It was chilly out, and Eric was wearing his old grey cable-knit sweater that had once hung on him but now clung to his form like a glove. He had been outside shooting hoops in the fading light of dusk when he registered footsteps coming up from behind him.
He turned around as those footsteps halted suddenly and he was greeted by a sharp intake of breath.
He had rarely ever seen her speechless, but this time she looked stunned as she saw him for the first time since they parted ways almost two years ago. Her hair was as blonde as it was when he last saw it, and she looked exactly the same as in his memories of her.
"Donna," he said simply.
Just like Jackie had a year ago in Africa, Donna couldn't stop staring at him.
Her jaw slackened and her eyes went wide. She couldn't believe that this was him. Her Eric. After all this time and in the flesh. It was as if all her thinking about him had conjured him here. Her entire getaway with Randy vanished in a flash.
Eric looked fit and tanned, and very out of place in this town of perpetual cold weather. Her mouth opened, then closed, and her mind raced to find something to say. She had thought that once she saw him, things between them would be as they always were, and that everything she had been feeling lately would just click into place, but something was off.
She took a step closer, trying to get a read on him, but there was something detached and unapproachable in his bearing that left her unsure of herself.
"I, uh, I…" She stopped and cleared her throat. "Um, when did you get back?" she said instead.
"Four days ago," he said, spinning the basketball between his hands. "You look good," he offered.
She smiled slightly. "Thanks." Her hand came up in an awkward attempt to smooth her hair as she groped around for something intelligent to say. "Uh, so do you, actually." She paused. "Africa agrees with you."
He laughed lightly and turned to aim the ball through the hoop. It went in neatly.
"Yeah. So I've been told." He caught the ball on rebound and held it out to her like he always did.
She took it with both hands and dribbled it at her side, trying to sort through the muddle of her thoughts and the onslaught of her feelings. She glanced at him again and found him watching her quietly, his face an inscrutable mask. She fumbled with the ball mid-dribble and shot him an embarrassed look to see if he noticed.
He did, and there was an almost imperceptible smile on his face. It disconcerted her, for Eric had always worn his feelings on his sleeve, and open smiles and easy laughter were a huge part of who he was. She didn't know this Eric, and this Eric was unsettling.
"I was supposed to nurse you back to health," she said finally.
Eric gave her a quizzical look.
"Y'know," she blinked to cover up her awkwardness and put a hand in the back pocket of her pants. "When you first told me you were leaving for Africa… You said, you'll probably catch some life-threatening disease and I could nurse you back to health."
"I did?"
"Yeah… But look at you," she said, and she couldn't help that her tone was shy and soft and filled with amazement. "You've grown so much... And it's not just physical, it's something else—," she trailed off and lifted her hands before letting them fall to her sides. She glanced at him through her lashes. "I like it," she finished shyly.
Eric didn't say anything. It felt good to see Donna again. Their history together was long and though it had come to an end for him, he would always have a place in his heart for her. But he didn't like it that everyone he had met so far had made an appreciative comment about the 'new and improved' him. Because he sure as hell didn't. He would give an arm and a leg to come back just as idealistic and innocent as he had left. His emotional scars ran deep, and the 'improvements' to his physical self just weren't worth it in his opinion.
She handed him the ball back, but she found that her fingers were clumsy and she released it too soon. He leaned forward and deftly caught it before it could hit the ground. The tips of her ears turned pink and he smiled.
Donna wished a hole would open under her and swallow her right up. She had never felt more like a blushing fourteen year old before in her life. She snuck a look at his broader frame, his somehow stronger jaw, and impossibly greener eyes and felt butterflies in her tummy right down to her toes. And this was Eric! Her Eric, her first-ever boyfriend, the one she lost her virginity to, the boy she grew up with, whom she knew as well as she did herself.
But somehow he wasn't.
"Um," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and gestured lamely to her house. "I should get going, my dad's making dinner and I'm already late for it."
"Yeah, okay."
"Right. Okay, um, I guess I'll see you around?"
He nodded and she gave him an awkward little wave and turned to the house. But halfway there she stopped and turned around to gaze at him, feeling her pulse speed up as she saw him watching her in turn. Her gaze fell unconsciously to his lips and Donna wondered for a wild moment what it would be like to run into his arms and kiss him just like she used to.
She took a hesitant step forward, and then another, but something in Eric's eyes stopped her from going further.
"Night, Donna," he said quietly.
She sucked in a breath to cover up a mix of feelings, and gave a small nod before turning on her heel.
He tucked the ball under his arm and continued to watch her as she walked away.
Hidden behind the garage door, Jackie stood silently as she took in their long-awaited reunion. She was out of hearing range, but she observed the slight smile that was still on Eric's face and how he followed Donna's departing figure with his eyes.
She replayed the look in Donna's eyes when she saw him. Jackie knew that it was only a matter of time before the two of them ran into each other again, but she had somehow hoped that this moment could be evaded, well, forever.
She supposed she had suspected for awhile that Donna may still be a little bit in love with Eric, but before, she could shove it somewhere deep and deny it.
Seeing Eric and Donna together somehow made an Eric and Jackie seem even more unreal. Because in her eyes, what Eric and Donna shared was made of the forever kind of stuff, and in comparison, her African affair with Eric seemed paltry. Tawdry even.
Maybe before Sam. Before the nurse. Before Raquel the biker chick. Before Steven had killed the egocentric self-assurance that she had been wearing as her armor for most of her life, she believed that no sane man would choose any other girl over her.
Maybe.
But this was Donna. And Donna wasn't just any girl.
She continued to stand in the shadows watching Eric as he sank a few more balls, wondering if she would ever get tired of just looking at him. When it grew too dark and Eric abandoned his game to head back into the warmth of the house, Jackie slowly slid to the ground and placed her head on her knees.
She was ashamed of herself. She hadn't accepted his love so she had no business feeling what she was feeling now. Possessiveness. Jealousy. And fear that he would pick someone else over her.
She couldn't understand herself.
Or this tumult of feelings that she had for Eric that she had never experienced with anyone else before.
Or why she was so threatened by Donna's obvious residual feelings for her first love.
He said he loved you, a voice in her spoke. She shut it out mercilessly. But her heart had soared for a moment.
With it came another little whisper.
Yeah, but Donna was Eric's kryptonite, it reminded her.
Eric dreamed of fire and of Desta. It wasn't a good dream, but when he woke he wasn't filled with the all-consuming guilt or self-hatred, or even anger that he was used to. He came awake quietly, without event, and it took him a few seconds to recognize the walls of his childhood home.
He lay back and took a moment to even out his breathing, and Morathi's words came to him unbidden.
What's in yer head they cannot hurt you anymore.
No, they can't.
He could almost feel the thump of Morathi's cane against his chest.
What's in here. This, you have tah fight on yer own.
I'm working on it, my friend.
Nothing you can do for da past, there is nothing there. There is only now... And da future. So change da future.
I will.