Sitting on the couch with Steph's head on my lap, I was running my fingers through her hair while talking to Mom and Chase. Malcolm and Martin had each passed out in the not-so-comfortable looking chairs.
"Where did you meet your wife?" Mom asked.
"She actually works with us. She is a bounty hunter like the rest of us. She also works in the office occasionally." I stopped running my fingers through her hair when I saw the doctor walking through the doors. As soon as I stopped, she opened her eyes and looked at me.
"Why did you stop?" she whispered with a smile.
I looked up to where the doctor was standing and Steph's eyes followed mine. When she saw the doctor, she sat up and grabbed my hand. The doctor sat in the chair across from us and looked at Mom.
"Mrs. Cooper, we've done all that we can for your husband. I'm not sure what the future holds. There is extensive damage done to his heart and we're not sure if he'll recover."
Before I could even move, my wife was up and had her arms wrapped around my mother. Just another reason why everyone loves Steph; she doesn't even know this woman and here she is giving her comfort. I saw my mother hold onto my wife like she was her lifeline and then I saw her body begin to shake.
I've never done well seeing a woman cry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do for them. Do I buy them candy, buy them a drink, give them space, hug them? I don't fucking know, but here is someone who has been there my entire life and I don't know what to do for her. Just as I stood up, Malcolm and Martin woke up. Seeing what was going on, they immediately thought the worst.
"What happened?" Malcolm questioned as he jumped up and walked towards Mom.
"The doc just said that he wasn't sure if Pop will recover," Chase answered.
Mom pulled away from Stephanie and whispered something in her ear. Steph gave a sad smile and nodded before coming to my side. Mom looked at the four of us boys and smiled a little, "It's time you each go in and see your father. Tell him anything you need to. I believe his time has come."
As Martin began walking down the hall, I walked towards the elevators. Once I hit the button and the doors opened, I leaned against the mirrors and prayed no one would join me.
"What can I do?" I heard Steph ask as I felt her enter the elevator.
What can she do? Oh, that is a loaded question and I'm not about to answer it. Instead, I closed my eyes. I could feel the beast wanting to come out to play, but I needed to keep him trapped. I was worried that if he came out I'd injure my wife and that was not acceptable.
"Matthew?" I heard. Looking down I saw her looking back up at me with tears shining in her eyes.
"I'll be okay," I whispered as the doors opened, "I just need to be alone for a few moments." Placing my hand at the small of her back, I ushered Stephanie off the elevator. Finding the exit, we walked to the outside and were hit with the crisp air. Just what I needed; cold air to fill my lungs. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. We walked over to the tables across the parking lot and I waited for Steph to sit down.
Once she was seated, I kissed her head, "I'll be back in a moment, just wait here, please."
She nodded and I'm sure she had questions. I walked off to the trees and placed my hands on it as high as I could reach. Resting my forehead against the bark, I closed my eyes and fought the demon as it tried to escape. I felt arms wrap around me and I tried not to flinch but I don't think I was successful.
As I turned to face her, I tried to pull my blank face down. By the look in her eyes that was the wrong thing to do. "Matthew, I know you are hurting but don't pull that shit with me. I'm your wife. Don't shut me out."
"I'm sorry, Steph. I'm not trying to shut you out but I need to get a handle on this so I don't lash out at you." I seriously hoped she'd go back to the table but she didn't. She stood there with me and the more she stood there the more pissed I became. Finally I looked at her, "Why are you still here? I don't want to hurt you."
"Then talk to me. The more you don't talk the more I worry. I know what the doctor said so why are we out here? Why are you not in there talking to your dad and telling him how much you love him? I love you, Matthew and I'm here for you in whatever capacity you need me, but I need to know what you need me to do."
I couldn't take it anymore and I just walked away. I needed to go somewhere where I could scream or punch the shit out of someone. I didn't want to scare Steph, so I did the stupidest thing yet and left her there. I heard her yelling for me when I left but I couldn't turn around and go to her. Not yet. I kept walking and crossed the street towards the woods between the hospital and park. I knew there I could find what I needed.
I found the hideout my brothers and I had made many moons ago and it was exactly what I needed. Ducking into the fort, I found that nothing had been changed. It was like no one else had found the place. I was surprised but happy. Looking under the cot, I pulled out a box and opened it. It contained some cigarettes we had swiped from Pop years ago. He never said anything about them missing, but we never smoked any incase he noticed and we had to replace them. Looking at them now, I knew they'd be stale, but the urge to light them up was there.
I took the pack and squeezed it in my fist, crumbling the sticks as I imagined my pop would have done to us boys if he'd ever caught us smoking. Martin and I had smoked a few times, but we never kept it up. It was a disgusting taste and the girls didn't really like it.
My phone buzzed then and I looked at the screen; Chase. Where the fuck are you and what did you do to your wife? She came back to the waiting room in tears. Call me.
