Chapter one: Death in the Family
(Draco's pov)
It was a cold night at hogwarts. For some reason, it was difficult to sleep. I stared at the ceiling, my mind racing with thoughts of today, yesterday, anything that could entertain me, really. I wondered fleetingly what was going on at home. Mother and father are probably sleeping... I wonder if they're worried, there is a killer on the loose, after all. Well, we've nothing to worry about. If anyone hurt us.. father wouldn't hesitate. He's a powerful wizard, father is. I bet all this sirius black business has something to do with POTTER... Suddenly, there's a loud banging on my door. My head jerks up and promptly smashes against my bedframe. I let out an obscene curse, rubbing my temple, walking to the door. Who the hell could be here this bloody late? As the door slides open, i'm shocked to see my favorite teacher, professor snape, head of slytherin house. I can see almost a small flake of pity in his expression. I must be imagining it, though. "I have been asked to escort you to the headmaster's office. Follow me, Draco." I snarl. "But sir, it's the middle of the night, what could the headmaster want with me?" Snape sighs. "I don't believe it is my place to tell you, Draco. You will know when he explains it to you. Come on, now." He turns around and begins to walk. I quickly follow, still having questions to ask. "Sir, why couldn't he have brought me to his office in the morning? What's so urgent, professor?" He doesn't even look at me. I tug on his sleeve a bit. "Professor snape?" He looks down at me, clearly quite irritated. "Be quiet, Malfoy." I quickly shut my mouth and walk behind snape, barely noticing where I'm walking, trying to think. I don't even notice that we've arrived until I hear the annoying voice of our Griffindor-loving headmaster, Dumbledore. "You may sit down, Draco. Your father will be here soon." How dare he adress me by name, does he know who I am... did he just say father would be here soon? I quickly take a seat. "My father? Why would he be here?" Dumbledore looks dissapointed and sympathetic. "Ah, I would've thought he would send you a letter explaining the situation first.. maybe he couldn't bear it. No matter. I believe he may have already arrived." Just then, the door swings open, and father stumbles in. I notice that he looks quite disheveled. He doesn't seem to notice anyone else in the room exept me. "Draco! My son!" He dives down and wraps his arms around me. I'm immediately uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time father hugged me.. he seems to be panting, catching his breath. He looks over and notices Severus and Dumbledore. He quickly releases me. I stare at father, completely dumbstruck. "Wh-what's going on? Father, are you.. ok?" I stutter. He looks away, as if he isn't able to make eye contact with me. "Draco...I- well-" he takes in a deep breath and makes eye contact with me again, steadying himself. "It's your mother. She's dead."
Chapter 2: Denial, Anger, and Numbness.
His words hit me like a curse. It feels almost as though I've been struck with cruciatus. Or, this is how I'd imagine it would be like, anyway. My mother.. dead? She.. she can't be! "Father, you're not serious, father? Right? No.. She has to be alive.. How? How did she.." Father looks weaker then I've ever seen him. I half expect him to fall to his knees. "She.. she died of dragon pox, same disease that killed your grandfather.. she.. she came down with it a while ago, I thought she would survive.. I didn't want you to worry, draco, I was so sure she'd be fine... i-im so sorry, draco." Although I haven't been attacked physically, it feels almost as if I have internal bleeding, as if all my bones were shattered, almost like I could die, right now... I've never even heard father apologize before... Im suddenly struck with a surge of boiling emotions. I feel as though I could punch something, curse something... "You should've just told me, father!" I growl, unable to hold myself back. It feels satisfying to take out some of my anger on something. "Of course she wouldn't... Grah!" I stomp my foot on the ground as hard as I can. I half wish that I could break the floor. "Damn it!" I force my hands into my hair, my elbows resting on my legs, my head facing the floor. Father steps closer to me, and gets down to his knee, so he's about my height from where i'm sitting. "Calm down, Draco! Calm yourself!" I look at him, feeling absolutely nothing but anger towards him. