"Good night sweetheart" Natalie said, and kissed Liam's head.
"Good night, Momma"
"I love you"
"I love you too" he told her, "Will you sleep okay here?"
"I'm very tired, sweetie, I'm going to sleep just fine"
"Are you coming back to Grandma's with me?" Liam asked John.
"No, buddy, I'm going to stay here with Mom"
Liam nodded, not questioning the decision at all, "Okay, good night, Daddy"
"Good night buddy"
"I love you. I'm glad you're back"
"I love you, too, buddy" he said, and kissed his head, "Be good for Grandma, okay?"
Liam nodded, heading to Eve.
"Good night, you two" Eve said, "Get some rest Natalie"
"Thanks, Eve"
"I'll see you in the morning" she said to them before she and Liam left.
"You feeling okay?" Michael asked her.
"Yeah, I'm doing okay"
"Any pain?"
"No" she said.
"You want me to make him leave?"
"Over your dead body" John told him.
"No, I'm perfectly capable of kicking him out if I have to" she said, and John just smiled at her.
"Alright, I know better than to question you" he said, "Brother, she really does need rest"
"I know" Natalie said.
"I know" John agreed.
"Well, I guess that's my cue to leave" he said, "I'll see you tomorrow" he said, and left.
John squeezed her hand once they were alone. He'd only let it go so one of them could hold Liam while he'd been in here, and he was afraid what would happen now that they were alone again.
"I'm not going to ask you to leave" she said, knowing his fears, "You'd only sit outside and watch through the window anyway"
"Guess you still know me better than I do"
"Someone has to"
"This should be the other way around, you know. I should be reassuring you"
"You did"
"You must have doubts"
She looked down for a second, "You know, you've always come with some sort of doubt. There was a period of time, I wasn't sure if you'd come home to me at the end of the night or if the two of us would make through another week. I spent nine months doubting if you'd still love me I told you the truth" she said, "Yeah, I got doubts. But I'd rather have you and those doubts than be here and feel alone"
"I hate that you felt like that" he said, "I mean, you're right, I- I never made this easy on you"
"Do you think I signed on for easy?"
"I'm far from easy"
"John" she said, and he looked at her, "So am I. You know that better than anyone"
"I just- I can't help but think what would be different right now if I hadn't screwed up so badly"
"You'd be here with me"
"You must have questions"
"tons" she said, "But I'll still have them tomorrow. Right now, I just want to be with you, I just want to talk to you"
"I missed you" he said, looking at their hands, "I don't think I've slept for almost a year" he told her, "And I knew something was wrong- I could feel it" he said, "I tried to call, but my boss would blast me every time I tried"
"That makes me feel a lot better" she said, "That you were at least trying"
"I had to try. I felt like I was suffocating, I knew you needed me"
"Guess we're still connected"
"You know what I missed most?" he said, "Just, coming home and seeing you after a long day. I hit so many dead ends, and somehow, I just knew if I could talk to you, I wouldn't be so mad at myself"
"I missed that too" she said, "I had some problems with my dad again, all I wanted was for you to tell me you didn't doubt me"
"I'm sure you did the right thing, you always do"
"well, that's giving me a lot of credit"
"Credit where credit's due"
"You're always too good to me. You always think the best of me" she said, "No one's ever done that before"
"Yeah, well, just returning the favor" he said.
She smiled, "Did you eat something?"
"yeah, when Liam came we went down to the cafeteria"
"Good" she said, "You would've forgotten"
"All that mattered was getting here"
"So you haven't slept since this morning?"
"Like I could have if I wanted to" he said, "Nothing else mattered, I just had to get here. I had to wait for my boss for two hours to get the block off of my phone and to tell them I quit, that was the longest two hours of my life"
"For the record, I didn't want you to find out like that"
"I know" he said.
She yawned, "I guess it got you here"
"I would have walked if I had to" he said, and pushed her hair back, "You doing okay?"
"Just tired"
"Get some sleep" he said, "Do you need anything?"
She shook her head, "What are you going to do?"
"I'll stay here"
"You need to sleep too"
"I'll sleep when I'm dead"
"yeah, yeah" she said.
"Can I do anything?"
"Hold me?" she asked.
He knew there were a million reasons he should say no. She'd just gotten out of surgery, they hadn't talked about where they were, she hadn't asked about the kiss that tore them apart. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to say no. He nodded, and she moved over on the bed, making room for him. He laid down next to her, and immediately, she wriggled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. The bed was small, so they were pressed against each other, and he naturally wrapped an arm around her to keep her close. It may not have looked comfortable, but he felt more at ease than he had in a long time. She moved her leg over his so they were closer. She brought one hand to his chest, and he pet her hair.
"I missed this" she said, quietly, "this feels so right"
"yeah, it does" he said, "I miss holding you"
"Can you tell me what you did for the FBI?"
"They got me because they were going after Allison Perkins"
"They were?" she said, "Did you get her?"
"Well, unfortunately she pled insanity"
"Of course she did"
"She was running a lab or something out in the middle of nowhere, and she'd gotten all these people to convert to that crazy religion Mitch founded, and got them hypnotized to do whatever the hell she wanted"
"Where is she being held?"
"Iowa, I think"
"Far away enough"
"I tried to convince everyone involved she had to go to jail, that she'd just bust out of whatever home they put her in-"
"Well, they didn't know like you did" she said, "and she is insane"
"Still, she should have gone away"
"What else did you work on?"
"After that, there was a serial killer in New Orleans, and another in Lincoln. Then, they put me on a drug circle in the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin"
"I take it you didn't like that too much"
"It didn't kill me to have to quit on that case"
"You brought down a drug circle in Llanview by yourself"
"I told them that. I told them it should have been on the local precinct. They didn't care all that much"
"Why the downgrade?"
"I must have done something to piss someone off" he said, "I never signed a contract, so when I walked out they couldn't do anything to me"
"You never signed?"
"No" he said, "I never wanted that, Natalie, I wanted to come home to you"
"You're here now"
"Whether you want me or not" he said, smiling.
"That seems like something I would say"
"You must have rubbed off on me"
"About time" she teased, "You're not one to get sentimental"
"Extenuating circumstance"
"Ah"
"You know there hasn't been a day that goes by I don't think about you. Even when I want to"
"Same" she said.
"You should get some sleep"
"You'll stay here?"
"Right here" he said.
"And you'll get some sleep, too?"
"Yeah"
She leaned up for a kiss, and he deepened it, and she melted into him even more. When they came up for air, they kissed lightly again.
"Goodnight" she said.
"Goodnight" he said.
She settled back on his shoulder, and he began to pet her hair. Slowly he felt her fall asleep. He smiled, kissing her head when she was completely asleep. His heart had fallen a little bit when she hadn't said she loved him when they kissed, but he supposed he deserved that. He took a deep breath, purposefully inhaling the scent of her hair. He couldn't be too upset with the fact that she hadn't said she loved him, after all, he was holding her again, and that was much more than he ever expected. Even if he knew it could have backfired if she was still awake, he couldn't stop himself from whispering into her ear.
"I love you"
For a brief moment, he thought about going to get his mom's ring out of the car, but he'd promised Natalie he'd stay with her all night, and he couldn't bring himself to move from this spot. He enjoyed the feeling of her pressed against him in this small bed, and he found himself not caring that he barely fit on the bed with her and that her armrest was digging into his side. He felt more comfortable than he had in a long time, and he felt himself drifting to sleep.