Another week passed and Christmas drew closer.
Donna and Jackie were both in Milwaukee trolling the malls and fighting the crowds to get last minute gifts for their friends.
"Ooof," said Donna, as a hefty middle-aged woman shoved past her muttering something about inconsiderate youngsters. "Watch it, lady!" Donna hollered after her.
"Don't you love Christmas shopping?" Jackie asked her brightly.
She received a sour look in return. "Yeah," Donna muttered darkly, "love it."
They filtered past a couple of stores which Donna spared a cursory look at while Jackie hummed happily at her side.
"What's gotten you in such a good mood?" Donna grumbled.
A slight flush tinted the apples of Jackie's cheeks. Things had gotten hot and heavy with Eric last night. Really hot and heavy. The only reason why they haven't yet had sex was really because of her. It felt to her like if they did then it would really be betraying her friends.
It was hard on her, as she was naturally forgiving by nature, and given how sincerely and genuinely they've been treating her lately, she was having a really difficult time pretending that what she and Eric were doing was perfectly fine, and accepting that it was really, of nobody's business but their own.
She knew she was being selfish, of course, and though she wished there was a way that she and Eric could just be; at the moment, the thought of Donna and Steven finding out about them frightened her far more than Eric's growing displeasure about hiding their relationship — if they could even call it that.
Again, Eric seemed to understand her on a level that scared even her. Maybe because he didn't want to face the disappointment of her telling him to, but he had stopped things before they had gone too far the number of times they had been alone at Jackie's place. Each time, she knew it was harder and harder for him to stop, and that it hurt him when she didn't protest when he did, especially now when every time she looked into his eyes she could see the depth of his feelings for her.
She didn't know what drove her to do so, it may be the ever-lingering weight of guilt, or the feeling that she was never giving enough, but she had decided what to get Eric for Christmas and had marched straight to the lingerie department earlier before meeting Donna and purchased a babydoll silk number that she knew that he would love on her. It left her feeling as if she had gotten a large weight off her chest and at the same time squashing internal voices that screamed at her that she was doing it for all the wrong reasons.
"So what did you get for Randy?" Jackie asked Donna, effectively changing the subject.
If it was possible, Donna's features darkened further. She snapped a retort at another lady who bustled past her with a nasty comment and grumbled out a reply to Jackie. "Lingerie."
Jackie frowned. "Sounds like a night of fun. Or... Not?" she asked hesitantly with a glance at her friend.
Donna blew out a breath and looked around her. It took her a while before she mumbled, "I'm just not feeling it with Randy these days." Then in an even lower tone, "Sex seems like a chore."
"Wanna talk about it?"
Donna made a face. "I kinda do it to make him happy, alright?"
Jackie lifted a shoulder slightly. "Can't be that much of a chore. Randy's pretty much gorgeous."
"I know," came the answer. "Which makes it so much worse," Donna groaned.
Jackie bit her lip. She didn't want to ask because she didn't want to hear the answer, but it came out before she could bite it back. "Is it Eric?" she asked Donna in a low voice.
Donna didn't bother to reply and her silence was answer enough.
The knot in Jackie's stomach tightened.
They walked past a bookstore and a couple of other stores, being careful to avoid bumping into people with armfuls of shopping bags. Some carollers singing "'Tis the Season" sounded somewhere to their left. Jackie felt her mood dip further with each step. The bag of lingerie hanging on her left arm felt heavier and heavier.
Kitty, as usual, had managed to rope in as many of Eric's friends as possible to help put up the Christmas decorations. She bustled around, shoving armfuls of mistletoe and holly and ordered them to put them up in various places around the house.
Also as usual, only Eric and Donna seemed to be doing the actual work, while Hyde and Fez somehow managed to slink out of sight. They were currently alone in the basement putting up the last of the decorations and working together in a quiet harmony.
When they were all done, they took a step back to survey their work around the room.
"Right, I hope Mom will be pleased," Eric muttered, glancing at his watch to see if he could make it in time to pick Jackie up from work.
Donna didn't say anything and he looked at her to find her gazing at him with a peculiar expression on her face.
"Look, Eric," she glanced upwards. "Mistletoe."
Eric followed her gaze and saw the tiny sprig hanging above their heads.
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, Donna. I don't think this is a good idea," he said gently and turned to walk away.
Donna reached out and grabbed his forearm. She felt the strength in it and her heart skipped a few beats.
"Eric..."
He stopped, but didn't turn around. He blew out a breath, but before he could say anything, Donna moved around him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He saw her eyes close as she leaned in and kissed him with all the passion she was feeling and tried to push her tongue past his closed lips.
By sheer instinct, Eric felt his arms close around her. The feel and smell and taste of her was all so familiar, but it felt wrong. He wanted the press of fuller lips, the clean, sweet scent of flowers and sunshine and a tiny frame that fit perfectly into his body.
He pulled away after a second, but it was a second too long for Eric. With a slight shake of his head he said, "No, Donna."
She looked crushed. He looked into her blue-gray eyes, eyes that he had loved for most of his life, but all he felt was a deep affection for a friend. They both spoke at the same time:
"There's someone—,"
"But Eric, I—,"
She looked at him and soldiered on, not hearing what he said.
"Eric, I still love you."
"Donna..."
"No Eric, please listen. You don't have to say anything or do anything in return. It's just that I've realized that these past two years that you've been gone that there's this… absence… in my heart a-and my life and I'm just coming to realize that it's because of you. T-that this absence is you."
"Donna, I—,"
Donna pressed on, ignoring him.
"Eric, I-I know why you left for Africa, I see that now. I understand that you did it all for me, for us, and I was just too blind, too stupid, too selfish to accept that it was you who was making something of yourself, you and not me."
She looked at him pleadingly, earnestly. "I realize that I do. I do love you. And it's always just been you."
Eric's lips flattened into a line and he ran a hand down his face.
"Donna," he said, trying to sound reasonable. "You're with Randy now. You're living with him. You're in a serious relationship — far more serious than our relationship ever was."
She set her jaw and shook her head stubbornly.
"Donna," he tried again, "things are different now. You're different, and I'm different." He placed a hand on her shoulder and said gently, "What used to work for us won't anymore."
She looked at him with damp eyes. "But don't you see—,"
She never got to finish her sentence as the basement door banged open suddenly and Hyde and Fez trooped in.
"Forman! Donna!" Hyde exclaimed, catching sight of the two of them and clearly in buoyant spirits about something. "Kelso's invited us over for the New Year, man!"
"Yeah," Fez chimed in, "that means..." He turned to Hyde and the both of them beamed and chorused, "Road trip!"
"Come on," Fez added, just noticing the rather grave expressions on both Eric's and Donna's faces, "it'll be fun!"
Eric cleared his throat and stepped away from Donna, giving them both a strained smile.
Hyde looked at him and then Donna and then back to Eric again. He came to the conclusion that their on-again off-again relationship would probably be heading to the vicinity of 'on-again'.
"Ah," he said, nodding his head wisely.
Donna gave him an exasperated look and turned to Eric, an unnamed emotion in her eyes. "Fez is right. It will be fun. Just like old times, right Eric?" she asked him softly, and only he could hear the note of hope in her voice.
Eric didn't answer, but Fez did. "Just like old times! Yay!"
Eric sighed inwardly. A long weekend with him and Jackie, and two of Jackie's exes and his ex-fiancée. This was an epically bad idea.