Hey there! I went up to my step-family's cabin in the mountains to write this and it was great up there! I hope you guys like this chapter as much as I do! I'll give my usual trigger warning for sexual harassment/assault, and my huge thanks to dieFabuliererin for helping me so much with this piece!

Twenty-eight days after Carlac, things were just about back to normal.

Ahsoka didn't feel her chest tighten every time someone invaded her personal space, and Anakin stopped bringing up her reckless actions in every conversation. They could have banter again, and spar without storming back to their quarters with tension taut between them. Ahsoka was happier than she'd been in a long time.

Then, one evening when Ahsoka, Anakin, and Obi-Wan were headed back to the Temple, everything changed.

Everything

At 2200, a sniper shot and killed Obi-Wan Kenobi in cold blood.

It was all over the holonews and in the tabloids, the story getting more and more dramatic each time it was told.

"Obi-Wan 'The Negotiator' Kenobi, defeated in a daring battle at the hands of Raako Hardeen." One article said.

"Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, and his sacrifice that saved Coruscant." Proclaimed another.

Ahsoka didn't believe the media's exaggerated glorifications. She couldn't; not when she was there to see it all happen before her very own eyes.

There was no valiant battle, no sacrifice, no hero's death for her friend.

He just- died.

He was gone.

Just like that, in the blink of an eye.

She watched him get shot and fall from the rooftop.

She watched the once grand war hero hit the ground with a deafening thud.

She was the one who held his limp body in her arms while the crowd swarmed. The one to check for a heartbeat just like Coric taught her while sirens and blurry flashing lights surrounded her.

She was the one holding Anakin's hand- dragging him back from possessively keeping Master Obi-Wan's body away from Windu who tried to take him on the Temple steps. The one to answer all of the police droid's nagging questions and report to the Council because Anakin had screamed his throat raw and he couldn't bear to speak.

Her next few days were a blur.

Or maybe it had been the next few weeks…

Ahsoka wasn't sure.

At some point, Master Plo had taken her to stay with him in his quarters, and she stayed there for a few nights. He said it wasn't healthy for her to stay with Anakin who would barely get out of bed. She worried about her Master at first, but then Padmé assured her that she would check in on him, and it was more important to focus on her own grief than Anakin's.

Maybe she was right.

Master Plo sat at her side while she stared off into the distance. He was the one to encourage her to eat when her stomach had been empty for days, the one to wake her when screamed her Grandmaster's name in her sleep.

He was the one who was protective over her, but still let her sneak out of the temple with Anakin to go on his secret mission.

Although looking back, Ahsoka wished he'd stopped her.

Ahsoka had known Anakin was lying when he said the Council had assigned him to Hardeen's arrest.

The Jedi weren't supposed to act as a police force, and the Council knew- as well as Ahsoka did- that Anakin was after revenge. But some part of her- some deep, angry part- made it easy for her to pretend like he wasn't.

That deep, angry part of her made it bearable for her to watch her Master be so violent towards Hardeen while arresting him. When Anakin later asked her to help him track the man down when he escaped from prison, it was easy to agree.

That deep, angry- no, not angry, hurt- part of her was what led her to be standing above her Master's unconscious body now, lightsabers deflecting Cad Bane's blasts on Orondia.

The last time she fought Bane, she'd lost, but it was different now. She was stronger, faster and smarter, with an extra lightsaber at her aid. She spun the sabers around her as fast as she could, determined to protect Anakin.

"Ship's still operational!" A third bounty hunter shouted from a ways away, Cad Bane lowering his blasters to listen. "I got it working. Now let's get out of here."

Hardeen nodded and ran after the other bounty hunter, but Cad Bane stayed put, looking slightly disappointed. "You're lucky we're in a hurry, little lady." he said, making Ahsoka suck in a breath and try not to think of the same pet name that had come out of Tuk'ata's mouth. She needed to stay in the here and now for Anakin.

For Anakin- she told herself, though her heart was starting to pound in her chest.

Bane looked her up and down. His piercing red eyes seemed to devour every inch of her body, lingering in places they never should. "We'll have to dance another time."

"Another time you won't get away so easily." She snarled, baring her teeth and pushing out her lightsabers to distract him from the shakiness in her voice.

