Babe In Arms

by SilverkittenX9

Taking place 13 years before the cartoon, Beetlejuice meets baby Lydia after kidnapping her from her crib. With the help of his neighbors, Jacques and Ginger, he agrees to raise the baby under one condition: he has to learn to be a good friend. But what's a friend to do when he's forced to juggle the responsibilities of fatherhood with his overbearing neighbors? You decide!

4. For The Love Of God, Please Stop Crying!

Two tedious hours had passed since Lydia had started her crying and screaming fest. The fest was still going strong with Beetlejuice progressively losing his cool each time Lydia screeched into his ear. His entire body trembled with anger as the high-pitched cries got louder and more uncontrollable. It got to the point where he was finally at his wit's end with the baby. Furious to the bone, he dangled Lydia by her diaper in front of his face. He was prepared to scream back at her, but every time he tried to do it, the words would come out as whimpers.

"Please… P-p-p-p-please… S-stop.. Stop…" Beetlejuice stuttered, trying not to break down.

He tried very hard to roar at Lydia to shut the heck up, but his heart wouldn't let him. Even if he was a short-tempered ghost, Lydia was already starting to become one of the only things that kept him somewhat sane. Sane was a bit of a stretch, so at least "tolerable" to Neitherworld society. When she wasn't crying or being overall annoying, she would warm Beetlejuice's heart with her tiny coos and big hugs. This, unfortunately, wasn't happening right now since it was crying time. For Beetlejuice, crying time for him had just begun. His lip quivered, tears formed in his eyes, and his brows furrowed as he couldn't take Lydia's baby antics anymore.

"STOP CRYING! WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?! I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING! I DID! JUST SHUT UP ALREADY SO I CAN SAVE MY SANITY! PLEASE!"

Beetlejuice and Lydia were both crying their eyes out. The entire roadhouse filled up with crying, screeching, and screaming from the two of them; it was rather surprising that the neighbors weren't batting an eye at the racket. Well, Jacques probably would. After all, he was the most sympathetic and trustworthy of all the neighbors Beetlejuice had. But Jacques won't be needed as of now. We will save him for later.

"Shut up, kid… JUST SHUT UP!" Beetlejuice continued to wail, tightly grasping Lydia in his hands.

As if the crying fest couldn't get any worse, Beetlejuice began to do the unthinkable: shake the baby. Thankfully, he didn't actually shake Lydia, but he got close to it. Extremely close. As an alternative to shaking Lydia, he took three deep breaths and got up from the couch to call his bone-ami. He dialed Jacques' phone number while gently rocking Lydia.

"Hello? Jacques?! Can you please help me?! I really need help here!" cried Beetlejuice, clutching the receiver tightly in his hand.

"Allo, Be-atlejooze!" Jacques greeted from the end of the line. "So how's ze baby? Iz she being a little cutie?"

"NO!" Beetlejuice shouted into the receiver. "She's far from a little cutie! She's an absolute terror! She hasn't stopped crying for the past god knows how long! You gotta come here! Save my sanity! PLEASE!"

Beetlejuice began to angrily cry again, trying to break the urge to purposefully drop Lydia onto the floor.

"Be-atlejooze! Everyzing's gonna be fine! You're just getting used to parenthood! Every new parent breaks down at one point or another. Eet's all a part of learning how to raise a baby," reassured Jacques.

"Wait," Beetlejuice paused his crying fit. "You're saying… you actually know about parenting?"

"Of course! I love kids! Babies are adorable creatures who can do no wrong and children have such wonderful minds and personalities. Zey're all a blast to be around! Eef zey don't make me fall apart zat iz," Jacques gushed.

Beetlejuice had to hold in his gasp. He never thought a socially awkward and timid skeleton like Jacques would love unpredictable and noisy creatures that society liked to call babies and children. He had seen Jacques high-five random children and pat babies' heads while on his pranking sprees before, so it wasn't much of a surprise. Realizing that he could earn himself free time and some cold hard cash by having Jacques babysit Lydia, a smile formed on his face.

"Yes! You can watch the baby! Maybe get some weight off my shoulders!" chirped Beetlejuice. " I'll tell you what, if you watch the baby and get her to stop crying, I'll pay you 15 dollars an hour! And you can pay me 30 dollars an hour!"

"Oui, sounds like a good plan! I'll be zere faster zan a panda on a pogo stick!" Jacques accepted.

"Thank you so much, buddy!" Beetlejuice thanked Jacques and hung up.

The ghost once again had to wait for his neighbor to come over to his place. Hopefully, it wouldn't take as long as when he invited him to study Lydia just a few hours back. With Lydia still bawling in his arms, he floated back to the couch and sat down. He stared into Lydia's scrunched eyes while pondering his existence — as if the afterlife counted as an existence. Fortunately, the doorbell rang just as he thought about duct-taping Lydia's mouth shut.

Ding Dong!

Beetlejuice let out a deep sigh as he walked to the door. He opened the door to see Jacques standing in front of him with a flier in his hand. The skeleton had an eager smile on his face.

"Allo! You have reached Jacques Lalean's Babysitting Service! I am certified and professionally trained! Yes, I am!" chirped Jacques as he showed the flier to Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice read the flier while rocking Lydia in his arm at the same time. The flier itself didn't look half as bad as he expected it to. Sure, there was the big cheesy bubble text with Jacques' smiling face aligned next to it, but other than that, it looked pretty professional. There was information regarding babysitting experience and what phone number to call; you know, typical flier stuff.

"That's very nice, Jacques. But can you just shut the brat up for me?! She's literally getting on my nerves!" Beetlejuice whined. "OW! And she's really on my nerves!"

"Eesn't zat what I'm here for? What else am I here for? To watch you be a bigger baby zan ze baby herself?" asked Jacques sarcastically.

"Yeah, right," muttered Beetlejuice.

Jacques' scowl was quickly turned upside down when he saw Lydia bawling and screaming her lungs out. The scrunched-up crying face did make his nonexistent heart sink, but it was clear that he was starting to form a small attachment to her. Shockingly enough, he seemed to care more about the baby than Beetlejuice. It wasn't that Beetlejuice hated Lydia, but he was rather impatient with her for being the baby she was.

"Hey zere, cutie!" murmured Jacques as he scooped Lydia out of Beetlejuice's arms. "I forgot how tiny and chubby you are! D'aww, I wish ze Neezerwerld babies were just as petite and graisse as you are! I even wish zat I had ze type of delicate skin you have!"

Beetlejuice crossed his arms annoyedly as he watched the skeleton sappily talk to Lydia about how adorable she was. What was even more surprising was how Jacques was starting to show more interest in human babies than babies from the Neitherworld. Well, to be fair, most animals and creatures tend to find babies of different species to be cuter than babies of their own species. So if Jacques was a human instead of a skeleton, he would probably find a puppy to be cuter than Lydia. Knowing that Neitherworld babies were pretty ugly on their own, let's just say that Lydia was a breath of fresh air from the one-eyed faces and prickly-skinned monstrosities. But still, He paid Jacques to actually babysit Lydia, not kiss and cuddle her like she was a little baby doll.

