A/N- Hey, guys. Uh...been awhile, huh? Life's a crazy thing, especially when it can bring you back to what fuels you creatively.

So expect stories from me semi-regularly. I'm just as angsty as I always was so, let's see if I can even write anymore. 3 -MMM

Dreams take form in black and white, fuzzy and distorted visuals depicting someone else's memories. Center stage, I stood before a figure mimicking my stance.

Someone else's face, someone else's voice. Someone claiming that they are me, and I was different in these moments. I stand differently in front of them, I stand foreign in these shoes, in this fur. Only in name I claim these things.

Ultimate, ultimately untrusted and uncomfortably alone.

I can see them with my eyes shut. They change all the time and scale as high as I can see, scaling even further and miles thick. Walling me in, cold structures providing a shelter as it were. Stood firm and still, cold and unmoving.

Like looking in a mirror, like seeing the me I've claimed.

Shadow. I can harness powers no one else possesses and stand high above all others as the ultimate life-form. I've bested many of those who foolishly crossed my path almost effortlessly and remain unnerved, victorious.

That was who I was, at least to my understanding.

For how long I had been cloaked in this identity feels like a lifetime now, as memories grow from nothing and worm their way in. Appearing out of the blue, pains of loss, indifferences to faces I had never seen. Only all to have to have been implanted…Maybe.

Only now these walls substitute and guarding me, however holding back what I am. And they remained as far back as I could remember, which could be months. Could be years.

—

The forest floor, blades of bright green vapors in the wind surround me on all sides. Thick trees and shrubs crowd me in my stance-arms folded, eyes closed and listening. Breathing, I am alive.

The cool air on my skin, the distant chirping and rustling. I could hear it all, and yet something was amidst.

Soft rumbling coming from the west, wind shifting direction, new energies introduced and I felt it in the air.

Closer he comes, I shift, expelling a sigh.

"There you are!" Sonic skidded to stand before me. I glanced behind him, grass trimmings still falling in place on the ground. "Sorry to keep ya waiting, Shads!"

It's fine, I was actually looking forward to seeing you again.

"Hmph, whatever." Instead, I said. "What do you want?"

"Aw geez." Sonic faltered, scratching the back of his neck. "Well, I just wanted to check up on you."

Oh, that's alright. I've been laying low and keeping myself away.

"I don't need to be checked for, Hedgehog." Again, my callous reply.

Sonic tilted his head, I felt his eyes scanning me. I was burning in this light he gave off, this aura he brought with him. It was as if the world's colors popped wherever he stood, the rushing of greens and browns and golds. All basking in his rest.

I fidgeted, he gave a smile.

"I know that," he began, "you never want any of us to bother you, and I get it. You're a tough guy, Shads."

You really have no idea how wrong you truly are.

"If you know that already, then there isn't much to say on the matter." I turned to walk away, followed by him slicing through the space to greet me on the other side.

"Even the toughest guys have their limits."

I sighed and glared, choreographically. "You can't expect me to just let you keep this up," he grinned, "you definitely know that."

Split, fingers digging into my palms and cheek in between molars in my staring match. He stood so smug, so prominent, so open. I wondered if I would take the chance.

Little space between us, I closed my eyes and breathed. Nothing was amiss, no tricks seemed to be present. He isn't lying.

"You think about it. I see it when you do." Sonic spoke softly. "It gets lonely out here, out there."

It is, wherever I am.

"You don't know." I tried, face fixed to the ground. "Stop telling me these pitiful lies. Falling in line with who you are, faker."

Sonic frowned as I wished for him to stop in these ramblings."

"Liar, and a fake. Just as everything is. I don't need to be left open to any of it." I claimed, turning past him and moving forward. In an instant for a second, we were besides one another.

Our hands, the fabric of our gloves grazed and my skin pleaded. It begged for the smallest of moments to reach out to him. Represented by a single ray of light shown through the obstructions made for me, only to be denied once again. Denied by myself, the beacon swallowed up as they closed in once again. A dying microbe of a cry for help.

All ending the second he was behind me, speeding away without another word.

He called out, Shadow ignored it.

I called out to him, and Shadow blocked it.

I am Shadow, forbidding the warmth I lacked behind the walls sculpted for me for my own good.

—

White swirling in the black of my mug, I twist the spoon against its current and disrupt its order.

The changing colors of the drink match the unease of the pit in my stomach. I shifted left and right in the velvet booth stall within a café near Center Town Station. It had been a day or so since seeing the blue hedgehog, Sonic. Bile surged through me the following night, locked behind the confines of my home near GUN base downtown. Alone it was clearer to see what these feelings meant, away from interferences.

"So you just left him out there." Rouge perked up from behind her little mirror, lips puckered foolishly.

Interferences.

"Mhm."

Rouge rolled her eyes, placing her tools down and layered her hands on the table top. "Hun, you really have to open up a little. Don't you feel just a little bad?"

My eyes dropped to the beverage, stirring aimless as she continued. "He's obviously worried about you. You don't show up half the time, you don't write or keep in contact at all."

