Chapter 5: I'm Here.
Lucius's pov
I wake up in my study. I must have fallen asleep after talking to Draco.. well, no matter. It means I get to see those beautiful red roses out the window first thing in the morning. Narcissa loved them. I think about yesterday. I was so mad at Draco, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I shouldn't have let him off so easy. He didn't push the limit yesterday, he practically stabbed it. He threatened to kill me, for gods sake. But I didn't do it. I didn't punish him. I sigh. "It's already been decided, I can't fix it now." I tell myself, getting up to go make breakfast. I seem to have improved my skills from yesterday. Possibly because i'm less depressed. Draco walks calmly down to the dinner table. Should I still be mad at him? We make eye contact. "Are you actually going to eat something today?" I ask. He nods and takes a seat. "Good boy." I place the prepared meal onto the table. Draco eats most of his food. I'm glad to see that, as I remember how he didn't even touch any of it yesterday. "Thank you, father." He says, standing up. "You're welcome, Draco." I respond happily. I seem to be close to forgiving him. He goes up to his room, and is up there for the rest of the day. I go back to my study, and resume my book, with occasional glances out the window, as if expecting her to be there, watering the garden. I'm glad my study is next to Draco's room, as I can hear if he's sobbing or not. And he doesn't seem to be, today. In fact, he's eerily quiet. I feel his wand in my pocket. Ah, I forgot, I had confiscated it after the argument. I stand up and walk to his room. I slide the door open slowly and step into his view. "Draco? Are you.. ok?" He nods. "Yes, father, i'm fine." He seems to be studing his school textbook. I reach into my pocket and set his wand onto the book. "Here. Take this back." He looks at it, almost astonished. "I don't have any use for it. It belongs to you, anyway. As long as you don't... well.. have an outburst again." I say, quietly. He nods. "I didn't mean what I said, father. I hope you know that." He says, looking into my eyes, searching for a glimpse of emotion, trying to read how I feel. "Of course you didn't. That's why you apologized." I stand. "I will be in my study, like I always am." I sigh deeply. I really have nothing to do. I feel an intense longing for my wife. She could always entertain me. Her company always made me feel better, no matter what dire circumstance I was in. No, I have to be strong. I can't succumb to my emotions. I walk away from Draco, and make my way back to my study, sitting on the windowsill. I look down at my wedding ring. I reminisc the fond memories of our that day. That beautiful gown she was wearing... I will always have these memories. No matter where she is, I will always remember her. If I could only see her, one more time.. but no, that's impossible. She's dead. Gone. I just have to accept it. I already felt my anger, bargaining, depression, denial. I had enough time in between when she died and when I mustered enough courage to get Draco to think about my feelings. I must focus on my family. I drift off into sleep on the cold windowsill. By the time I emerge from my nap to a loud banging on the door, I feel as though no time has passed, while also feeling as though Ive wasted a great amount of it. With a jolt, I suddenly realize who must be here. I quickly run to the door, happy to see severus's familiar face. "I'm back." He says, inviting himself in. "And i'm glad you are." I say, bowing, as he takes off his coat. I notice how dark it is outside as I close the door. "But why this late at night?" He sits down on the couch. "I preferred to teach my class today. I didn't leave until after hours. Of course, I was bombarded with questions of my whereabouts. Particularly from Potter. Nosy little brat, just like his father." He snorts. "But i'm not here to talk about my day, now am I?" I sit next to him. "So. How have you been?" He asks. I pause. Should I tell him about the fight? I quickly decide against it. "Ive been fine, Severus." And to be honest, that isn't that far from the truth. I'm doing pretty well today, now that I think about it. He nods. "And Draco?" I think. "Well, he seems to be.. better. He didn't cry last night, and he ate breakfast this morning. Ive been checking on him when I can." Severus nods. "That's improvement. I don't expect you both to heal in one day. I wouldn't say i'm an expert on children, but I do have quite the experience with grief." I take in a deep breath, preparing for what i'm about to do. "About Draco..." I stand up. "I really don't think you coming here each night to talk to me about how I feel is a good idea, severus. I have more important things I must do. Not that I don't cherish our moments together, but I am the patriach of this family, and with Narcissa gone.. well, I'm a single father. I must devote all the time and attention I have to Draco. There can be nothing more important than that." Severus looks at me cooly, unbothered. "I can promise you, you're not wasting any time. He's asleep now, after all." I get a bit frustrated. Does he not understand me? "What I'm saying is, I can't focus on my emotions. I have to focus