Yeah, my ass was grass when I got back to the hospital, but at the moment, I don't give a fuck. My world is crashing around me. I'm losing my pop. The one man that made sure we boys stayed on track our entire life. The one man, who no matter how old I was, I could talk to about anything. How the fuck am I supposed to get past this? How do I deal with him not being in my life?
Screaming at the top of my lungs, I trashed the fort. Cots tipped, blankets torn from the tree branches, the table and chairs we had in there were now crushed and looked more like firewood than anything else.
Just as I was about to punch the tree, I heard a voice behind me and turned around to face Malcolm and Martin. "What the hell do you two want?"
"Look," Malcolm said as he approached me. "We know you are pissed. Hell, don't you think we're pissed as well? Pop is too young to die. Mom doesn't deserve to lose the love of her life. But, you need to get a grip. He wouldn't want this. He would want to know that the four of us are going to take care of Mom."
Martin came up to me and wrapped his arms around me. I can't remember ever receiving a hug from any of my brothers; not like this. It was so different that it took a moment for me to realize he wasn't trying to calm me down, but he was comforting the both of us. He was hurting just as much as I was, only he didn't show it on the outside.
We stood like that for a few moments, before Martin whispered in my ear, "Listen, I just came from seeing Pop. I think you need to get back to the hospital and see him. He opened his eyes, but he's still weak. Go, introduce him to your wife before it's too late."
I squeezed him tight before letting go. When I stepped back, I swiped my hand across my eyes and took a deep breath. Looking at Malcolm, I hugged him and left the fort. I knew Martin was right; if Pop was awake, I needed to introduce him and my wife. I owed them both that much. I owed my wife so much more.
I started walking back through the trees and finally crossed the street into the hospital parking lot. When I reached the waiting room, my heart broke at what greeted me. My wife was sitting on the chair next to Mom and Chase with her head in her hands and I could see her shoulders shaking.
Chase looked at me with venom in his eyes; fuck, he was pissed. I nodded to him that I understood we'd be talking soon and then went to kneel down before my wife. Taking her hands in mine, I pressed my head against hers.
"I love you," I whispered to her. "I love you and I'm sorry for walking away. I know it was stupid."
I felt her head move and I backed off a little. When she looked up at me I saw how much I'd hurt her and I knew I'd never forgive myself. Her hand reached out, and I expected a slap across the face, but she never did that. Her hand did make contact with my face, but it was in a loving manner.
"I know you do and I know you are. But, if you ever walk away from me like that again, don't expect me to be so forgiving. We are partners in this relationship. When you hurt, I hurt. I want to help you. Don't shut me out."
I leaned forward and connected my lips to hers. I knew what she said was the truth and I prayed I was never stupid enough to walk away from her again. "Would you like to meet my pop?" I asked after I pulled away from the kiss.
"I'd love to," she replied as we stood up.
Walking down the hall to Pop's room felt like I was walking to Hell. I wasn't ready to tell him goodbye. I wanted him to meet my wife and any children we may have. I wanted him to be there for my mother until the day they died together. This wasn't fair and I was pissed it was happening.
When we reached his room, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Steph squeezed my hand and turned toward me. "You'll be okay. I'm here for you no matter what." I nodded that I heard her and slowly let out my breath. "Now, please introduce me to my new father-in-law."
We walked through the door and I could see Pop had his eyes open. They weren't shining like usual, but they were open. I walked up to his bed and grabbed his hand, "Hiya, Pop."
He turned his head and gave a weak smile, "Matty," he whispered.
"I have someone I'd like to introduce to you," I told him as I reached my hand behind me for my wife. When she stepped forward, Pop's smile got a little brighter. "This is my wife, Stephanie. Steph, my pop, Marshall."
"It is very nice to meet you, Mr. Cooper," Steph said as she laid her hand on his arm.
Pop informed her, "If you are married to my son, I'm Pop." His voice was very weak and low, not the usual loud and boisterous voice I'm used to. I hated that he was already slipping away Part of me wanted to keep him talking; if he's talking, he won't die, right? Part of me also knew that the more he talked, the more energy he'd use and that wasn't good either.
I must have missed something because Steph tugged on my arm, "Where'd you go?"
"Nowhere," I told her, but she knew I was lying. We stayed and talked to Pop for a little bit, but I could see he was getting tired. I leaned down and kissed his forehead before whispering, "I love you, Pop. Be at peace," in his ear.
As Steph and I entered the hallway, I let out a growl and punched the wall. I knew I'd be paying to have it fixed, but at the moment, I didn't give a shit. Walking back out to the waiting room, I had the fight or flight feeling coursing through my veins. I wanted to break away, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave my family alone to deal with this, so I reached for my wife's hand and walked out to my family.