As she noticed my lacking attention, she flicked a rogue chocolate chip at my cup. "I can barely keep track of all the questions I get about you-I'm not your secretary, you know."

I can't bring myself to go back there, I wish things were different.

"Then ignore them." I said, sipping the drink. "It's none of your concern either."

Rouge starred for a silent moment, reading me then found a smirk on her lips.

"Things are different than they used to be, Hun. People forget, times change. You're back and that's all they care about."

"I'm back." I droned, swirling the coffee more.

Rouge pouted, "Of course you are. You were just as stubborn as I thought you were, no doubt you would turn up sooner than later…but blue ain't me." She sighed, saddened by the memory. "Poor guy was sure you didn't make it."

It was long ago, but every day has felt like it happened weeks prior.

But what do I do?…

I grit my teeth, a fist balled around the handle of the mug. "What do you expect me to do about it? I'm alive, damn it!"

Rouge reached over the table, grasping my other hand. I flinched, Rouge smiling while not acknowledging the tremor. "You have to let yourself out. It gets too dark in there for you to see yourself, who you want to be."

Let myself out…

"I can't." I sternly declared, pulling my hand out from her grasp, but she pulled it back. "I can't. Not to them, not to anyone." I said, "Especially not to him."

"I know you think you can't." Rouge said, collecting her things into her bag and standing from the booth, "but the Shadow I know is stronger than you think he is. No matter who you struggle with in the mirror, you are more than you give yourself credit for."

My eyes stayed trained on my hand as she exited the café, wrapping fingers around the air where another hand used to be.

—

I left pondering everything Rouge said at the café. The cold night streets buzzing, neon lights of this busy city mere white noise as I walked. Pylon bodies on the sidewalks, voices blurring together, and murmurs excusing themselves as they lass me.

My eyes were trained forward when I saw him again. He stood on the corner, letterman baring his same blue shiny and new with lights reflecting off the clean leather of the sleeves. His hands were stuffed into its pockets, eyes trained on the view of the tall buildings around us.

The fastest creature I had known, stopped in the city's center to take in his sites, spotted me.

We stood there, the many humans acting like currents in the water as we stood as land masses unmoved by the waves. I watched him struggling with an expression between nervous and welcoming, before confidence found him beaming my way.

I could break these walls, I found myself pleading. I would have wanted nothing more. I wanted to be allowed to feel this more.

I stepped towards him but froze mid-step, the muscles held in defiance. My eyes had not left his own, but what power did I have against this undying resentment to my emotions?

One heel threatened to turn, one hand reached for my neck, and in a gust of wind the other was held in place. Limp wrist in his grasp and eyes now trained to the ground.

Sonic held my arm as the world seemingly ignored it all.

He still held onto that smile. "Shadow."

I said nothing, only limply attempting to pull my arm free.

"Shadow, look at me." Sonic spoke, though his tone was foreign to me. So soft, he stepped closer. Every syllable from him sent tremors up the walls, pebbles cracking down the surfaces and shifting them in place.

You have no idea what this is for me.

"Let go of me, Hedgehog." I told him, shooting a glare back. "You could never understand."

"Help me then." He said back, his eyes stern. "I'm not letting you go."

"I'm not playing this game with you-"

"I'm not playing a game!" He said, sterner. "Whatever it is that's hurting you, or-or confusing you, or if you just think that you're not meant to be here-it's wrong!"

I jumped free from his grasp, standing fists held out. "What is this? Don't toil with me, Faker! I've had enough with your-"

"You can't leave again!" He stomped, I flinched.

"What..?" I asked.

He shook his head, hands balling into fists. "You can't leave, not again. Just let me help."

Crack.

A ray of light showed through once more, and the world around us found color once again. The sounds of the city returned, less people stood around us and a single tear slid down my cheek.

Sonic starred, letting me go and taking another step forward. "Shadow, I'm sorry…I just, I want to-"

"What you want," I said quietly, "Who you think I was, I don't know if I am. I'm…I can't."

Before he could say anything else, I ran.

—

Tried to, at least.

I had zigged and zagged through alleyways and gift shops to escape him, but soon I found myself at the edge of the city. Buildings shrunk in size the further I ran and came to a cliff view of the ocean and downtown.

Behind me I heard his steps, the heavy breathes between us both.

"Whew!" Sonic spoke between breaths. "I'll give you this, you really know your way around town!"

"Go home." I told him, faced away. "Leave me be."

"Or what, huh?" He dropped his jacket to the ground, rolling his shoulders. "You think I can't chase you all night, cuz I can! You never could outpace me!"

I gritted my teeth, waving a hand. "What do you want from me?!"

"I want you to stop running from me-for one!" He shouted back. "And two…I don't know!" He threw his arms up in exasperation. "I just want to help!"

"Help me how?" I said back, stepping towards him. "I'm done with these games, I don't owe you anything-"

"Well maybe you do!"

