, with every month of captivity that passed, his knowledge of her guild – assembled in preparation for obliterating them in a war – grew more and more out of date. Although he heard plenty of gossip from Lucy and Levy, it lacked the objective, focussed nature of the intel he was used to receiving. Lucy was the one who had chosen the three to participate in the recent S-Class Trials; other than Levy, who he knew in her own right, he had been relying heavily on Lucy's interpretation of her friends' strengths and weaknesses when helping her put together the challenges.

Makarov used to talk to him occasionally about those in his care, questions and concerns from one leader to another. Zeref's partnership with Lucy wasn't like that. She didn't yet share the understanding that he and Makarov had of what it meant to mentor others. Despite technically being their leader, she still considered herself their peer, and barely deserving of it at that. She found it too awkward, and herself too unworthy, to discuss with him the flaws and potential of others.

He couldn't blame her for that; nothing but experience would allow her to move past it. In the meantime, he understood less about the guild every day, only able to interact with them via Lucy. If he was their leader, it would have concerned him – but he was their prisoner, nothing more.

And that was what it came down to, wasn't it? They weren't his responsibility. And not one of them would willingly choose to be his responsibility. After all, he'd been here for well over a year, and other than Lucy, Levy, Natsu, and Jellal and his friends, he'd not even met most of the guild. None of them had shown interest in his wellbeing like Lucy, or decided to befriend him like Levy.

And that was for the best. Between the curse and his imprisonment, his life was frustrating enough without having to spend it in the company of those who despised him. He wanted no part in this.

That made his answer simple: "No."

"Zeref-"

"Think about what you're asking, Lucy," he sighed. "I can't imagine your guild would take too well to the idea that they have to get my approval before going on an S-Class Quest. As fun as it would be to say no to Gajeel, I'm sure you realize that it's only going to cause more problems."

"It might not." Her bottom lip jutted out stubbornly. "It's not as though they don't know you've been helping me these past few months. Besides, like it or not, you got a lot of free advertising when Levy aced the Trials."

"It's one thing helping with paperwork behind the scenes, or discussing a certain kind of letter magic with another specialist. Active involvement in their lives, unasked-for control over which jobs they can and can't do, is another matter entirely. I know that most of them still consider me an enemy, and rightly so. This is a recipe for disaster, and I refuse to be involved."

"Can't we try it for a week?" Lucy persisted. "Just for approving S-Class and other high-risk jobs, to start with. I won't even tell them, I'll just check with you over the lacrima before approving any, and you can tell me what to say. Then we can ease them into what's really happening later, when they've all had a chance to see how much better it's working than when it was just me-"

"No."

"Please. Won't you even try it?"

"No."

"It's not like they hate you any more," she tried. "They're all used to you being here by now. Most of them are completely ambivalent towards you. You should have heard the conversations that were going on once they found out where Levy had picked up her new skills! It wasn't about whether or not they could stomach an enemy's help, but about how they might be able to convince you to teach them like Levy did."

"It's not like they have tried to convince me, though, is it?" he snapped back without meaning to, not sure where the sudden bitterness had come from, because he certainly didn't want to waste time on those fools from the guild…

"It's not as though you've given them much reason to believe you will be receptive," she countered quietly. "I'm sure they'd rather listen to you than me, if you gave them the chance-"

"No," he repeated, one final time. "Unlike you, Lucy, I do not see the merit in spending time and energy striving for acceptance from those who do not want anything to do with me. I don't mind helping you, or teaching those open-minded enough to ask me for it, but I want no involvement with the rest of your guild."

After a moment, she dropped her gaze. If she was disappointed, it was only because she understood him no better than she understood her own role as Master.

Though, at least she knew better than to push it. "Right, okay. Just thought I'd ask. Thanks for the rent thing."

Natsu was waiting for her halfway back along the forest trail. She had deliberately made him stay far enough away that Zeref wouldn't realize he was there and become guarded, and more importantly, far enough that Natsu wouldn't be able to overhear their conversation and turn hostile if it went- well, more or less how it had gone.

Indeed, Natsu jumped to his feet excitedly when his gaze fell upon her. "Well? Did he say yes?"

"Uh…" Unfortunately, he wasn't far enough away for Lucy to have cobbled together a believable lie before reaching him, and Natsu's eyes darkened immediately, as they only ever did when his estranged brother was involved. Before he could say anything, she added, "I didn't ask him, Natsu. There wasn't really a good moment."

