Naruto growled at the keyboard, typing out a long string of swear words and angry, exploding emojis. Then he squinted at the colorful way he had described where the anonymous forum poster could take their opinions.
"Ahhh, swearing isn't allowed," he complained, jamming the backspace button and not letting go. "But still, I have to prove a point to these dumbasses."
He finally let go of the backspace key and started hammering away again, muttering darkly under his breath.
"First – of – all – Sakura-chan – is – a – JOUNIN – not – a – chuunin...Second – of – all – the Byakugou – seal – does – NOT – work – that – way. Go – back – to – the – Academy – because – you – are – a..."
His thumb slammed onto the period with a sense of finality. "Moron."
He then directed his keystrokes towards the other unsuspecting target of his wrath. "And – YOU – bitch – Hinata – has –" here he blushed a little, "TONS – of – stamina – she – had – a – HEART – ATTACK – and – STILL – got – promoted. AND that – is – not – her – maximum – range – of – vision. Idiot."
He clicked the "send post" button, fuming like a tea kettle and letting out a deep sigh when the "Congratulations! Your post has been received!" pop-up flashed across the screen of his brand-new laptop, a present from Sakura.
It was tough being RamenFan123 on Konoha's online bulletin board, from the looks of it. Honestly, Sakura wouldn't have cared too much – she was a busy bee, so many patients to see at the hospital, so many S-rank missions to go on. She had other things to worry about than what some randoms on the internet had to say about her. She wasn't an insecure schoolgirl anymore, worrying over the size of her forehead.
However, even she would be remiss if she didn't notice the Sakura vs. Hinata flame wars that had popped up in the wake of the shinobi world's newfound peace. There had been a ton of technological advancements in the war's aftermath, this strange "internet" being one of them. She thought that maybe, people would be using this "internet" for important, need-to-know information.
She was wrong. So, so wrong.
People had tons of free time to kill, and this was how they chose to kill it. Debating the merits and demerits of Konoha's various shinobi. She would scream if she heard anyone use the words "power-scaling," "base Naruto," "base Sasuke," "useless," and a bunch of bizarre references to people blowing up planets ever again.
As she said, some had far too much free time. Including, she admitted guiltily, even her. Sometimes. Just sometimes.
She clicked "RamenFan123's" user name and began browsing through his posting history.
No prizes for guessing who this ramen-obsessed lunatic was. Naruto had gotten stir-crazy the past few weeks, stuck in the hospital, waiting on the prosthetic arm that her master had almost finished. Sakura had taken pity on him when she caught him staring morosely out the window, multiple snapped chopsticks littering his table along with numerous cold cups of instant noodles.
She thought the laptop was a good idea. That it would take his mind off things.
She was wrong. So, so wrong.
Still.
She clicked on a post of his in which he was threatening to disembowel a guy who said that "the pink-haired ugly" was "useless" in the war. And another, one where he was defending a very specific individual against accusations of having "creepy stalker eyes." Here, Naruto was not threatening disembowelment, but something else entirely. She winced as she read the message in full. Disembowelment was preferable to this new option he presented, to be frank.
That was definitely against the forum's rules.
It was sweet of Naruto. She supposed.
A smile tugged her lips upward, and she copied and pasted the text of the Hyuuga defense post into an email, cc'ing Hinata with a click of her mouse.
Hinata was spending an awful lot of time with him lately.
She deserved to know that it was worth it.
Besides, she thought, logging into her own account, "RamenFan123" had the right idea. Hinata was not a stalker. Sakura had a friend to defend.
A/N: A little thing I wrote for Sakura's birthday. :)
Raise your hand if you think the Sakura vs Hinata wars are getting very stupid. I thought it would be funny to write an in-universe version of the things people write on twitter or wherever, haha. Naruto would definitely defend both.