I stepped back, he had closed the distance, grabbed hold of my shoulders shaking me. "I watched you die, Shadow! I… why don't you get that? I watched-" he choked, letting go of me, his hands dropping to his sides. "I searched for days-weeks, Shadow. Everyone wanted me to stop because I just couldn't accept that you were gone. So much so that I couldn't believe it when you were spotted again. You just…came back, like nothing had happened."

He paced around me, kicking at rocks and watching them drop off the cliff. "I mourned you, all of us did. And then you came back, and it's like you couldn't give a shit when I know that's not you. That's why I brought you out the other day, and that's why I can't stand to see you like this."

"Well maybe I don't." I spat, turning away from the shattered hedgehog.

His shoulders slumped, dropping down to a sitting stance on the ground. My eyes never dared leave the rocks and patches of green. My heart screamed at me, it clawed its way from deep within me to my throat.

"I don't know who I am," I finished, voice cracking and uneasy.

Sonic looked up, eyes wet and surprised. "Why?"

"You saw me die? I felt it," I said. "I heard…I heard Maria, I saw the light. Then darkness. Only next thing I knew I was in a tube being poked and prodded all over again."

My skin burned, and my jaw hurt with each word that fell from it. I couldn't bear to see the hedgehog so I stared at my hands. "These memories aren't mine! I can't be here, I shouldn't be, how am I…I'm not Shadow. I'm not real-"

"Shut up!" He screamed, jumping to his feet. "That's crap, all of it! Eggman stole you-he even said so!"

"And you believe him?" I spat back. "Same old fool torturing you and your friends, you believe him?"

No matter what he stood firm, I noted that I had never seen this rage from him prior. "If there's one thing I am sure of it's you can't make me leave, Shadow."

In a flash of light I stood before him, hand at his neck-

No…

Both his hands gripped my arm, buzzing and crackling with chaos energy-

No! Stop this!

"Do you think so?" I heard my voice, low and haunting.

Sonic struggled holding me back, his eyes unmoving from mine. "Do what you think you have to do!"

I pressed down as hard as I could. All I could feel were the tightening grips around my wrist, then the charge in my hand retreated back. My head flashed images of the past, of my past. Images of Sonic, images of space…

"Shadow…?"

"I…I can't do this." I was outside in the cold, the smells of water and rich soil, the burning of the hedgehog's grip slipping away and leaving me to sink to my knees. my gloves were dirtied by the soil, bracing myself when I fell to the ground. I was exhausted and couldn't stop my body from trembling.

Sonic stood by, probably unsure whether it was safe to speak.

"You don't know," I spoke to him myself after moments of silence. "You don't know what it's like to lose a life. They took things from me, Sonic."

Sonic remained, listening closely. "I don't remember everything. I lose track of time and…and it's like I am living someone else's life. I have only Rouge to confine this in, all else would just be burdensome."

"You don't know that." Sonic said softly. "You're still you to them. You'll always be to me."

"Why are you saying this?" I found myself voice asking, weak and dry.

Sonic was silent, I continued. "Why are you so adamant about being this warm to me? I'm not…I don't know who this is anymore. I can't see past these walls, I can't stand to hurt…I can't risk reliving all of the pain again."

Sonic sighed, arms hung loosely to his side. "I…I wanted you to enjoy life. We finally found a place to live without robots and junk, and when it seemed like I 'd never see you again…"

My eyes were closed when he took my hands in his, I looked up to find tears in his eyes. "It was like you never saw me before, like our history meant nothing, like I meant nothing to you when I…I thought…"

"We were, weren't we?" My voice was at last my own.

Sonic only laughed, tears falling down his cheeks.

I sat there, his hands in mine. They sat in them like they had so many times, almost made for each other. Ripped apart and separated out of their control.

Sonic held them tighter. "You don't have to lie to me-"

"I am not," I said. "I just.. I just don't know if I would be the same to you."

Sonic sighed, kneeling down to meet me. "I already told you, I know that this is you." He shook my hands, still anxiously shaking within them. "It's always been you, I couldn't love someone this way if it wasn't you, Shadow."

Inside, I fell to him, and in falling each wall chased me down. Dust and debris came tumbling after and still he kept me close. My knees shook, my breathing was uneasy and tears fell freely from my eyes. He was the only one who ever reached me from beyond them.

I stood up with him, wiping tears from his eyes. I held out a hand to help, he leaned into the hand that did. I shivered in shock, more images flashed through my mind.

He was everything. Showed me that I could be different, showed that I could be free from control. Free from the labs, just free.

He loved me. And I love him.

"I love you." My voice said, tears brimming in my eyes.

Sonic froze. His hands trembling on my own, tears falling freely as he then fell into me. I held him there, my face buried in his quills. The cold night was lost and left behind in his warmth.

He cried openly, squeezing me tight. "I was starting to think you were never going to remember."

I pulled away, a hand on his cheek. His eyes burrowed deep, so many times I've stared into them and it's now I'm still drowning within them. "I couldn't forget you, death couldn't make me forget you, nothing will."