"Even eef you aren't ze happiest baby on ze block, you're still a little cutie wutie!" Jacques finished his sappy baby-talking session and slung Lydia over his clavicle.

"OK, now that you've finished your stupid saccharine "baby-waby" talk, I command you to go calm the baby down! Shut her up for me!" ordered Beetlejuice.

"Again, Be-atlejooze. Eet iz my job as a babysitter to provide everything and anything ze baby needs," acknowledged Jacques, patting and rubbing Lydia's back as she continued to wail.

"Yeah, it is your job to SHUT HER UP!" shouted Beetlejuice. "I've promised you! I'll pay you 15 dollars an hour, you will pay me 30 dollars an hour!"

Jacques dug out three 10-dollar bills from his shorts and handed them to Beetlejuice.

"Will zat make you feel better?" asked Jacques in an annoyed tone.

Beetlejuice nodded, smiling like a total doofus as he clutched the dollar bills in his hands.

"Now, eef you excuse me, I am going to soothe ze baby for you," declared Jacques. "And I'll promise to pay you back!"

"Alright! It's nice talking to ya, buddy! But I have to catch up with my horror movie marathon! Catch you later! And don't think about coming back until the baby stops crying!" Beetlejuice said rapidly as he shoved Jacques out of the roadhouse and slammed the door shut.

Beetlejuice felt both relieved and happy since he didn't have to deal with Lydia for the next few hours. Getting his trusty bone ami to watch her over for him was a nice break from the crying and screaming. If he could get Jacques to watch Lydia permanently, he would in a heartbeat. Sure, he did love Lydia like a daughter, but that didn't mean he liked hearing her cry for no reason whatsoever. Unlike Jacques, he had little to no experience with babies and boy did it show.

Humming happily to himself, Beetlejuice floated over to the couch to continue his horror movie marathon.

"I am officially baby-free!" he exclaimed happily as he plopped onto the couch.

Beetlejuice sighed contently, resting his legs on the coffin table with his arms behind his head. It sure felt refreshing not having to deal with a screeching baby. As previously mentioned many times, he was lucky to have a considerate neighbor like Jacques Lalean look after Lydia.

At Jacques' Apartment

Yep, you saw the big bold underlined text. This was Jacques Lalean's apartment, which was located right next to the roadhouse garage. Inside, there were only four rooms: a bedroom, a bathroom, an exercise room, and a kitchen. All these rooms had some sort of fitness-related theme to them, even if they weren't fitness-related at all. Speaking of fitness, Jacques had originally planned to test out his new exercise bike, but he couldn't because he had to deal with baby Lydia's crying fit. But oh well, taking care of children can delay favorite activities whether you like it or not. Children eat your time and patience — and money.

Jacques was in his bedroom with Lydia, who had been crying for a long time now. He was sitting in a wooden rocking chair, patting and rubbing her back while secretly begging her to stop crying.

"Shhh… You don't need to cry, my love," Jacques spoke gently to her. "I know ze Neezerwerld iz a scary place, but you don't need to worry. I will protect you from ze sandworms and Be-atlejooze's pranks."

The skeleton nuzzled his face against Lydia's head as he continued to pat and rub her back. The rough bone texture scratching against her sensitive skin made her cry even harder. She surprisingly didn't flinch or arch her back when being held over Jacques' clavicle or in his arms; it was just the rough bone that bothered her. Since the back-patting and rubbing trick failed, he decided to switch her over to the crook of his arms.

"Blackbird zinging in ze dead of night… Take zese broken wings and learn to fly," sang Jacques, rocking Lydia in his arms.

Lydia bawled so loud and hard, it was honestly shocking that she hadn't given herself a vocal cord hemorrhage yet. Granted, she had cried for extended periods before, but this was worse than when she went through a brief fussy phase at the age of 1-month-old. And even then, she always wasn't much of a crier; she generally didn't cry much unless she was hungry, frustrated, scared, or in pain. The most recent addition to these exceptions was the feeling of being the only one in a room. Even if there was a loving skeleton trying to comfort her, she still couldn't shake off the fact that she was alone in a basket.

"Bonne nuit… Cher tresor... Ferme tes yeux et dors," Jacques continued to sing to Lydia, this time singing an obscure French song to the tune of Brahms' Lullaby.

Jacques' singing honestly sounded like a cross between an angel and Frank Sinatra with a French accent. It sounded so beautiful and melodious, even the bugs in Beetlejuice's house would snivel with joy. Heck, even the sandworms from down below would cry at the sound of Jacques' singing. For Lydia, however, the singing was making her cry more. It was unknown whether the pitch hurt her ears or she just simply didn't like his singing. The latter was the likely answer.

Patting and rubbing didn't work, singing didn't work, what else could Jacques do now?

"Mm, zat's kind of shocking! My singing usually works for most babies… Maybe she just doesn't like music," stated Jacques as he held Lydia in front of his face.

He stared at Lydia for a moment before deciding to check her diaper. He hummed curiously as he peeked inside Lydia's diaper, looking for any poop or pee. The diaper was as clean as it did when it came from the packaging, so no change was needed.

"I zink you might be hungry. Let's zee if zat's ze case," Jacques wondered.

He laid his skull close to Lydia's belly to check for tummy rumbles. There was nothing.

"Well, so far, you don't like having your back rubbed and patted, you don't like my singing, your diaper iz clean, and you're not hungry!" Jacques remarked. "What else do you want me to do?!"

He stared at Lydia some more while questioning his job as a babysitter. This baby was a lot tougher to deal with than most of the children he had watched over. Most Neitherworld babies could calm themselves down pretty quickly when upset, Lydia was still thinking that there was nobody around her even if Jacques was cradling her at the moment.

It wasn't long before Jacques started to grow tired of Lydia's crying. Yes, even as an experienced babysitter, he just couldn't take it anymore. But unlike Beetlejuice, he tried to stay calm and deal with the situation in a mature way. He took three deep breaths before turning his attention back to Lydia.

"Perhaps my beret will soothe her troubles," Jacques declared.

He removed his beret from the top of his skull and dangled it in front of Lydia, trying to get her attention.

"Look, buddy! Eet's my beret! You can have eet for a little while, zen I need eet back. OK?" notified Jacques as he dangled his beret in front of Lydia's face.

After two and a half hours of relentless crying, Lydia finally quieted down to study the beret. Within seconds, she eagerly snatched the beret out of Jacques' hand and began to chew on it. Jacques chuckled as he watched Lydia gnaw on his beret.

"I knew zis trick would work!" Jacques chirped. "I am honestly not surprised zince most of ze babies I look after tend to quiet down when I give zem my beret."

