It was almost 9:00 A.M — a time when most monsters were either getting ready for the day or trying to soak in the last minutes of sleep before they were forced to wake up against their will. Indeed, morning time was a great time for recreation; the bats were soaring through the sky, the multiple suns were shining brightly in the sky and through the windows of homes, and monsters were out going about their business. Ginger and Beetlejuice seemed to be the only ones who weren't awake at this time of day. They were still asleep like a couple of teenagers after an all-nighter, complete with snoring and drool trickling from their mouths. Lydia waking up a few times last night must've worn them out, huh? Yes, that was true, but why wasn't Jacques still in bed with them? Granted, he was always a very busy skeleton, but he would usually sleep in a little on Sunday mornings. Perhaps taking care of a human baby must've made him more responsible and busy than before.
Suddenly and out of the blue, Beetlejuice and Ginger woke up with a jolt and looked frantically at their surroundings. They must've heard the question while they were still asleep and taken notice.
"Huh? What…?" Beetlejuice and Ginger exclaimed as they looked at their surroundings.
They cautiously and frantically studied their surroundings as if aliens abducted them while they were still asleep. Fortunately, they weren't in an alien spacecraft, they were in the dying room safe and sound. However, that wasn't the only thing they were worried about. The second they pried their eyes open, they noticed that Lydia and her basket were nowhere to be seen — the empty spot between Beetlejuice and Jacques' sleeping spots made it obvious that she wasn't in bed with them.
"THE BABY'S GONE! WHERE IS SHE?!" Beetlejuice and Ginger cried with their hands on their heads.
Beetlejuice and Ginger hopped out of bed to frantically search for Lydia. They searched under furniture, inside closets, inside toilets, in various rooms, and pretty much everywhere in the roadhouse. Nah, forget Jacques, he was chopped liver to them! Just kidding! While they did care about their bone-ami, they were more concerned about the disappearance of their adopted daughter.
"DID YOU LOOK UNDER THE BED?! DID YOU LOOK UNDER THE BED?!" shrieked Ginger as she crawled under the couch bed to find Lydia.
"NO! I DIDN'T LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH! I'M CHECKING THE FIREPLACE, MAYBE SHE COULD BE IN THERE SOMEWHERE!" Beetlejuice answered, climbing inside the fireplace.
Once Beetlejuice climbed all the way to the top of the fireplace, he poked his head through the chimney to see if Lydia was on the roof. Knowing that Lydia wasn't mobile yet, it was highly doubtful she would be at the top of the roadhouse. Beetlejuice took one long glance at the roof to see a raven perching at the edge of the roadhouse sign out front. Frustrated that Lydia wasn't on the roof, he growled angrily and climbed down the chimney.
"SHE'S NOT UP THERE!" bawled Beetlejuice as he darted out of the fireplace and flopped face-first onto the couch bed. "MY BABY'S GONE! GONE, I TELL YOU! GONE!"
Beetlejuice began to pound his fists and wail like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Ginger was always a sensitive little spider, so she followed suit. Now both Beetlejuice and Ginger were pitching horrendous fits like they were centuries younger.
"It will be alright, Beetlejuice," Ginger paused her fit and placed her hand on Beetlejuice's arm. "Even if Babe is gone… WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER!"
While continuing to bawl their eyes out, Beetlejuice and Ginger hugged each other as if they were stranded on a remote island with no way out. This time, it wasn't Lydia filling the roadhouse with cries… It was two of the three self-proclaimed parents who were acting like big babies.
"Hey, what's all ze ruckus for?! Babe iz in ze kitchen wiz me!"
A familiar french accent interrupted the tantrum, causing Beetlejuice and Ginger to turn their heads toward the voice. It was Jacques Lalean, who was in the kitchen preparing a nutritious breakfast. He was shooting Beetlejuice and Ginger disapproving looks as he poked his head from around the kitchen entrance.
