"Hi Natalie!"

Jess was always chipper on the phone. It wasn't first thing in the morning over there, she thought.

"Hey Jess. How are you?"

"Great. Bree got a report card, she's so good in school, Natalie, you wouldn't believe it"

"Yeah, I bet. She's a bright little kid"

"What's up with you?"

"Nothing much, run of the mill" she said, knowing that it was pointless, "But Jess, I have to tell you something"

"What is it?"
"I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and they tested me for the BRCA gene, and I have it"

"Natalie are you-"

"No, I'm fine" she lied, "but now I know and they put me on some pills to hopefully offset it, and I just have to get a mammogram more often. But more importantly, you need to get tested for that too"

"Yeah" she said.

"Promise me, Jess. This is important. I'd never forgive myself if-"

"I will. I promise, Natalie"

"Alright, listen, I'm at work, so I should go. I was thinking I'd come visit in a few months"

"Oh, Natalie, don't tease me like that. come sooner"

"No, I really think I'd rather come when there's a chance of sun"

"Fair enough. I'll talk to you soon"

"Love you"

"You too"

She felt bad about lying, she really did. She'd tell her the truth when it was all said and done, but until then, she wanted as few people to know as possible.

She walked into the foyer, knowing where she'd find her mom, and she didn't quite know how she was going to manage this lie. She'd been relying on her mom a lot because of her job, and she knew it would hurt her mom a lot when she finally told her the truth. But the doting and sympathy would just make her feel so much worse. Her mom never intended to make her feel pitied, but that was always how she felt when her mom talked to her lately.

She only hoped she didn't run into her dad. The lie she was going to tell wouldn't work on him.

She walked into the library, seeing her mom at her desk. She took a deep breath as her mom turned around.

"Hi Natalie" she said, turning, then paused, "Are you okay? You don't look yourself"

"I'm fine" she said, "But, um, mom I wanted to talk to you. I've been doing a lot of thinking, I want you to know what's going on"

"Of course, dear. You can tell me anything"

"So I've been thinking, I didn't know you guys, or anything about my family, for my whole childhood"

"Yes, Natalie, what are you-"

"And I always swore to myself, especially when I was pregnant that I'd never let that happen to Liam. That he would always know his family"

"You've provided an excellent source of family for your son, Natalie"

"Only half of it" she said, "You have been great, everyone has, but-"

"but what, Natalie?"

"Mom, Liam has a whole other side of family that he hasn't seen since he was born. He's a McBain, too, whether John's here or not, and I don't feel right keeping them from him"

"but John-"

"Yeah, John made his choice. But Eve has never been anything but wonderful to me, and Michael used to be my friend. Don't I owe it to them-"

"You don't owe them anything"

"Mom, they're not at fault for John's choices. I've thought about that a lot, Michael and Eve aren't John, and if I had to bet, they're probably angry at him about what he did, too" she said, "And if I keep Liam from them, I'm no better than Allison and Mitch for what they did to me"

"You're not like them" Viki said, "Don't think like that"

"But you see where I'm coming from. I want Liam to know his family. That should mean all of it"

"Yes, I do see your point. Eve deserves a chance to know her grandson, I can understand that"

"You're going to think I'm crazy" she said, "I'm going to Seattle, I already talked to Michael"

"No, I think you're Natalie. I should have known you'd do this sooner or later"

"I really feel bad about putting it off for so long"

"Eve will be happy to see you" she said, "When are you leaving?"

"Sunday" Natalie answered, "I know, I'm impulsive-"

"You wanted to minimize the time anyone had to talk you out of it"

"Yeah, that too" she said, "Speaking of, do you think you could not mention this to Dad? At least until I'm gone? You know how he would react-"

"Yes, I do. I can see why you wouldn't want to tell him. Make sure you let me know when you land"

"thanks for understanding, Mom. I will"

They hugged, and Natalie felt a wave of relief wash over her. It seemed that her mom understood and didn't think anything of it. So far, so good.

"I'll miss you"

"We'll miss you, too" she said, "But I really should get Liam home, he doesn't know yet"

"Make sure you take some time for yourself on this trip. You look like you could use it"

"Okay. I'll try"

The two of them went to the nursery and grabbed Liam from his toys, Viki giving him an extra kiss before they left.

"Liam?" Natalie started as they sat down to dinner.

"Yes Momma"

"How would you feel about us going on a trip for awhile?"

"A trip? Where?"

"A place called Seattle" she said, "And you'll meet your uncle and aunt and grandma and cousins" she said. She watched Liam think about it for a second, and then she added, "So what do you think?"

"Why don't I know them?" he asked, "I know my other aunts and uncles, right?"

"Yeah, you just haven't met these ones yet"

"Why?"

"Well" she said, "You know how Uncle Kevin and Aunt Jess are my brother and sister? And Grandma is my mom?"

"Yeah" he said, "I didn't know you had another brother and sister"

"That's because I don't" she said, and immediately regretted going this route.

"They're Daddy's brother and sister?"

"Well, Daddy's brother and his wife. And Daddy's mom"

"Oh" he said, "Will Daddy be there?"

"No, he won't"

"I didn't know Daddy had a brother"

"Daddy's brother used to be one of my best friends" she said, "And you want to know a secret?"

"What?"

"Daddy's mom used to like me a lot more than Daddy"

"I don't believe you" he said.

