She knew she had taken longer than necessary to do all of the stuff on her desk, but she wasn't looking foreward to this conversation. She took a deep breath and knocked on her uncle's door.
"Come in"
She came in, shut the door behind her, and before sitting closed all the blinds. There was a very real possibility she was going to cry again, and she wanted as few people to see that as possible. She'd debated even telling Bo, but she knew if the worst happened, someone at home had to know.
"Natalie?" he asked as she finally sat down, already knowing that something was wrong, "What's up?"
"You need to promise me something first"
"Anything, Natalie"
"You can't tell anyone about this conversation. I don't know what I'm going to tell everyone else yet, but they can't know about this, at least not yet"
"Okay" he said, "Are you okay?"
She smiled as a tear ran down her face, "I knew I had to tell you. You're the only one that gets me, at least, now"
He knew what she meant, that since John had left, he'd been the only person she could turn to.
"Natalie, tell me what's wrong"
"I need to take a leave of absence"
"Why?"
"I found out this morning" she said, "I have breast cancer"
"Natalie" he said, and was immediately engulfing her in a hug.
She cried a little, but pulled herself together and they both sat down.
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know" she said, looking down, "They said my odds are good, I'm going to go to the best oncologist in the country. I just- it's a lot to think about"
"So you're going to be okay?"
"I have to be okay" she said, "I can't think about what would happen if I'm not. I don't know who would take care of Liam"
"There are plenty of people-"
"But they're not me" she said, "I didn't make myself a lot of promises when I had Liam, but I did promise myself I would never leave him"
"Why don't you want anyone else to know?"
"Because Dad has enough problems and Mom would just blame herself and coddle me and I don't want that. I know I can beat this, I just need the time"
"Where are you going for your treatment?"
"Seattle" she said, "I'm going to try and stay with Michael, he's a doctor, I'm sure he can explain everything to me and I know he'll help with Liam while I'm in the hospital. I owe Eve a trip out there anyway"
"You're going to take Liam with you"
"I can't do this without him"
"Maybe you don't want to hear this question but" he paused, "Have you talked to John?"
She took a breath as another tear rolled down her face, "I tried. I called, left a voicemail, but I couldn't just leave a bombshell like that on his voicemail. I begged him to call me back, but, I don't know. I ignored his calls and voicemails when I was angry at him, I know he's angry at me because of the restraining order, but-" she said, "Karma might be coming around"
"Natalie, I know that it seems like that right now, but, you know John"
"I used to" she said, "I used to know everything about him. But now, I don't know where he is, if he's okay, if he even cares about me anymore"
"You can't believe that" he said.
"I don't know where he and I stand anymore. I should hate him. But I left that appointment, and he was the only person I wanted to talk to about it. And I don't even know where he is"
"You're not in this on your own. If you need anything, Natalie, let me know. I'll do whatever I can"
"Thanks" she said, "I don't know when I'm leaving yet, but I'll come in tomorrow and make sure everything's in order before I leave"
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Just don't tell anyone" she said, and then paused before she said this.
"Of course, but is there anything else I can do?"
"I don't know if he'll listen to you, but if you think you telling John to call me would make any difference- don't tell him, he should hear that from me-"
"I'll do my best" he said, "And I mean it, Natalie, you can ask me for anything. Let me know when you're going to leave"
She nodded and after another hug, she left.
"John, it's Bo. Listen, I don't care where you are or what you're doing, but you need to listen to Natalie's message. I don't know where you stand on the two of you, but you need to call her as soon as you get this. She won't admit it, but she needs you. Your son needs you, too. I don't know what went wrong, but your real life needs you now and its about time you realize that. Call Natalie"
He'd done more than his fair share of pushing those two together, but this just felt wrong. John knew Natalie better than anyone. He used to know when she needed him before she even asked. It was such a shame he'd left her on her own. She'd never ask for help, not from anyone. John used to give her help before she could ask him to.
Of course, Bo knew John had gone back to the FBI, and there could be many reasons he wasn't answering his phone. The John he knew wouldn't have let that stop him, though. A small part of Bo wondered if John knew something was wrong and if that would even make a difference this time.