The days blended into one another and the weather got chillier.
Jackie fumbled in her purse for her keys and sighed as they slipped through her fingers and fell to the ground. She stooped down to reach for them with cold fingers and suddenly felt weary to the bone.
She scooped them up and settled herself heavily down on the steps of her front porch instead. Her eyes glazed over as she looked out at the once-manicured front gardens of the mansion.
There used to be a privet hedge lining the edge of the property and up the driveway to the house, but those were now gone along with her mother's prized topiaries. All that was left was a carpet of grass, that, through the summer she had reluctantly tackled with a lawnmower to keep it relatively tidy, but now that the temperature had dropped the grass grew more slowly and she was only too glad to surrender the lawn mower for a few months.
The leaves though, were another matter and they were scattered all over in piles that she had learnt to turn a blind eye to. The upkeep of the mansion was tedious, requiring a lot of effort and she always felt like she had to drag herself home after work each day.
Jackie sat outside in the cold until she felt numb enough to get up and face the emptiness of the cavernous house behind her.
Ringggg! Ringggggggg!
Jackie stepped out of the shower and padded barefoot to the telephone on her nightstand. Toweling her hair with one hand she picked it up and murmured an absent 'hello' into the receiver.
"Jackie? It's me," came a voice that she couldn't quite place. She frowned.
"Who?"
There was an impatient sigh and then, "Sam!"
Oh. What was she doing calling Jackie at home? "Um, hi Sam," Jackie said cautiously, "what's up?"
"I think Hyde's gonna propose!"
So Steven had finally decided to make a real go at it. Jackie arranged the pillows on her bed and leaned into them.
"Uh-huh, that's great, Sam."
"It is, isn't it?!" Sam trilled. "I was gonna call Donna but I remembered that she and Randy were out of town for their romantic getaway, and I was so excited I called you."
"Well, I'm happy for you. How do you know he's gonna propose anyway?"
"I found a ring!" Sam said gleefully. "And it's beautiful! A purple diamond! I didn't even know they had those!"
Jackie frowned. She had never heard of a purple diamond. Pink, maybe. But purple?
She forced herself to sound enthusiastic instead of disbelieving and congratulated Sam on her 'purple' diamond ring again.
Sam went on about how Hyde could have chosen a better hiding place and then her voice suddenly fell to a loud whisper.
"I think he's home!" she hissed down the line.
"Okay," said Jackie.
"I'm gonna hang up now!" Sam added in the same loud whisper.
"Okay," said Jackie.
"Bye!"
"Okay," said Jackie.
Thanksgiving arrived, and as usual, Kitty threw a large party in its honor and cooked way too much food and invited way too many people.
Donna and Randy were absent this year, and according to Sam's endless chatter in her ear all evening, Jackie learnt that it was part of their attempt to add the spice back into their relationship.
Steven had thrown her veiled looks all evening, which for the most part, Jackie had ignored, and pointedly glanced in Sam's direction to reinforce her feelings about the situation. Hyde had gotten somewhat pissed, drank a couple more beers than he had limited himself too, gotten a little more buzzed than he had set himself out to be, and slung a snarky comment or two Jackie's way.
Truthfully, Jackie was little more used to barbs and bites like that than she was about Hyde's latest obsession to get on her good side, and who could blame her, for it had been his attitude towards her for nearly the past two years. So instead of riling her up as was his intention, it had backfired miserably as Jackie took it all in stride.
He gave up after a while, and retired earlier than usual, and Sam soon followed, and left Jackie heaving a breath of relief at their departure.
It was late out, and the last of the guests had left a while ago, leaving Kitty and Red to do the clean up. Jackie had stayed back to help, but found herself wandering out for some fresh air after the worst of it was done.
She stood out in the driveway alone.
It was a clear night, with nary a cloud and the moon shone brightly amongst the stars.
Stars.
She could never look at them the same way again. Not since Africa. Not since Eric.
Feeling melancholy, she thought about Donna and Randy. He was a good guy and he loved Donna, that was easy to see, and she really hoped that Donna would be happy with him.
She thought about the differences between Donna and herself and even though she had always claimed that she was superior to Donna in every way, she knew that deep down she was envious of her. Donna garnered love and affection easily from pretty much everyone that knew her, unlike Jackie.
Red and Kitty loved Donna like their own whereas it had taken time, a lot of time, for them to shower that same affection on to Jackie. Their friends were loyal as a fault to Donna, while they seem to sway with the wind when it came to her. Donna got good guys like Randy and Eric to love her, men who wouldn't cheat on her, or claim to love her and just as easily break her heart the next day. Steven cheated on her at the first sign of trouble and Michael, Michael did so every chance he got.
She sighed, dismissing her gloomy thoughts. She was lonely, she decided. And craving a presence that wasn't there, and wasn't even hers to crave.
