I just wanted to encourage (and plead) for people to please review/follow and favorite. Seeing that you guys like my story really put air beneath my small, little writing fingers and it encourages me to write more. So i would really appreciate it.
TheLadyIntegra: Lol, i'm glad you liked that part. I was starting to feel like I needed someone to point out some good qualities to Hisoka.
Guest: I love you!
vain-gl0ry: I think a little of both lol
Chapter 29
The material of my brother's hat was soft, frayed and nearly falling apart as I rubbed it between my fingers. It was easy to get lost in the ache of old memories, each one rushing over me like another breath being drawn in and then invariably released. That's what kept me against Minoru's side, his breath rocking me gently. It was a cruel game that I played with myself - one that made me want to burn the reminder of the life I used to have - the family that used to love me.
But in the torture, there was calm. I didn't have to think about Ichihiro or Hisoka or the tangle of my future. Staring down at the orange threads whipping free of the once tight brim, there was nothing to think about. Emotions were tiny monsters meant to overpower, rolling together until they became too big to contain.
"How long, exactly, will you wallow?" came the delicate question, the voice gravelly from another riveting run through the forest - possibly chasing baby birds, swatting down chicks as they tried to fly, I didn't particularly know. What I did know was that he always woke up at the crack of dawn and came back at a sweltering hour, dripping with sweat, always halfway between arrogant and indifferent.
"I didn't have a particular clock set," I hummed, not taking my eyes away from that tangle of threads. "Should I get one? Do you know a good clockmaker as well?"
A low hum of sardonic appreciation drifted to me. "It always amazes me how I was able to find someone who is so bloodthirsty while also retaining their sense of humor. Riveting."
"My brother's always did say that I was an anomaly." A burning started at the base of my throat, making me cough. I cleared my throat. "Granted, that was when I was able to fly on a 400 pound bear that looked like a stuffed animal… And also before they had...died." The word stuck in my throat, feeling foreign and I rushed on, trying to make up for the oddity. "Things tend to stick."
Golden eyes cut toward me, immediately darting to the movement of my throat as I swallowed thickly. The muscles along his arms rippled, bunching as he took a long swig of water from a jug. Not for the first time, I admired the clean lines of his abdomen, the tapered strength in his chest and arms. It wasn't from attraction - not completely. The majority of my mind was filled with envy. The kind of strength that he held came from years of work - each day dedicated to the advancement of his body, repeated over and over again, month after month, year after year.
His gaze never left mine as he took another long gulp of water, his adam's apple bobbing temptingly. Finally, he stopped, dropping the bottle as his eyes darted from the tangled mess of my hair to the dirty tips of my brand new boots.
He had a way of looking through people - not in a dismissive manner but more like a scanner cataloguing all of your depths.
"Forgive me if I don't join in on your pity party," he says dryly and the tone along with the meaning makes my whole body flinch, my blood roiling beneath my flesh.
"And you'll forgive me," I hissed, fingers turning white around the vivid orange of Amori's hat. "If I'm raining on your parade. My brother died barely a week ago."
The words burn coming up like acid being forced down my throat. I have no way of getting it out. The grueling pattern of hard labor to detox the monsters darkening my body was useless here - nearly impossible with how broken my body was. I could barely sit up for more than a couple of hours let alone get up and work my body with a run or weight training.
That left me where I was, curled in the dirt as I felt my legs lose a mile every day from the impressive run distance I had harvested. I festered, cooking like a pot set to boil, my insides softening to tender mush.
"I do forgive you," came the gentle but all too sharp reply and I sucked in a breath as Hisoka was suddenly in front of me, his massive frame hunching over to squat mere inches away. His eyes were bright, edged in gold and butter, his hair more of a tousled mess than usual. Sweat licked trails around the defined muscles of his biceps and pecs, over the curve of his abs and the tapered v that disappeared in his trousers. I looked on enviously, hating that I found him attractive - hating it even more that I found him powerful. Like something I wanted to obtain. "The rest of the world will not forgive you, Mori. Do you think they care that you've lost everything?"
I swallowed down the swell of words. He was right. The notion - so singularly unfair - tore at me, ripping me open and rubbing the carnage with dirt and lemon.
One hand, massive beside my smaller one, reached out, skimming along my cheek and then down the slim column of my throat before he was cupping my nape. He held me there, his gaze unflinching.
"People might fake sympathy for a second but they won't stop to mourn with you," he whispered and the image shattered me. My brother deserved more. They deserved more than just me to pray for their souls, their lost youth. My heart screamed. "Do you think your loss will mean anything to them more than a passing note - a weakness to be exploited? Do you think that fact will stop them from looking down on you? From judging you if your emotions get the better of you?"
His eyes bore into mine, pinning me like a butterfly in a boy's grasp. I wanted to get away - I didn't want to think about the ugliness in front of me, around me.
But I couldn't leave.
My breath quickened even as I stilled beneath his grasp.
I couldn't leave this cruel world behind. Not yet.
His eyes softened, his fingers squeezing gently at my nape. "People like you and I weren't allotted the easier road in life. Everything comes hard and fast for us and you can either fight against the tide or use it to get further in your goals."
My mind snagged on his words, turning them over carefully. "Are they really your goals if it's just what the world has pushed you into?"
Light like melting light bounced through the buttery depths of his eyes, his gaze holding mine as he calculated my question. Finally his lips parted. "Life gives you a few opportunities - it's not my choice what they are just like it's not life's choice on what you choose."
He held me there for a moment longer, not allowing me the rest of looking anywhere but his cruel, honest eyes. My soul shook violently before quieting, something burning away at my core. I had a choice to make - one that I had thought I had committed to before but…
Staring into Hisoka's eyes, I decided something.
I decided to let go of the crushed pieces inside of me. I decided to live with the feeling of glass sliding down my throat. I decided to jump past all of the other emotions that came with losing people so unfairly.
I would root myself in this - cool anger, indifferent agony.
I would become just as cruel as the rest of the world was. My jaw set, tensing until I remembered the broken blood vessels all along my cheek and eye where Ichihiro had hit me. I would give them what they had given me:
Nothing.
He stood, one final squeeze to my nape all that he gave me, his eyes holding mine. "Do you want to train?"
Minoru gave a low rumble, the sound shivering along my spine. His eyes were ebony pits when they met mine. We have to get up some time.
The training that Hisoka had me endure was a different type of torture than I was used to. Years had taught me that physical pain was something that could be escaped using the mind. On long runs, I would think about corn fritters and walking into a store to buy every rack. When my muscles felt like they would give out, I lost myself in thinking about better days - days when money was an object that I would be able to use freely.
But there was nowhere to escape when your mind was on fire.
"Concentrate." Hisoka's breath was warm and sugary against my ear, his body a physical entity that pressed around me. A hand pressed to the top of my head, gentle, a reminder.
I sucked in a breath, sweat dripping down my neck as I forced myself to focus on that drizzle of aura pouring from the very tip of my head, the curve of my belly button. I had learned how to seal away my aura - but only in short bursts. Constantly having to turn off this facet of nen and keep it closed… It was more than tiring. It was mental torture, a bug that wouldn't go away.
"It's called aura nodes," he murmured and I grunted, trying not to lose focus even as I felt him drift around me. His very presence was a distraction. To have him speaking to me, teaching me was frankly unfair. "Normal people walk around with these pores open, draining away. It's so little that they don't ever notice it nor does it affect them. For people like us?"
He stopped and I waited in tense silence, the whisper of the wind along to the leaves the only sound. He wanted me to answer. My brow furrowed further, creating divots in my skin that stretched at my healing bruises and cuts.
"We'll become fatigued," I force out, huffing as I grapple with the task of answering him while still forcing my aura down. "Possibly pass out."
The amusement slicking his voice isn't lost on me. "And you?"
"Have been walking around with these nodes fully open," I snapped, my irritation making the words come out in a rush.
"Good girl," he purrs, his voice rolling with gravel and honey and all-together way too close to my ear. "Now tell me the four major nen principles, pet."
"I can do a split." My nose wrinkled, imagining the uncomfortable press of dirt and rock that the shorts would allow on this floor.
Hisoka's eyes sparkled, his crimson waves ruffling in the light mountain breeze. A stray strand drifted into his eyes. "Fabulous," he hummed, tipping his chin invitingly. "Do it."
Shooting him a final withering glare, I carefully got into a split, the gravel digging into the inside of my thighs. Minoru shrugged from the corner of my eyes, looking very mystified by the whole interaction. We had been moving carefully toward my physical training, Hisoka's attention constantly assessing. I could feel his gaze now, running down my back and legs in slow, deliberate jogs. He was always diligent toward my boundaries, pushing them just enough to make my injuries moan but never enough where I would be forcing my wounds open again.
