When her doctor had called her back, she'd left the station. Bo gave her free reign over when she was coming in over the next few days, and she figured some time to herself before she picked up Liam would probably be a good thing. She drove without knowing where she was going, that was until she got to Angel's Square. She hadn't been here in a long time and she knew exactly where she wanted to be right now.

She got up to the roof and took her first deep breath all day. She felt both better and worse now that she was here. After all, this was as close as she could be to John now, and she got some sense of strength from that. Then again, she was also a little bit disappointed that he wasn't there. It seemed as though whenever she needed him, she could find him here. Of course, she knew he wouldn't have been here, but she hoped just the same.

She climbed the steps, needing to find some sort of peace after the day. She and John had gotten into a fight this morning about fixing her car. The check engine light had been on for a week and he said he'd look at it before she got it checked, and he still hadn't. Of course, with their tempers it had escalated quickly, and she had ended up storming out of the house. To make it worse, she had to go see her father who lately had been displeased with her lack of involvement at BE. Of course, every time he asked her to attend a board meeting, she took a half day and did so, even read over all the information beforehand, which was not easy when she had a toddler running around. Naturally, her father had not hidden his disapproval of her career choice to her again today and subtly discredited everything she said. To say the least, it had been a bad day.

When she opened the door, she saw John already there and knew maybe this was what she needed. She stood next to him, looking out over the small city.

"Hi" she said, simply.

"Hi" he responded.

"I guess Todd made bail" she guessed, based on how he looked.

"He shouldn't have made bail"

"Its not your fault"

"I just don't get it. The case had no holes in it. He doesn't have an alibi"

"He's Todd. This wouldn't be the first time he's gotten away with murder"

"He's not going to get away with it" he said.

"John" she said, getting him to look at her, "It's out of your hands now. You did everything you could"

"It's my first case as the Commissioner"

"I know" she said, "but that doesn't discredit everything you did before"

"I know- I just- wanted it to go well. Bo trusted me and-"

"He does trust you. John, he wouldn't have left if you didn't have it under control. You earned this" he looked away again and she made him look at her, "What's this really about?"

"Guess I'm a little tired of letting people down"

"You're not letting anyone down. Not Bo" she said, then when he didn't say anything, "Not me"

"What about you? How was the meeting with your dad?"

"You remembered?"

"Yeah, not til after, at lunch I had to remind myself" he said, avoiding eye contact

"Oh" she said, clearly confused at his answer

"So, how did the meeting go?" he said, finally looking at her again.

"Oh, the usual" she said.

"That bad, huh?" he said, turning to face her and taking her face in his hand, "What happened?"

"You know how he gets when I give my opinion on something" she said, "Just, subtly lets everyone know I don't know what I'm talking about, like I haven't spent hours doing research so I could form an opinion" she said, "I don't get why he insists I come when he's just going to make it clear to the rest of the board they shouldn't listen to me"

"Cuz you're braver than the lot of them, you know that. You're the only one left on the board that your father doesn't have in his pocket"

"You're forgetting about Matthew"

"Oh, right. I forgot, the kid that has no idea what he's doing and riding on Clint's coattails"

"Maybe I should have signed my rights over to him after all"

"You don't mean that"

"It would have been easier than this"

"And when have you ever settled on easy?" he said, and she looked down, "Hey" he said, making her look up, "You didn't get this far with your dad by making the easy decisions" he pushed her hair back, "And you sure haven't kept me around because its easy"

"John-"

"I know I'm not easy to get along with. God knows why you keep me around. Especially lately"

"Don't say that. You know I love you" she said.

"That doesn't make me any easier to live with"

"Well, I'm no walk in the park, either"

He shook his head, "You're perfect"

She laughed, but then gently leaned in and kissed him. She pushed his hair back, "I shouldn't have gone off on you like that this morning. I wasn't thinking about-"

"Its not your fault"

"I'm sorry" she said, "I know you're busy, and that the transition wasn't easy on you-"

"It's not your fault, Natalie"

"John, I tore into you before you even finished your coffee"

"I remembered about the meeting because after the arraignment I really wanted to talk to you, but you weren't in your office" he said.

"I forgot about-"

"I know, its okay, but-" he paused, and pet her hair, "I got there and I really wanted to apologize"

She smiled, "You don't have to-"

"No, I told you I'd look at your car, and I should have done it by now" he said, "I'm sorry"

"Can we make up now?"

He smiled and kissed her, deeply, but it was short.

"I love you" he said, "I know I don't make it easy for you-"

"You act like I'm a cakewalk"

"You gave me a son and you cook for us almost every night. I wake up to fresh coffee every morning. As far as I'm concerned, you're as good as they come" he said, "And no one's ever stuck with me for so long"

"I love you"

"My mom called today"

"So that's why you apologized?" she teased. Eve always took her side, something she enjoyed teasing John about.

He chuckled, "Yeah, yeah. Marcie had the baby"

"Oh" she said, looking down, trying to show excitement.

"what?" he asked, noticing her fake excitement, "I thought you'd be-" she still didn't look at him, he took her chin in his hand and made her look at him, "Natalie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"You can tell me"

"It's just-" she started, not sure how to voice herself, "We fight like this, and I just wonder- and Michael and Marcie had their share of problems too but- we're still-"

She could see the look in his eyes, he knew what she was saying, she knew it must have hurt him to think that she wasn't happy. And it wasn't that she wasn't happy, it just seemed that they were perpetually in the same place. They lived together, they'd gotten into a good routine, they bought a house together, but she found herself wondering everyday if they were perpetually going to stay like this or if they'd ever make it official and get married. She loved John, and she'd stay with him forever regardless, but a small part of her thought after all she'd been through, after all they'd been through, that they deserved the ring and the wedding and the honeymoon.

