To my Dear Best Friend,

We've been friends for many years. We've been through a lot over those years.

Some years ago I pulled back from your life, and maybe not for the reasons that you thought.

You see, I fell in love with you, I can't pinpoint exactly when, but just the thought of seeing you sent sparks along my nerve endings. Seeing your smile brightened my day. Talking about meaningless things, staying up into the wee hours drinking and putting the world to rights, dancing together in the middle of the room even though there was no music playing.

Our lives diverged the year after you came back to finish your Hogwarts education and after that awful year you weren't here, and decided to go to college and university, to further your education. I was and am so proud of all that you have achieved.

We did keep in touch for the first few years, and I even encouraged your relationship with Mr Weasley, believing that he could be for you exactly what you needed, what I couldn't be. Your equal. Your muse.

You came to me a few months later, after Ronald proposed, teary eyed and completely unsure if this was the route you wanted to go down. I listened attentively, and watched as you struggled with this life changing decision. I wish my council had made you see that there was another option, that I also wanted you. The feelings I described to you that day were my own, for you, my sweet best friend. I asked you if what I described was how you felt for Ronald. You were silent for the longest time, thinking over everything that I had said to you, and when you finally looked up to me and said that whoever I loved was so very lucky, that you didn't feel all of those things for Ron, but that you thought you could learn, my heart shattered. How you didn't see it in my eyes or face I'll never know. We spent another 5 minutes together saying goodbye and then you left. I cried for hours and drank far too much firewhiskey that evening.

Then a few days later it was all over the daily prophet. Miss Hermione Granger and Mr Ronald Weasley were to be wed, the next Summer. I screamed for a long time when I read this in my room. No, how could you do this to me? To yourself? In my heart I knew Ronald wasn't going to make you happy, only I could do that. Ronald couldn't keep up with you intellectually, he couldn't challenge you to become the best you you could be. I didn't leave my room for days after that article. I cancelled my subscription as I couldn't take all the updates about the wedding day. If it weren't for the house elves making sure I was fed I may well have perished over that time.

Alas, time is a great healer, and life began to encroach into my misery. We had the new arrivals to get ready for, all the letters needed writing and sending out, the muggle borns needed house visits. I threw myself into my work, keeping busy. It was only in the quiet moments between leaving the Great Hall after evening meal and sitting down in my room that the dull ache in my chest got so bad that the only way to ease it was to finish a bottle of Firewhiskey and stumble into bed.

Just as I started to deal with how I felt, an owl came and dropped off the wedding invitation. Oh how cruel life could be. I left the castle that day, I had to get away from the memories and the crushing depression that I could feel seeping over me. I wrote to the Board of Governors and told them I was taking an unannounced leave of absence and that I would be back, when I had sorted out the "family emergency" What I really did, was to lock myself away in my manor, so that I could grieve for my lost, unrequited love and close my heart off forever.

It took me months to get over the fact that you were actually going to marry Ronald. In a way I was glad you never saw what I felt for you. Having you know, and still marrying Ronald would have been much, much worse. I came to the realisation that as I had never told you or showed you how I felt then what did I expect to happen? My love for you was buried behind so many layers and walls that I constructed over those months of isolation, that I finally felt able to resume my duties, and to attend your wedding, that was fast approaching.

The remaining school year was, thankfully, uneventful. We saw all the children off onto the Hogwarts Express back to Kings Cross. All that was left to do, was to close down the school for the summer, until we were needed back to start preparing for the new school year. 3 weeks before September 1st. Your wedding was the weekend before this.

I attended your wedding, and can I just say that you looked absolutely incredible. My heart stopped when I saw you walk down the aisle. My breath left me in a gust. The walls I had so consciously built around my heart came crashing down as if they were never there. I cried, sat there in the aisle whilst you and Ronald read your vows, and made a lifelong commitment to one another, everyone assumed they were happy tears, when really I was mourning, again, for the love that I would never get to feel or express to you.

I didn't stay long at the reception, just long enough to see you, and congratulate you. I invited you over for lunch when you were next free. I may not be able to love you as a lover, but I could love you as a friend. We set up a lunch date once a month, either at the castle, when I couldn't get away or we would meet in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade to catch up on everything that was happening in our lives.

I cherish these memories, we were always in our own world, and would often run over the 2 hours we set aside for lunch. It was always just You and I. Like your marriage never happened, or mattered, like when you came back for your final year.

The two of us, together, laughing, talking about inconsequential things. Seeing your eyes light up as I told you of the latest happenings at Hogwarts, hearing about your time at University and the pressure you were feeling about your upcoming exams. We would always part with a hug and a wave and then you would disapparate back to your life and leave me behind, feeling like my world had just got so much smaller and duller.

