After I left the kitchen, I transformed into my cat form and darted up the stairs.
Once I'm safely ensconced in my room, I transformed back and barred the door. My heart is breaking, all over again. I knew confessing my feelings to Hermione had the potential to hurt me but I hadn't realised just how much. I fall onto my bed, unable and unwilling to stay standing any longer. I pull the pillow that Hermione was sleeping on towards me and I inhale her scent. My tears start again, flowing down my face like a waterfall to land on the pillow. I knew I shouldn't have pushed so hard, she wasn't ready despite what her body and her own words implied, and now she may never come back. My mind is throwing flashbacks at me of our morning, torturing me, breaking me until I'm nothing but a haggard, sorry mess. But as the scenes replay in my mind I notice how she leaned into my touch, kissed me just as passionately, shouted my name as she climaxed, unafraid, untamed, giving as much of herself to me as I gave to her. Maybe, just maybe she will come back. I grab onto that hope and my heart begins to pound in my chest, should I believe?
I rise from the bed, and change the sheets. I go into the en-suite and splash my face to remove the remnants of my tears. I have to believe she will come back, anything else and I may as well end it all now. Having experienced what my life could be like and imagining it without her it wouldn't be worth anything. Hermione and the kids have bought so much light and love into my life in the last few days. It's like I've been living with blinkers on my entire life and it's only now that I can see what the world truly is. I leave the en-suite and make my way to the office. I read the letters from friends, all wishing me well in my retirement. Some invite me for lunch to catch up. Others invite me over for a holiday, the ones that live away from the isle anyway. I'm feeling restless, on tenterhooks waiting for Hermione's decision. I decide to go down into the basement where I have a duelling room set up. I manoeuvre the training dummies into position and then I start casting, expelling all of my frustrations and heart ache onto them. One of them breaks in two as I hit it with spell after spell. I've never broken one before and watching the pieces fall apart makes me stop. I cast a quick reparo and watch as it fits itself back together. If only life was that easy. I sigh and walk slowly from the basement back to the main floor. I still don't know what to do. I've never been very good at waiting. I'd rather be doing something, anything. This time I made my way into the library. I run my fingers over the spines of books, letting their smell and feel ground me. I pull out a book at random and take it over to the loveseat in front of the fire and begin to read. It's a book of poems from the 14th century. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, the 101 stanzas from a wizard that took King Arthur's story and imagined a new one. As my eyes sweep over the text, I think I hear the front door open and close, I raise my head and listen closer, but I hear nothing. I place the book down on the table and rise from my seat to go and investigate. There aren't many people who have access or even know where my manor is, so I am unsurprised when I find Hermione in the hall. I freeze in the doorway, not daring to believe, to break the spell that has come over us.
I'm trying to gage her intent from her body language, her eyes. She seems relaxed, lighter than she has been in the last few days, like a burden has been taken from her. And then she smiles "Min, we need to talk" she continues "about us, about what we want from each other. I want you. I need you. I'm falling in love with you" she says breathlessly. I feel tears form, but I smile tremulously back and step forward and pull her to me. My lips find hers, and I feel the love and determination through our connection. We pull away from each other at the same time our arms remain encircled around the other. Smiling at each other giddily. I release my hold from her waist and grab her hand and pull her into the den, and to the couch.
We sit together, our hands not breaking their hold on the other. I'm terrified if I let go that this will all be a dream, and instead of having her sitting before me I'll be greeted by the hoot from an owl and a letter that I won't read. I can't take the silence anymore so I ask "How'd it go with Molly?"
She smiles and runs her fingers over my palm as she regales me with details of her meeting with Molly, Harry and Ginerva. How she told them everything, including her burgeoning feelings for me. How she organised for the children to stay there tonight, and Hugos question about whether I didn't like them anymore. I close my eyes at this. Our relationship will affect so many more people than just the two of us, are we being selfish? Putting our emotions before everyone else and thinking all the ramifications through? I feel her hand cup my cheek, and I open my eyes.
"Min, the kids love you as much as I do, I don't see how us being together can have an adverse affect on their lives." And she kisses me lightly.
"Besides, now that I've felt what it's like to be loved by you, it would be impossible for me to walk away" she chuckles.
"Truly, Hermione? You really want to be with me?" I ask. I still can't believe it. Instead of answering me she pulls me up from the sofa and pulls me to her. And we dance in the middle of the room, like we used to back in my office when she came back for her final year. And I feel all the pieces slot together, as we sway there in each other's arms. I hear a quiet "truly" whispered into my ear and then a kiss placed on my cheek, then my lips. I open my mouth readily to receive her tongue, affirming our love. We make love right there in the middle of the den, for hours. Worshipping each other, over and over, cementing our relationship, friendship and love for one another.