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN?" I stand up. "MOTHER IS DEAD, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CALM?" I immediately feel the effect of my words in the room. Father looks completely shocked. He steps back. I look around to everyone else in the room, who I had forgotten were even there. Dumbledore looks from me to father, back and fourth. Severus is looking out the window at the moon, almost as if he'd rather be anywhere else. I almost feel embarrassed. I drown the feeling over my sea of unbroken anger. "How dare you conceal this from me, father? How long has she been ill? FOR HOW LONG?" father looks as though he's trying to hide his emotions, more aware then me of who else is in the room, who could be listening. "I didn't want you to worry, I told you that! I.. she was only a bit older than 30, it doesn't usually kill people that young... it shouldn't have..." his words almost break at the end, like a glass mirror, slowly cracking. He again looks as if he's going to drop, his legs like broken pillars, struggling to keep him standing. He uses his staff to support himself, the one thing keeping him standing. "She... she told me there was no need to take you out of school, that she would be fine.. and I listened. I'm sorry, draco. There was no saving her." I notice that father looks a bit pitiful, but I feel no pity for him. "Really? There was NO way to save her? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. SHE WASN'T EVEN THAT OLD, FOR GODS SAKE!" "What could I have DONE, Draco? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE SUGGESTED I'D DO? HM? SINCE YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE!" Severus suddenly stands up and nudges Dumbledore. "Lets let them be alone for a while. This seems a bit... intrusive." Dumbledore nods, and they both walk out the door. It clicks closed behind them. There's a few seconds of silence. "You're right, father." I say, quietly. "I wasn't there. Whose fault was that?" He looks petrified. "How dare you.. Disrespect me like you've done? When we get home, Draco, I swear to god. Everything you've said today... how dare you, how dare you? I THOUGHT I HAD RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT! DON'T FORGET WHO TAKES CARE OF YOU, DRACO. DON'T YOU DARE FORGET." I growl. "I'M NOT AFRAID OF WHAT YOU'LL DO TO ME, FATHER! I DON'T CARE! AT LEAST IF YOU KILL ME I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE MOTHER AGAIN!" it seems as though something else has taken control of my body, as if I'm watching my life from an outside perspective. None of this could be happening to me, I couldn't have said those things.. and then I realize what i'd said. At least i'll be with her again... she's gone.. mother... i'll never see her again.. surprisingly, despite all my anger, despite how sad that should make me, I feel strangely numb. Like i'll never feel again. I just want out of here.. i'll focus on that.. I fall to my knees, but I don't mind the pain, or the crunching noise it makes. "Please, father, can we just.. go home.." I can hear him try to catch his breath. As soon as he's able to breath normally, he stutters, "yes, Draco. Let's... let's go." I try to stand, but i'm unable. My body seems to heavy. Father extends his hand, and I take it without second thought. Instead of pulling me to my feet, he swoops me off of them, holding me as if I were a baby, my entire body in his arms. I almost feel as though I could sleep there... something to carry me away from my existence, no matter how horrible my dreams may be, at least I won't be here. Once we get out into the hallway, he sets me down. "You can walk. Come on." I don't care. I stand and take his hand, looking at the floor, noticing all the small lines and cracks in the floorboards. Suddenly, footsteps are heard throughout the corridor. I don't care, I just want to keep moving. But father stops. I look at the ground, my gaze unmoving, waiting until we can get out of here.. all I want is to be home.. or in my dorm, I don't mind, I just want to be alone, isolated, in a cozy, warm bed, with no one and nothing to bother me.. "Severus." Mutters father. "My sincerest apologies for what just happened. I didn't want you to have to see that." I look up at professor Snape. He'sstaring deeply into father's eyes. "I understand, Lucius." Father nods respectfully. "Thank you, Severus." I look back at the ground. "I would like to offer my condolences, Lucius. I know this may be.. difficult." There's a pause. "I'll be fine." Says father, clearly lying. It doesn't matter one bit to me, though. Snape mods and walks away. Father begins to walk again. I follow him. I'm reminded of my way to Dumbledore's office, staring at the ground, thinking. Exept now it's hard to think at all. I really can't see the point