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Chapter 40
He called me sweetheart.
I fumble to button my pants, an odd sense of distant shame washing over me. It's the sort of shame that you see from afar, like a sign that you're speeding past on the side of the road. I should feel ashamed, I realize but my muscle won't comply, my whole body buzzing with languid satisfaction and also… curiosity.
No one had ever called me sweetheart in my whole entire life. Not my mother. Not my brothers. Certainly not the few men who had touched me as Hisoka had just touched me.
Have fun? Minoru's frigid sarcasm is blatant, the blare of city life washing over me in a wave so jarring that I have to rest a hand against the concrete wall beside me to keep my bearings.
I flounder for a reply, trying desperately to swim above the calming waves that Hisoka had dragged me into. Dragged… My mind flashed unintentionally to the way my body had tried to curve back into his. There had been nothing involuntary about what had just happened between us. My fingers flexed, the rough concrete face digging into the skin of my palms.
He hadn't asked for anything in return.
I stared hard at the swell of people, the way that they pushed and pulled through alleyways and lit shops like a never-ending tide.
Men always asked for something - at least when it came to sex. I felt something scoop out my insides as I thought about my own limited experience. Each time was…enjoyable but nothing special. A cold shiver crawled up my spine as I remembered the last body to be over mine, how it had felt more like they were taking and I was… I was just there. Like all things, I had come to find that sex was a form of currency. Sure, it could be twisted into something romantic but the exchange was still there. For comfort, I'll give you pleasure. For pleasure, I'll give you pleasure. Human touch. Human connection. There was value in sex and most of the time the person left wanting was the one in my position.
I wasn't dumb. Hisoka was still more powerful than I was. Beyond his fighting abilities, he had a reputation, abilities that went beyond the hunter's exam. Most men would have continued the encounter. They would have made sure that the pleasure that I had just reached was returned to them. My insides turned, body aching as I remembered the satisfied smile on Hisoka's face as he had lapped up my juices from his fingers. He had offered me more - more pleasure without the promise of ever finding his own.
What game is he playing?
Minoru's eyes cut over to me, his face strangely blank. For a moment, he looked like he was working out that very question for himself. But, in the street lights, I knew he wouldn't find one. Eventually, his eyes slid back to the bustling shops around us, his flank rising in a long breath.
Hisoka had to want something from that exchange. I just currently had no clue what.
Level 200, I started mildly.
Minoru grunted, his eyes straying to the arches that made up the front of Heaven Arena's entrance. Above the entries, large TVs broadcasted what I could only assume were current matches.
In two days, Minoru confirmed, rising from his crouch, his whole body shaking as a cloud of dust sprung free. Think you can keep it in your pants long enough to do that?
Oh, Minoru, I purred, stepping off of the sidewalk. The pleasure of seeing Ichihiro is a whole different sub-section of my brain. You have nothing to worry about.
We did have something to worry about, as it turned out. It just happened to not be the thing we had originally thought it was.
"Sign here, here, and here," the perky Heaven's attendant grinned, jabbing her manicured finger at a few blank spaces so quickly that my head spun. I tried and failed to grasp what was in front of me, my brain working for one painful moment before shrugging and going to autopilot. "And read sections 13b, c, and d so that you'll have a proper handle on death bed rites and readiness. Next of kin?"
My head spun dumbly. Next of kin? My eyes slid miserably to Minoru who winced. I was standing next to him. My heart gave a sharp throb, fingers going white around the edge of the counter. "None," I finally forced out.
An adorable little smile curled her lips as she considered this. "Well, that is a bit of a problem considering that you need an emergency contact in case of lethal or near-lethal injuries."
She stared at me hard as if looking at me long enough would remind me of a few relatives that I knew. I stared back. We could be here all day. "I really don't know what to tell you."
A sunny smile that reminded me of fluorescent bulbs lit her face. "One moment please."
Please not more paperwork, I thought miserable, my gut tightening. I couldn't write a single thing - didn't even know anything above half of the common alphabet and numerals. Looking down at the long strings of symbols was like trying to wrap my head around an entirely different language. My brain spun, trying to light on some spark of knowledge that I might have buried down deep. I came up with nothing.
Meanwhile, Minoru was curved over me, his big bear body nearly encompassing me as he forced me a bit closer to the counter. His eyes scanned the document with an intensity that I had only felt in the midst of open combat. Next, he barked and I diligently turned the page for him.
A new, crisp stack of papers slammed down on the counter, making it wobble ominously. Miss Sunny Secretary looked absolutely delighted. "We have an exception form just for this case!"