She leaned against the white post framing the edge of the patio and looked at the night sky above, marveling at how different everything was just two years ago. Two years ago in 1978, her life was Steven. He consumed her and everything that she did was all about him and for him. Eric didn't even begin to factor in her thoughts.
Now all she could think about as she looked at the twinkling stars above was if he was looking at the same ones and thinking about her too.
"They seem less brilliant from this side of the world, don't they?"
For a moment she thought she was hearing things. That she was imagining things. Because it simply couldn't be. But her heart leapt as she recognized the sound of that voice.
His voice.
Strong and tangible it seemed to wrap around her in the dark. It had been so long since she heard it that she gave a cry and whirled around and her eyes found the green of his. And at that moment, everything else ceased to matter.
"Eric..." Her words were so soft it barely seemed like he could hear her at all.
But he did.
"Jackie," he said simply.
She smiled a slow smile in wonderment. It crept up her face and into her eyes and the sight of him filled her up on the inside.
And that smile warmed him to the very core.
"You're here," she said, "You came back."
He looked tired, and slightly scruffy from the day-old stubble that covered his jaw. But standing there in his black coat and scuffed up shoes and a duffel bag hanging from his shoulder, he was the best thing that she had seen in the longest time.
Seven months since she had seen him. Seven long, agonizing months that had felt like years and years to her.
They stood staring at each other in silence. She looked beautiful to him. God, those eyes. They were filled with an emotion he couldn't name and he hoped that she was as happy to see him as he was to see her. Her cheeks were pink from the biting cold, and her hair a shimmering mass of black in the moonlight.
The wind whipped a lock of it across her cheek and he moved towards her, reaching out to finger the silky strands before tucking it behind her ear. His fingers caressed the side of her cheek and she leaned into them; and her lips parted as she breathed in the familiar scent of him.
"So damned soft," he whispered.
Before he could say anything else however, a shriek sounded from inside the kitchen, and the spell was broken.
"Eric! Eric, oh my baby boy!"
Jackie jumped back from him as the sliding door was violently wrenched open and Kitty came barreling out. She flew into his arms and hugged him tightly.
"Oh you're home, you're home! Red! RED! Oh my baby boy is finally home!" She released him and latched on to his face with both hands, turning left it and right.
"Mom—,"
"What's all this damn screaming—," Red came stomping out and stopped as he stared at his son. A couple of beats passed and then, "Well. If it isn't the dumbass."
"Red! Please! Enough of that now. Just look at him! Oh he's grown so big now and oh!" She stepped back and her hands swept across the width of Eric's now much broader shoulders. Her face crumpled. "I can't believe I missed it all!" she wailed and promptly burst into sobs.
"Mom, Mom, come on," Eric looked pleadingly towards his father. "Dad, I —."
Red rolled his eyes and walked over to place his hands on his wife's shoulders. "Kitty, there now. Why don't you go get the boy something to eat, eh? Look at him. I'm sure he misses your pancakes. Don't you, Eric? Pancakes?"
Kitty's sobs ceased abruptly. "Pancakes, Eric?" she asked tearily.
"Yeah. Yeah Mom, okay."
"With sprinkles on top?"
"Er," he looked at Red and cleared his throat. "Yeah, sure Mom. Sprinkles. "
"In a smiley face?"
"What? No Mom, I'm twent—" he broke off as he caught Red's pointed glare. "I mean. Yeah sure, Mom. Smiley face and all. Thanks, Mom," he smiled weakly.
"Oh perfect!" She released him and flew back into the kitchen. Sounds of pots and pans banging around followed soon after.
Jackie looked from Eric to Red and nodded to the kitchen. "I'll just go see if Mrs. Forman needs any help." She turned around and disappeared through the sliding door leaving the both of them alone.
They looked at each other.
"Hey Dad."
"So," Red shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He studied his only son, his eyes missing nothing. He took in the lines on Eric's face, the strength in his stance and the shadows in his eyes.
A weight settled around his heart. "Two years huh."
Eric ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, yeah. Two years."
"What happened to you, son?"
Eric looked briefly down at the ground before meeting his father's eyes. "Nothing," he lifted his shoulders in a shrug, "and everything."
Red didn't say anything and just stood and watched him, but somehow Eric knew that he understood. They were both silent, but for the first time in his life, Eric felt a connection with his father.
Red moved forward and sighed, "I'm sorry, Eric."
He put his hand on Eric's shoulder and held his eye. "But if it means anything, I'm proud of you, son."
It took thirty minutes more of Kitty fussing and for Eric to shovel down his pancakes before he could retire upstairs. His feet took him down the familiar path from the kitchen to upstairs and he opened the door to his old room, and found Jackie sitting on his bed.