in doing anything. Nothing seems to matter anymore. It gets cold as we step out the door. We walk to the edge of the grounds. "Hold on the me tightly, Draco. We're going to dissapparate." I nod. There's a loud snapping noise, it feels as though i'm floating, and suddenly, we're home. It doesn't feel like home, not without her.. I let go of fathers hand and begin to walk. I push the door open, not bothering to look back. I climb up the stairs and make my way to my room. I look across the hall to my parent's room. That's where mother usually would sleep. I watch father trudge up the stairs and step into the room. Mother used to kiss fsther before he would leave, when he was going somewhere, I remember seeing it. I wonder if they kissed goodnight, too. They won't anymore, anyway. As i close my door and fall down into my bed, I suddenly become aware of the presend, as if time caught up with me. I'll never come home to mother again, never see her face and hear her voice.. I didn't even get to see her before she died.. How will I ever feel happiness ever again? Or any other emotion for that matter? Not without her. Imagine how father feels. He loved her, I know it, and I just shouted at him... I blamed him.. somewhere, in the back of my head, I almost wish I felt numb again. I shut out the thought like slamming a door. It seems like there's no possibility of ever feeling anything less that depressed ever again.. I just screwed up everything like I always do... I never do anything right.. I begin to sob, and it quickly turns to tears, rolling down my face. I fall asleep, still crying as I drift off into unconsciousness.
Chapter 3: Breaking the wall
Lucius's pov
I wake up to another warm morning. The sunrise looks beautiful. Almost as pretty as her. I roll over to wrap my arms around her. I quickly realize that the bed is empty. She's gone. I feel my pillow. It's moist. Possibility from tears. Suddenly, memories of yesterday flood back to me like a cold, salty ocean wave. Draco.. I-I know he didn't mean anything he said. It can't have hurt me. I can't let anything hurt me now. I must be strong. I open the door and begin to walk down the hallway. I look over to Draco's door. I think for a second, and place my hand on the knob. I slowly open the door. "Son." I whisper, trying not to sound hostile. He looks unhappy to see me. His pillow looks almost grey, damp, as if it was dropped into an ocean. His eyes are puffy and his face is red. "Father." He mutters. I look over the scene. "Are you... ok? Draco?" He stares at the ceiling. "I don't know, father. Truthfully, I don't." I step forward, wanting to help somehow. He's probably still mad at me. If he is, i'll let him be. Eventually, he will come to his senses. "Father.. I don't know if i'll ever be ok again." He begins to sniffle and sob. His words pierce me like a dagger. "Oh, Draco..." I force the words out. It's all I can say. I can't seem to make myself say anything worthwhile. I figure i've done more harm than help. I stand. "I'm going to.. go make breakfast. I'll call you down to the dining room when i'm done, ok?" He nods, closing his eyes, begging to cry. Narcissa would usually prepare breakfast.. I don't cook much.. still, I know how, it shouldn't be that bad. The morning passes quickly, almost becoming a blur. Neither of us speak to eachother at breakfast. Draco barely touches his food. I can't blame him. I can see he's putting more effort into restraining his tears than into eating. After he's had enough with his silent battle, he trudges upstairs. I hear a crash and loud sobs from his room. I begin to amke my way up the stairs when there's a loud knock at the door. Who the hell could that be? I don't have time for that. I have to focus on my son. They persist, though, their knocks slowly growing faster and louder. I groan and open the door begrudgingly. Im shocked to see Severus. "I... hope i'm not interrupting anything, Lucius." I step aside to let him into the house. "Not at all. Come on in." He steps into my home. "Thank you, Lucius. This is quite a beautiful home." I nod. "It's been passed down through my family for generations. To what do I owe the honor, severus? Shouldn't you be teaching?" He slides off his coat. "I acquired a substitute to fill in my position for the evening. Hopefully they aren't completely incompetent." I nod, and lead him into the living room, inviting him to sit on the couch. "Shall I go make us some tea?" I ask, gracefully. He shakes his head. "There'll be no need." He pats a spot on the couch next to him, signaling for me to sit there. I nod, although I find us to be quite close. There's a few seconds of