With a relieved expression forming on his face, Jacques got up from the rocking chair and exited his apartment. He tried to hold in his chuckles as he watched Lydia growl like a puppy while chewing and gnawing on his beret. While it was adorable to watch, he was rather worried because Lydia might potentially tear a hole in his beret with her toothless gums. This was one of his favorite berets that he had owned since he was a baby bone. If it was ever lost or broken, he would go on a rampage strong enough to make Beetlejuice look like a saint. But since this was a baby who didn't know better, he would probably not get angry with her if she were to tear his beret.

While continuing to watch Lydia in his arms, he knocked on Beetlejuice's front door to the roadhouse. Surprisingly, there was no answer. Jacques knocked on the door again, trying to get a response from his neighbor.

"Allo?! Iz anybody home?!" he called out as he knocked on the door.

Nobody seemed to answer the door, so Jacques pushed the door open and casually walked inside like he owned the place.

"Be-atlejooze?! Are you zere?" Jacques continued to call.

Jacques searched the kitchen and dying room for his neighbor, checking the cabinets, under the tables, and in the closet. He was nowhere to be seen or heard.

"Be-atlejooze, I am not playing games! Wherever you are, please come out!" ordered Jacques as he continued to search every nook and cranny of the roadhouse.

It had finally come to the realization that Beetlejuice had betrayed his trust. He was always a pretty dishonest ghost, but ditching a friend who tried to help with a crying baby was almost just as bad as the time when he dunked slime all over the mayor. Feelings of betrayal and frustration flooded Jacques' system; he had no time to deal with a dishonest neighbor like Beetlejuice.

"Tant pis, I guess you're gonna have to stay wiz me," Jacques told Lydia in a slightly pitiful tone.

He sighed sadly as he walked out of the roadhouse. Just as he was about to push the door open, a lavender snake popped upside down from the vents like a jack-in-the-box. The snake looked and sounded exactly like Beetlejuice, complete with trademark shaggy blonde hair and crooked green teeth.

"WAUGH!" Jacques screamed as he raised Lydia above his skull, causing her to giggle.

The snake really did turn out to be Beetlejuice in disguise. And before Jacques could comprehend what just happened, there was a familiar ghost cackling hysterically while slapping his knees.

"Hah, hah! Gotcha, bonehead!" ribbed Beetlejuice, pointing at Jacques while continuing to laugh hysterically. "You always fall for my pranks, don't you?"

Jacques simply rolled his eyes at the sheer madness that was Beetlejuice.

"I don't even want to talk about eet," the skeleton grumbled.

The two awkwardly stared at each other for a brief while. The staring contest came to a halt when Beetlejuice decided to ask Jacques how baby Lydia was doing. He was tired of Lydia's antics, but that didn't mean she wasn't in his mind.

"Didja calm the baby down?! Has she finally shut up?!" Beetlejuice asked desperately.

"Oui, ze baby haz stopped crying! She needed somesing to chew on, so I gave her my beret," Jacques explained as he passed Lydia over to Beetlejuice.

"How can I ever thank you! From now on, whenever I can't get the brat to stop crying, I will invite you over to my place so you can deal with it," Beetlejuice thanked, holding Lydia against his chest as she continued to chew on Jacques' beret.

"First of all, she iz not a brat, she iz just a baby who needs help," Jacques corrected. "And second, I may not always be available, unfortunately. You zee, I have scarerobics classes to teach on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, I have horseback riding with a good friend next Tuesday, I have to buy grosseries, and I have anozere child to watch over next Wednesday after I teach scarerobics."

"And what day is it today?" Beetlejuice asked sassily.

"Eet's Saturday," answered Jacques. "And you should consider yourself lucky because scarerobics classes were cancelled today. I was going to decline earlier, but nobody zeemed to be coming today, so I decided to cancel it and zee ze precious baby!"

Jacques tickled Lydia's thighs and belly, causing her to giggle softly with the beret still in her mouth.

"Anyway, I gotta get going! Au revior, Be-atlejooze!" Jacques sang as he walked out of the roadhouse. "And don't forget to stay positive and keep calm around ze baby when she works you up too much!"

Beetlejuice waved Lydia's hand as he watched his bone-ami walk back to his apartment. After watching Jacques fade in the distance, he slammed the doors shut and floated over to the couch. As he rested his butt on the couch, he sat Lydia on his lap like she was sitting on Santa Claus.

"Kid, you're lucky I haven't dropped you off the cliff yet," Beetlejuice told Lydia. "Had bonehead not come to take you away while I finished my horror movie marathon, you would've been gone by now."

Lydia just stared blankly at Beetlejuice with her beady eyes.

"Listen, I'm gonna take a nap. I've already had my day of pranking and you bothering me with your annoying crying. And since you apparently go bananas whenever I'm not in the room, I'm taking you upstairs with me! Doesn't that sound like a great plan?" declared Beetlejuice.

Lydia glanced up at Beetlejuice before resuming her beret-chewing session.

"We'll take that as a yes," said Beetlejuice.

The ghost got up from the couch and floated toward the stairs. He whistled a song about banana boats as he nonchalantly floated up the zig-zaggy stairs. With Lydia satisfied by Jacques' beret, it seemed like he was set to have a relaxing afternoon. Well, it seemed like it would be a relaxing afternoon, but then the unthinkable happened: Lydia dropped the beret on the step. Oh no! To be fair, she did drop it on purpose. We know that kids cry over stupid things because the second that beret touched the steps, Lydia's eyes welled up with tears. She was revving up the waterworks again.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Lydia bawled at the top of her lungs as she flailed her arms and legs in Beetlejuice's arms.

Beetlejuice came to an abrupt halt at the sound of the wail.

"What?! Why are you crying?! You were the one who dropped it!" whinged Beetlejuice.

He picked up the beret and gave it back to Lydia. The beret was back in Lydia's hands, so now the waterworks were turned off. Lydia let out a few giggles before shoving the beret in her mouth. The soft texture of polyester satisfied Lydia's gums. It was like the perfect toy she never had. Beetlejuice cracked a smile at the baby girl before continuing his trip upstairs. Unfortunately, the tranquility didn't last long. Before Beetlejuice knew it, the beret was on the step and Lydia was back to being a banshee.

"Aw, come on! Do you seriously have to cry over everything?!" Beetlejuice sneered. "It's just a beret! Get over yourself!"

Lydia cried harder at Beetlejuice scolding her. Again, reasoning with babies never works and they will just cry harder since they have little understanding of right and wrong. Reasoning with a baby is rather similar to reasoning with an angry grizzly bear. And boy, did Beetlejuice learn that the hard way.

"That's it! I'm sending you back to Jacques! He has way more patience with you than an angry ghoul like me!" Beetlejuice angrily declared as he picked up the beret and stomped downstairs to the front door.

Beetlejuice muttered bad words to himself while making his way to Jacques' apartment, which was right around the corner from his section of the roadhouse. He impatiently pounded his fist on the green door, desperate for an escape from Lydia's crying.

"COME ON! OPEN UP! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!" Beetlejuice begged as he continued to pound on the door.

