You always come back here.

The journey of ten-hundred-thousand steps, across lush fields, snowy plains, vast oceans, even to the edge of existence itself. You have seen it all. You have overcome it all. Even impossibility, even despair itself holds no grip over you.

Yet you always come back here. To this one moment.

It all seems so insignificant, looking back. Upending a corrupt leadership, chasing them down across the land. That sort of thing would become standard for you.

Suddenly, the shrill hum of brilliant light. You turn, too late to understand what is happening. His voice calls out, and you are shoved behind him—

"Look out!"

That voice, that shield of radiant warmth which comforted you even in the bleakest cold. Even in your darkest hours, you always had him to depend on. Even as you felt close to breaking, he was always there, enveloping you with encouraging words and a bright smile.

Crack. Crack. You cannot process the sound. The shatter breaks through your disbelief, and the cruel reality comes crashing right in front of you. You almost forgot how abrupt the sound of a body hitting the floor could be.

Everything else stops mattering. You ignore the sound of a departing airship. He needs help. He needs treatment, he needs—

Red. It drips from his mouth, pours from his torso. He smiles weakly. He knows. He knows before anyone else. The shadow of death creeps over him, and he merely smiles at it. At you. With what little strength he can muster, he speaks.

"Oh, do not look at me so… A smile better suits a hero…"

The strength, the warmth, all that made him Haurchefant—leaves. His body goes limp. It doesn't feel real. None of it does. But it's the reality that unfolds before you.

Haurchefant dies. You chase after Thordan and his knights. You put an end to the madness of the Dragonsong War. And you move on to your next adventure.

That was how it was supposed to go. How it was 'supposed' to happen.

… But, what if it didn't have to happen that way? What if he didn't have to die?

The hands of the clock, ever-turning forward. The impossibilities which you always subverted force them to a halt. The reasoning isn't important, merely that you did it yet again. With effort, those hands begin to turn backwards…

'Look out!'

It isn't his voice that shouts those words this time. It's yours. The spear of light shoots to you, and a flow of emotion surges through you. The 'you' of the Dragonsong War knew nothing of Dynamis, nor how to properly use it. But the 'you' who overcome the Final Days? The 'you' who silenced the Endsinger's song of oblivion?

It comes as naturally as breathing now. With a great shout, a barrier forms around the both of you, and the spear shatters against it.

It doesn't matter that Thordan still flees to Azys Lla. You turn to him.

"Well!" He seems relieved, and a little surprised. "It would seem I owe you a debt of gratitude, my friend! Though I assure you, I was quite prepared to—"

You don't let him finish. You just throw yourself around him, shutting him up. He seems even more surprised, as if he can sense something is amiss with your reaction. But he doesn't question it. He returns the gesture.

"As pleasant as this is, perhaps we ought to pursue Thordan? There is still work to be done."

You smile. 'Yes, let's get to it.'

He doesn't know what preceded this moment. The trial-and-error. The failures it took before he was finally saved. But you did it. You finally did it.

Time progresses forward. And you realize, if time is something you can change…

You could save them all.

It takes time. It takes effort. But, you do it again. Ysayle is also saved. It's the same thing you always do; you confront the impossible and overcome it.

All of it, with Haurchefant at your side. He knows nothing about what you're doing, but he encourages you, gives you strength nonetheless. His smile is at your side, and always will be so.

All seems well. You manage to make it all the way to the final bout with Nidhogg, to free Estinien from the dragon's control.

… But when you and Alphinaud go to tear the eyes from him and cast them into the void below, something is different. They don't free themselves as easily. No, they in fact dig into him in resistance. You both pull, refusing to accept their stubbornness—

Something tears. The eyes are ripped from his body. But the dragoon's body goes lifeless. He falls to the ground, and does not rise again.

Even in the days that come and go, he doesn't stir from his eternal slumber. Estinien Wyrmblood is dead.

You realize what happened. You remember the 'original' time, and the ghosts of old friends who helped you save a still-living one. Your stomach turns.

Even if you go back in time, it won't change the outcome. Without their aid arriving when it did, Estinien would always fail to be saved.

