Content warning for violence/domestic abuse, and mentions of S*xual abuse!
"What. did. you. just. say?" Billy slams the trunk of his car, eyes wide. "I said it's over Billy...I-I can't do this anymore." I recognised my words, although I couldn't actually hear them. "Can't do what?" he takes three steps forward, I stand my ground but inch away slightly. "This isn't good - i mean - for either of us. I think you're better off without me." I quickly switched tactics. "Don't give me that bullshit, you lying bitch. You wanna hook up with someone else huh? Nathan, Jared, Jonathan, Tommy, Steve, Alex. You wanna throw yourself at them instead?" Billy jabs his fingernails into my wrist and yanks me into the woods behind his house.
The woods were there - but they weren't - a heavy mist clung to the scenery. Billy's fingernails were drawing blood from my wrist, droplets bounced soundlessly. "I'm so sick of you accusing me of wanting to fuck every male who I speak to." I yank my wrist free and cover the cuts with my other hand. Billy's eyes narrow into slits as he backed away a couple of centimetres, "You're a whore and you fucking know it. Hell I'd bet your body count's higher than the entire basketball team's combined." Billy's whisper cut like a knife. "YOU'RE the one inviting random girls to sleep with us all the time." I couldn't feel the cooling summer evening's air, but I knew it was there. "You and I both know you love it." Billy smirks down at me.
There were tears - my tears, "I can't lie to myself anymore. I-I can't keep lying to everyone around me. I hate it." The words felt shadowed by mist. "What do you hate, Rain?" Billy's voice lowered dangerously, "say it." The ground beneath our feet was dry and cracked. "I hate the way you treat me. The way you hurt me. The way I have to come up with excuses anytime you fuck up and leave a mark somewhere noticeable," a heat rose in my chest, but I couldn't feel it. "The way you force yourself inside me when I'm sleeping and you're drunk. The way you completely invalidate everything about me. The way you make me pretend to enjoy myself when there's some other girl sitting on my face and you're tossing yourself off behind the camera."
Thunder clapped against my face as Billy grabbed me by the chin. "You callin' me a rapist now, HEY." More tears. "You're nothing without me; just a worthless waste of air. I'M the one who takes care of you. I'M the one who makes other girls WISH they were you. I'M the one who fucking tolerates all of your attention seeking bullshit!" Spit lands on my face as Billy growls. "I just want to be alone. Please just leave me alone. Nobody has to know anything. You can tell people whatever you want." my hands come up to free myself from his grip, which only tightens. Defeated, shaking inside, but I don't feel any of that now...
"Oh I will, don't worry about that darlin'. Suppose those tapes of you and all those girls get sent round the school - bye bye perfect record, bye bye college, bye bye any ounce of respect anyone ever had for you. Greedy freak just can't stop herself from cheating on me and filming it all." Billy transforms into a giant as I fall the ground with force. There had been pain there - from shards of beer bottles cutting into my jeans, and sticks slicing my palms, "Don't do that Billy. Please." Billy looms above me, pressing the toe of his boot against my fingers, hard. More pain that I couldn't feel right now, but it had been there, just like the crunching sound of my fingers beneath his boot. "Better come inside then - let's get those fingers splinted." He reaches down to pull me up to him...
"Rain, come on, wake up." Robin pulls me from the nightmare - if you could call it a nightmare, since it was a memory. Now I feel everything; the cold air choking me, tears on my cheeks, bones shaking beneath my skin. Robin's arms hung around my shoulders, "Just a dream. You're at home, I'm here." I catch sight of Max in the doorway; concern and guilt covering her face. "Just a dream. I'm okay." I repeat. 6am flashes on my bedside alarm clock, no chance of sleeping again tonight. As if reading my mind, Max calls over, "I'm making pancakes and coffee."