And to keep all of those lovely stitches in tact, we were doing something that I had very rarely spent time on: stretching. Or more like-
"Back straight," he murmured, tone sharp enough that my body responded immediately. My lung instantly gave a prickle of discomfort, aching at the new, stiffer position for not only my spine but my ribs as well. I gritted down on a curse, a river of sweat already forming at my navel.
You can- Minoru started, his head lifting slightly from his paws.
I won't. My teeth gnashed, my body just a fraction over the edge of comfort. I don't need to.
Warmth rushed up my nape, burning at my ears as the sun disappeared at my back. Hisoka's boulder of a body curled, cocooning me as he leaned forward, his lips skimming my ear and making a shiver of awareness race up my spine. "Now put your foot on the tree trunk. As high as you can go."
The devil. He was the devil.
"When will he be here?"
"Nodes half-open. Full closed. Hmmm," he murmured appreciatively as I glared up at him. It had been a week since we started. His eyes narrowed, a slim, savage smile lighting his face. "Tell me what happens to nen when its user dies."
"It can die with the user," I snap, already tired of his question dodging. "Or it can turn into a different ability. If the person holds a strong enough bond or grudge, their nen can hold onto another person. It can become a curse."
His smile grew, his body descending into a graceful crouch in front of me. "The Surgeon runs on his own schedule. He could be out of town-"
"You mean to tell me, we've been sitting here for weeks when the guy isn't even-"
His brows rose. "Or he could be at home taking saki shots with friends. It all depends."
I frowned, annoyed at the nonchalance of his answer. "I still say we go and hunt him down."
"Endearing," he purred, sparing me a sideways glance as he got up. "But finding him is one of the no-nos of his trade. He'll have to come to us."
"Stupid, useless-"
"Subcategories of nen abilities, pet."
I gritted down on a curse, my whole entire body burning. I felt like I was about to reopen every single stitch as I drew in a small sip of air, afraid that anything more would pop my other lunge.
You're doing great, Minoru muttered, chewing away at the fourth bun this morning. My stomach gurgled at the reminder of the amount of food Hisoka had brought back to our small camp. I had gained enough weight to make me look like a drowned rat instead of a skeleton - a miracle of itself.
My lips thinned, my shoulder throbbing, giving me a final warning before it shut down completely.
"You're barely at 12 o'clock," Hisoka stated, eyeing the straight line of my leg, my toe pointed to the sun above us. His hand skimmed along my calf, fingers encompassing my ankle completely. Slowly, deliberately, he pushed, forcing my body to bend to accommodate him.
I winced. He stopped, his eyes snapping to me, running over the strained lines of my throat, the pained narrowing of my eyes. Immediately, he let go, backing away. "Back to ground splits."
I wanted to groan but I didn't have the energy.
I was dreaming about the pancakes Hisoka had brought me this morning, a glob of butter melting slowly on top of the crisp brown of the batter.
Something tightened on my arm, squeezing for the barest of seconds and it popped me back into the realm of the living with the swiftness of a falling bird. I jolted, heart racing as I felt the familiar urge of fight of flight take over.
Minoru? I could feel him against me, the darkness of the morning turning him all but invisible aside from the glowing red swirls running through his fur. A growl rent the air, answering my question without words.
My eyes leapt from the blankness of the trees around us to the familiar rocks and dirt that made up our small camp to the defined lines of Hisoka's back, his shoulders rolling, eyes staring resolutely into the depths of the forest. Nothing was wrong. Nothing made a noise or shivered in the morning chill. Nothing was wrong but both Minoru and Hisoka were acting like something was very, very wrong.
Muscles rippled and tightened along Hisoka's back, his body crouching to force me deeper into Minoru's side as he shifted backward. His fingers were a warm weight around my arm, reassuring in a way that I didn't want to look too deeply into. Slowly, the fingers tightened and then released, his whole body leaning forward like a jungle cat ready to pounce.
"He's here," he breathed and all at once I knew what was going on. Dread blossomed in my gut. If Hisoka was acting like this… Every muscle in my body stiffened, blood pumping quickly through me as I shifted into defense.
A shadow shifted in the depths of the forest, stepping forward with a nonchalance that scared me even more. No one who knew Hisoka would walk up to our camp like that. Not when a slow smile was starting to tease at the red-haired man's face.
Cotton dried my mouth as Hisoka turned, the golden of his eyes luminous in the low light. One hand reached out, curling around my nape in a move that was becoming all-too familiar. "Keep your eyes on me during the fight," he murmured, squeezing lightly. "If you get the answer right, I'll give you a present."
Words huddled together at my throat, jamming with my confusion. "What-"
He rolled to his feet, a playful grin tightening his face.
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