The Harsh Light of Day

Lucy-

Lucy woke to sunlight flooding her room. In her inattentiveness the night before, she'd forgotten to close her curtains. The bright light was harsh to her eyes, almost swollen shut due to crying herself to sleep. Her nose felt stuffy and her head throbbed as well. She half expected to start crying again as she remembered that she'd woken up a murderer, so it was surprising that she didn't. All she felt was empty.

Not having looked at the clock yet, Lucy had no idea what time it was. Judging by how bright the sunlight was, she figured that it was past noon. She usually never slept very late, but today she had no desire to get up, no desire to do anything but stare at her wall and try to make her mind as blank as possible. If she didn't think of anything, then she couldn't feel anything. To feel nothing was all that Lucy wanted. There was no telling how long she'd laid there, but she decided to get up when her stomach started rumbling.

After leaving her bed, she realized how badly she needed a shower. She'd washed her face and brushed her teeth before going to bed, but the rest of her body was in desperate need of soap and hot water, having been a few days since being properly clean. It was what made her decide to take a shower before seeing to breakfast. Or lunch, I suppose, she thought.

A good while later, after an unusually longer time spent under the flow of hot water, Lucy was in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. The doorbell ringing startled her a little. She was a little hesitant to answer as she was in a pair of pajamas and her robe, her hair still wrapped up in a towel. She usually preferred not to be seen dressed so, but in her current emotional state, she was sure she wouldn't care if the Queen of England saw her as she was.

Lucy had assumed the person at the door would be for her mother or a delivery, so it was a bit of a shock when she opened the door to an almost frantic looking Wyatt.

"Lucy!" he practically shouted. "Are you okay?"

She looked at him, puzzled. It felt like a stupid question. He should know that while she might by physically fine, she was definitely not mentally.

"Yes," she said, "why wouldn't I be?" She felt it was best to answer his question as simply as possible.

Wyatt's reply was in an unmistakably worried tone. "Because I've been texting you all day and you haven't responded at all!"

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't look at my phone after I woke up and I left it upstairs. I would've messaged you back if I'd known." It was most likely a lie, she really didn't want to talk to him, but Lucy didn't want to admit it. It would probably hurt Wyatt's feelings that she didn't want to talk to him. There was only one person she would've wanted to talk to and not only would Wyatt not understand, she had no idea how to contact him in the first place.

Neither Lucy nor Wyatt said anything for several moments. Knowing that the awkwardness would only get worse as time went on without speaking, Lucy made the decision that she would face this head on. She needed coffee first, though.

"Would you like to come in? I've just made some coffee," she said.

Obviously feeling relief that they weren't immediately jumping to the conversation he came to have, Wyatt nodded and stepped into the foyer after Lucy moved aside. She closed the door and silently Wyatt followed her to the kitchen. Feeling ridiculous, Lucy released her hair from the towel as she walked, combing her fingers through it to make it look a little more presentable. Under normal circumstances, Wyatt would probably make a wise-ass remark at the small amount of vanity that action betrayed, and she would've laughed along with him, but these were not normal circumstances.

Once reaching the kitchen, Lucy indicated for Wyatt to sit at the island counter, which he did, and she proceeded to get another mug down from the cabinet. She poured the hot brew into the mugs, adding some sugar and cream into hers, before joining him. Wyatt took a sip of the straight black coffee and she almost shuddered, not understanding how he could stand to drink the stuff like that. She supposed that being in the military and not always having sugar or cream available made it a necessity to drink and eat many things plain.

Both Lucy and Wyatt sat, quietly sipping their coffee. She vaguely wondered if maybe he was waiting for her to speak first like the last time. It was completely different now. This time Lucy was too emotionally drained to speak first. So if there was to be any talking done, Wyatt would be the one to initiate it. She decided they would sit there until Wyatt said something or the coffee ran out, whichever happened first.

Wyatt-

Wyatt sat quietly in Carol Preston's kitchen as Lucy poured coffee for them. In his haste to make sure that she was okay after not hearing from her all day, he hadn't stopped to really think about what he was going to say. How did you apologize to a person who felt like more than family that they had to kill someone because you couldn't? It was essentially his job, to do the things Lucy and Rufus shouldn't have to do. And he'd roayally screwed that up, again!

When Flynn had kidnapped Lucy, it had also been his fault. He hadn't protected her as well as he should've. Flynn had offered the deal of telling him who'd murdered Jess and he'd let the hope of getting his wife back cloud his judgement to the point that he'd been willing to risk their safety and to work with their enemy. He should've just shot Flynn and been done with it! Now he was dealing with the consequences of his own making. One of those turning Lucy into a killer. It was definitely not something he'd foreseen when he'd lowered his gun from Jesse James. He hadn't believed what he'd seen at first. Lucy standing there with a gun in her hands with the look on her face of a person asking themselves what had they just done.