"What you don't have in size, you have to make up for in your demeanor, Snips." Anakin had told her once while training. "Be loud and scary, make big movements and put those fangs of yours to use."

The act he taught her worked on most people, but it didn't seem to phase Bane. He just laughed, his eyes continuing to wander. "Ah, next time I'll make sure to finally get my hands on your orange skin, you sweet little thing."

Ahsoka froze; he wasn't talking about a fight anymore.

She wanted to say something- anything to get his prying eyes off of her, but when she tried to shout all that came out was a small squeak, "I-"

"Bane!" The lizard-like bounty hunter shouted from the bottom of the enemy's ship. "Moralo Eval does not like to be kept waiting!"

The Duro's eyes only lingered for a moment longer, before he sighed and headed towards the ramp. Ahsoka watched him carefully, only glancing a moment at Hardeen, who was staring at her with a strange expression she couldn't quite read.

He looked almost guilty…

She didn't think anything of it, she couldn't when her brain was in survival mode. She stood there, breathing heavily with her lightsabers at the ready until the ship finally took off and she was left trying to catch her breath.

She clipped her lightsabers back to her belt with shaky hands and sunk down to Anakin's unconscious body to check on him.

Anakin had been fading in and out of consciousness. When he first woke up, he had been muttering about how Obi-Wan was still alive, and how he sensed it. Ahsoka just nodded, although she didn't understand. It was hard to hear him over the rhythmic pounding in her montrals.

Hard to hear him over Bane's lewd words repeating over and over again in her head, "I'll make sure to finally get my hands on your orange skin, you sweet little thing."

Anakin had asked her if she was okay, and she just lied, "I will be once we call an evac, come on."

She had hauled him up onto his feet, letting him lean on her for support even though he was much heavier than she. They only took a few steps before he collapsed again.

He'd woken back up and passed out two more times before she'd been able to call Rex for help, telling him to bring Kix and that it was an emergency.

Now she was aboard their ship, pacing back and forth in the empty cockpit. Kix and Rex had kicked her out of the back room, saying that they needed to check the General over for injuries.

She was stressed out of her mind, thinking about Cad Bane.

Why did things like this keep happening to her?

Was it the way she looked or acted? Anakin and Obi-Wan always used the term 'flirting with the enemy', and when they played with words and gestures, nothing like this happened to them.

Was it her clothes or her body?

Tuk'ata had called her eyecandy, and she was starting to wonder if that's how everyone saw her. If that was really all she was. That's what Lux seemed to think.

Stop thinking about them, she chided herself mentally, but how could she not? How could she go a single day without feeling so disgusting after what they did to her?

She tried not to be so upset, she did- she really fucking did- but she was so utterly destroyed. How many times would she have to change her uniform to be respected- not as a superior, but just as a fucking person?

Sexual violence used to be so different to her. It was something she knew happened, but it seemed so far away. It was something that happened to other people, not her, never her. She was Ahsoka Tano- the Commander who wouldn't take crap from anybody.

But that changed. It became her reality, her worst fear she had to get up and face everyday when she simply went outside.

With the fear that she could be assaulted- or worse- came with the realization that the world wasn't a safe place for her. In any aspect. How would she cope without the security of the Temple walls, or without Anakin's presence by her side?

The world she had loved and trusted turned its back on her. Suddenly, she was afraid of everything. Some things that didn't even make sense to be afraid of, because if she could be assaulted, couldn't other things happen?

She used to love the dark, but now she slept with the lights on.

She used to find the thunderstorms on Coruscant beautiful, but now she hid under her blankets every time a storm rolled in.

She used to love playing in the water, but now every time she saw the Temple pools all she could picture was her lungs filling with water while she sank to the bottom….

She used to be so unafraid.

Her experiences with people like Tuk'ata, Atai, Lux, and Bo-Katan had shaken her to her very core.

And now Cad Bane was a part of that list.

He said he wanted to get his hands on her.

Nausea crashed through her stomach, forcing her to brace both hands against the ship's wall. It felt too small, like the metal box was closing in on her.

Finally, he had said, as if he'd been waiting for the opportunity.

Ahsoka's chest started heaving up and down as she thought about it. Had he wanted to touch her when she'd been his captive all those years ago? He did try to stroke her montrals, tried to pet her like she was some sort of animal he could tame.