on him. There's no time to think of myself. You've been good help, Severus. I thank you for that." He nods. "Please, sit back down." I do as he says. "What you need is to continue your life. If someone had killed her, of course, you could easily devote yourself to vengeance. But you couldn't have helped what happened. If you move on, it's not leaving her behind. You can honor her memory, remember her, but she would want you to be happy." He grabs my hand and leans closer to me. "Lucius, the best thing you can do to honor her is to be content with your life. Be stable. Im sure she would want you to be." I nod. The words seem to flow through me, like soothing, warm water, heating up and calming my soul. Cleansing me of frustration or worry. "Thank you, Severus." Is all I can say, my true feelings exceeding words. "I take it you understand?" He asks. I nod. "Good." He looks away solemnly. "My situation is.. different." He suddenly realizes what he had said. His eyes widen. "I do not wish to go into detail of it. Truthfully, ive never mentioned it to anyone." I nod, not wishing to push him any further. He changes the subject. "It's quite a shame you're a single father.. i'm sure many women would be happy to marry you.. and men, for that matter. Any sex or gender. You can practically have anyone you want." I nod. "You definitely haven't become any less attractive as you've aged. Quite the opposite, actually. Like a fine wine." I hope with every cell in my body that Draco hasn't decided to eavesdrop again. If the events of yesterday set him off, this would be a hell of a lot worse. "Speaking of fine wine.. would you like anything to drink, Severus?" I ask. "No, i'm fine." He refuses. We look into eachothers eyes for a second. Normally, prolonged silence is quite uncomfortable for me, but I feel completely content gazing into his dark eyes. I wish I could freeze this moment, and just stay here forever. That seems like a fine existence, I wouldn't complain... "I hope you know how much this means to me, Severus. You've not only helped me, but you've changed my perspective. I'm infinitely grateful for your support." He nods. "I figured I should. I know firsthand how it is to lose someone that close. I not only sympathized with your story, But I connected with it. I remember the hospitality you showed me when I was younger, how you protected me from James's gang. I don't forget those things easily." I nod. "That was nothing, Severus. You're not eternally in my debt. I just couldn't stand a little gang of blood trators attacking someone from my house, let alone someone so smart, so capable.." I lean closer to him. "So...Attractive.." I look up and down at his body, his muscular chest, his groin.. I wonder how long his cock is... he laughs. "You're quite a bit more attractive than me, Lucius. It runs in your family. The Malfoys always have grace and good looks, don't they?" I laugh. "Are you attracted to me, Sev?" I ask. He blushes slightly. I'm definitely not imagining it, he's unable to hide it. His entire face almost turns pink. "Are you?" He asks. I chuckle. "Don't answer a question with a question. We'll get to that later." He looks at me clearly. I see fondness in his expression. "And if I am?" I feel his body. "We'll just have to see where it goes from there, now, won't we?" He leans forward and presses his lips to mine. I've been wanting to do this to him for so long that I can't believe he would attempt it first. For a few seconds, everything is bliss. I feel as though I never want to be released. His soft lips rub mine. It feels so right. I never want him to let go, I want to feel him like this forever, in his comforting arms.. I slide my hand into his hair. It feels slick and oily. I don't care, i'm focused on his lips. His soft, warm, comforting lips. I can't believe I hadn't done this sooner... he slowly releases me. We both sit there, awestruck, as the reality of what just happened hits us. As we realize what we had done. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I place my hand onto his face. "Severus... I love you." I say, staring into his eyes. I've never been so sure about anything in my life. I love this man. And he loves me. He smirks. "You're just realizing this now?" I dive in and plant my lips onto his again. I don't care if Draco sees us anymore. I don't care what anyone else thinks at all, for that matter. All I know is that this is right. I've no idea how, but I know, with my entire heart, that this is completely right. I begin to feel him, my hand starting at his waist and moving down. I want to study every inch of his magnificent body. I feel warmth throughout mine. Not a physical warmth, but an emotional one, spreading through me. I pull my face away from his to speak. "Make love to me, Severus." I say, full of determination and ambition. Suddenly, I realize what I had said. I had spoken my mind so confidently...To my shock, he quickly returns my affection. "I was waiting for you to ask." He intertwines our fingers lovingly. "But not out here." He looks around. I nod. "I can.. show you to my bedroom." I respond. He kisses my neck. I blush profusely. I take his hand in mine and we make our way up the stairs, closing and locking the door behind us.