A moment later, she was jerked out of her thought when he took her face again. She avoided his eyes, knowing she'd see the hurt and that it was her fault.

"Hey, look at me" he said, and she did. The hurt was there, but the look in his eyes was one of determination she hadn't seen in him in a long time, "We're going to get married, too. I know we're practically married now, but I want it all, you deserve it all" he said and took a breath, "I love you, and our life, and I wish I had married you before Liam, but-" he paused, "That doesn't matter now. Just wait a little longer, I'm still getting used to the idea you're not going anywhere" he said, "And Natalie, us fighting, that's not going to change- we both have tempers, we're both stubborn. And-" he paused, and pushed her hair back, "If I ever take your fight out of you, I'm not sure I could live with that. I did that once, and I hated it" he said, and he move his hand to the side of her face, "So can you hang in there with me for a little bit longer?"

"I'll hang in there with you forever" she said, smiling.

He kissed her again.

"I should probably pick Liam up soon"

"Tell you what, take my car, I'll take yours home and take a look at it, and I'll pick dinner up on the way, and you can take it easy tonight" he said, "And maybe that son of ours will go to bed early, and we can spend the night making up"

"Okay" she said, smiling, "I'll see you in a few"

He could always make her feel better, like he had that last time they were up here, and every time before that. She wished it was so easy now, to feel better about this whole thing because he was here. She took out her phone again and bit back the tears when he didn't answer.

"Hey John, its me again. You haven't called me back yet. I know you probably hate me right now, but I-" she wouldn't say she needed him, he did not get that satisfaction after all she'd been through because of this, "I really need to talk to you. You need to know what's going on. I don't know what better way reach you, so if you're avoiding my calls, you need to stop and call me. I mean it John, this is bigger than us. Please, please call me"

She hung up and held the phone to her chest for a minute. That wasn't any easier than the first time. What if he didn't call back tomorrow? What if he didn't ever call back? Could she really get through this without him? Of course she could. She had to.

Unfortunately, that was not the only call she had to make. She only prayed he wasn't on shift. She wasn't sure she could deal with another voicemail, and the alternative was equally as scary. She sat down on the bench and took a deep breath.

She hit call on a number she hadn't used in nearly a year. She counted the rings. On the third, he picked up with a timid, "Hello?"

"Hi" she said simply.

"Natalie?"

"Hi Michael" she said, still not entirely sure she was going to be able to get through this.

"I thought the caller id was wrong"

"I know, its been awhile. How are you?"

"Great, Marcie's great, Gabe and Lucy are great too" he said.

"I'm glad to hear it" she said, "I know this probably seems out of the blue"

"A little, but I'm glad to hear from you. How's Liam?"

"He's good, he's getting so big"

"And are you okay?"

"That's actually why I'm calling" she said, "I know its complicated right now, but we were friends once, and I really need a friend right now"

"Friends? Natalie, you were almost my sister. I know its complicated right now because of John, and I'm not happy about that either-"

"John has very little to do with this. But I'm glad you feel that way"

"So what can I do for you"

"I have to go to Seattle" she said, "I'm going to take Liam with me. I was wondering if we could stay with you or your mom"

"Of course" he said, "But Natalie, why are you coming here?"
"I'll tell you when I get there. I'd rather have that conversation in person"

"Is this serious?"

"Michael, I really just need you leave it at that for now. I promise you can ask all the questions you want once I'm there"

"Okay, when are you coming?"

"I'm going to fly out on Sunday. I'll rent a car. I still have your address"

"Okay. I hope you're okay"

"I will be"

"Of course you will be. You're Natalie"

"Just so you know, I didn't take out that restraining order. I had it rescinded"

"He wouldn't tell me why he wasn't going home. He just said it was complicated, I had no idea-"

"Michael, I hope you know, I would never-"

"I do know that, Natalie. I'm surprised John didn't. I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize. You didn't do any of this"

"So I'll see you in a few days?"

"Yeah" she said, "Michael, one more thing?"

"Yeah?"

"If you think you could convince your brother to call me, I'd really appreciate it"

"Okay, I'll try" he said, "I'll see you soon"

She hung up and rested her head against the concrete wall. The hardest part was over. She just had to get through tomorrow, tell her mom she'd be leaving, and call Jess. That was another conversation she wasn't looking foreword to. She did some quick math and determined it was too late to call her now, and would have to call her in the morning. For right now, she headed to her mom's to pick up Liam.

Michael sat down, staring at his phone. He wasn't entirely sure that conversation had really just happened. He knew he should try to call John, but he didn't know what to say. He knew he had to call his mom, because she surely would want to know Natalie was coming. And yet, all he could do was look at his phone and question everything he knew.

"Michael?" he heard, finally snapping him out of it, "What's going on?" Marcie came into the living room.

"Natalie called" he managed.

"What?"

"Natalie called me"

"Why?"

"she's coming here. She wants to stay with us"

"Oh, I mean unexpected, but-"

"Marcie, I got the feeling that something was really wrong"

"But why call you"

"I think she's trying to get in contact with John"

"Oh"

"Did you know there was a restraining order out against him?"

"No, he didn't tell me. He can't go near her-"

"No, she got it reversed, but, why didn't John say anything?"

"Did she say what was wrong?"

"She didn't"

"Well, Liam's my nephew, and I can't wait to see him"

"I'm going to call John"

"And say what?"

"I don't know, but I have to do something" he said, dialing, unsurprised when it went to voicemail, "Hey brother, I hope you're doing okay. I just got an interesting phone call- call me when you get a chance. And call Natalie, too"

"He didn't answer?"

"He's on assignment, I shouldn't be surprised" Michael said, but couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong.