RISING OF THE (POSSIBLY) OMNIPOTENT ZENO
Chapter 5: Malty's Mistake
"Get ready to move your pingas!" -Words spoken by the retarded version of a certain Italian plumber
"Your highness, we've just received extremely troubling information from multiple countries across the continent that are located near the seas. The reports all say that the ocean is starting to go completely out of control," One of Queen Miriella's spies relayed to her.
"I see...and the reason?" The Queen of Melromarc hesitantly asked, hoping beyond hope that her suspicions were incorrect.
"We're almost certain now that these incidents, along with the other natural disasters that are happening all over the continent, are related to the multiple worlds and moons that were...pulled...towards our world. Whenever one of these celestial bodies was mere moments away from slamming into the earth, it vanished," The spy informed, confirming Queen Miriella's worst fears.
"Why can't I ever seem to catch a break lately?" The Queen of Melromarc sighed tiredly before asking, "I see...and the cause?"
Multiple theories, none of which added up, began to swirl around in Queen Miriella's head. However, she was completely unprepared for the answer that she received.
"Well...the celestial bodies were...skewered...by the omni-king's...dick," The informant explained hesitantly, well aware of how idiotic it sounded.
Miriella blanched. A few moments of awkward silence followed the proclamation before the queen spoke up.
"...The fuck?!" She shouted.
"In addition, this all happened because Malty S. Melromarc was massaging Zeno's groin. Once he became...flaccid, the omni-king's dick retracted at lightning speed, bringing the previously mentioned celestial bodies with it. Then he erased them one by one before they could collide with the ground. It seems that those celestial bodies were needed, because the environmental effects that started flaring up all over the globe immediately afterward have been catastrophic," Miriella's informant further elaborated.
Silence once again filled the room for several more moments. Then a blush made its way onto Queen Miriella's face as dirty images formed in her mind.
'I wonder what he'd be like in bed if he were able to decrease its length to a manageable size...' She thought.
A wee bit earlier:
"Hey, hey! Let's go fight monsters!" Zeno cheered happily, either completely oblivious to or completely uncaring of the tension between his two traveling companions.
"Like I would ever fight alongside that bitch," Naofumi protested while pointing at Malty, who looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Won't or can't, useless shielder? You only have an attack stat of one. Face it, you'd be more of a burden than an asset," She shot back with a smug grin.
Said "useless shielder" stumbled a bit before gritting his teeth and glaring at the eldest Princess of Melromarc. Naofumi tried to come up with a retort, only to hang his head in defeat. Then Zeno spoke up, catching both of his companions off guard.
"Then he just needs to get stronger," The omni-king said while pointing at the shield hero.
A few moments of silence passed before Naofumi said, "I'm afraid it's not that simple, Zeno-sama."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but for once, I agree with the shield devil. A shielder doesn't get that much stronger by just leveling up," Malty admitted.
"Then don't focus on leveling up. Just focus on exercise and martial arts. Your attack stat doesn't matter if you can punch through walls," Zeno explained.
The two humans stared at Zeno for a moment as they processed his surprisingly sensible statement. However, there was just one problem with that plan.
"That'd be great and all, but we only have a month until the next wave hits. It could take years of intense training before I could ever even hope to pull something like that off," Naofumi sighed dejectedly.
Zeno asked, "Oh, is that all?"
The omni-king then waved his hand, causing a structure to appear out of thin air. The eyes of both humans widened in shock before Naofumi's lit up in recognition.
"No way! Is that...a hyperbolic time chamber?"
"Yup! Now you can get a year's worth of training done in a day," Zeno answered happily.
"Huh..." Malty mumbled dumbly after staring in bewilderment for a moment.
"This would have been perfect...if you hadn't summoned it in the middle of the streets of Melromarc," Naofumi blanched as people ran out of partially crushed buildings while screaming in terror.
"Oh okay," Zeno simply said before making the structure vanish while also undoing any damage caused by its appearance moments earlier.
Following this, he teleported the three of them to the nearby forest, leaving behind a baffled public.
Upon reappearing in the nearby forest, Zeno once again summoned the hyperbolic time chamber. Before Naofumi knew what was happening, Zeno was already behind him.
"Bye!" Zeno exclaimed just before pushing Naofumi into the room of space and time.
Silence then settled over the area. A few moments later, Malty decided to break it.
"So, Zeno...now that we're alone, what do you say to having a little fun?" The eldest Princess of Melromarc whispered seductively while massaging the omni-king's crotch.
"That feels funny!" Zeno laughed.
Then his junk rocketed across the solar system, becoming the dick that pierced the heavens. Malty, who was already in a panic at that point, fainted upon seeing the omni-king erase each celestial body that approached her homeworld with the retraction of his dong. Following this, he poked the cheek of the eldest Princess of Melromarc upon noticing her unconscious form. After a moment, he got bored of this and instead started erasing any nearby monsters to keep himself entertained.
Meanwhile, in the hyperbolic time chamber:
Naofumi suddenly felt a disturbance in the force, causing him to freeze up in the midst of his training.
"Why do I suddenly feel like something with irreversible repercussions just occurred?" He muttered worriedly before refocusing on what he was doing. "Meh, it's probably nothing..."
TO BE CONTINUED...