"Miss Heywood."
Charlotte had been lost at sea, aimlessly enamoured by the rolling waves. She flinched at the startling sound of his voice.
"Miss Heywood."
It was not a dream. Turning she saw the man who had remained constant in her thoughts despite her dearest wish to push him from her heart.
Their eyes instantly met.
"Mr Colbourne."
The steadiness of her voice surprised her as it somehow managed not to betray her racing heart. He looked the same. Handsome. Strong. Distant.
She knew not what to say. She knew she might come upon him while in Sanditon but in truth she thought it unlikely. He was a recluse, little involved in society and rarely leaving Heyrick Park. In her first visit to Sanditon she never saw the gentleman nor even heard his named mentioned. She had hoped this visit would be the same.
Alexander seemed equally uncertain as he stood transfixed, staring intently at Charlotte. The spinning of his signet ring the only visible sign of his teetering equilibrium.
Endless moments passed, with neither speaking yet neither able to look away.
Alexander found his voice once more, quietly asking the obvious. "You have returned to Sanditon?"
"Yes."
More silence ensued as Alexander continued to spin his signet ring.
"I have only just returned to Sanditon myself."
This surprised Charlotte. She did not know Alexander ever left Heyrick Park.
"Oh."
This was unbearable. Charlotte was never one to be at a loss of words. Breaking away from Alexander's gaze she looked out across the cliffs. These silences and clipped conversation were breaking her heart further.
This seemed to awaken Alexander, as if he could feel her slipping from him again. He took a step forward.
"Miss Heywood, there is much I regret and I promised myself that if I ever had an opportunity again, I would – "
Charlotte raised her hand. She could not endure another apology. She already knew how little he thought of her. The sting of his words two months ago had not dulled with time - 'I am your employer. It was deeply inappropriate, and I feel only shame and regret.'
Finding her voice at last, "Mr Colbourne, I do not need another apology."
Facing him with her strength returning. "I must be going or the Parkers and Miss Lambe will begin to worry where I am."
Before she could turn and take her leave. Alexander stepped forward, closing the gap between them in three quick strides.
"No."
"No?" Charlotte looked up with him in ire, her angry quickly rising.
"I'm not yours to order about Mr Colbourne."
"I do not mean to order you about. I want to – "
Cutting Alexander off, Charlotte continued "I am no longer a member of your staff. There is nothing more to say between us. I beg you do me the kindness of not bringing up a past that neither of us wishes to remember."
"No." Alexander was resolved. Charlotte had consumed his every thought these past two months. He regretted so many things but none more so that he had not corrected her that day at Trafalgar House. He was not there to ask her to be his governess. He wanted to ask her to be his wife. He still wanted to ask her to be his wife. Removing to London had done little to remove her from his thoughts or the pain that consumed him at her loss. He had returned to Sanditon with the hope he would see Charlotte again, and with the conviction that if he did, he would leave her in no doubt as to his feelings and wishes.
Stepping closer still, Alexander continued, "I cannot remain silent."
Charlotte opened her mouth to stop him once more but he continued before she could. "Please Miss Heywood, I do not wish to bring up an unhappy memory but there are things that must be said."
Encouraged by her silence, Alexander continued.
"I was not truthful with you. I let us part under the misapprehension that I saw you as a member of my staff. I let my past darken what could have been a very dear future. I did not trust myself and I lacked the courage to tell you that you… you were… you are … infinitely more dear to me than a member of my staff –"
Alexander paused, struggling to find the strength to expose himself so fully.
"You brought light back into my life Miss Heywood and since you left I have been bereft. I should have told you two months ago and I can only blame my own weaknesses and insecurities that I did not but… it is my dearest wish to be your husband."
Alexander's eyes were full of love as he looked intently at Charlotte searching for an answer. All distance between them gone.
Charlotte could barely breath. How cruel that he should declare himself now. She was not free to accept. She did not know her heart could break any further but yet it was. The pain was unbearable.
She looked at the ground, gripping her hands, tears threatening to escape. "It is too late."
"Miss Heywood –"
She looked up as a tear rolled down her cheek, stopping him before he could continue.
"I am engaged."
Alexander opened his mouth as if to speak but there were no words left to be spoken. Engaged. She was engaged to another. She was to be another man's wife. The pain seared through his chest. It was unbearable. She was lost to him.