The next day at work was pretty chilled - most of the town had jetted off on their summer holidays or taken their kids to camp, so Steve and I had lots of down time in the store mostly spent trying to beat eachother at trashcan basketball. After dropping Eddie back at his trailer yesterday I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him. Everything about him consumed every single one of my thoughts. He made me feel alive again; really alive, after feeling dead inside for so long after Billy. Being around Eddie was as easy as breathing - I didn't need to pretend to be someone else or change myself for him. I could see myself falling for him in the near future, which both excited and scared the shit out of me. Was I really ready for a relationship again? Sure, Eddie liked me now and he'd enjoyed our dates, but what about when the bad things happen? I'm good at pretending to be okay around pretty much everyone, but there's no explaining away the bloodcurdling screams and pools of sweat when I have a night terror about Billy. Luckily, most nights I just have moderately disturbing dreams; the truly awful ones about him only happen when I'm stressed or anxious. Or someone evokes memories of him. The day ploughed on and we only got busy for a couple hours in the afternoon, but the majority of the customers were babes so Steve tripped over himself to serve them. I spent most of the shift sat at the computer, looking up which titles were overdue and who needed calling with a reminder to bring them back. For the most part of the shift I was zoned out; my mind could be a real dark place sometimes, it liked to creep up on me when I felt happy, reminding me of all my flaws and replaying traumatic experiences.
"In here. Now." Billy ordered only loud enough for me to hear, grabbing me by the arm and marching me to the guys bathrooms. "What the hell? why?" I dug my feet into the floor, aware people were staring at us next to their lockers. "Just fucking go." He pinched his nails into my bicep, putting on a charming smile and giving the girls watching us a cheeky wink as he pushed me through the door. A couple of boys were at the urinals, Billy walked right up to them both and said, "You're done now. Out." They were afraid of him and left in a hurry, tucking themselves back into their jeans. Billy kicked in the doors of the few stalls, when he was satisfied that we were alone in this rancid smelling bathroom with piss on the floor he dropped our bags against the door to keep it shut, and turned to me with a face full of venom. "What?" I mumbled, nervous and anticipating a fight. "Change your shirt. Now." he commanded, glaring at me. "Why? I don't even have another shirt Billy." I said, confused. Billy shook off his jacket and removed his plain navy crew neck, throwing it at me, "Wear this." I shook my head, planting my feet on the wet floor, "You're not even gonna tell me why you want me to change my shirt all of a sudden?" I pulled at the hem of the Judas Priest tee I was wearing. "If you're that desperate for the freaks to bang you, keep it on!" He shouted, bitterness tainting his voice. "Billy what the fuck are you talking about, seriously?" I took a step back with a lump in my throat.
Billy scoffed, "You want them to stare at you, Huh? How about you go out there and let them take turns using you as a cum dumpster!" I looked down at my shirt, still confused but slowly realising the issue; In the cafeteria we had passed where the Hellfire Club sat, Eddie saw that we were wearing the same shirt and gave me a respectful nod with a smile. I had smiled back. The rest of Eddie's friends had barely glanced at me, except Gareth, who stared and said "Cool shirt Wheeler". Now I actually laughed at the ridiculousness. "Jesus fucking christ, Billy. I put on a shirt of a band I like and you're pissed because Eddie Munson is wearing the same one?" Wrong move. Billy was instantly in front of me, grabbing my shirt and yanking it over my head roughly, momentarily choking me. I stood shaking when a senior waltzed in and froze upon seeing Billy holding onto me - both of us shirtless. Billy flashed him a grin, saying nothing. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around my chest. The senior backed out, laughing and shouting, "Billy and Rain are fucking in the bathroom!" My breathing became shallow and I could feel a panic attack coming on. Billy shoved his shirt over my head and threw mine into a toilet. He put his denim jacket back on with nothing underneath, and walked out of the bathroom to cheers from random guys. I wasn't allowed to wear a Judas Priest shirt because Eddie and his friends liking it meant I was an attention whore. Billy was allowed to walk around the school shirtless, showing those pristine abs and rippling biceps to literally everyone. I grabbed my bag and walked out to girls giving me dirty looks, and boys smirking at me.
"Helloooo..Rain!" Steve snapped his fingers in front of my face, making me jump. "Huh?" I blinked hard, coming out of my memory with sweaty palms. "You okay? you were totally zoned out there." Steve looked concerned. I shook my head vigorously to dislodge the memory. "All good, just tired." I replied in the most level tone I could muster. "I asked if you were coming to the party on Friday night." Steve leaned against the desk, raking a hand through his messy hair. Steve sometimes forgot that even though we were his best friends, Robin and I still didn't have the same social status as him and weren't kept in the loop about parties. I furrowed my brow and shrugged at him. "Remember Danny - the farm kid? He's having a party on one of the fields his dad owns. I'll pick you and Robin up at 8." Steve responded matter of factly. Guess I was going to a field party then.