The children and I have been at my parents for a few hours. I've excused myself from their company for a while so that I can think things through. I'm currently sitting in my childhood bedroom. Apart from the bed not much has changed about this room. It's comforting to be around my old things. Seeing the books on the shelves, the odd photo of forgotten friends.
Ron didn't visit here often, too muggle for his liking. I would bring the kids over a weekend a month since they were born. Seeing my parents interact with their grandchildren brings such joy to my heart. After I sent them to Australia I thought this may never happen. I'm so thankful that they forgave me and that they agreed to come back to England once I was able to reverse the obliviate. I know that once Rose begins at Hogwarts, our visits here will lessen to the holidays, my parents know this too, but it's how it has to be. I sigh at the thought of reducing their time with their grandkids. They are, after all, the only ones they have.
A few days here, a few days with Molly and Arthur. Possibly a few days with Minerva. My heart stops as I think of Minerva. Then it starts again going much faster than it was. I can still see the look in her eyes just before she closed them. The smouldering love and need, the want, the raw carnal emotion so obvious now I know about it. My body is reacting just thinking about it. My nipples have tightened, and I can feel goosebumps spreading across my skin. Then Ron's face swims before me, looking sad and disappointed with me and all I feel is disgust, and guilt. Tears rise and fall down my face, I'm so sorry Ron, so sorry. I fall to my side on the bed and let all the grief and frustration out. I grab a pillow and use it to muffle my screams. Why did you leave me? Why? I loved you so much, in the beginning, I tried to be a good wife. Truly I did. But I couldn't be your mother Ronald. I couldn't stay home and look after your children and have your tea ready for when you came home, I couldn't be everything that you wanted. The first few years were good, but once we started trying for a family you changed, our dynamic changed. You wanted to know where I was all the time, why wasn't I home baking you something mouthwatering? Why was I visiting the old bint Minerva, when I had everything I was supposed to need here in our home? A loving, doting husband, a good secure job at the ministry. When Rose arrived, you were such a good father, but my needs were ignored, dismissed. I went back to work after a few months as your wage wasn't enough for us to live off, not that you were ever any good with the money, spending it on rubbish that you didn't need, running up debts to buy more things for your quidditch obsession. Going to see Minerva was the only time I felt supported, where I could let go and be myself, get some rest, and you stopped that. I pound my fists into the mattress, letting myself, finally be true to myself. I stopped being in love with you long ago, now I'm just grieving for the love we used to share, for the love the children are no longer going to get from you, for the man I had hoped you could be to me. There is no way I could feel what I'm beginning to feel for Minerva if I did still love you, it's a hard truth for me to face, but face it I must or I will never be able to move on from this.
I start to concentrate on what I do feel when I'm with Minerva.
Safe, secure, cared for. Loved. Appreciated. Wanted.
My tears have now stopped, I no longer feel lost and alone. I've been alone, really, for years as I didn't have the emotional support I needed from my husband. But from Minerva I get all of that and so much more.
I'm not going to fight my feelings for her, I'll wait until Ron is buried and then I will be free to pursue a relationship with her. I realise this decision could cause some tension between myself and the Weasleys, mainly Molly, but I just want to be loved, openly, honestly, completely. Surely I deserve that?
I get up from my bed and make my way to the bathroom. I need to wash the tears from my face. As I look in the mirror, I almost don't recognise myself. There's a lightning behind my eyes, my shoulders don't look so downtrodden any more. My eyes are clear and the path to my future happiness will be waiting for me this evening. I dry my face on the hand towel and look at my watch. It's 5pm. It's time to take the car back to our flat and then go back to Hogwarts to meet Minerva and finally visit her home.
I trot down the stairs and into the kitchen, where my mother has supplied the children with some snacks. I feel lighter now, I'm almost floating. Getting past my anger at Ron for not loving me the way I felt I deserved has bouyened my spirit. I kiss the kids and pull my mother into a tight hug.
"Are you feeling okay sweetheart?" She questions looking at me
"Never better" I smile, kiss her on the cheek then turn to the kids,
"Right, come on then you two. Say goodbye to grandma and grandpa, it's time to go home". I can't seem to remove the grin from my face.
I bundle the kids into the car, making sure their seat belts are securely fastened and give my mom and dad one last hug. "I'll see you at the funeral" I remind. I get bewildered nods from both and then we are pulling away. Going back to the flat that we have lived in for 15 years.
The ride doesn't take long, the traffic is light so we manage the trip in 20minutes. I pull the car into its allocated parking spot and jump out of the car. I feel young again, like I have a second chance to do over what went wrong. I let Rose and Hugo out of the car and we made our way into the flat. My good mood lessens as we enter. Ron's presence descends over me. Everywhere I turn some memory is played out in my mind. I need to get out of here and fast.
"Rose, Hugo, go to your rooms, grab whatever you think you'll need for the next few days, I don't think we will be back here for a while" I can't expect Minerva to put us up, I have enough money for a little motel somewhere, until I can bring myself to come back. Until Hugo needs to go back to school. It's only round the corner, another year then I can sell this place. Start fresh somewhere else.
I walk into the room Ron and I shared, my eyes refuse to look at the bed, and I make my way over to the walk-in wardrobe. I pull out a few things, make sure I've got black robes for the funeral and shrink them and put them in my bottomless bag. I make my way to Hugos room to help him grab a few things. I shrink most of it and again it all goes into my bag. Rose is already waiting for us in the hall, a small pile of her belongings in a bag at her feet. I nod at her and place the bag as it is inside my bag. I'm going to need my hands to apparate us back to Hogwarts, back to Minerva.
"Got everything? Ready to go?" I ask. Both of them nod and we make our way into the entrance hall. I grab the kids hands and envisage the front gates of Hogwarts and turn on the spot. It's time to go grab my future.
Thoughts? Is Hermione's reaction believable? Hope you are still enjoying.