Chapter 14.

Sansa felt that her disappointment grew bigger and deeper every day, and she didn't know what to do.

Why on earth does he keep on getting closer to me, then running away from me, she was asking bitterly, while curling in the armchair in her room. He was the bravest and the most daring man she had ever met and known, including her own father, still she was unable to understand Sandor's behaviour.

Deep inside she knew that she should stay patient and indifferent, preserving her pride and dignity, but she found it more and more difficult because she wanted something so badly – something that Sandor seemed to feel like sharing with her while immediately changing his mind every time he finally took the first step. Isn't it high time I could finally be happy, she kept on wondering so many times that she grew tired of herself.

She remembered how badly she had wanted to be Joffrey's wife after meeting him for the first time at Winterfell; how hard and impatient she had been begging to her mother to help her to arrange their marriage and persuade her father to say yes to her sweetest plan… how terribly stupid and childish she had been! The only thing she had been able to see was his pretty face and gorgeous clothes, and even when she had seen his dirty soul, the dark side of him, she had still wanted him and her crown as a mighty queen. I was just a stupid little girl who knew nothing about the real world, she smiled.

But now the situation was completely different.

She was a mature woman now, full of sorrowful experience, full of sadness and pain, being without her loving parents by her side, being really in love with someone who had been taking care of her and defending her throughout the years. She had seen his darkest side but she was able to see and experience that deep inside he had a good, great heart. Her choice was a mature decision, born in her heart and in her body, but fully supported by his deeds and her brain.

The incredible tenderness she could see in Sandor during the Midsummer Night ball, when he had asked her to dance with him and they had been dancing together, never came back. He was still courteous and respectful towards her, even though his mocking grin and his mischievous remarks never faded, but he hardly spoke to her and never turned up around her, and she felt as if that wonderful dance had never happened at all.

It was the middle of August when the usual great summer meeting of Winterfell took place. It was a special event when all the most important and powerful people of the North, landlords, warriors, and priests, gathered at Winterfell. They spent a whole week discussing different matters and problems, revising previous decisions and laws, making new orders and plans under the reign of the current ruler of the North – and at the end of the meeting everyone could join a generous feast, full of delicious meals and wines, cheerful dance and the best music the Starks could offer.

Queen Sansa signed all the invitation cards that were delivered to the invited nobilities by her pigeons, and then welcomed all her guests with the greatest warmth, generosity, and grace that Winterfell used to be so famous for when her mother was the lady of the castle. Everything seemed to be as gracious and lavish just like in Eddard Stark's time.

When she was sitting on her throne, all her most loyal men were sitting around her in a large circle – including Sandor Clegane. He hardly looked at her, he didn't say a single word and he seemed to be in a rather bad mood during the first three days – however, Sansa was completely sure that he was listening to and watching every word or glance closely.

After discussing all the significant topics of the previous six months and preparing a few new laws concerning the agriculture and the private armies of the landlords, Ser Thomas asked for the permission to speak. It was late evening, and everyone was looking forward to eating their dinner, listening to some music, singing the old songs, and then find some good night's sleep before the following meeting on the next day.

Sansa saw some strange embarrassment on Ser Thomas's serious and slightly tired face, that was why she offered him a lovely, encouraging smile. She often found herself play the strict, unreachable queen but this time she put that aside.

- Let me hear you, Ser. Please tell me, what have we forgotten about?

Ser Thomas took a deep bow and also a deep breath, making it noticeable that he wanted to say something difficult.

- Please, my lady, forgive for my impertinence, but… - his words seemed to be coming forward in a rather hard way - In my humble opinion, it would be the best decision for you and for the North, if you should marry, my lady.

Everyone in the hall became completely frozen, taken aback and rather surprised as if they had had no idea about Ser Thomas's announcement – they did not start to discuss the fresh topic immediately, but it was obvious that they were really eager to talk to each other and converse about the shocking request. Even though they all appeared to be so stunned, Sansa was quite sure that Ser Thomas was not the only one who had ever devoted a moment to the idea of a new marriage of hers – the other men were simply not courageous enough to bring it up.

Sansa broke out in a little laugh, but she realised quickly that his words were not meant to be a joke.

- It seems to me that you are talking seriously, Ser Thomas.

He appeared to feel rather uncomfortable, he kept his hands behind his back, twisting his fingers, but he managed to keep the eye contact with her.

- I am completely serious, my lady.

Sansa looked around in the hall, checking the curious faces and now she had to realise that her possible new marriage was actually not a new theme for her men at all (only Sandor Clegane appeared to be completely unaware of the previous conversations, but to tell the truth, his face showed utter indifference most of the times) – then she looked into Ser Thomas's eyes deeply.

- Why has it become an important thing to discuss?

Ser Bruce intervened softly.

- We didn't mean…

However, Sansa became quite angry.

- Why should I marry again? What are your motives for asking such a thing from me?

- My lady…

Sansa's voice sounded incredibly cruel now – at least she could hide how much pain she had been concealing.

- I have been married twice. Forced marriages that created nothing good, no happiness. I do not feel like pretending as if no one in this room had no idea about the real story of my marriages, especially the second one.

Ser Thomas was looking back into her eyes – his glance was a kind of begging.