But she was only fourteen then.

She's not much older now, she reminded herself. She's still a child under Coruscant law.

Lightheadedness overtook her, and she had to sink down to the floor to keep herself from falling. Finally, he had said, eyeing her body, as if he wanted to touch her right there at that moment. If Hardeen hadn't stopped him, would he have?

She tried not to imagine his hands on her, but she couldn't help it.

He'd push her up against a wall like Tuk'ata had, pressing his body close to her's. She'd feel his hot breath on her face, feel his hands roaming down her body. "Don't be afraid," He'd hiss. "I'll show you a good time." She'd be too panicked to use the force to aid her strength, too weak to stop him as he reached between her thighs-

"Stop!" Ahsoka yelped, hiding her face in her hands as if it would make the mental image go away. No matter how hard she clenched her eyes closed, she could still feel his hot, heavy breaths against her throat.

A blaster muzzle would be shoved between her lips- keeping her quiet by force and by threat- as pain rippled through her. Bane would pant, smiling crazily at the way her eyes would roll back. "You like this, don't you, baby girl?"

Her breaths got heavier and heavier until she felt like she was suffocating with each one. "Stop, stop, stop, stop…"

It felt like the Blue Shadow Virus was coursing through her veins once more, and she couldn't decide to fight the tightening of her chest or to submit to it.

Bane wanted her, wanted to hurt her.

Ahsoka whimpered- black spots dancing across her vision, making her feel like she was watching the blue streaks of hyperspace through the bottom of a glass- blurred.

"K-Kriff-" She whined, teeth chattering even though her skin was slick with sweat and her montrals felt like they were alight with flames. This couldn't be happening now, not now, not now-

She gripped her knees tighter to her chest, digging and scratching her sharp nails into her skin just to try and feel something- anything- other than this.

She felt dirty.

Was she dirty?

Bile crept up her throat as her brain screamed for oxygen- a comparably quiet demand amongst the storm raiding through her head.

It was torture, she was trapped inside her own body, unable to flee. Her head throbbed, her heart hammered in her chest, the room wouldn't stop spinning and all she could do was bury her head in between her knees and gasp uncontrollably as tears slid down her face.

"You're s-selfish." She whispered to herself, digging her nails into her skin again. Obi-Wan was dead, Anakin was hurt, and she was upset over Bane's stupid threat. She wanted to stop freaking out, but she couldn't.

While the storm had rolled in quickly, taking hold of every part of her body, and wreaking havoc on her mind, it was much slower to pass.

Ahsoka sat on the floor for what felt like a lifetime. She'd been clawing at her skin until it was red and raw, crying out for help, and praying to the Force it would stop, until it finally did.

Very slowly- like the last drops of water trickling from a faucet- she started to calm down, and all that was left was the miserable shaking and pain in her chest. She took a few shuddering breaths, whispering, "It's okay, it's okay." Though her voice was scared and unsure. "It's over."

"Skywalker's responsive," Kix told Rex, a serious look on his face as he set down his medical scanner. "Reckon he'll wake up in the next few hours given his current condition. As for the Commander, I want to give her a quick look over. She seemed pretty distressed when she boarded the ship."

"I'll go get her, Sir." Rex said, getting up from his seat. The last time he'd seen her, he hadn't noticed any sign of physical injury, but he knew from experience she was good at hiding those. He hurried to the cockpit, forgetting to even knock before opening the door.

At first he didn't see her when he walked in. He wondered if she'd wandered off, but then he heard soft sniffles and turned to see her impossibly small frame tucked away in the corner of the room.

She was lying on her side, curled up in a shivering ball.

Holy shit, she must be hurt, bad.

"Commander? Commander, what's wrong?"

She looked up from her knees, her face twisted in pain. Her eyes were red and puffy, leaving tear tracks rolling down her bright orange face before his name slipped desperately from her lips.

He was at her side in less than a second, ignoring the strangled sound that came from her throat when he neared her.

"Rex, I'm s-sorry. I don't know what-" Ahsoka swallowed, "What happened."

"Hey, that's alright. Come on. Let's get up, kid." He said, trying to hide the urgency in his voice as he kneeled down next to her. What was she doing on the floor? Didn't she know how filthy it was?