Death cannot be prevented. The cruel calculus of time and fate will always find some way to balance its scales.

'This is all my fault.' You utter aloud.

"You mustn't blame yourself." Haurchefant's voice cuts into your thoughts. His concern shows. "Even the most valiant of knights, no matter how courageous, will sometimes fail. You must not lose heart."

You look at him. He doesn't know. He's just encouraging you, like always. But his smile comforts you, even as guilt wracks your conscience. You return it.

"There's that brilliant smile. Please, take care not to lose it, dear friend."

… If it was to keep that smile of his safe… Then it could be forgiven, right? This failure could be forgiven.

But fate marches ahead, uncaring and unwilling to accept your wishes.

Ala Mhigo. The assault on Castrum Abania was to commence. But again, something changes. A tremendous cannon at the base is aimed at the Alliance's and Resistance's forces. Before you can understand what caused this change, it's fired. Countless lives are lost. Eorzea's momentum in the push to liberate Ala Mhigo is disrupted.

Each ripple in the complex web produces a new change in the timeline. Nidhogg's eyes resurface yet again, even after you slay Shinryu. Some of the Scions perish as the odds are stacked against you. You cannot even imagine how you will progress to the First, nor how this world will face the Final Days.

It takes all of your being just to hold onto Haurchefant, the one person keeping you steady through it all. And as you do, you come to understand.

All of it. All of the deaths. All of the destruction. All of the failures. All of it, simply because he was spared.

'... It wasn't supposed to be like this.'

He doesn't just hear the words. He hears the emotions behind them, the feelings you've bitten back every time you experienced a new loss in this timeline.

"Please tell me. What is this secret you are keeping?" He isn't stupid. Even now, you cannot look him in the eye. "... Do you not trust me?"

'I do.'

"Then why can you not tell me this?"

'Because I know you too well to tell you the truth.'

His eyes widen at your words. Of course, you know that won't stop him. It only makes him more insistent that you tell him what is wrong. He's always been concerned like that. Always worrying about you not as a champion or hero, but as a person.

He cannot bear to watch you suffer like this. And you know what his solution would be.

… You tell him the truth, as painful as it is.

"..." He's silent at first. "I… see." A difficult set of emotions are writ across his face. But doubt is not among them. "I know you too well to presume this as another instance of your ill-timed sense of humor. But if this is the case, then you are suggesting that…"

'If you die, then history will return to the way it was supposed to be. Before the deaths. Before we started fighting a losing battle.'

His hesitancy is understandable. But what terrifies you is that you are far more hesitant than he is. Determination fills his eyes, his smile bright as always; the shine of a knight who knows he is headed to his death. But a slight quiver betrays his confident look.

"... I told you once, long ago, did I not? There is no greater calling for a knight than to risk his life for his fellow man. Should my fate be that which could save so many, then—"

'STOP!'

You shout without realizing it. Your body is shaking. 'Please,' you plead. 'just stop…'

He realizes too late what his words are doing to you. Regret pours across his face, but he doesn't lose that damned smile.

"My apologies. I… did not consider your feelings, did I?" You feel an arm rest around you. "Do forgive me for my selfish indulgence. But, I know just as well you would not forgive yourself if you let this go on."

He's right. You wouldn't. No matter how much you care for Haurchefant, you're not so far-gone as to suggest the world should burn for him. But you don't want to lose him. He shouldn't have been lost in the first place.

You throw yourself around him. 'Please. Just give me a moment.'

Just this moment with him. Just a moment.

'Just one moment to say goodbye…'

… … …

The clock's hands should have turned back to the moment of Haurchefant's death. You should be trying to make things right this time. But you don't. Not as it 'should' be done. Rather, you can't bring yourself to do as you were asked.

You try to go back and engineer events. If Estinien can be stopped from turning into Nidhogg, then perhaps it can all be prevented.

… But something changes each time. What you thought was merely a series of contrivances begins to twist, reshaping itself each time. The world punishes you with new horrific outcomes each time you try to undo his deaths. Things you hadn't even considered continue to haunt you, even as you change the timeline again and again.