A whimper burst from me sharply, my skin feeling cold and clammy.
Next! Minoru barked.
Initial - don't sign, you putz! My molars gnawed against each other, crackling inside my mouth as I tried hard not to scream and throw the whole lot of papers up in the air. Registration was taking hours. More than that, Minoru had basically inhaled the documents and now knew every blasted thing. Which sounded helpful but was supremely aggravating when you put it together with-
"Oh, darling noooooo!" Miss Sunny Secretary burst, oozing sympathy as she watched me fumble around with the pen. "Initial, darling. Initial."
I was in hell.
"Thanks," I said tightly.
"Do you agree to sections 13 through 20?"
I paused, staring down at the jumble of random symbols, the text interspersed with random, awkward scrawlings of letters that didn't quite look like letters. It looked hideous.
You do, Minoru assured me.
"I do," I reiterated lamely. I was basically his puppet at this point. He could drain my essence clean out if he just got me through this.
"Good!" Miss Sunny Secretary chirped. "Now sections 71 b through-"
Mm, Minoru breathed, tipping his head this way and that. No. No, not particularly. Object - go on, Mori.
My shoes slid across the scuffed concrete pad, the stadium lights beating down on me with the force of two miniature suns. Jeez, it was hot. The dank smell of sweat and other body odors filled the domed area, converging on the small pad of 16 pads all with their own letter sprayed out in white paint. Large walls separated the sunken fight area from the rest of the seating, uncomfortable concrete benches spiraling up and up until there was nothing but a dozen lights.
"Number 1777, proceed directly to floor 100." I blinked, staring at the red-robed referee for a moment longer.
On the floor, my first opponent was still laid out, his barrel chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to get his bearings. It hadn't taken too much effort to flip him off the platform but doing that over and over again would get tiring quickly.
"I can do that?" It was a dumb question but I was feeling particularly dumb at the moment anyway. All the cheering and catcalling was starting to itch at my skin - an odd phenomenon that may have had to do with the fact that the whole contract debacle had thrown me. I felt like I had started to flounder before I had ever gotten out here.
"No," the ref grinned, handing me a ticket. "I can do that. You took a grown man 5 times your size out in one move. You're more than ready for level 100."
I stared hard at the thin card in my hand, the symbols on it blurring. I blinked, trying to focus.
Whether you stare at it for a minute or an hour, you'll still be illiterate. I grumbled out a string of foul insults, shoving the offending article into my pocket as we slipped through the walkway made between each raised platform.
He was right, of course. I had never been book smart. That was… well, that hadn't been where I excelled. And I had always had… I had always had my brothers to pick up the slack for me. Now - now I wasn't too sure that I could learn anything that required such mental gymnastics. Learning the written word felt a lot like learning a different language.
You're missing them again, Minoru observed softly and I shut my eyes, rubbing a hand over my face. I miss them too.
I was silent for a moment, listening to the soft ding of the elevator as it came down to pick us up. I wanted to give in to the comfort of having someone who remembered them just as much as I did. Who knew the difference between each of their laughs, the different scents they carried and how each reminded me of different things like Imori with his scent of ink and the pages of a book. Or Amori with his unusual mix of sweet milk tea and tea tree. Or Umori who always smelled like a bakery, his scent always giving away what our town's pastry shop had at the window for the day. It was nice to feel like there was someone who remembered and cared about who you used to love. It made you feel a little bit less alone.
Ding! We stepped into the elevator, the woman manning it giving a small squeak of discomfort as Minoru's girth pushed her flush to the wall.
Minoru's comfort came with strings though. It was fake. It felt like a grotesque shade of the emotions that I had - a falsehood that had been dressed in Sunday finery. It was important that I remembered that he was still a parasite - that these memories, these emotions that we shared were an illusion created by a pact with whatever demon spawn my mother had conjured that fateful night.
I miss them every moment of every day… I don't need you to point out things that are none of your business.
I felt more than saw the way the words hit Minoru. His rounded ears slid back, flattening pathetically against his skull, the sparkling scarlet orbs decorating his fur flickering like even they felt the sting of my words. I didn't bother looking at him.
Just like that, I felt the wall between us shine in startling clarity. We had learned how to shove those feelings aside but at our base, we were still the same as we had been in that stream the day my world had been crushed and re-organized. I was the girl with the nen and he was the beast that feasted upon me. No matter how much I loved him, those facts remained the same.
The card was cool and sharp against my skin as I handed it over to the woman still cowering against the front wall. "Level 100, please."