He dropped his bags and stood at the doorway, drinking in the sight of her. She had grown her hair out, and it fell in heavy waves almost to her waist. It was still the same rich, dark color as he remembered, and he wanted to run his hands through the silken mass. There were so many things he wanted to say, to tell her.
I miss you. I love you. Please understand. Come back to me.
Nothing had changed for him. He still loved her with the same crippling intensity that he had from the first time he had fallen for her. But as he stood staring into the brown pools of her wonderful eyes he found he couldn't say those words at all.
"I thought you'd left," he said instead.
She stood up when she saw him, seeming uncertain as to what to do. He started forward to reach for her, aching to hold her again, but stopped when he saw a series of emotions flicker across her face as she warred with something inside.
Eric dropped his arms and fisted his hands at his sides. Nothing had changed. The familiar dull pain flared in his gut and he looked away from her.
A movement caught his eye and he turned back in time to see Jackie finally reach a decision, and she crossed the room in three strides to throw her arms around his neck.
He buried his nose in her hair and held on to her tightly as she pressed her body into his. He ran his hands down her back and he relished the feel of her against him as the warmth that had been missing since she left him in Africa started to seep back into his bones.
"I missed you," she said, her voice muffled in the fabric of his coat. "More than I thought possible." She drew back slightly to look up into his beloved eyes. "How do you figure that?"
He gave her a lopsided smile in response and ran a finger down her cheek. She caught his hand and rubbed her cheek against it.
"I got your photograph," she said, pressing a kiss to the callused skin.
His eyes followed her every move.
She raised her gaze to his and searched their depths.
"Did you bury your ghosts?" she asked him softly.
Something flickered in his eyes. "I've accepted them."
She closed her eyes. Her hand came up and she uncurled her fingers to place them gently over his heart. She leaned her forehead on his chest, then nodded. "I missed you," she said again fiercely.
His heart filled with tenderness for her. He had promised that he would always be her friend and yet he hadn't written or called for seven long months except for one lousy photograph and she never once complained, or screamed at him, or demand an explanation why.
"Jackie, I'm sorry."
"Oh Eric, don't be. I understand."
She really did. It was a gesture so typical of Eric, that if one didn't know him or care for him as deeply as she did, they would have missed it entirely.
It had never been about himself with Eric. It was always about someone else. He gave up Madison with Donna for his parents. He gave up the familiarity of home and country for a chance at a better future with Donna. And then he gave up Donna herself to set her free.
He hadn't called, or written Jackie, not because he hadn't cared about her or forgotten her. He did so because he was carrying a harrowing burden, and telling her would be giving her his load to bear.
"I would have gone with you, you know," she told him quietly.
"I know," he said. He shook his head slightly, "But it was something I needed to do alone." How could he explain to her that there was no way he would take her with him to the scene of his nightmares? She was singularly the most precious thing in the world to him.
She felt his chest heave as he held her tight. She wound her arms around his waist in return and buried her nose at that point at the base of his neck where the scent of him was especially strong.
Wood and spice and earth.
She felt like she had come home.
Something shifted in the air around them and when she raised her eyes to his she found a similar fire simmering in them. She surged upwards as he bent down to capture her lips in a sizzling open-mouthed kiss. His hands tangled in her hair to cup the back of her head and she explored the depths of his mouth with her tongue. It had been months of longing and yearning, but they were finally in each other's arms again.
Footsteps sounded in the hallway outside and a door closed soon after, startling them and Jackie ended the kiss, pulling back abruptly. Her hand flew up to touch her swollen lips as Eric took a moment to get his breathing under control.
The heat of the moment evaporated and with it came the startling dose of reality.
This wasn't Africa.
It wasn't just them in their own little world. Jackie felt as if someone just emptied a bucket of ice water over her head.
"I... I don't know if this is a good idea," she said nervously and his heart sank. He remained silent.
"It's just that... We're no longer in Africa, you know, and uh... There're people we might... hurt... if we continued this here."
"Jackie, it was never just a fling for me in Africa. You know that."
She put more distance between them and folded her arms across her middle.
"I've been back here for seven months. And so much has happened in that time. Donna and I... We're friends again. I care about her. And Steven… God, things with Steven are so complicated. I think he actually wants to—"
She broke off and braved meeting his eyes again, and found that they were fixed unrelentingly on her.
Her words came out in a rush. "I know that you haven't seen either of them for two years. But they both still care about you a great deal. Are you saying that you would risk your friendship with Steven for... for...," she waved her arm about, "this?" She paused and added meaningfully, "Your friendship with Donna?
"Because this" —she gestured frantically between the two of them again—"whatever it is that we think we have, is gonna kill them. It's never going to work here. We've been betraying two of our best friends by doing this. We are betraying the both of them." She sucked in a shaky breath and shook her head hard. "Oh my God, this will kill them."
Heat flashed across his eyes for an instant, and he reigned it back in. When he spoke, his voice was low and measured.