silence. "I know how you feel, Lucius." I shake my head. "No, Severus, i'm afraid you do not. If you're here to console me, im afraid I will have to ask you to leave. The last thing I want is for you to pity me. Anyone, for that matter. I don't need pity right now. I'm sorry, Severus." He seems completely unfazed. "I'm not here to pity you. You seem to assume a lot about me. I, in fact, know almost exactly how you feel. I, too, lost a loved one. Many years ago." I place my hand on his consolingly. "Really, Severus? I had no idea. My condolences." He nods. "Thank you." I lean closer to him. "Were you married, Severus?" He looks as if ive struck him. He keeps himself calm, though. "Sorry, that was an intrusive question, was it not?" I mutter. He shakes his head. "It's fine. No, I was not. But that does not mean I did not love her deeply. Her death was.. Untimely. Unplanned." I hold his hand tighter. "How did you deal with it?" He responds slowly. "You never really get over true love. Love that you would do anything for. Love as beautiful as the object of your affection. But, you have to move on, even if only a small bit. You at least can't drown in pity forever. It seems unfair...because it is. To put it simply, life isn't fair. But time will heal. You may always love them. And that's okay." He intertwines our fingers and feels my ring. "But you will love again." He seems to almost blush. Or was I imagining it? His gaze darts down to my lips, and then back up to my eyes. "I.. should get going now." Says Severus, standing up. "Wait." I stop him. I stand, too. I grab his hand with mine. "Thank you, Severus." He, too, clenches my hand. Accepting my gesture of love. Wait, love? No, i'm not in love with severus. Definitely not. How could I be? We were just talking about love, maybe that affected my thought process somehow.. I feel almost selfish for thinking it. My wife just passed, I'm not ready to love again. Although, I feel that, in this moment, I could lean forward and kiss him. I remember when we were both only 11 and 12.. I smile, reminiscing on my long-forgotten memories from my time at hogwarts. "Remember when we were at school together, Severus? Remember when we studied together in the common room? Those evenings were so peaceful.." Snape shudders. I seem to have struck a nerve. I had forgotten that he isn't keen on reminiscing over his days at hogwarts. I can't blame him, with how thoroughly he was bullied by James and his gang. I can see that he almost smiles, though. "Yes, I do remember." I stare into his eyes. He looks back at me fondly. Until now, we has never been intimate, with me being married, and with his emotions so safely guarded, almost like a wall around his heart. Well, I am quite strong physically. Ive never tried it, but I could, possibly, be able to break a literal wall. But a metaphorical one is a bit more complicated. I only had to wait for him to take the wall down himself, break the barrier. I feel a new kind of connection with Severus. Like we're closer than we ever have been before. His lips look so soft.. if only he could stay for a while more, if only I could plant my lips onto his... If I woke up tommorow morning, and was next to him, I wouldn't complain at all. "Maybe.. you should sit back down." I say. He nods, and we both take our seats on the couch. "I don't want you to leave, Severus. I honestly don't." I confide. "You've been so helpful." Severus places his hand on my shoulder. "Are you honestly prepared to move on from your wife? Not today, not right now, but eventually? Because I promise, I will help you." I nod. "I still love her.. so much.. but I think I can." He looks into my eyes, as if trying to read my mind. "Honestly? Don't lie to me, Lucius. Think about it." I nod. "Yes, severus, honestly." He releases my hands. Until now, I honestly had no idea that he was holding my hands, let alone so tightly, but I long for him to do it again. He stands. "I will be back." I stop him before he turns away. "When?" I ask, pleadingly. He smiles. "Whenever I feel like it. I can promise you, you'll be okay without me. Maybe you should go tend to Draco." Draco? How could I forget? He must still be sobbing.. and I was down here flirting with Snape? How could I? A pang of guilt rushes through me. "Yes, yes. I shall." Snape nods. "Until we meet again." I smile. "You're welcome here whenever you like. Or, as they would say in Mexico, mi casa es tu casa." Snape turns around, and as he leaves, he shoots me a look over his shoulder. "I really have no idea what that means." I laugh slightly, and he takes his coat down, fastening it around his shoulders as he takes his leave.