You came unannounced to the castle one evening a few weeks later. You had just sat your last exam and wished to celebrate with me. We sat and drank and laughed and I saw your shoulders ease from the pressure you had put yourself under. I walked behind the couch to go and refill our glasses, but instead of coming back to sit next to you I started to massage your shoulders. I could feel the knots and tension ease as my hands worked their magic. Your head fell back onto the couch, and you started to hum, my lips started to tingle as I was looking over the expanse of your neck and the profile of your face and further down to your chest. The feelings I thought I had long buried came rushing at me full force, like a wave hitting the rocks on a beach. I stilled my hands, and turned away as I could feel the heat rising in my face, and I didn't want you to see. Once I had myself under control I turned back to you, and sat at the chair that was at a right angle to where you were sat, rather than back next to you, as I knew if I touched you, even by accident, I would do something extremely stupid. As it was you looked at the time, and your eyes widened, where had the time gone? You rose from your position, and I did too as I knew you would be leaving me soon. I walked you to the door of my room, and leaned in to give you a hug. I was so tempted to kiss you at that moment, our mouths were so close together as you pulled away, a little turn of my head and I could have tasted your sweet lips for the first time. Instead I squeezed you one last time, and pulled away from you fully. You whispered goodbye, and walked away.

A few days later and your owl drops a letter on my desk. I stroked his chest and offered him a tidbit for a job well done. As he flew out the window I opened the letter, what was written there, broke me completely.

Minerva,

Thank you so much for the other evening. I really needed some time spent with a friend to clear my mind. Now that university is over and I finally have my degree Ron and I have decided to try starting for a family. Your presence in my life is so important and when the time comes, I want you to be the child's godparent. I know that you will care for my child as well as you have looked after me over the years, and will guide them on the correct path.

Please, think about it.

Yours, your best friend

Hermione x.

A child.

I knew this day would come but I had hoped it would be much further down the road, when I was no longer at this school. It looks like my retirement plans have moved forward a bit. I had to be gone before the child was due to start so 10 more years, maybe. I can't deny you anything, so I, of course, accepted the offer to be your first child's godmother.

You got pregnant pretty quickly and our monthly lunches became much more important, seeing you glow and get bigger only made me fall in love with you even more. You were slower to move as the last few months of the pregnancy came, and I frequently would help you from your chair and offer to massage your shoulders or feet as you often complained they hurt. We always met in my rooms or at the flat you owned with Ronald - this happened infrequently as I was very uncomfortable in your family home. Your radiance during the pregnancy preceded you, and being in your presence I was able to bask in your happiness and help to assuage your fears about being a bad mother.

A month later and baby Rose entered the world, letting the world know she was here and she was going to be breaking hearts from a young age, just like her mummy.

You bought her over to visit a week later. Oh how beautiful the tiny babe was. As I held her in my arms my heart swelled with another kind of love, one I hadn't known before. Motherly. I looked up to see you watching me with Rose, and you had such a wistful smile on your face. I offered you my room so you could lie down and get some rest as you looked awfully tired. I could cope with Rose for a few hours. As you walked by you trailed your fingers over my shoulders and squeezed my left one in gratitude.

I told Rose that day of my love for you, and how I would protect her with my life, as if she were my own. Having you both with me filled me with more hope and love than I have ever experienced in my long life. Sure, I've held many babies, but none where I love the mother as much as I love you my darling.

You slept for 3 hours and when you awoke you looked like a goddess. You apologised for sleeping so long and asked if Rose had been any trouble, as you looked over her in her bassinet that I had transfigured. I admonished you for being silly. Rose, nor you had caused any trouble to me that day, far from it actually. I felt a peace sweep over me as I watched you pick her up as she had started to fuss, I watched as you fed her, you leaned back in the rocking chair and started to hum you are my sunshine whilst Rose suckled at your breast. My eyes swept over your face, down to the babe in your arms, and I knew I had made the right choice not to tell you of my feelings, after all I couldn't have given you a child.

You left after Rose had fallen asleep again. You thanked me for the respite and promised to visit again soon. And you did, our monthly luncheons turned into bi-weekly afternoon naps for you and bonding time for Rose and I.

As Roses 1st birthday approached and you were deep into organising her birthday party, Ron came to me, and said he knew of my feelings for you. I don't know how he found out, and I tried very hard to deny it, but he gave me an ultimatum, give up our friendship and our bi weekly visits or he was going to tell you everything. I was devastated. I was so sure I had hid what I felt for you from everyone but I guess only a person that looks at you with the love I looked at you would recognise it for what it was as it was the way he looked at you too. I agreed that I would cut our visits after Roses party, as I wasn't going to miss that. He agreed.

The party was amazing, everything a one year old could have wanted, and I don't know if you noticed but Ronald kept close to you that day, so I wouldn't be able to get a moment with you to say goodbye. As I left your home that day, tears slipped unbidden down my cheeks and I vowed never to let another into my life or my heart.

I have watched you from a distance since, Rose too. The announcement of another pregnancy wasn't really a surprise, I knew how much you hated being an only child and knew you wouldn't want to put Rose through that. Along came Hugo 9 months later. He certainly took after Ronald and had the Weasley genes.

I was surprised you never questioned my absence from your life after Roses 1st birthday but just figured that your life had become all that you needed so you didn't need me anymore. Now that I'm writing this I do wonder if there was something else?

I'll close with, that I'm sorry to hear of Ronalds passing, and I hope that we can once again resume our friendship that has been put on hold for the last 10 years.

I do still love you, but I hope my confession won't hinder us opening the channels of communication once more.

Yours, forever

Minerva.