It was half-true. She hadn't asked what she had truly been there to ask, and there hadn't really been a good time, especially not given how he'd reacted to her initial suggestion… but at the same time, she couldn't imagine a better opportunity ever arising. When had he ever been so openly nice to her? And he'd still shot down her low-stakes idea without remorse.

"There's still time," she insisted, before Natsu could try and punch Zeref into agreeing. While she wouldn't deny that he'd made that method work in the past, things had changed since their clash at Levy's wedding. Zeref was doing a better job of pretending their relationship didn't exist than Natsu was, outright ignoring any attempt Lucy made to slide it into the conversation. Throwing them together again now would be far more trouble than it was worth.

Bravely, she assured him, "It took the Council months to approve our application. Give me a chance. I'll talk Zeref into it – and he won't even realize I'm doing it."

The plan to subtly bring a four-hundred-year-old genius strategist round to her way of thinking did not go as well as Lucy had hoped.

She wasn't sure how long it took him to catch on to what she was doing, but it was probably about two seconds after she next opened her mouth.

It was definitely a lot less time than it took her to realize what he was doing: carefully changing the subject every time she brought up that Cana needed advice on unlocking more of her magic or Elfman was having a crisis of confidence after having to be bailed out on a mission by his younger sister. In fact, Zeref did it so smoothly that it often took her several minutes to notice that the conversation had naturally moved on without her managing to squeeze a trickle of insight out of him.

How had Master Makarov made this look so easy?

Here she was, trying to gently nudge him to where she wanted him to be, and not only was he effortlessly resisting it, but once she'd realized that he knew what she was doing, she was the one who found herself in awe of his tolerance. It didn't say much for her abilities at manipulation that he pitied her too much to criticize her.

Then again, it was only a matter of time before she came across him in the wrong mood. Lucy had become rather adept at telling when Zeref didn't want to deal with her, and she made a point of avoiding him on those days, but there was a difference between contradiction-driven hostility and the well-meaning but frank impatience with which he finally interrupted her one day.

"Lucy. Why are you doing this?"

"…What do you mean?"

"As I have told you, I do not want to be involved in this side of your guild. I will continue helping with the administration, and advising you on your dealings with the Council, but I do not wish to interact with your friends, and nor do I care for their wellbeing beyond their ability to remain in the guild and provide the Fairy Sphere with power. Please, just leave me out of it. Besides, you are doing just fine in your role. The guild hasn't fallen apart yet, has it?"

"I could be doing a lot better," she said, without really meaning to.

"Yes. You could. But you've been doing this for less than a year. Makarov had decades of experience, and I have centuries; you will get there in your own time, Lucy. There is no need for you to pressure yourself so much – or me."

"Well… I don't really have time," she confessed.

His gaze sharpened, that black diamond edge one thing that the Fairy Sphere couldn't protect her from. This probably wasn't the best time to have this conversation, but she had a feeling he wasn't going to drop it, and she shifted awkwardly on the picnic bench beneath his scrutiny. It was probably the fifth or sixth iteration of the piece of garden furniture, as he had not quite got over his habit of destroying them when angry with his visitors, and she had yet to come up with a better option for spending time with him.

Still, she wished she could have thought of something that didn't require her to sit so close. It was helpful when working on reports for the Council together, sure. But next time she needed to have an uncomfortable conversation with him, she was definitely staying several feet away from the barrier.

"A team from Sabertooth have applied to do the Hundred Year Quest," she explained. "They're currently going through the lengthy approval process that we did last year. But, since our approval is technically still active, the Council have notified us about the second application. If we want to do it, we have to go before the Sabertooth team is approved."

"And do you want to do it? I seem to recall you were rather opposed to the idea last time."

"Well…" A faint blush crept across her cheeks at the reminder of her outburst towards Natsu. "We're in a much better place now. Me, Natsu, and the team. We've sat down and talked about it, all of us, and we're ready for the challenge. There's just one problem."

"I can't imagine the Council would be too keen on the Master of Fairy Tail leaving her guild unsupervised while on a dangerous mission of indeterminate length," Zeref guessed.

"Got it in one," she sighed. "Technically, the Guild Master isn't supposed to go on jobs at all, but they don't mind me doing the odd mission with Team Natsu. They seem to think I'm actually quite sensible, thanks to your advice about dealing with them, so they don't mind me bending the rules if I tell them the risk is low. The Hundred Year Quest, though – that's an entirely different beast."