"Well, you'll have to ask her" she said, "They're very excited to see you"

"Momma?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think Daddy's almost caught the bad guys yet?"

"I don't know, sweetie" she said, "But you know he loves you"

"Will you be sad while we're in Seattle?"

"Why?"

"You're always sad when we talk about Daddy. Will being around his brother make you sad?"

"No, sweetie. Your Uncle Michael is very good at make me laugh"

"I think I'll like him"

"Alright, mister, time for bed, let's go"

Liam had gone down for the night without much fuss. Natalie came downstairs and collapsed on the couch. Liam was his father's son, and sometimes Natalie cursed John for that. No one had ever been able to see through her except for John, and somehow now Liam could do it, too. He could tell something was off, she was sure, she just didn't know how she would deal with those questions when they came.

"Hey buddy, you got to make me a promise"

"What?"

Natalie watched as John whispered in his son's ear for a long time. She wondered what could possibly take that long to tell him.

"So can you do that?"

Liam looked at her solemnly for a minute, and then looked back to him, "I'll do my best"

"Alright thanks buddy" John said, then hugged him and kissed his head, "I'll be back soon. I'll miss you. I love you"

"I love you too Daddy"

"Alright, head upstairs, I'll wave when I pull out"

John watched Liam run upstairs before putting his hands on Natalie's waist.

"I hate leaving you" he said.

She smiled, wrapping her arms around his middle, "I can take care of myself"

He chuckled, looking down and nodded, "Yeah, you can"

"What did you tell Liam?"

"I just asked him to look out for you"

"I don't need anyone to look out for me"

"I know you don't. But I worry, you know?"

"And how's Liam's going to help with that?" she asked skeptically.

"I've been teaching him your tells"

"I don't have any tells, McBain"

"That's what you think. You forget, I know you better than anyone. And Liam"

"And you think he knows me as well as you do"

"No" he said, "but he's a smart kid, he gets that from you"

"I know you, too, you know" she said.

"Oh yeah?"

"I know you don't want to leave"

"Can you blame me? Todd shouldn't have made bail, let alone-"

"Yeah, I know. But I was talking about leaving me and your son"

"I'm trying not to think about that too much" he said, pushing her hair back.

He kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her whole body.

"I'm going to miss you so much" he murmured against her lips before kissing her again.

"I love you" she told him when they came up for air.

"I love you, too"

They kissed again. When they came up for air, they just embraced. Natalie resting her head in his shoulder, and him resting his head against hers.

"Please be careful" she whispered, "I need you to come home to me"

"I'll always come home to you" he said, "I'll just be a few days. Todd can't be hiding that well"

"Take care of yourself, okay?" she said, starting to get teary.

"You too" he said, and went to wipe her tears away, "Hey, you can't do that to me. You know I won't leave"

She could hear his voice straining and that this was taking its toll on him, too, "then kiss me again"

He kissed her one more time.

"Bye" she said.

"Bye"

"Call me when you get there" she said, "And hurry home"

"I will" he said.

"Go!" she said, "The sooner you leave, the sooner you get back"

He smiled, nodding, and left.

That had been the first time he'd left, when the reason was something she understood. She'd really thought when all that mess over he'd planned on proposing. Instead, he'd cheated.

Or at least that's what everyone wanted her to believe. She couldn't really shake the feeling that he hadn't cheated on her, that there was more to the story she wasn't getting. Once she calmed down, she didn't really think he could do that, or that it could have happened without her knowing. Even with him being gone so often, she'd still been able to tell when he needed her. She could tell when she needed to be angry at him, and that thought hadn't crossed her mind; she'd been completely blind sighted by it. She knew now that was why she'd been so upset, she didn't know to expect that. Of course, she was upset because John had been kissing another woman and that he hadn't bothered to tell her. But a part of her always knew that there was more to the story, that he couldn't have possibly cheated on her. He'd seen what that had done to her before, and she knew him. She knew he wouldn't do that again, especially with no reason to.

She got up and picked up her favorite picture off of the mantle. It was the only one of the two of them on the mantle, and it was quite old, the only picture he'd ever posed for while they were together. It was from 2006, on the day she'd been accepted into the forensic program.

"Damn it, John" she said, "I need you. I wish you knew that" she whispered, "I thought we were connected, I thought you'd know. I thought-" she paused, a tear rolling down her face, "I really thought you'd be here when I got home. What if I never see you again?" she put the picture down, wiping her tears away.

She wrapped her arms around herself, and turned the lights off, heading to her room, or what had once been their room, and she hadn't yet found it in herself in change anything. As she had many nights before when she felt lonely, she put on one of the shirts he'd left behind, she hadn't washed them, and this one still smelt like him. She looked at the pictures of them that decorated their room. Most of them were of just the two them, sniped by various people when one or both of them weren't looking. One in particular she had learned to like particularly, it was taken on Bo and Nora's wedding, Rex had snapped it from across the room while they were dancing. The way he looked at her in that picture made her feel so loved and safe in his arms. He could always make her feel that way. He was the only man she'd ever been with to hold her while she slept every night, even when he came home late and she was already asleep. She laid down and closed her eyes and for the millionth time imagined he was in their bed with her. She'd had a lot of trouble sleeping the last few months, and the last few days especially. Her mortality haunted her, and she had nightmares about what would happen if she were to die because of this.

She wished she could know what John would say. It made no sense, but she knew he would have been able to calm her down.