It had been, perhaps, close to a month after her arrival to Africa.
Something woke Jackie up and she opened her eyes and blinked a few times to orientate herself. And then she heard it again. Rustling covers. A low moan. She looked over to where Eric lay sleeping and was startled when he suddenly started thrashing violently.
"Get off me. Off! You can't! MURDERERS!…."
She ran over to him. "Eric!" She reached out a hand, scared and yet wanting to help him somehow. "Eric!"
She half-screamed when he woke up swinging a fist in the air. Bloodshot and wild, his eyes glittered brightly in the dark room before finally focusing on her scared face.
She had one hand over a mouth and had fallen back onto the ground from where he startled her when he lurched awake. He paled, and an unnamable emotion clawed at him from the inside.
"Shit. Jackie... Are you okay?"
She nodded slowly, eyeing him warily. "Eric, oh my god, I just..." She crawled over to him and knelt beside his mattress on the floor.
He refused to meet her eyes. "Shit, Jackie."
He dragged a hand across his face and reached around to rub hard at his neck, trying to block out the sight of her scared face and trying to block out the screams of the Mingi babies still echoing in his head. He hated this. "Just... Shit."
He dropped his head and clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
She gave him a few moments, and after a while, the tension left his shoulders slightly and he let out a weary sigh. She felt the sound all the way to her bones.
"Eric...," she started, reaching out to entwine her fingers with his. "I —-."
"Sorry you had to see that," he interrupted before she could say anything else.
He hadn't wanted her to see that. It was his burden to bear, and he didn't want to taint her with it. He hadn't wanted to add on to all that she already carried on her slender shoulders. This trip was about her, not him, and he didn't want to ruin that for her.
The warmth of her fingers around his offered a small measure of comfort, and he held on for as long as he dared before pulling back and folding them behind his head as he fell back on the mattress.
"I'm just. I'm sorry."
He sounded so forlorn, and his words were filled with so much self-loathing they tore at her. She placed her hand gently on his jaw to turn his face towards her, forcing him to meet her eyes.
"I'm here, Eric. I'm here."
His eyes were stormy and troubled when she looked into them and there was a deep furrow in between his brows that she longed to soothe away.
"Eric."
She held on to his green gaze as she leaned over and folded their fingers together again, and in that moment made a split decision to crawl into bed with him. She pulled his head onto her lap and smoothed back his short hair.
The soft scent of her teased his senses and he inhaled deeply. It was as close to heaven as he could get. Then she started humming and singing softly.
"On a good ship. Lollipop…"
A small smile started at the corner of his lips as earlier, happier memories assailed him. The images of his earlier nightmare were replaced with happier moments and the wails of drowning infants slowly faded.
"It's a sweet trip… To the candy shop…"
As she lightly massaged his temples and stroked his hair, Eric fell slowly back to sleep again, only this time with memories of a dingy trailer so small, that six people couldn't be in it at the same time.
Jackie continued singing softly till she saw his breathing even out and felt his muscles relax.
"Oh Eric," she whispered, staring down at his sleeping face. "Just what exactly are you fighting?"
Eric awoke from a deep sleep the next morning in an unfamiliar position. He heard the faint sounds of chopping wood and squawking chickens running around somewhere, and he realized that he had not slept so well in forever.
It took him a moment to register that his head was pillowed on a pair of soft, perfectly formed breasts. A lock of raven hair had fallen forward and was tickling his nose and chin in a most delightful way. Jackie's arms were curled protectively around him. One over his shoulder and resting on the base of his neck, the other on his chest.
He had fallen asleep last night and woken up in heaven. He didn't move; he didn't even dare breathe, he just wanted to stay in this position till the day he died.
Eric had never been one to pussyfoot around his feelings. He had always known what he wanted, and had never been confused about how he felt for anyone. He wasn't like his friends; he had never needed much pushing in any direction, or needed any time to figure out how he felt for a girl, and had known early on, for months even, that he had fallen for Jackie Burkhart.
When it had first started, he had dismissed it as an infatuation, and he had just wanted to enjoy their newfound friendship and the sudden light that she, through her letters, had brought to his life. As he had gotten to know her better, he began to appreciate her wit, her loyalty, her capacity for love, and as the many complex layers that made up her person began to unfurl, the simple infatuation developed into a deep caring which had given way to the beginnings of an illimitable love.
Eric couldn't get her out of his mind; his feelings for her continued to grow and deepen, and he had felt the overwhelming need to hear the sound of her voice.
So he made that first phone call. It cemented the beginning of the end for him, as she had taken on a living, breathing form now, instead of existing only through her letters and her Jackie Boxes. She became real. And he realized that his feelings for her too, were definitely very, very real. And he had wanted Jackie Burkhart with a powerful hunger that he had never known the likes of before in his life.
He knew that her heart belonged to Hyde though. Oh, he knew. And for the first time in his life he had hated his best friend for all that he had and had chosen to throw away.
Jackie stirred, as if she sensed that he was awake, and he brought her hand up to his lips to press a kiss to the soft skin in the middle of her palm.
He didn't want to, but he wanted to save her from feeling awkward waking up in such an intimate position with him so he slid regretfully out of her arms. Cool air hit his side immediately after, and he missed the warmth of her body.
He watched as she slowly came awake in a fluttering of eyelashes, and a parting of rosy lips. She yawned and brought up a slender hand to cover it and then slid further down the bed as she groped blindly for a sheet to burrow under.
Eric reached for the sheet and pulled it up over her. Confused, she opened her eyes and squinted in the morning light. He smiled.
"Morning, sunshine."
She peeked up at him. "Eric. Hey."
Then she gave him an adorably sleepy smile and he felt the familiar tug deep in the center of his heart. He fought the nearly uncontrollable urge to gather her in his arms and kiss her till she was out of breath and gasping his name.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep in your bed," she said, her voice thick with sleep.
"I'm not." He leaned forward to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. "But I am sorry that you had to see that last night."
Jackie's brow furrowed in concern and she pushed herself up on one arm. She placed her other hand on his upper arm, fully awake now.
"What happened, Eric?" she asked softly.
He looked into her captivating eyes and saw the compassion shimmering in their depths. She was so pure, so innocent… An angel. He was amused that he would think that of her when he had once said she was made of hellfire, but she was.
His very own angel. He couldn't taint her with the burden of his soul, and he couldn't stand for her to see him as he really was.
A coward. A failure. Less than a man. A pansy-ass boy.
So much conflict. So much pain. Jackie saw it all reflected in the crystal green of his gaze and felt his torment all the way to her heart. Oh Eric. She moved her hand up to lay it against his stubble-roughened cheek. She didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything.
Instead, she held his gaze and let his eyes search hers, letting him know all that she was feeling inside, her want to help him, her support. She was unsure if he could understand, but desperately hoped that he would.
Eric leaned into her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. He looked into them and understood what she was offering and he was overwhelmed by it.
His very own angel.
He covered her hand with his own and nodded. Then lowered his head and closed his eyes, praying to whatever God was out there that perhaps one day, he would be worthy enough for her to love him back.