"So, Erza and the others are going without you?"

"No. They refused. Well, Natsu said he wasn't going if I wasn't going, and it wasn't as though the rest of them took much convincing. So we had a few conversations with the Magic Council, and they have said that they're willing to accept a Provisional Guild Master while I'm away. Mira has offered to take on that role."

Neutrally, Zeref said, "Sounds perfect, then."

"Right. Except, it isn't. Mira has been out of the loop ever since we broke you out of prison – at first, because Makarov was working with you instead, and then after I took over, you've been helping me with all the things she would normally have been involved with. Over the past year, she's taken the chance to get back into mage work, and has been earning one hell of a reputation across the continent. While she is willing to step away from that again while I'm gone, things have changed since she was last involved. People have changed, the guild dynamic has changed, our relationship with the Council has changed. She can't really do the job on her own, any more."

"…Oh," said he, and nothing more.

He was going to make her say it, then.

"Zeref." A deep breath. Not deep enough. She should have brought gin for this. "Please will you take over as the unofficial temporary Guild Master so that I can go on the Hundred Year Quest?"

The response was immediate: "No."

"But it wouldn't be that different to what you're already doing! You'd just have to approve people's jobs, write some letters to the Council, settle any disputes – which probably won't happen anyway – and just be willing to offer advice if it's needed-"

"No."

"Zeref-"

"I have told you why not. Your friends do not want anything to do with me, nor I with them. It would not end well for anyone involved."

"They'd be okay with it," she argued. "I've talked to them and-"

"All of them?" he asked archly.

"Well, not everyone, but most of them are on board. They don't think it's going to be that big a deal, since Mira will officially be in charge, and it's not like they have to talk to you if they don't want to-"

"I will not do it, Lucy."

"Is it really that different from how you've already been helping?"

Crimson dawn flashed in his eyes, a dangerous sunrise that made her wish the night had never ended. "There is a difference between helping you and helping them. I will not demean myself by going out of my way to help a guild which makes no effort to tolerate me. I do not want to get to know your friends; I do not want to beg for their acceptance after all I have been through; I do not want them to fall into the same fallacy as you, of thinking that I owe you anything, that I can be used like this."

"I thought you might want to," she murmured. "I thought you enjoyed helping me with the S-Class Trials, and getting involved the way you can't in Alvarez, any more."

That was the wrong thing to say. At the mention of what he had lost, a chill descended upon the glade. "You thought wrong. I am not your guild's ally, and I am certainly not your guild's pet. Go on your Hundred Year Quest. I look forward to seeing what is left of your guild when you return."

Lucy swallowed. "I can't leave under these circumstances. You know that."

"What a shame. You should have considered that when you decided to become Guild Master, shouldn't you?"

"…Yeah." She had only taken on the role for him, and they both knew it, but there was no such acknowledgement in his sneer. "Okay. Guess that's the way it is."

Zeref wondered if Natsu was going to visit him tonight. How often had this chain of events played out in the past? Lucy would ask him to do something, he would refuse, and Natsu would burst through that barrier without a care for his own safety, ready to use those flaming fists to guilt Zeref into doing it anyway.

A part of him wondered if that subconscious thought had contributed to how bluntly he had turned her down.

It was almost cute, how predictable Natsu's love for her made him, how unashamedly reckless. In another world, perhaps it would have brought joy to Zeref's not-so-cursed heart, to have seen his little brother so very much in love with such a remarkable woman.

There was no sign of his brother that night, though.

Nor the night after that.

At first, Zeref tried to convince himself that Lucy hadn't told him, but he had a feeling that she was past the point of lying to Natsu to try and make things better. Maybe Natsu had wanted this outcome. Maybe giving up his dream of the Hundred Year Quest would be preferable to giving his most hated foe any kind of control over his guild.

Deep inside, though, Zeref knew the truth. Not even a situation like this was enough to make Natsu acknowledge the relationship between them.

That was fine. Zeref was getting better at ignoring their relationship too, especially now that Lucy had learnt not to bring it up. When he had something else to focus on, like preparing for the S-Class Trials with Lucy, he could talk matter-of-factly about Natsu like he could anyone else in the guild, without any of the hurt or longing.

But when he had nothing else to do – when he had pushed her and all of that away, too – the emptiness always returned.