"Buchanan"
"Hi" he said, simply, not sure what else to say.
"John? Finally, listen-"
"I know, Bo" he said, not sure he could hear the words again and survive.
"you do? I guess Natalie got through to you, then? You're headed to Seattle?"
"I'm in Seattle. She's in surgery right now"
"I'm sure she's happy you made it" he said, and when John didn't say anything, he kept going, "how are you holding up?"
"Bo, I- I should have been here so long ago"
"You can't think that now"
"i know, I just, I- I don't know what to do"
"You don't need to do anything, you just need to listen and be there, that's all she wants"
John just nodded, unsure he could speak.
"You call me if you guys need anything, okay?"
"Okay" he said, "Thanks, Bo"
He hung up the phone and hung his head in his hands.
Michael walked up to his brother and held out the cup of coffee in his hands. John just looked up at him, as if he didn't understand what it was.
"John, you look like shit, drink it"
Silently, John took the cup. Michael sat down next to him.
"Liam's coming"
John took a sip.
"Ask"
He tried to breathe, "Is she- is she going to make it through this?"
"We think so"
"How long?" he said.
"She moved really fast. She found the lump three weeks ago, got tested right away, got diagnosed last week and flew out this weekend, got the first appointment she could"
John shook his head, "How is she?"
"Unbelievable. She said she cried a lot, but I haven't seen any proof of that"
"She'd cry never cry in front of you"
"Yeah" he said, "She really wanted you here. She didn't want to want you, but she did. She kept saying if only you were here, you'd make her feel better"
"I don't know how to do that"
"I think you do" he said, "You always knew what she needed, you just know her"
John was quiet again.
"Ask me, John, Liam's coming, I know you won't ask me in front of him?"
"What's going on in that surgery?"
"It's a lumpectomy" he said, "Which means she's getting the tumors cut out"
"Is she going to be in pain?"
"Maybe a little when she wakes up, but she's on a lot of pain medication"
"And that's it, she'll be better after that?"
"Hopefully, she'll probably have to get a few round of radiation in case it spread"
"I don't know how to do this, Mike"
"You've seen her a lot worse, John"
He shook his head, "That was different, I was always there, I always knew what happened-"
"John, you can't focus on that right now. You can't save her from this. She has to save herself. You and I both know she'll fight much harder with you by her side"
"What if she doesn't make it?"
"She will" he said, "Because she's Natalie and she's fought her whole life and you know just as well as I do that she's not going to go down like this"
"What if she won't talk to me? What if I have screwed this up- "
"John, stop. Yeah, she's angry at you, we all are" he said, "None of that matters right now. You two will have plently of time to fight about what happened when she's better"
"I quit"
"I'm glad'
"They stopped me from getting the letter that revoked the restraining order"
"She'd wondered about why you still weren't answering"
"They blocked all my incoming calls. They bugged me so whenever I called someone they cut it off"
"So they knew you wanted to leave"
He inhaled, "Yeah" he said, "But I'm sure they don't want me anymore"
"I'm glad you're back brother, for however long I get you"
"Well, who knows how long that will be?"
"You're going back to Llanview with her, John"
"Even if she doesn't want me to?"
"You don't really believe that"
"I don't know what to believe right now, Mike. I woke up at 3 AM and my world got turned upside down, I don't know anything for sure anymore"
"One day at a time then"
"More like one breath a time"
"Are you going to be able to hold it together for Liam?"
"If Mom doesn't kill me first"
"I think she'll leave that for Natalie"
"You didn't hear the voicemails" he said.
"We didn't know how else to try and get you"
He shook his head, "I just can't believe it came to this, I never should have taken that job, I never should have accepted the assignment. I should have come home from Port Charles the second the case was over"
"Don't do this to yourself"
"She did it all by herself, she didn't tell anyone about the lump, she didn't tell anyone at home why she was coming here, I should have been there, I should have convinced her to at least tell her Mom, I should have told her that we'd make it work that she didn't have to to worry. I should have been there to hold her when she needed to cry, to hold her hand when she found out her test results, and now-"
"Now you're going to get her through radiation and recovery"
"I feel like I can't breathe, Mike. I don't think I've taken a full breath since you called me, I just feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop"
"It's not going to drop. You know Natalie better than anyone. You know she's going to pull through this"
"I just hate feeling useless. I hate this waiting"
"The surgery's going to be a few hours, John"
"How long can Liam stay?"
"He can stay for awhile, Natalie didn't want him to see her right after the surgery"
"I should have known that"
"John, just stop. You screwed up and the FBI screwed you over. You can't change that now. Now, you can be the father and the boyfriend they deserve"
"They always deserved better than me" he said.
"That's not what they think" Michael said, "All Natalie has said is that she wants you here. Liam's bed time stories have been all about you. You're the one they want"
"Daddy?!" they heard.
John turned his head and saw Liam running towards him. He was so big, he could hardly believe he'd grown so much. How did he even remember him? His heart skipped a beat when Liam run right into his arms.
"I missed you Daddy" he said.
"I missed you, too, buddy"
"Liam, can you talk to your Uncle Michael for a minute? Grandma need to talk to Daddy"
"Mom-" Michael started.
"I'll just be a minute"
"It's fine, Mike" John said, "I'll be right back, okay, Liam?"