- The third one could be the lucky one. You just need to find the most suitable suitor who is able to give you everything you need, my lady.

Sansa was trying hard to recover her patience and her best behaviour as a noble lady, as the Queen of the North, as the sister of the King. Even though her parents could not be by her side anymore, she did not want to bring any kind of shame on them. She knew that her men, especially Ser Thomas wanted the best for her and for her kingdom and they didn't deserve her anger still the whole topic gave her pain and annoyance.

- You mean money and arms?

Ser Thomas seemed to feel a little ashamed of her openness, and he lowered his head, not replying anything.

Sansa leaned back on her throne, talking slowly.

- As far as I know, the North is still one of the richest kingdoms of all, and we have such a strong, well-prepared and faithful army that any king or queen could be proud of. Or am I mistaken?

Ser Thomas lowered his head, humbly.

- You are not mistaken, my lady.

Now all of her faithful men were trying to avoid her searching eyes, staring at their boots or the stone floor – except Sandor Clegane. He was watching her deeply, not taking his eyes off her as if he had not wanted to miss a second. His unrespectful smirk was still visible and he seemed to be having a great time. Was he enjoying that she found herself in an uncomfortable situation? She didn't think so. Was he enjoying that she became angry with the noble men he had always despised? Probably.

Suddenly Sansa decided to take a huge step.

Maybe, she thought, this is the moment when I can do something for my happiness. At the same time, she also wanted to teach some kind of lesson to Ser Clegane and maybe to spoil his joy for a second.

She looked at Sandor Clegane.

- I will not marry unless I can follow my heart.

She didn't know what her eyes expressed to him at that very moment – all she knew was that her heart was so overfilled with love and desire towards him that she could hardly breathe – and she wondered how much of that became clear to him.

As if she had seen some confusion in Sandor's dark eyes, even though his face remained completely expressionless, but she was unable to believe her own eyes and she felt that she was probably betrayed by her senses. She was not exactly disappointed, because she counted on such a reaction. She didn't care now if he would know about her emotions for him and if he would realise how much she loved him.

For a long moment, a tremendous silence covered the hall, then suddenly Ser Thomas take a really deep bow in front of Sansa, then looked into her eyes on a humble way.

- As the Queen of the North desires.

Everyone – including Sandor Clegane – bowed towards her, then Ser Thomas announced softly:

- May we have a break now, my lady?

Sansa stood up and waved with her hand graciously:

- Let's finish the meeting for today. I think we have accomplished a great deal of work and it is time for rest. Enjoy the evening, my faithful lords, the dinner is waiting for you in the dining hall. – she looked at the tall, almost golden-blonde haired servant, guarding at the door, for affirmation. The man nodded, clapped his hand twice and at the next moment three younger servants appeared by his side.

The servants showed the way to the dining table, and everyone was hurrying behind them to escape from Sansa's eyes. She could have laughed at their panic-like haste but she felt too exhausted and unhappy.

Ser Thomas remained standing in front of Sansa.

After she watched Sandor Clegane leave the room, she stared back at him. She was feeling disappointed and hopeless, but she forced a good-natured smile on her face.

- Ser Thomas. I thought we had finished this topic for now.

He looked deeply into her eyes. She knew very well that he wanted the best for her but now she felt too tired for such games of courtesy.

- Forgive me, my lady, I didn't mean to be…

Sansa sighed softly, running her hand along her skirt amused.

- I know that, Ser Thomas. Then what would you like to tell me now?

Ser Thomas stepped closer to her, lowering his voice as if he hadn't wanted to be heard by anyone else – even though the hall was completely empty.

- Allow me to be completely honest, my lady.

- You can always be completely honest with me, you know that, Ser Thomas. – she smiled at him graciously - You are one of my oldest friends, you are my most loyal man. You don't have to be scared of talking to me and opening your heart.

- May I talk as if I talked to my own daughter?

Sansa's smile now was filled with tenderness.

- Please do so. You know that you have always been like a second father to me.

A sparkle of pride and gratitude flashed in Ser Thomas's eyes.

- I know, I have heard how much pain and torture you had had to experience during your marriages, my lady. – he started to talk slowly - I don't know, I cannot comprehend its magnitude and its extent, but I know that it would have been too much even for a man. I just want you to be happy and I am sure that somewhere a man does exist who could make you happy.

Sansa could have giggled a little when she heard the last sentence of his – he sounded so unbelievably romantic. Not even her own beloved mother would have ever pronounced such sentimental expressions and now she had to hear it from one of the greatest warriors of the North!

- What would you think if I chose someone whom you don't like, whom you have always despised? Would you really support my choice without a word? Would you really agree and accept him as my husband, my consort, for the sake of my happiness? – she asked with an innocent glimpse.

Sansa was completely certain that Ser Thomas knew very well that she was talking about Sandor Clegane. He was a clever man, and he heard clearly how high opinion, gratefulness and appreciation she was holding of him. He must have noticed how she treated him, how she was talking to him, how she was looking at him, even though she always preserved her pride and dignity as the Queen of the North. He might have seen them dancing in the night, even though he had never mentioned it.

Ser Thomas flushed a little, pressed his lips together, then took a deep bow.

- I obey you, my lady. You are my Queen, and I obey you and your heart.