He reached for her shoulder to help her up, but she instantly flinched away, her eyes flying shut.

"No," She rasped. "Please no-"

Rex froze in his place.

She'd never been scared of being touched, even after the worst battles. What was going on with her?

"She's been sensitive since Kenobi's passing." He remembered Master Plo Koon saying when he saw him after the funeral. "Tread carefully around her, Captain."

He took his hand back, feeling stuck. He'd always been uncomfortable around his friend's feelings, never sure what to do in the face of them.

But for Ahsoka, he'd face that awkwardness.

"I- you need to sit up." He said, seeing the heaving in her chest. "Remember what Kix says, you have to sit up straight to have a clear airway. You need to breathe."

She didn't answer for a while, but slowly; hesitantly, she finally lifted herself into a sitting position.

"There you go, thank you." Rex said slowly. "Just breathe for me." His eyes scanned her for any form of injury, but he found none. "Are you hurt?"

The little Togruta shook her head.

"You sure?"

She nodded, wiping her tears on the back of her hand. "I just freaked out," she mumbled. "I was thinking too much and it was so… scary, and then I couldn't breathe."

"Sounds like a panic attack, sir." Rex offered, and she shook her head.

"No, I'm a Jedi, Rex. I-I'm stronger than that."

Oh, Ahsoka, no.

He heard the same excuse from General Skywalker a million times, and he wasn't going to accept it now.

"Having a cry now and again doesn't make you weak, Little 'Un." He said, his voice soft in a way that it usually wasn't. He was a battle hardened soldier, but the mere sight of his vod'ika in pain willed him to be gentle.

She looked away from him, tears slipping down her cheeks.

He cupped her face, gingerly wiping the tears away. He was relieved when she didn't jump away from his touch like she did last time. "I know. I miss Obi-Wan too."

She shook her head, letting out a broken laugh. "It's not about that." She said, "Force, I'm horrible, it's not that."

Rex was taken aback. "Is… Is it about your Master getting hurt?" He guessed. Usually, if Skywalker was unconscious or howling in pain, Ahsoka would be more subdued than usual, but he'd never seen her panic over him before.

She shook her head.

So, they were playing this game now.

"Is it about the war?" He asked, nonchalantly wiping away a few more tears.

Again, she shook her head- eyes darting everywhere to avoid meeting his gaze.

He was at a loss.

What else could she be upset about?

He lifted his fingers from her face. "Well, I'm beat. What is it, kid?"

She looked up at him, lips wavering as if she was looking for the right words. It was like watching Skywalker Force-choke someone, the way her face contorted in pain and her words came out as stangled gasps.

"I- I can't say."

Frustration overtook him.

What was she hiding? He wanted to help her so badly, he really did, but she wasn't giving him anything! What was he supposed to do?

"You can trust me, I promise. What is it?"

His words were so tempting, but Ahsoka shook her head. "I c-can't. I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry."

He resisted the urge to sigh, "Listen, I'm sorry too, but I can't help you if I don't know what's going on, Ahsoka."

He got up from his seat beside her, and she wanted to reach out for him. Wanted to grab his hand and never let go.

Please don't leave me, she repeated over and over again mentally. Please, please, I'm sorry. I'll tell you anything, I'll tell you everything if you only ask.

"Fine," Was what came out of her mouth instead.

She wanted to tell him what was going on, but she couldn't. The words felt like a solid block in her throat, too big to ever come out.

"F-Fine, then go."

Rex sighed heavily, like it genuinely pained him to do so, then turned towards the door.

"Fine."

He was almost gone before he stopped and muttered, "I don't understand why you can't just tell me. We're supposed to be a team."

Ahsoka let out a small sob, reaching out for him though he was already gone.

He didn't understand. He couldn't.

When he looked at her, he didn't see the handprints, that to her, never left her skin. He saw her blue eyes and thought absolutely nothing of them, when every time she looked in the mirror, they were a permanent reminder of what Atai wanted her to be.

Telling him what had been done to her would ruin her perfect facade.

He would see through her mask, and see her the way she saw herself; a child still stuck in that damn cage on Zygerria.

Thank you guys for reading, love you lots!