Jacques, who was busy doing stretches, noticed the loud desperate pounding on his door.

"Zi'll get eet!" Jacques declared.

The skeleton got up from his yoga mat and rushed to the door to answer it. To his surprise, he saw Beetlejuice standing there all weary-eyed with a bawling Lydia in tow.

"I can't do it, Jacques… I just can't!" moaned Beetlejuice. "The crying… IT'S KILLING ME! AGAIN!"

"And what do you want me to do about eet?" asked Jacques.

"WE NEED TO GET EVERYBODY TOGETHER! I CAN'T COPE WITH TAKING CARE OF A BABY BY MYSELF! GET GINGER! GET EVERYBODY!" cried Beetlejuice.

Jacques frowned as he saw the stress Beetlejuice was going through. He could see it in his eyes. He could hear it in his gruff voice. Admittedly, Jacques also went through stressful times with the children he babysat, but he at least had the coping skills to deal with frustration. For example, whenever a kid was giving him a hard time, he would let himself calm down for a while before resuming his duties as a babysitter.

Concerned about Beetlejuice's ordeal, Jacques placed his hand on the ghost's shoulder.

"Eet will be alright, mon ami," Jacques reassured. "Eet's normal to feel frustrated wiz ze baby sometimes. Zince ze beret trick doesn't zeem to be working anymore, we can all work togezere calming her down."

After swiping his beret from Beetlejuice's hand and placing it on top of his skull, Jacques and Beetlejuice embarked on their quest to go to Ginger's apartment.

"God, I hope Ginger cooperates with us!" prayed Beetlejuice, looking down at the crying infant in his arms.

Once they arrived at Ginger's apartment, Jacques knocked on the spider-web-shaped door. While waiting for the spider to come out, Jacques and Beetlejuice trembled and rocked on their feet anxiously. They were trying their hardest not to go insane from Lydia's crying. Luckily for them, Ginger would answer her door just a few seconds later.

"Hiya, guys!" Ginger greeted. "Wanna see my tap dancing?! I've been practicing it for hours!"

The spider started her tap-dancing routine while singing nonsensically. Surprisingly enough, Lydia paused her crying fit to giggle at Ginger's dance.

"Hey, she finally ceased her waterworks!" Beetlejuice exalted.

"Zank you so much, Ginger!" thanked Jacques.

Ginger beamed at the fact that there were actually monsters who were complimenting her tap dancing. Generally, everyone in the Neitherworld thought her dancing was the worst, but not Jacques, Beetlejuice, or Lydia. Lydia especially thought Ginger's dancing was the funniest thing ever — to be fair, babies do find mundane things to be hilarious. Ginger was touched by how a "dangerous" baby like Lydia loved her tap dancing. She began to cheer while jumping into the air like she won at some party game.

"You're very welcome, honey!" Ginger answered as she landed on her feet after leaping in the air from excitement.

Ginger had stopped performing her funny dance, so Lydia resumed her crying fit. Jacques and Beetlejuice groaned annoyedly as they had to put up with a crying fit that just never seemed to stop.

"Ginger, we've spent ze past few hours trying to get ze baby to stop crying! We desperately need teamwork at zis point!" Jacques explained, trying to hide the franticness in his voice.

"Yeah, this means you have to help us shut the baby up! All my afterlife I've been around babies, I've never met one that cried for hours on end!" added Beetlejuice.

"Yes, you have," Jacques corrected, pointing at Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes at Jacques like he was some teenager not wanting to listen to his parents. He had the urge to shake Lydia and chuck her off the cliff, which wasn't a good thing at all. He took a second to realize that he had neighbors helping him, so he took a deep breath and moved on.

"So, Ginge," he began. "We want you to help us make the baby happy! She was happy just a second ago when you were doing your stupid tap dancing!"

"Hey! My tap dancing isn't stupid!" Ginger angrily shot. "But if you insist, I will perform it again for the sake of the monkey."

As Ginger was about to start her routine, Lydia unleashed a piercing scream from hell. The scream was powerful enough to make Ginger fall onto her abdomen. She then continued to cry some more while unleashing more powerful screams in between.

"Wow, that monkey's got a set of lungs!" exclaimed Ginger.

"You bet she does!" Beetlejuice snarked.

"Please, Ginger!" Jacques begged. "We really need your help! Be-atlejooze said zat we would get everybody togezere! It takes a roadhouse to calm a baby!"

Ginger studied the baby crying in Beetlejuice's arms. Eager to get closer to the baby, she attached herself to a web string and elevated herself at Beetlejuice's chest level. She slowly reached a limb out to gently stroke Lydia's belly. The feeling of thin insect arms on her belly irritated Lydia, so she let out another powerful scream, causing poor Ginger to break off of her string and fall onto the ground. Ginger couldn't help but to glance up at Beetlejuice in confusion as she dusted herself off the ground.

"I would like to help, but the monkey you have here is way too loud for a little spider like me!" complained Ginger.

Beetlejuice scowled down at the spider as she cowered in fear.

"You're gonna help us shut the baby up whether you like it or not!" ordered Beetlejuice. "Suck it up, Buttercup! 'Cause if you wanna see this kid, you're gonna have to deal with her screaming!"

He grabbed her hand and forcefully led her to his part of the roadhouse. Of course, Jacques followed Beetlejuice because he was roped into this situation from the very beginning.

When the three neighbors passed through the front door of the roadhouse, they had to start finding a way to get Lydia to stop crying. Beetlejuice laid Lydia in her basket, hoping that the soft blanket would somewhat soothe her nerves. Nope. Lydia was so focused on crying, that she didn't even bother to show awareness of her surroundings. Beetlejuice swore under his breath as he placed the basket on the floor. He, Jacques, and Ginger formed a circle in the same way they did when they were studying her for contamination just a little while back.

"Listen, I don't want this kid to cry anymore!" Beetlejuice complained. "She's already been crying way too much and I can't take it! I don't want her to cry for the rest of the story! I bet even the readers find it annoying!"

Jacques wrapped his boney arm around Beetlejuice.

"Be-atlejooze, eet's okay and normal for babies to cry," Jacques assured. "Babies cannot talk, so zey have to cry to tell you zey need somesing!"

Disgusted by the boney arm draping around his shoulders, Beetlejuice shoved Jacques aside and crossed his arms while watching Lydia bawl in her basket.

"Even I don't cry as much as the monkey does!" Ginger stated, watching Lydia cry along with Beetlejuice and Jacques.

"Ginge, you're lying!" shouted Beetlejuice. "I hear you cry every day over your tap shoes being chipped or when someone tells you that they don't like your dancing! So what if nobody likes your dancing?! Learn some criticism, woman!"

"I don't cry every day! I just get dirt in my eyes!" Ginger protested, raising her fists in front of her face.

"And I get dirt in my mouth!" snarked Beetlejuice.

"Now, don't you worry, mon amis! I have been soozing ze mind of babies for centuries! I know exactly what ze baby needs!" Jacques asserted, raising a boney finger in the air.