That look on her face had broken his heart because it was a look he recognized all too well. It was the look he'd seen on faces of fellow soldiers their first time in combat, the realization of the stark reality that they'd just done something they couldn't ever take back. A look he was certain had been mirrored on his own face. It was an expression that never should've crossed Lucy's delicate features. And now he had to talk to her about it, to say he was sorry that it had, and he had absolutely no idea how to even begin.

When they'd come back from Chicago, he'd practically been chomping at the bit to talk to her. It was only because of the short ride to the Chinese restaurant that he hadn't tried and then she'd fallen asleep on the way to her house. And then she'd surprised him by absolving him of his much deserved guilt before he'd even had a chance to say anything! But that was Lucy and her gracious forgiveness, her innate goodness. She truly hadn't seen him being at fault, no matter how much he disagreed with her.

This time, Wyatt couldn't help but wonder if maybe she did think it was his fault and that was the reason she hadn't messaged him back or didn't seem inclined to speak to him since inviting him inside. He was halfway surprised that she hadn't slammed the door in his face or, at the very least, told him she just wanted to be alone for now. He wouldn't have blamed her if she'd done either. But she hadn't and it was obvious that she wasn't going to speak first. He supposed it was part of a just punishment.

They spent a few minutes silently sipping their coffee. The bitter drink served to remind him of what he was about to say, words he should never have needed to utter, words that should choke him. And rightly so! he thought. He was sure that if he hadn't been a seasoned combat veteran and was able to hide his emotions so well, he would be literally shaking at the impending amends he had to make. It wasn't so much he was apprehensive at making his apology, it was more her reaction that he was scared of. He wasn't sure if he wanted her to blame him or to forgive him more for his inaction in the Bluffwoods. I won't find out if I don't say anything, he admonished himself.

Time to bit the bullet, metaphorically speaking, Wyatt thought as he took a breath to steady his nerves. "Lucy," he began hesitantly, "it's obvious that you don't want to talk about what happened in Missouri, but you need to. This feeling you're having, that numbness, it's only going to get worse if you don't."

Lucy took a deep breath of her own and slowly turned her head to look at Wyatt. Her eyes had no spark of life and it greatly worried him. It was understandable she wouldn't have her normal attitude, her cheerfulness, but the emptiness he saw truly fightened him. That look was there because of him. The hatred he felt for himself in that moment equaled how he hated himself for being the reason his wife was dead. He knew that no matter how much he tried to atone for his sins, whatever afterlife that was waiting for him would not be a pleasant one.

"Why should I?" Lucy asked in a dead voice. "You hardly ever talk about it."

Wyatt winced at her words because she wasn't wrong. "It's different for me, Lucy. I've been in the military for a long time now. I confront death on early mission I go on, that I'll possibly have to fire my weapon to kill the 'enemy.' And it's not fresh for me anymore, not like it is for you. And you know that I don't talk much about my past, anyway," he said, shrugging. It was true. Rufus and Lucy had become like family to him, and were the only two people he'd opened up to in several years, even before Jess had died, really, but even then, he still didn't go too in depth with them. "This is going to eat you alive if you don't face it. You can't bury it like I did, Luce. You're better than that, better than me."

"Wyatt, you're forgetting one very important detail." He frowned at her. "You're not the one who killed a person in cold-blood. I did." Lucy's voice almost cracked as she said this and Wyatt's heart broke all over again.

"Oh, Lucy, no. You can't think of it that way." Lucy raised her brows, incredulity written all over her face. He could basically hear Lucy's mind shouting at him that there was no way she couldn't 'think of it that way.' He quickly wracked his brain for a way to get through to her. Lucy began speaking before he could organize his thoughts well enough for a counter argument.

"Wyatt, I could sit here and tell you that I shot James because I wanted justice for those he'd killed after Flynn saved him and that I was trying to protect history, but that would be a lie." He frowned at Lucy, but she continued. "Grant died in my arms, Wyatt. And it was like something snapped inside of me. In the moment that I pulled the trigger and killed a man who'd surrendered wasn't because of justice or protection but revenge, so I became no better than Jesse James. That's something I can never atone for." She said this so sadly that Wyatt wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that everything would eventually be okay.