"What is it that you think we have? What is 'this'" -he copied her movements- "to you?"
She threw her hands up in the air. "I don't know! I just know that this is worse than when I was sneaking around with Steven. This time, there are two people we have to think about."
She looked at him a touch disbelievingly. "How can you be so calm about this?"
His jaw tightened and he shook his head slowly. His eyes were stormy when they held hers.
"Jackie. Why do you think I came back?"
She faltered. "I... I don't know," she said again.
He released a harsh laugh. "Then I'm a bigger fool than I thought I was."
He walked over to the window facing the street and leaned an arm against the top of the frame, staring blankly out of it for a long while. He heard Jackie come up to him hesitantly.
He spoke before she could say anything.
"I love you, Jackie."
He heard her inhale sharply behind him. When he turned around he found that her eyes were shining with unshed tears.
"In case you didn't know."
He sighed wearily and pulled a hand down his face. He looked deep into her eyes and said softly, "That's why I came back. For you. Because I love you." His voice was low with feeling and she was moved beyond words.
And torn. Oh so torn.
The tears she was holding back spilled over and trailed down her cheeks. For she couldn't say it back.
He closed his eyes and looked away, then turned back as he reached out to brush away her tears with the back of his hand.
"Come on, it's late. Let me give you a ride home."
She shook her head hard, sending her hair flying.
"No, I... You're tired too. I..." She swallowed and reached for his arm. "I wanna stay here with you."
His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth.
"No," she interrupted, "not for that. I just don't want to leave tonight. Especially not after... What you just said. Please?" She looked at him pleadingly and against his better judgment, he found himself relenting.
He blew out a loud breath. "My parents aren't gonna like this."
She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Thank you," she said softly.
Glancing around, he appeared to finally take in the changes to his room, and if Jackie hadn't been watching him so closely, she would've missed the forlorn look that flashed briefly across his features, giving her a glimpse of the boy that he had been before.
She trailed her hand down his arm to take his hand, pulling him towards the shelf above his bed. "Hey, look. I saved your dolls."
It distracted him as she knew it would.
He scowled. "Ac-tion fi-gures," he drew the words out exasperatedly.
"Meh, whatever," she said dismissively then smiled as a loud yawn escaped him. "Come on, it's late. Let's get you in bed."
"If you hadn't just assured me otherwise, I would say that sounded like a proposition," he muttered, shrugging off his coat.
Her lips quirked upwards as she grabbed his discarded coat and left the room. She walked slowly down the stairs, and heard him close the bathroom door across the hall.
She hung up Eric's coat by the door and jumped as she turned back towards the stairs and noticed Red's silent figure in the den. He was sitting in the armchair nursing a drink. A spiral of smoke from a cigar between his fingers floated upwards and disappeared into the air above.
He pinned her with a flinty gaze. "Isn't it a bit late to be loitering in my son's room?"
"Mr. Forman! No! I was just, uh, helping Eric get settled in."
He raised an eyebrow and brought the cigar to his lips. "At two in the morning. In his own home?"
Jackie opened her mouth to protest but clamped it shut when he gave her another unyielding look. He looked away and she stood stock-still, unsure of what to do.
He motioned to the cigar in his hand. "Cuban. Expensive as hell. I smoked one when I married Kitty. Another when the kids were born." He paused to take a deep drag and continued, "the day I found out that the daughter that can do no wrong in my eyes was taking up with a married man," he blew out a puff of smoke, "and today."
Jackie remained silently by the entryway as he regarded her.
"Today. When I realized that the son as I've known him to be is gone."
Jackie's shoulders fell and she took a step towards him. "Oh, Mr. Forman."
He put his cigar down and picked up his drink. "No parent should have to see that."
She ventured closer and sat herself on the footstool in front of him. He looked as if he had aged a good ten years, and she felt his sorrow keenly. She had never known how to offer comfort, and this time was no different. She knew that people found the sound of her voice abrasive, so she just kept quiet and lent her company to him.
They sat that way until Red finished his cigar. He gave a deep sigh and when he looked at her his eyes were frank and appraising.
"You're a good girl, Jackie," he said and drained the last of his glass. He put it down on the table next to him and looked at her again. "You were good for Steven… And you'll be even better for Eric."
Jackie started, shocked at his insight.
"Stay the night, girl," he said and gave her a warning glance, "but no hanky-panky under my roof, you hear?"
Jackie could only nod at him dumbly.
"Now get to bed before I change my mind."
She brushed her teeth with Eric's toothbrush and entered his room quietly, finding him fast asleep. Stripping off and pulling on an old shirt of his, she crept into bed with him.
He opened his eyes briefly and she feathered a thumb across his brow and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He pulled the sheets back for her and she snuggled in next to him, pulling his arm snugly around her.
It was like nothing had changed and they had never been apart, and within seconds they were both sound asleep.