"How do you know exactly what the baby needs?! All I know is that she's been crying for no apparent reason! I'm being frank, but you've failed at your job, bonehead." ranted Beetlejuice as he transformed his head into a frankfurter at the word "frank".

"Be-atlejooze, nobody's perfect! Eef I can't get ze baby to stop crying, zen I will leave her be and come back later!" Jacques explained.

Beetlejuice grumbled like a petulant kid as he watched Jacques scoop Lydia out of her basket. Jacques was always an honest skeleton, so it wouldn't be surprising if he was correct about his supposed ability to soothe the nerves of babies. Beetlejuice and Ginger watched Jacques in both awe and disbelief as he gently patted Lydia's back over his clavicle.

"Shhh… You're alright, sweetie. Jacques' got you," comforted Jacques as he rubbed and patted Lydia's back.

Rather than falling asleep from the back-patting and the peaceful singing, Lydia screamed harder while clutching onto his shoulder. She screamed so hard, her face turned a bright red from the tension she was putting on her vocal cords and eyes. She even began to sound more like an angry cat with a hoarse voice than a human baby at that point. The crying had definitely taken a mental toll on Beetlejuice. The wrinkles on his face scowled with frustration and the rotten teeth clenched as a way to preserve any remaining sanity. With great ferocity, Beetlejuice snatched Lydia from Jacques and dangled her by the diaper in front of his face.

"Listen, kid. If you don't stop those tears right now, and I mean right now, I WILL CHUCK YOU OFF THE CLIFF FOR YOU TO GET EATEN BY THE SANDWORMS!" Beetlejuice roared at Lydia, making her cry harder and louder.

Lydia wasn't really his daughter, but that didn't mean Jacques couldn't emotionally connect to her like she was one of his own. Centuries of babysitting and nannying kids might have contributed to this protective nature. Like a mother goose defending her goslings, Jacques hissed at Beetlejuice and snatched the baby out of his hands. He continued to scowl and hiss at the ghost while holding Lydia tightly against his ribs.

"Don't you dare treat ze baby like zat!" scolded Jacques, cradling Lydia protectively in his arms. "She iz fragile! She does not deserve ze treatment you were giving her!"

"I just raised my voice at her! There's no harm done!" Beetlejuice retorted.

"I saw you pick her up by ze arms! Why would you treat a poor baby like zat?! Why?! How would you like eet if I were to pick you up by your arms?!" reprimanded Jacques.

"Well, if I were to pick you up by your arms, they would break off! That's because you are as weak as a kitten!" Beetlejuice shot angrily as he transformed into a cat. "You hear me?! Meow! I bet even a kitten is stronger than you are, you wimp!"

Jacques' eye sockets furrowed in anger as the nasty remark about him traveled into his system. The usually mild-mannered skeleton trembled with fury as he tried his hardest not to lose his cool.

"WHY, I OUGHTA TEACH YOU A LESSON ABOUT NOT BEING A JERK!" Jacques shouted as he pointed at Beetlejuice. "YEAH, ZAT'S RIGHT! A BIG FAT JERK!"

Beetlejuice gasped dramatically with his hands over his mouth.

"No, YOU'RE THE BIGGER JERK! I SWEAR, IF YOU BAN ME FROM PULLING PRANKS, I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR WEIGHTS AND WORKOUT MACHINES WITH MY BARE HANDS!" threatened Beetlejuice, pulling Jacques closer to his face to intimidate him.

"OH, YOU'RE SUCH A PUTAIN DE TROU DU CUL, BE-ATLEJOOZE! YOU DO ZIS TO YOUR NEIGHBOR AND BEST FRIEND?! HOW DARE YOU!" Jacques exploded uncharacteristically as he shoved Beetlejuice to the floor.

Beetlejuice couldn't believe what Jacques had done to him. Did he seriously have to treat the ghost with the most with little to no amount of respect? Did he seriously have to shove the ghost with the most to the ground like he was lower than scum? The amount of disrespect given to him made Beetlejuice angry to the bone. He dusted himself off the ground and shoved Jacques into a corrugated metal wall. The impact made Lydia cry harder and Jacques more upset.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR ZIS! BIG CONNARD!" Jacques hissed.

"PAY FOR WHAT?! CHILD SUPPORT AND CUSTODY?!" retorted Beetlejuice.

"NO! ALL I WANT IZ FOR YOU TO STOP BEING A NUISANCE! EVERY DAYI HAVE TO PUT UP WIZ YOUR NONSENSE! EVERY DAY I HAVE TO BE WARY OF MY SURROUNDINGS BECAUSE YOU MIGHT MAKE ME FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT! I CAN'T TAKE EET!" Jacques ranted as he got up from the floor and stomped toward Beetlejuice.

"I CAN'T HELP IT! IT'S JUST WHO I AM!" Beetlejuice argued as he violently pointed a finger toward himself.

Between the loud wailing from Lydia and the bickering from Jacques and Beetlejuice, Ginger couldn't think of anything to calm the madness. She helplessly watched Jacques and Beetlejuice argue with each other while shaking her head in disbelief. They had gone from arguing over Lydia to arguing over who was the biggest scumbag in all the Neitherworld. These were not children, these two were grown men who were centuries old. They were acting like overgrown children at this moment though. From Beetlejuice whining about how he was better than Jacques to Jacques reprimanding Beetlejuice in an overly bossy way, Ginger was determined to stop the behavior. Even if she was overwhelmed by the commotion, she made a bigger commotion by screaming at the top of her lungs as a way to calm it down.

"YOU TWO! STOP FIGHTING! STOP IT! THAT'S ENOUGH!" cried Ginger, cupping her mouth with her hands.

Beetlejuice and Jacques paused their argument to turn toward Ginger, who was glaring at them and crossing her arms. Baby Lydia even stopped her crying fit to turn toward the disgruntled spider.

"You are both emotionally incapable of being around a baby. If you don't stop arguing and fighting, I will take her away and you won't get to see the baby, " Ginger reprimanded as she snatched Lydia from Jacques' arms.

"Wait a minute! I thought you were afraid of her because she looked like a monkey that wanted to rip your face!" Beetlejuice blurted.

"That is true, she does look a bit like a deformed monkey. OK, listen, I just don't want her to be exposed to hostility and violence! Who knows what child she might become if you guys keep fighting in front of her!" replied Ginger, holding Lydia tightly in her stick-thin arms.

"I don't want to fight eizer. You know, I've always been more of a lover zan a fighter," Jacques concurred. "Unfortunately, because of Be-atlejooze's actions, I simply can't help but defend myself!"

"Pfft, she won't remember a thing! She's just a dumb baby right now!" scoffed Beetlejuice as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

That rude remark caused some disapproving expressions from both Jacques and Ginger. Beetlejuice was more surprised than ashamed when he was confronted.

"What?! I'm being honest!" Beetlejuice blurted as he raised his arms in the air like a robber getting caught.

"Even if she won't remember what happened, the trauma that comes with experiencing the bitter arguments will affect her later in life. She might pick up some of the behaviors and grow up to be a rude and violent person like Beetlejuice is!" Ginger explained as she pointed at Beetlejuice, who grumbled and muttered to himself annoyedly.

"Don't you compare me, spider!" growled Beetlejuice.

"If we want to learn to get along efficiently as neighbors, we'll have to get together as a family and raise the baby as our own!" Ginger maintained as she cuddled Lydia against her face.

Jacques grinned and nodded his skull in agreement.

"Zat sounds like a plan!" Jacques agreed.

Lydia had been claimed by Beetlejuice as "his baby" earlier, so the decision didn't fully go according to plan. He tried to snatch Lydia from Ginger's arms only for her to bite his hand every time he dared to touch the baby girl. He was like a dog marking his territory on the fire hydrant when it came to Lydia. Actually, all three of the neighbors were like dogs marking their territories when it came to protecting Lydia. This would be further evidenced by Ginger chomping Beetlejuice's hand off clean every time he would touch Lydia.

"HEY! DON'T YOU BITE ME! YOU SAID I COULD KEEP THE BABY AND WE STUCK TO IT! YOU AND BONEHEAD HELPED SHUT THE BABY UP, NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SCRAM!" Beetlejuice shouted in Ginger's face.

"This is exactly what I am talking about! You guys just aren't getting along!" stated Ginger.

"But I wasn't doing anysing!" Jacques whined.

"I wasn't talking about you, Jacques. I was talking about in general," Ginger answered. "And as for you Beetlejuice, you gotta learn that we need to take turns caring for the baby. That's how a family works! We work together feeding her, cleaning her, and playing with her! You will thank me later when we start raising the baby. While you go do your normal pranking deeds, Jacques and I will be changing her dirty diapers!" Ginger told Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice smiled radiantly at the thought of still being able to do what he wanted even when he had father duties. Yes, these were the perks of being a dad; you could still give yourself a break when you had enough of the kids. Well, Jacques had other ideas, being an experienced babysitter and all.

"Also Be-atlejooze," Jacques said as he placed a hand on Beetlejuice's shoulder. "When taking care of ze baby, expect a lot of crying, dirty diapers, sappy kid zows, and many more to come! Don't forget zat you might have to-"

"Jacques, don't rile up the man! He's learning!" Ginger interjected as she smacked Jacques' jawbone shut.

Ginger turned toward Beetlejuice and gave him a long cold stare before opening her mouth to speak.

"Beetlejuice, do you promise that you will cooperate with Jacques and me? Becoming a father means that you might have to give up some of your pranking deeds for the sake of the baby," Ginger maintained.

Beetlejuice wanted to lash out at Ginger since she told him that he couldn't pull pranks anymore. It made his heartburn more than when someone would call him adorable. He opened his mouth to blurt unintelligible words at Ginger while raising his fists in the air like a certain tasmanian devil.

"However!" Ginger mildly raised her voice as a way to silence the ghost. "Just because you're a dad doesn't mean that you have to abandon all your favorite activities. You can still pull pranks on others just as long as it doesn't target us or the baby! We care more about what happens to this baby than what happens to the monsters you pull pranks on!"

Beetlejuice chuckled at what Ginger just said. He found it somewhat hypocritical that Jacques and Ginger didn't want him to pull pranks on them, yet they didn't mind if he pulled pranks on other monsters. It was also weird considering his neighbors were usually sincere and honest. But even if his neighbors were sincere and honest, he found it to be a good thing that they were hypocritical because that meant he could get away with almost anything.

"So if I stuff fish into the mayor's pants, will you be okay with that?!" Beetlejuice asked eagerly.

Jacques and Ginger shared glances with each other while shaking their heads disapprovingly.

"No, no, Be-atlejooze!" denied Jacques. "I do not recommend you pull any pranks on ze mayor zince eet iz illegal."

"Yeah, and even if you did pull pranks on other monsters, you would-" Ginger realized how confusing her statement sounded and cut herself before she could finish it. "OK, what I meant is to just be yourself! You can still eat bugs, pull pranks, roll in the mud, and do whatever you want! Just as long as you still regard the baby! Now, seriously, are you willing to be responsible for the little primate? Will you at least care for her sometimes? You know, feed her, wash her, all that stuff?"

Beetlejuice began to glance back and forth between Lydia and Ginger. As previously mentioned, he had already claimed Lydia as his own earlier in the story. He still had selfish intentions toward keeping Lydia; he strongly believed that he was the main caretaker, while Jacques and Ginger were his slaves. When he formed a sinister smile, Jacques and Ginger could tell that he was up to no good, so they shot glares at him. It surprisingly took Beetlejuice a brief second to realize he would be better off if he and his neighbors worked together to take care of Lydia. After all, taking care of human babies was a lot different from bringing up a Neitherworld baby.

"Alright, fine. We can keep the baby as our own. She's still my daughter, but I guess she's your daughter too," conceded Beetlejuice.

"It's settled!" Ginger declared. "Everyone, let's put our hands together and say our vows!"

The three neighbors stacked their hands on top of each other, sporting dignified expressions on their faces. They all had their eyes closed and wore bright smiles — except for Beetlejuice, who was sporting a half-smirk instead.

"Nous allons apprendre à nous entendre pour le bien de notre bébé!" the three neighbors proudly declared as they had their hands stacked on top of each other.

The vow ended awkwardly with Beetlejuice and Ginger glaring at Jacques, who was grinning nervously.

What are you looking at me for?! I am French! Eet's my native tongue!" blurted Jacques as he literally stuck his tongue out.

Beetlejuice and Ginger shared glances with each other before focusing their attention on the baby. Lydia had been quiet as a mouse during the neighbors' debate about gaining custody of her as a family. No, not a single coo, giggle, or babble came out of her mouth. The neighbors were arguably being louder than she was, especially with Beetlejuice randomly blurting out nonsensical statements like he was still 4-years-old. She was instead sucking on her thumb while staring at the neighbors curiously.

All three neighbors smiled as they gazed back into Lydia's curious eyes. With a huge smile still stuck on her face, Ginger placed Lydia back in her basket. Her tiny heart melted as she watched Lydia babble and flap her arms innocently.

"Aww, doesn't she look cute in that tiny basket?" asked Ginger, folding her hands.

"Eh, as cute as any other human baby, I guess," Beetlejuice answered. "I mean, she is cute, just for human baby standards. But even if she looks a teeny bit off, she's still my baby regardless."

"Oh, I zink she iz one of ze cutest zings ever to bless ze Neezerwerld!" Jacques chirped as he gave his beret to Lydia, who immediately snatched it out of his hands.

Lydia began to chew and nibble on the beret while slowly losing her balance. The beret was almost as big as her; it was so big, it could even be her blanket or another bed. She struggled to stay in a sitting position because the beret kept getting caught in her feet. She was also struggling to grip the beret since part of it was draping over her hands. She then noticed the neighbors watching her in awe and stopped chewing on the beret to focus on them. All three were sitting in front of her, grinning widely at her while snickering and chuckling.

"Go on!" assured Ginger, trying her hardest not to burst into laughter at Lydia's situation.

After holding a staring contest with the neighbors, Lydia continued her beret-chewing session. She attempted to bring the rim of the beret to her mouth, but then her body decided that she could no longer sit up anymore and she finally toppled onto her back. The whole ordeal seemed like it would be worthy of Neitherworld's Funniest Home Videos because all three of the neighbors burst out laughing.

"Ooh, zat was so cute!" giggled Jacques, wiping a single tear from his eyehole.

"Yeah, not to mention she looks lost in that basket!" Beetlejuice added before poofing up some bushes, mini pine trees, and vines around Lydia's basket.

Jacques and Ginger paused their laughing fit to glare at Beetlejuice for what he had done. They uttered an "ahem" at the ghost, clearly ordering him to zap away the mini rainforest enclosing Lydia's basket. It surprisingly didn't take long for Beetlejuice to get the message.

"Oops… sorry," Beetlejuice meekly apologized before zapping away the mini rainforest enclosing Lydia's basket to smithereens. "That wasn't a funny joke, wasn't it?"

Jacques and Ginger shook their heads in agreement.

"Now that the baby won our hearts by doing a cute thing, what do you think we should name her?" asked Beetlejuice.

"Hmmm… Zere are a ton of great names for a baby girl. Let me zink of some," Jacques decided as he twirled his mustache.

The skeleton took a brief glance at Lydia, who was busy chewing on his beret persistently. He studied her features; she had pale skin with nothing on her head except a tuft of hair. She looked identical to every other human baby, so it was rather hard to come up with a unique name that would make her stand out.

"Well, zere eesn't anything special about her physical-wise. But I can tell you zat I would like to name her eizer Amelia, Paula, or Laura," declared Jacques. "Oh, and Natalie's a good name too! I'm telling you, eef I had daughters, I would definitely give zem zose names! Zey're just so beautiful!"

Beetlejuice gave Jacques the stink eye and muttered an unintelligible phrase. If anything, the phrase meant negative things and it was most certainly about Jacques.

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna name the baby! I wanna name the baby!" Ginger shouted in an obnoxiously excited voice as she hopped up and down.

"What are you gonna name her? Tap Shoe?" Beetlejuice snarked.

"Yes, that's exactly what I was going to name her!" Ginger answered. "I'm also thinking that since she is considered a primate, she should be called Monkey!"

Beetlejuice and Jacques stared at Ginger like she had two heads. They tried to figure out why she would come up with a ridiculous name such as "Monkey".

"You're seriously naming a human baby Monkey?!" Beetlejuice exclaimed. "There's no way I'm naming my daughter after a butt-scratching primate! Are you blind, Ginge? She's clearly a human baby. Repeat after me: A. Human. Baby!"

"But she looks like a monkey! Don't get me wrong! She barely has any hair and she has monkey-shaped ears, so why not name her Monkey?!" argued Ginger.

"Don't you come crying to me when you find out about the baby getting bullied at school because you decided to name her after a butt-scratching primate!" Beetlejuice warned.

Ginger sighed while sadly looking down on the floor. She took a deep breath before thinking up her next suggestion. Hopefully, this suggestion would actually be somewhat normal — it most likely won't.

"If we can't name her after a butt-scratching primate, I think we should… name her Simian!" Ginger suggested.

Beetlejuice facepalmed himself on the forehead.

"Are you stupid?! Simian and Monkey are the same words!" complained Beetlejuice.

"Not exactly. You see, if we nicknamed her "Simi" for short, nobody would notice!" Ginger argued.

"Still the same words, look it up in the thesaurus!" Beetlejuice answered.

Ginger thought up some more possible names as she closely examined the baby. Lydia admittedly did look like an underdeveloped monkey, even if Beetlejuice didn't believe it. Ginger began to study the fine tuft of hair sprouting from Lydia's head. She reached her hand out and stroked Lydia's hair. The tuft of hair felt downy like a kitten's fur; it could even be used as a blanket for head lice for how soft it was. Stroking the hair on Lydia's head gave Ginger some great ideas for new names.

"Ooh, her hair feels so soft! Why don't we name her Fluffy instead?! Does that sound good to you guys?" Ginger offered.

"We're keeping a baby, not a cat," corrected Beetlejuice.

"How about Zebra?" Ginger asked. "We could call her Zeeb for short!"

"No! Negative ghost rider, Ginge!" Beetlejuice retorted.

"Can we name her Elephant? Giraffe? Palm Tree? Tahula Does The Hula From Hawaii?!"

Ginger's blabbering felt like listening to a jukebox playing the most annoying song in the world. It was reasonable at first; Ginger was only trying to think up the perfect name for Lydia. Now she was talking out of her rear — if spiders even had rear ends. To Beetlejuice, interacting with Ginger had always felt like he was dealing with a little girl rather than a 600-year-old spider. She was loud, cheerful, always asking dumb questions, bawling at the top of her lungs whenever her feelings were hurt or if she chipped her tap shoe, and had an innocent view of the world. Those aforementioned dumb questions were echoing into Beetlejuice's ears as of this paragraph. The ghost simply couldn't take the "how about we name her x?" questions anymore, especially the ones about animals and adjectives. Every time Ginger would open her mouth to speak in that annoying high-pitched voice, the blood in Beetlejuice's body would literally boil like a pot of soup. He couldn't hold his patience any longer, so he exploded like a volcano.

"SHUT UP! WE ARE NOT NAMING THE BABY "GOPHER", "SQUIRREL", "BALD BULL", OR "HANDSOME"! YOU'RE REALLY TRYING TO SET HER UP AS A BULLY TARGET, AREN'T YOU?!" ranted Beetlejuice as he angrily pounded his hands on the floor.

"I actually like ze name, Handsome-"

"Wow! Two idiots for the price of one!" Beetlejuice rudely interrupted Jacques' statement in a sarcastic tone.

He grabbed Jacques by his shirt and pulled him close to his face in order to look intimidating. If anything, Beetlejuice being intimidating was like walking up to an aggressive chihuahua in a front yard (it was the napoleon complex, considering that he was slightly short for a man, being only 5 feet 5 inches tall).

"NO! DON'T YOU BE AGREEING WITH SPIDEY! SHE HAS NO BRAIN! SHE SPENT THE LAST TEN MINUTES BLABBERING ABOUT STUPID NAMES! You know what? I'M GONNA BE NAMING THE BABY MYSELF! YES, YOU HEARD ME! I AM NAMING THE BABY MYSELF!" Beetlejuice screamed into Jacques' face.

As he finished up his rant, he violently pushed Jacques away from his face while breathing in and out in anger. Everyone in the room was shocked at Beetlejuice's violent outburst. Even baby Lydia stared wide-eyed at the ghost in utter shock and confusion.

"You had to make this a big deal, didn't you?" asked Ginger.

"Oui, you nearly scared me to pieces wiz zat intimidating scream!" Jacques added.

"You all were being a couple of morons! You know, you both are like toadies; you always agree with each other," sneered Beetlejuice.

"No, we're not! We are our own separate beings with separate opinions!" Ginger argued as Jacques nodded his head in agreement.

"We're our own separate beings with separate opinions, Nope! Sorry, but you're not!" Beetlejuice retorted. "You're both side characters, but because you chose to raise the baby with me, you've become one of the main protagonists! And because the author likes you so much, you're probably gonna be stuck living with me for the rest of my afterlife!"

As much as they tolerated Beetlejuice's frequent tantrums, Jacques and Ginger were starting to grow tired of them. They had a ghost angrily chastising them simply for wanting to help him raise the baby even though he agreed to raise her with them. This whole tantrum did not make any sense and they could feel it in their bones.

"Be-atlejooze, We're getting tired of listening to you moan about trivial reasons such as whezer or not you liked a name suggestion or because you just can't control your emotions! You are like a little kid! Even more so zan Ginger! Eef you don't get your act togetzere and give ze baby a proper name, we will not help you anymore! You will have to deal wiz ze crying and dirty diapers by yourself!" scolded Jacques.

"Mm-hm! Remember what we promised earlier?" Ginger asked. "We all promised to stop being hostile to each other, and yet we keep doing it anyway! The whole reason why we chose to raise this baby together was so we could learn to be grateful for each other and to be kind and thoughtful!"

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes and crossed his arms like a moody teenager.

"Yeah, yeah, you keep repeating that to me," he sassed.

Jacques and Ginger shot some mean death stares. This was when Beetlejuice realized that if he kept up with his snotty behavior, he would be on his own with dirty diapers and crying fits. But because he was Beetlejuice, it was expected he would easily forget his lesson about being a kinder neighbor.

"I guess you're right about me being kinder toward you guys while we take care of the baby," Beetlejuice conceded. "But you gotta know that I was born a mean prankster and I must keep my reputation that way! That doesn't mean I can't still show a softer side every now and then."

As he finished his sentence, he glanced over at Lydia, who was sucking on her toes while studying his every move. He rested his arms on the border of the basket and smiled at the baby girl as she continued to play with her feet. He was right about occasionally showing a softer side as if being stuck in a trance wasn't obvious enough.

"Oh, you're such a little cutie! Yes, you are! Sucking on your footies like that? That's so adorable!" Beetlejuice spoke to Lydia in a cutesy voice.

It took him less than a second to snap out of the trance. He had realized that he still needed to give Lydia a name. Yes, a baby with no name. It was tempting for Beetlejuice to name her something gross like "Scummy" or "Bugsy", but knowing that Ginger came up with some pretty stupid names, he decided not to go that route. Instead, he went for something simple and sweet, but meaningful.

"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to grant this cutie a name of her own!" declared Beetlejuice. "And I'm gonna call her… Babe."

"Babe?!" Jacques and Ginger exclaimed as they looked at each other in confusion.

"Why would you wanna name the baby… Babe?" asked Ginger.

"It's simple! It's because she's a baby!" Beetlejuice answered enthusiastically. "Not to mention she's a little cutie pie as well."

Jacques and Ginger smiled while nodding their heads.

"Mais Oui! She iz wizout a doubt a little cutie wutie pie!" gushed Jacques. "I zink ze name fits her perfectly! Sweet little baby who haz ze werld in her hands! What can possibly go wrong with a baby like her?"

Jacques and Ginger scooched themselves further to the front of the basket. Jacques sat in a crisscrossed position with Ginger in his lap, while Beetlejuice sat at the other side of the basket, still watching Lydia in a trance. When she noticed the two monsters facing her, she began to giggle happily while kicking her legs.

"D'awww! Hi there, Babe! My name is Ginger and I love to tap dance and water my garden! We're gonna have so much fun taking care of you and watching you grow into a beautiful young lady!" Ginger introduced herself.

"And my name iz Jacques! I lift weights at my private gym, get chased by dogs while jogging, babysit ze neighborhood children, and ride horses into ze sunset wiz my friends! Zat sounds like a great afterlife, no?" Jacques introduced himself as he stuck his skull inside the basket to get close to Lydia's face.

Lydia flashed her toothless smile and cooed at Jacques while kicking her legs. As she cooed her heart out, she noticed the black handlebar mustache attached to Jacques' face. Although it was just facial hair, it looked more like a built-in toy one would find on the bars of a play gym in her eyes. She immediately launched into a giggling fit and began to playfully bat at the mustache with the palm of her hands. Jacques tried to hold in his chuckles as Lydia continued to swat and tug at his mustache; the sensation felt ticklish, yet oddly endearing at the same time.

"She iz so cute!" Jacques mouthed as he pointed at Lydia, who was playing with his mustache.

"D'aww, she's trying to act like a little kitten! Even though I really hate kittens because they make me sick!" Beetlejuice gushed.

"I know, right?!" chucked Jacques.

The skeleton pried Lydia's hands off of his mustache and rested his arms on the border of the basket. He sighed happily, watching Lydia giggle and squeal at him and his neighbors.

"Such a happy baby," Ginger gushed.

"Oui, and she's gonna be even happier when we take care of her as a family!" chirped Jacques as he held Lydia's hand with his index finger. "Isn't zat right, Babe? We're all going to take care of you as one big happy family!"

Lydia cooed and gurgled at the neighbors.

"Aww!" the neighbors all cooed, folding their hands and wearing sappy expressions on their faces. "She likes us!"

"No, she likes me better!" bragged Beetlejuice.

Lydia released Jacques' finger and began to babble happily while reaching her arms out at the neighbors. The squeaky "bababa" and "mamama" sounds melted the hearts of everyone surrounding her; yes, even the vilest prankster in the Neitherworld couldn't help but stare at Lydia in admiration. He held back the tears of joy and reached his arms toward Lydia to scoop her up. Ginger anticipated that the ghost was going to selfishly hoard Lydia away from her and Jacques, so she gently pulled his arms away from the baby.

"No, no, Beetlejuice. You gotta remember that she likes all of us equally," Ginger corrected as she wrapped her arm around Beetlejuice's waist.

The neighbors all watched Lydia babble and coo away with sappy expressions still stuck on their faces. Even though they couldn't understand what Lydia was saying, they took her blabbering and occasional giggling as a sign that she was beginning to truly trust them. Yes, children are a lot like cats when it comes to forming bonds with monsters; they are apprehensive at first, but then they realize that the monster isn't much of a threat and they start to trust them for their daily needs. Well, the cats can sometimes take the friendship to their advantage, but whatever! As long as Lydia and the neighbors continued to be on good terms with each other, they were off to a great start in a beautiful friendship.