The impossible is not overturned. You do not save everyone. You cannot save everyone. And as that cold reality settles in, even greater horrors stir in the back of your mind.

You could save Haurchefant and let Ysayle's death occur. Then perhaps Estinien could be saved still. But what if something else happens? What if Alphinaud dies somehow? Or Alisae? Or Y'shtola, Thancred, Urianger, Tataru, any of them? What then?

Fate does not laugh at your suffering. It does not mock your failures. It merely watches in silence as you tear yourself apart.

It isn't fair. It isn't fair that the world must burn, that so many other futures must be forsaken, all just to save someone. It makes no sense! Why must the dead be left to suffer in silence while the living leave them behind?! Why must the past be buried so?! You didn't ask for this! You never wanted to lose anything! All you got was a goodbye!

'No. No! Such cruel fates cannot be the only option! I've done the impossible before, I can do it again! And again and again and again! I'll find another way! I have to! And if the cruelty of that other outcome is the only option, then, then what…?!'

A pair of eyes lock with yours. Amber hues, aged by time and heartbreak. Brows wrinkled from furrowing far too often for their own good. You see the figure as he presented himself to you on the First, in the body Eorzea knew as 'Solus zos Galvus'.

He says nothing. His expression is colored with the same disdain he always wore, but his eyes are tinged with a sad sympathy. You hear the cold, long-gone laughter from a city beneath the waves.

Your thoughts stop in that instant. And a chilling sensation fills your body.

… The clock turns back to that one moment one final time.

The shrill hum pieces your ears once again. The voice calls out once again. You are pushed back and forced to watch once again.

And once again…

"Please… you look best when you smile…"

You do nothing. For the last time.

"... Hello? Are you quite alright? Dear gods, it's worse than normal…"

You snap from your daze. The minstrel's concern is wrought plain on his face. Clearly even he didn't anticipate his latest retelling to so thoroughly engage you. It started as a simple 'what-if', but as his lyrics touched your mind, you started to lose yourself for a bit.

Again, he asks if you are okay. You nod silently to reassure him, though you have a few more words you keep locked up. If he didn't expect you to react so strongly, why did he keep crafting stories that would leave you so thoroughly trapped in your own imagination? Damned talented bard.

You depart as always. Always going to the next place, always searching for the next adventure. It's what you do. You move on. You progress. To stay in one place, consumed with old thoughts and bittered emotions, would merely lead you down the same painful path already traveled by another.

To reject their deaths would be to reject the futures they fought for. The futures they believed in. The futures they died for.

'You must be strong. You must always be strong. Walk on, forge ahead, take your next step to your next journey'. You tell yourself this. You keep telling yourself this as you walk.

But eventually, there is no one around to bear witness, and so your legs fail you. Another part of you pleads something. It wrenches at something deep, deep inside you.

Scream. Cry. Yell. Anguish. Your eyes burn. Your lungs fold in on themselves and sear. Let it out. Let it all out. The 'hero' crumples to the ground for but a moment in their long journey. But a moment. Just a moment.

It's all you ask of the cold, uncaring reality.

But a moment. Just this moment. Please…

… 'Please, just give me this one moment'.

Author's Note:

Credit to finowlly on twitter for the thread that inspired this one-shot! I took a few creative liberties, hope that was okay! I wrote this in 4 hours and didn't really revise it all that much, so the quality might not be as good as my usual.

I chose to use a 2nd person POV here and went with vague language on certain events or relationships so the reader could feel free to self-insert their Warrior of Light into this one-shot if they wanted to. It just felt right, considering we all went through this moment in our own way.

Time loops are fun for angst, and the inevitable result is that there's always something one party doesn't fully consider. I also thought the concept of the WoL doing destructive time loops to try and save Haurchefant was interesting, since it ends up bringing up a common theme in XIV: you shouldn't sacrifice the present to try and resurrect the past, and you should always try to move on, as hard as it can be.

I ended up adding the last bit with the Wandering Minstrel back in reality partly as a nod to that. But, as much as we try to move on, we should be careful not to 'justify' the losses. It's okay to mourn. Cry your heart out today so that you can smile tomorrow. You're allowed that moment. At least, that's what I think.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a nice day!