CHAPTER 9

Season 6, Age 19*

I had received the email with the callback list - my name was not on it. While it didn't necessarily mean I wasn't in the show, I was still mad. Firstly, I was mad at myself for forgetting to give Brad the sheet music so I started off my audition flustered. No, I didn't realize he was there but why wouldn't there have been an accompanist at the audition? Could I not take two seconds to scan the room to find them? Secondly, I was mad at Jesse. He always won. He got every part he wanted, he was the only kid in our family our parents actually gave a damn about, and he always got the satisfaction of me being humiliated - if he wasn't the one causing it, I was doing it myself.

I had been spending some time at Rick's house the past few days and was reading in my hammock in his backyard. Well, I wasn't doing much reading. I was wallowing in self-pity with a book in one hand and a glass of lemonade in the other. I set the lemonade down on the table next to me, a bit roughly, I might add. Some lemonade splashed on my arm.

"Shit," I muttered, wiping my arm off on my shorts.

"Lemonade, huh? It's hot enough today for a slushy," a voice said behind me.

I jumped, making the hammock shake.

"Jesus, Jesse!" I cried. "What did you do that for?"

Jesse took a seat on the edge of one of Rick's Adirondack chairs.

"Shock value," he smirked. "I guess it worked."

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Rick said you were staying here and I wanted to talk to you," he replied.

"Why? To rub in the fact that I fucked up my audition and didn't make callbacks?" I asked.

"Actually, no. Tyler and I both thought your audition was amazing. You've grown a lot in the three years since I coached you in Vocal Adrenaline," Jesse said.

"Jesse St. James, are you…complimenting me?" I asked. Surely, this was a joke. There had to be a camera crew hiding in the bushes or something.

"I am. Why are you so surprised?" He asked. I started to feel the anger rising within me.

"Maybe because right up until this very moment, you have criticized, humiliated, and belittled me any chance you got," I said, my voice getting louder. "And for some reason, for the past nearly two decades I have tried again and again to gain your respect. Because as much as I hate to admit it, I admire your work as a performer. I've been watching you onstage since we were kids and ever since then I've been wanting to be just like you.

When you directed me in Vocal Adrenaline, I thought: 'here it is. This is my chance to show Jesse that I'm a good singer and worthy of his praise and approval.' But all you did was degrade me - in private and in front of the rest of the choir. It hurt that you couldn't say anything nice to me as my director but what hurt even more was that you couldn't find one nice thing to say to me as my brother!" I took a breath, the first one I had in about two minutes. I was crying now.

"And I told myself when I was sixteen that I would never let you see me cry again. But here we are - and you won Jesse St. James. You always fucking win!" I turned to run into the house but Jesse stopped me. I froze and so did he. Then he opened his arms for a hug and I…fell into them.

I thought back to the last time I had hugged my brother. I think it was when I was four and he was about seven. He had taken a toy from me and I had hit him in response. He pushed me onto the floor and our parents proceeded to give us both a half-assed scolding and order us to apologize and hug. We did - and hated it.

But this time was different. I could tell he was genuinely worried about me and didn't know what else to do. We hugged for a good minute before he slowly pulled away.

"There is no excuse for the way that I have treated you," he said. "None whatsoever. And I should've admitted to you long ago that I think you are fucking talented, Annie St. James. There are things that you can do as a singer, dancer, and actor that I could never dream of doing. And for as long as I can remember - I've envied you for it. Instead of admitting this to myself - I used you as a scapegoat for my insecurity and it's the shittiest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm sorry, Annie."

"I'm sorry too," I choked out.

Jesse looked confused. "For what?"

"For the…slushy," I sobbed.

Jesse laughed. "If I had been in your shoes, I would've probably done the same thing."

I was still relatively hysterical. "I don't even know where it came from. It was just sitting in the lobby and I was so angry… why didn't you expel me?" I asked suddenly.

"I was contemplating it - I was angry as hell at you," Jesse admitted. "And honestly, if it had been anybody else I would've in a heartbeat. But…I realized it would've been pretty damn stupid to expel my best performer. However, as your director, I still needed to apply some sort of discipline - I didn't want some sort of show choir anarchy where members could just throw concessions at the director when whenever they wanted. So I suspended you for a couple days hoping to get the message across."

"I really am sorry," I mumbled sheepishly.

"Don't be," Jesse grinned. He paused for a moment, then became more animated. "I completely forgot why I came here in the first place!" He exclaimed. "So, you did notice you weren't on the callback list," he said.

"Yes," I replied.

"Tyler and I thought you were too good to be in the cast. We would like to ask you to be our stage manager."

"Really?" I asked. I had never stage-managed anything before. Would I be able to do it?

"Yes. And…directing both the vocals and choreography is quite a daunting task for just one person. I really think that the cast could benefit from your direction as well."

Holy shit. Was this real life?

"You're being serious right now?" I asked.

"100%" Jesse said.

"I..yes! Yes I will!" I cried. This time, I went in for the hug first, and Jesse genuinely returned the embrace.

"Great. I will let Tyler know. By the way - this is a paid gig."

I smiled. "That's good," I replied.

"That's good? That's your comment?" Jesse teased.

"I mean - it is good. Really good. It's just…today you gave me the best payment I could have ever hoped for. It's a payment I honestly never thought I would receive, and it's infinitely more valuable than money. So thank you…Mr. St. James," I smirked.

Jesse laughed. I did too.