I swiped clear lip balm across my lips hurriedly, hearing Eddie's footsteps up the stairs. My brain was whirring. Not going to want to take you out looking like this. It's Eddie Munson. Clenching and unclenching my fists, I threw my dressing gown around me as Eddie knocked on the door. "Uh, don't come in." I called out, trying to keep my voice level. "Is everything alright?" Eddie's voice sounded suspicious. "Yeah, yeah, just uh not dressed yet sorry." I replied. "okay I can wait downstairs." I heard Eddie backing away from the door and tried to force myself to sound okay when I said, "Great." His footsteps stopped. There was a light rap on the door from his knuckle. "Hey, what's up? Lemme in Rain." I shook my hands and mouthed the words "fuck" and "shit" over and over again until Eddie repeated, "Rain, let me in." Alright, y'know what let him in. This is the only thing you feel comfortable wearing now and if he's put off by it - screw it. "Okay, you can come in." My voice sounded delated. Eddie entered my room and his face was filled with concern and confusion, "what happened?" he immediately asked after closing the door and seeing the makeup products strewn around my dresser and the clothes flung on the floor. I sucked in a breath, putting on the mask of an unbothered and 'say it as it is' persona. "This is what I'm wearing." I said and took off my dressing gown. Eddie stood by the closed door and the look of confusion only intensified, "Right? cool shirt. What's the problem?" I took three steps towards him, but kept a distance between us. "I don't feel feminine. Not today. To be honest, not much this week at all. Skirts, dresses, tops that show my boobs, lots of makeup; it all makes me feel sick at the moment. I don't expect you to get it but it happens, and if me not fully feeling like a woman all the time bothers you, then you know where the door is." The tone of my voice was completely monotonous and defensive.

Eddie brushed past me to sit on my bed. I couldn't tell what he was thinking because his face gave nothing away. After a painful 5 seconds of silence he brought his ringed hand to rest under his chin and looked right at me. "Listen, I've not always been the most...understanding...guy with stuff like this." Eddie began saying and I could feel my heart sinking as I backed against the wall. "Sexuality - yeah cool always made sense to me, no issue there. Gender...stuff...not so much. Until celebrities started speaking about it." Eddie continued and my ears pricked up, I tilted my head a little as I looked back at him. "C'mon Rain; Adam and the Ants, Bowie, Prince, Pete Burns, Annie Lennox, Duran Duran, Queen. They're always fucking over gender stereotypes. Even bands like Kiss, Motely Crue, and Twisted Sister wear make up and girly clothes on stage. It's the 80s - this is like the most queer decade ever." Eddie laughed. A weight began lifting from my shoulders, but hearing Eddie use the Q word made me visibly recoil because I'd had that word thrown at me as an insult before. Eddie must have seen because he immediately sprung up and came towards me. "Can I ask you something," he said quietly and I nodded back at him. "how many girls do you think i've slept with?" his question threw me - why was he even asking that? "Uh...I dunno Munson, but discussing how many girls you've boned doesn't really help me right now." I sighed with my head knocking back against the wall. Eddie was now standing so close that his breath was hot against my neck, "two" he simply said. I snorted, "Really? no way." and Eddie nodded his head. wow, that was unexpected. "Now guess how many guys I've slept with." Eddie whispered.

I snapped my head forward to look him directly in the eyes - did Eddie Munson just ask me to guess how many guys he's slept with? I gulped and responded "one - did some experimenting did you?" Eddie's eyes held mine and his lips turned up at the corners when he said, "Two. Would be three but we never got that far, if you catch my drift." I pushed myself away from the wall slightly, becoming even closer to Eddie, "Are you Bi?" I asked in disbelief. Eddie pursed his lips and scratched his head before answering. "Uh.. I mean definitely wouldn't call myself straight, but I don't really care about the label. If that makes sense. It's fine if other people do, but like, I just don't feel the need to put myself in a box like that. If I wanna kiss someone, or sleep with someone, I will." Eddie shrugged. My head was spinning and I didn't know what to say. Eddie held my hands in his and made me look in his eyes when he said, "What I'm trying to say is - I don't care what you wear or how you present yourself. You're always attractive to me - always have been." Joy sparked inside my chest and a smile broke out on my face; no guy I'd ever dated before, or even just slept with, had ever been okay with this part of me or made me feel as accepted as this. "So you still want to take me out?" I felt like I still had to double check just in case. Eddie responded by pulling me forwards by my hands and kissing me on the lips slowly just once, "Hell yeah." He whispered.