"Lucy, do you honestly think that I've never once felt that too? That after that mission in Afghanistan where my entire squad died and I survived only by the chance of the flip of a coin that I didn't want revenge? If I'd had control of a strike drone I'm positive that I'd have wiped that entire village out, regardless of the innocent people who lived there. Or that on any mission after that one that I didn't find satisfaction when we returned fire? It didn't matter those were most likely not the same men, I was still killing my enemy and felt I was getting justice for my friends. Not to mention that four days ago I sat with less than three feet between me and my wife's killer. He was so blasé about it. You have no idea how much I wanted to launch myself across that table and choke the life from him, watching as the life drained from his eyes and let the consequences be damned. So yes, Lucy, I know exactly how you felt and I don't condemn you for it."

Lucy eyes had steadily filled with moisture as he'd talked and finally a tear slipped down her left cheek. He lifted his hand to wipe it away. "It's going to take time and it's not going to be easy, Lucy, but you're going to be okay. The important thing you need to remember is that I'm here for you, anytime you need to talk. Or if you just need someone to sit with you so you're not alone."

Tears fell in earnest from her eyes now and Wyatt pulled Lucy to him, both wrapping their arms around each other tightly. He wasn't sure how long she cried into his shoulder, but he knew this was what she needed, so he wouldn't pull away until she did of her own volition. It surprised him that he wasn't uncomfortable with offering this gesture of comfort to Lucy, to allow her to take from him what she needed with him being content to just sit there and hold her. Before he'd been recruited by Homeland Security for these missions and becoming so close with Lucy, he was sure he'd be very uncomfortable and hoping it would be over soon.

What could have been minutes or hours later, Lucy finally sniffled one last time and pulled away from him. He looked at her splotchy face with red-rimmed eyes, glad that he could see some of the old Lucy there. He knew without a doubt that she would be fine one day. It would never leave her, but she would learn to live with it, just as he had. He would be there in any way he could every step of the way.

With a grateful smile Lucy said, "Thank you, Wyatt. I can't tell you how much you've helped me today."

"I'll always be here for you, Lucy," he replied, sincerity in every word.

She looked at her watch and her eyes widened at the time. "I'm not trying to kick you out or anything, Wyatt, but I'm sure my mom will be home soon and I really don't want to try to explain who you are. She's already curious enough about my "new job" and furious that I won't tell her anything about it and took a leave of abscence from the university. I'd rather not lie to her how I know you." She bit her lip, showing how anxious she was at trying to keep the peace with her mother while wanting to not offend him at the same time.

He just gave a small chuckle to help put her at ease and said, "It's ok, Luce. I completely understand." She gave him another grateful smile.

They walked to the door and he turned around to face her. "I'll check on you later. Please look at your phone every now and then so I don't panic again when you don't respond," he said, not capable of not teasing her a little.

She grinned, saying, "I promise."

He heisted a few moments, just looking at Lucy. Realizing that he was staring, he cleared his throat and said, "Bye, Lucy. Call me if you need to talk again."

Smiling, she said. "I will. Bye, Wyatt."

He walked to his Jeep and pulled away from her house feeling a myriad of emotions; relief, guilt, a sense of accomplishment that he'd helped Lucy in a small way, and also a deep confliction he felt to the depth of his soul. It made him feel restless, so with no destination in mind, he drove around for several hours and it was late as he found himself at his favorite bar, nursing his third glass of whiskey while waiting for Rufus to arrive.

Wyatt had been in deep contemplation as he'd slowly drank the liquor, welcoming the burn as it went down his throat, trying to figure out why he'd felt such confliction as he'd left Lucy's house earlier. He'd finally come to understand that his feelings ran deeper for her than he'd previously thought. The realization had unnerved him and it was over his second glass that he'd came to the conclusion that this thing with Lucy, whatever it was, though very deep down he knew what it was, couldn't continue. It was time to put a stop to it once and for all. That's when he'd texted Rufus asking him meet him.

Rufus arrived a short while later and a brief conversation ensued between him and Wyatt...

"I want you to help me steal the time machine to save Jess. Will you help me save my wife?"

So I decided to add a perspective from Wyatt. I feel like his growing feelings for Lucy and his inability to ignore the denial anymore was the reason he finally decided to steal the Lifeboat to save Jess. It also explains why he said such hurtful things to her and that it wasn't so much to hurt Lucy as much as it was to convince himself that it would be worth it to have never met Lucy if he got his wife back.

Also, I've decided I'm going to write a sequel eventually, following the events of season 2. I haven't decided on whether I'm going to ultimately have Lucy end up with Wyatt as originally in the series or if I'm going to completely delve into the world of where Flynn doesn't die and him and Lucy are together. I'd greatly appreciate your input on which direction I should go! :)