"So… Are you going to come to ze kitchen?" asked Jacques as he continued to glare at them.
Beetlejuice and Ginger got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen without uttering a single word. Jacques continued to prepare breakfast as they seated themselves at the table. To their surprise, the table was neatly set up, complete with forks, spoons, and napkins. Despite the impressive set-up, they still didn't want to make a comment. The whole room was silent except for the sizzling of bacon on the pan and Lydia's snoring. Finally, after merely a minute, Beetlejuice opened his mouth to say something completely out-of-character. It actually wasn't out of character, it was something he usually would never say.
"Mornin', bud," Beetlejuice grumbled, picking at the checkered cloth draping the table.
Jacques was surprised at Beetlejuice giving him a greeting, even if it didn't sound friendly or genuine in the slightest, "Good morning, Be-atlejooze…"
The skeleton chuckled awkwardly as he flipped the pancakes on one of the pans. It felt as if he was talking to a martian rather than his closest neighbor.
"Why did you have to scare us, Jacques?! We freaked out because we couldn't find Babe and we were wondering where you were too!" asked Ginger.
"You do not need to worry, mon ami," Jacques reassured as he continued preparing breakfast. "I got up at 10 after 7 to do some morning stretches, zen I put away all ze supplies, and now I'm preparing a family breakfast!"
"A family breakfast?! Ooh, that sounds awesome!" chirped Ginger, clapping her hands in excitement. "I really hope you're making pancakes! I love pancakes, especially with chocolate flies!"
"You're in luck! I am making chocolate chip pancakes for all of us to enjoy! Zere's also scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, and some freshly squeezed orange jooze!" beamed Jacques.
After flipping the pancakes one last time, he scooped them onto three individual plates. Each neighbor would have two pancakes with a side of bacon, scrambled eggs, and hashbrowns. Whether they liked it or not, that was what they were getting.
"Breakfast iz served!" Jacques chirped as he carried the three plates to the table.
He sat down at the table and poured himself and his fellow neighbors glasses of orange juice. Jacques set the basket on a chair he pulled out so that it wouldn't get in the way of the family breakfast. Beetlejuice and Ginger gazed at the food in front of them with eager eyes. Just as Beetlejuice and Ginger were about to dig into their meals, Jacques swiped their plates and held them in the air.
"Ah-ah-ah! Before you eat, zey ze prayers first!" reminded Jacques as he set the plates down on the table.
Beetlejuice and Ginger grumbled a bit, but they still complied by reluctantly getting up from their seats and joining hands with Jacques. Rarely had the two ever disobeyed Jacques — well, not Beetlejuice. They were their best friend and trusty helper, after all.
"Moi, membre du relais routier, je remercie Jacques de nous avoir préparé le petit déjeuner parfait que nous prenons rarement. Je remercie Jacques d'être un grand chef, ainsi qu'un culturiste fort. Jacques remportera un jour le championnat du de Mr. Neezerwerld. Merci," The three roommates all said while holding hands together with their eyes closed and heads looking up at the ceiling.
Beetlejuice and Ginger sat back down in their seats, which were across from each other. Jacques sat down in his seat, which was in the front of the table between Beetlejuice and Ginger.
"Did you really make us say that french drivel so we could praise you?" Beetlejuice snarked.
"Well, eet's a good question…" Jacques nervously chuckled, scratching the back of his skull. "Huh! I did make you zey zat. Pardon me!"
"Yeah right!" Beetlejuice mumbled.
The ghost glared at Jacques, complete with furrowed eyebrows and a scowl. This went on for five long seconds before he forgot about the ordeal and started to shovel his meal into his mouth. Yes, he literally poofed up a small shovel to scoop his scrambled eggs and hashbrowns like it was dirt. He didn't even chew with his mouth closed while he was eating — how rude! Ginger, on the other hand, ate in a civilized manner — she chewed with her mouth closed, used her napkin instead of the tablecloth, and used her fork and knife rather than her hands.
"How's ze meal?" Jacques asked as he nibbled on his pancakes.
"I love it! Jacques, you make a great chef!" complimented Ginger.
The skeleton smiled radiantly at Ginger's compliment, "Zank you, Ginger! I'm glad you enjoyed eet!"
"Mm-hmm, and the bacon is very greasy! Just the way I like it! So, bonehead… What's your secret?!" Beetlejuice asked eagerly as he continued to shovel food into his mouth.
Jacques chuckled, "Well, I-uh… I added some extra virgin oil, a little bit of garlic to add an extra kick, some Himalayan snail slime, some salt, and of course, love!"
Beetlejuice grabbed Jacques by the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer to his face.
"Jacques… You're the best neighbor anyone could ever have!" he bubbled.
"Thanks, cher," answered Jacques as he patted Beetlejuice's head.
The neighbors ate their meals happily without any quarrels whatsoever. It was rather rare for them to actually sit down together without starting an argument or being pranked. It had been almost a full day since they adopted Lydia and they were already starting to feel like a close-knit family. Speaking of Lydia, Ginger grew concerned about her not joining in with the family meal.
"Hey, why isn't Babe eating? Isn't she going to eat something?" Ginger asked concernedly, setting down her fork and knife.
"Yeah, what would Babe eat if she were to have breakfast with us?" Beetlejuice asked.
"Do not worry, guys! Ze baby iz fine! She's just sleeping right now," reassured Jacques as he stuck his non-dominant hand in the basket. "And Be-atlejooze, if you were asking what she usually eats, she usually only drinks milk formula zince she's too young to have anyzing else."
"Huh, that's fair! She is a baby, after all," conceded Ginger.
As the neighbors watched Lydia sleep in her basket, she abruptly began to cuddle Jacques' hand. Jacques giggled heartedly as the baby hugged his hand like it was a teddy bear.
"Heh, heh! Now, while she usually only has milk formula, I am planning to feed her some real food very soon! But only a little bit! Zis iz just a test to zee eef she can stand real food!" the skeleton explained as he tried to pull his hand away from Lydia's strong grip.
Beetlejuice and Ginger turned their heads toward each other and nodded in acknowledgment.
"At ze end of ze day, she iz a growing girl who needs quality sleep, so she can wait until after we've finished eating and cleaning up!" Jacques declared.
"Okay, you do you!" Beetlejuice answered. "I would be more than happy to join you, but I gotta catch up on my daily dose of That Darn Werewolf!"
"Yeah, we love that show!" Ginger added eagerly, bouncing up and down on her chair.
"Eh, eet's decent… From what I've zeen, eet's just your average cookie-cutter sitcom," said Jacques, scooping a spoonful of hashbrowns into his mouth.
Beetlejuice and Ginger gasped with their hands over their mouths as if Jacques deeply offended them.
"Please tell us you're joking! That Darn Werewolf is the best sitcom in all the Neitherworld!" Ginger snorted, leaping onto Jacques and pulling him close to her face by his mustache.
"Yeah, That Darn Werewolf is the-" Beetlejuice paused mid-sentence and clamped his mouth shut. "Hey, wait… aren't we already a sitcom? I mean, we have people watching us, reading about us, and even writing stories about us!"
Jacques and Ginger titled their heads and stared blankly at the ghost as if he had two heads. The whole room was silent — the only sound that could be heard was crickets chirping and Lydia snoring.
"Beetlejuice, what you just said is untrue! People would never want to watch the lives of other people! That's creepy!" disputed Ginger.
"Um, hello?! The fourth wall exists for a reason!" sassed Beetlejuice as he pointed to a glass wall in the back of the kitchen, complete with cameras, lights, and a film crew standing behind it.
Jacques and Ginger rolled their eyes and shook their heads, trying to process the fact that they were living with a delusional lunatic. Beetlejuice already was twisted enough, but the thought of an invisible fourth wall barricading them did not make sense in the slightest. The fourth wall wasn't even there until he brought it up for another one of his "jokes".
"Whatever, Beej," grumbled Ginger. "If you say there's a fourth wall, fine! Let's just get back to eating so Jacques can feed the baby!"
"Hmph!" Beetlejuice grumbled as he pounded his fork on the table while glaring at Ginger.
"Don't you give me that sass! You know what will happen if you don't behave at the table!" Ginger warned, pointing at Beetlejuice.
The ghost stuck his tongue out at Ginger in retaliation and continued eating his breakfast, which was starting to get cold from not being paid attention to. As they ate their breakfast, Ginger whispered to Jacques about Beetlejuice's behavior — it wasn't positive. To be fair, positive attention for Beetlejuice was rare. Tagging along with other monsters in a group was the only time he would receive positive attention. Despite the gossip Jacques and Ginger were making about Beetlejuice, everything seemed to be going fine. Everyone was eating their breakfast, talking to one another, and learning how to be a family.
One hour later…
Breakfast was now over. The plates stained with bacon grease and maple syrup were crammed in the sink, The utensils were loaded in the dishwasher, and the table was looking good as new after a brief clean-up. Though everybody had their share of breakfast, Lydia still needed to get some grub. After all, she was a growing girl with a bright future ahead of her.
As she was still asleep in her basket, Jacques was busy preparing oatmeal. He slowly stirred the oatmeal every few minutes to prevent it from clumping together. Bananas, carrots, and avocados were diced into small bite-sized pieces, ready to be poured into the blender along with the oatmeal. These ingredients were going to make the perfect first meal for Lydia — if she would actually eat it.
"Oui, Babe! You are going to enjoy zis mush I am preparing!" Jacques squealed as he stirred the oatmeal.
He turned his skull toward Lydia, who did not respond due to being a baby with no English vocabulary.
"You zee zis, Babe? Zis iz Jacques Lalean's Neezerwerld Baby Mush! Yeserie, eet iz teeming wiz a ton of organic vitamins and minerals and whole grains… you're gonna love eet! I just know you are!" the skeleton rambled on as he continued to stir the oatmeal.
Jacques poured the oatmeal into the blender while humming obscure French tunes to himself. He then poured the bananas, carrots, and avocados one-by-one into the blender, making an unfinished mixture of whole grains, fruit, and vegetables.
"Are you ready, sweetie? I am going to blend all zese ingredients togezere so we can make baby mush!" Jacques declared before turning on the blender.
The loud grinding of the blender surprisingly did not phase Lydia in the slightest. In fact, she was still cuddling with Jacques' beret and snoring as the blender roared its blades out. The reason why she was still asleep in spite of the noise was probably due to Jacques' humming and singing — To her, the goofy french accent was as comforting as the "whooshing" noises of the womb.
"Oop! I forgot your bib! Allow me to fetch eet for you!" Jacques exclaimed, dashing out of the kitchen to get Lydia a bib.
The second Jacques stepped out of the kitchen, the blender began to spiral out of control. Green mush spewed out of the lid and the blender shook uncontrollably as it tried to grind every last piece of the fruits and vegetables. Fortunately, Jacques wasn't gone for too long. In a nick of time, he witnessed the blender spewing mush from the lid and shaking uncontrollably. His eyeballs grew so big from shock and surprise, they filled the majority of his eye holes.
"Mon dieu, ze blender! She's gonna blow!" Jacques shouted, rushing to the blender to stop it from exploding.
Before the blender could spiral into chaos, Jacques ripped the plug out of the socket in the wall. It was a miracle that there was no explosion — had there been an explosion, a mess of green mush would've covered the majority of the kitchen countertops. There was no mess, so there was nothing for Jacques to worry about. While letting out a sigh of relief, Jacques poured the mush into a medium-sized bowl. He grabbed a baby spoon from the drawer and dipped it into the mush like it was an umbrella on a cocktail.
"Viola! My Neezerwerld Baby Mush, fresh from ze blender!" Jacques chirped as he carried the bowl to the table.
To prepare Lydia for her breakfast, he moved the basket from the chair to the table. He began trying to wake her up by tickling her, stroking her hands and cheeks, and whispering into her ears.
"Come on, sweetie… eet's time to wake up," Jacques crooned as he stroked Lydia's hands, causing her to stir and wiggle around.
Since Lydia wasn't cooperating, Jacques decided to take drastic measures; he started by simply taking the pacifier away from Lydia. Since she had nothing to suck on, she was forced to cease her slumber. She slowly opened her eyes to see a smiling skeleton staring back at her.
"Good morning, sweetheart!" Jacques chirped. "Did you sleep well?"
Lydia studied the friendly face in front of her. She was still suffering the side effects of sleep inertia, so it took her a little longer than usual to recognize that the friendly face was familiar. When her gaze stopped at the curly mustache, she finally came to realize that the friendly face was Jacques Lalean. Since she was excited to see her adoptive bone daddy, she flashed her gummy smile and began to giggle.
"Aww! Are you happy to see me?! Are you happy to see your… buddy?!" Jacques squealed, touching his nose hole with Lydia's nose.
Lydia giggled harder as the skeleton nuzzled his skull against her body. While Jacques was rubbing his skull against her like a cat, she abruptly grabbed his mustache and began tugging on it. The skeleton yelped from pain as Lydia pulled on his mustache.
"Ouch! Easy wiz ze pulling, mon ami!" Jacques yelped as he tried to lift his skull away from Lydia, who kept her grip strong on his mustache.
He forcefully pried her hands off of his mustache and picked up the bowl of mush.
"Whee! Bah-Bah! Bah-Bah!" Lydia giggled as she kicked her legs and reached her arms at Jacques' face.
"Do you zee ze food? Zis iz what you are going to eat!" Jacques excitedly declared as he showed the bowl to Lydia, who was giggling her lungs out.
He set the bowl down to unwrap Lydia from her tight swaddle. She had somehow freed her arms while she slept, so it made the process a little easier. Calling it easy would be a stretch though — her hyperactive wiggling and flailing actually made it difficult to control while freeing her from the blanket. The force of Lydia's legs almost dislocated Jacques's radius and ulna bones as he struggled to hold her down.
"Woah, you're an excited little girl!" Jacques exclaimed, struggling to keep Lydia under control.
The baby continued to coo and giggle while playfully swiping at Jacques' mustache. Once Jacques freed her from the blanket, he propped her in a sitting position and used the blanket as a support prop to help her sit up.
"Zere! Now zat you are sitting up like a big girl, I am going to put your bibby-wibby on!" Jacques crooned as he wiggled a white bib in front of Lydia's face.
Lydia growled like a puppy while playfully swiping and batting her hands at the bib. She swiped so hard and intensely at the bib, she toppled over and fell on her face. Jacques broke into a fit of hysterical laughter, complete with tears forming in his eyeholes. As he continued to laugh, he propped Lydia back into a sitting position and wiped a single tear from his eyehole.
"Silly baby! Ze bib iz not a toy, eet's somesing you wear when you eat!" Jacques laughed as he fastened the bib around Lydia's neck.
"Ooh!" Lydia cooed, looking down at the bib that was fastened around her neck.
When she realized that she was wearing another teething toy, she pulled the flap of the bib into her mouth and began to chew on it. Jacques laughed again, clearly amused by Lydia's ways of discovering the crazy world around her.
"Mon dieu, you are by far one of ze cutest babies I've ever met!" Jacques squealed as he pulled the flap of Lydia's bib away from her mouth. "You are such a silly and playful baby, and I cannot deny eet!"
Lydia gurgled and babbled at Jacques, trying to start a conversation with him.
"Oui oui, you will always be cute… cuter than all ze creatures of ze Neezer-Neezerland!" Jacques answered, picking up the bowl of mush. "Anyway, I have made you some special Neezerwerld Baby Mush! Eet's got tons of organic vitamins and minerals zat'll make you big and strong!"
Lydia began to pant and flap her arms excitedly as she watched Jacques scoop a spoonful of the mush.
"I just know you're gonna love eet! Open big and wide for Jacques, please!" Jacques chirped as he hovered the spoon toward Lydia's mouth.
Lydia didn't see the spoon as an eating utensil. To her, it looked more like a teething toy that was shaped like a spoon. Thinking that Jacques was playing with her, she began to blow raspberries while batting at the spoon. The usual pleading of "open wide" didn't seem to work and Lydia seizing the spoon did not help in the slightest. Young children usually love to put fantasy into everyday situations, so maybe he could think of something imaginative with the spoon. He could pretend that the spoon was really an airplane or a train delivering the supplies to a station; the supplies being the gruel, and the station being Lydia's mouth. Jacques smiled at the thought of this and pried Lydia's hands off of the spoon.
"Here comes ze choo-choo train! Doot-doot!" Jacques chuckled, aiming the spoon toward Lydia's mouth.
Suddenly and out of nowhere, a freight train came roaring into the roadhouse at supersonic speed, splitting the entire roadhouse into two. Jacques and Lydia stared blankly with wide eyes at each other and at the situation that just happened.
"Just ignore zat," Jacques shrugged the incident off. "Anyway, here comes ze airplane! Vrrrooommm-"
Once again, another unusual (well, usual for the Neitherworld) incident occurred; an airplane crashed through the roof of the roadhouse and into the kitchen. A blue reptile-skinned monster poked his head out of the shattered window of the cockpit to let Jacques know that the unintentional chaos was a huge mistake.
"Sorry, the turbulence caused it," the pilot apologized.
"Zis iz just a part of your imagination, sweetie!" Jacques whispered to Lydia.
Jacques turned his attention back to the pilot and shot him a dirty look. He continued to glare at the pilot as he set the bowl and spoon down on the table.
"What? What are you staring at me for?" the pilot asked.
"Get out," Jacques silently mouthed, pointing toward a huge gaping hole in the wall, caused by the freight train that zoomed by.
The pilot teared up, slowly climbing out of the airplane and casually walking away. Outside the roadhouse, all the passengers jumped out of the plane and ran away like their heads were on fire. Because they were too dumb to realize that there was no ground below them, a majority of them fell off the cliff. It was honestly a laugh that Beetlejuice and Ginger didn't bat their eyes at the commotion going on in the kitchen. Eh, they were probably too busy watching their That Darn Werewolf marathon — monsters these days liked to glue themselves to the television since they had nothing better to do. After that commotion was over, Jacques took a deep breath and continued to feed Lydia.
"How about we don't use vehicles as motivations," Jacques told Lydia. "Zings can get pretty literal here in ze Neezerwerld."
The baby flapped her arms excitedly as she watched Jacques scoop another spoonful of mush.
"Now, open big and wide for me, please!" the skeleton coaxed before opening his mouth wide as a way to encourage Lydia to open her mouth. "Aaaah!"
Lydia imitated Jacques by opening her mouth big and wide. Jacques chuckled as he inserted the spoon into her mouth. Since she had barely eaten any solid food in the past, her gag reflex forced the mush out of her mouth and onto her bib.
"Good girl! Very good girl!" praised Jacques as he cleaned the corners of Lydia's mouth with the spoon. "Do you like eet so far?"
Lydia began to cough, trying to force the mush out of her esophagus. Before Jacques could have any time to act, more mush poured out of her mouth like a small waterfall.
"Dearie, you have to swallow ze food, not spit eet out!" Jacques corrected as he wiped Lydia's mouth with the flap of her bib.
The skeleton scooped yet another spoonful of the mush and hovered it toward Lydia's mouth.
"Open wide!" Jacques coaxed. "Aaah!"
Lydia allowed the spoon to enter her mouth. At first, she bit down on the spoon with her gums, making it hard for Jacques to continue feeding her. Fortunately, a tickle on the chin was enough to make Lydia release the spoon. As Jacques scooped a big spoonful of mush from the bowl, Lydia began to happily blow raspberries while rapidly flapping her arms like a hummingbird.
"Oh, are you trying to be a little hummingbird?" asked Jacques as he aimed the spoon at Lydia's raspberry-blowing mouth. "Sorry, mon ami, but you are a human baby! You can pretend to be a bird later."
The baby girl quickly transitioned to babbling tunefully as Jacques struggled to insert the spoon into her mouth. Her constant grabbing at the spoon and head-turning made it difficult for Jacques to continue feeding her. Even if she was only a young baby, he was starting to lose patience with her. He was about ready to slam the bowl and spoon down and give up.
"Can you just please open your mouth? I had spent a half-hour preparing zis bowl of crap only for you to fool around and test me! We are not spending ze entire day waiting for you to swallow your food! Please… just cooperate wiz me!" exasperated Jacques.
Lydia stopped babbling to look Jacques in the eyes. The skeleton was staring back at her with a stern expression on his face — he wasn't messing around. For some reason, Lydia thought the idea of a skeleton getting angry was funny and she began to giggle. Jacques set the bowl and spoon down on the table and buried his skull into his hands, not knowing how to deal with the playful baby anymore.
"You're… you're just too playful… Way too playful to be precise…" Jacques sighed, shaking his skull back and forth.
Suddenly, Jacques began to realize that he had control over the baby. He couldn't just let Lydia (who was a 6-month-old infant with the hyperactivity of a puppy) intimidate him with her eagerness to make everything into a game. With determination firing in his eye holes, Jacques picked the bowl and spoon back up and flashed a huge smirk.
"Eet doesn't matter how long eet takes for us to feed you… You are going to open your mouth whezer you feel like eet or not, young lady!" Jacques politely ordered as he hovered the spoon toward Lydia's mouth.
Realizing that the spoon was hovering toward her mouth, Lydia opened big and wide without any fights or questions.
"Great job! Zee? Zat wasn't so bad, wasn't eet?!" praised Jacques as he wiped the corners of Lydia's mouth with the spoon.
Lydia stared at Jacques as she held the big spoonful of mush in her mouth. She began to moan uncomfortably, frantically looking around at her surroundings as if she was deprived of oxygen. She was used to drinking formula milk, so the lumpy texture felt uncomfortable for her gums and tongue — it was as if a stranger suddenly entered her mouth without an invitation. Without any more warning signs, she vomited the mush all over herself and Jacques' face. Jacques frowned as he witnessed the mess that was in front of him — the blankets in Lydia's basket, his beret, and Lydia herself were now all soaked with disgusting green mush.
"I do not zink you are ready for real food yet," Jacques declared as he wiped the green mush from his face with a single swipe. "Maybe in moderation, but certainly not on a daily basis!"
The skeleton set the bowl and spoon down on the table and scooped Lydia from her basket. In addition to Lydia, he grabbed his stained beret and slapped it on the top of his skull.
"You are getting a bath zince you made a mess!" Jacques told Lydia as he pointed at the blankets in the basket, which were stained with green mush. "And I will save ze mush for my vitamin juice later."
He carried Lydia upstairs to the bathroom like a football, all while muttering French swears to himself. The second he stepped foot inside of the bathroom, all regrets were made about moving into Beetlejuice's side of the roadhouse. The bathroom was a complete pigsty; there were beetles crawling on the ground, mold on the walls, armpit hairs stuck to the bathtub, and a B.O smell lingering through the air. The smell nearly made Jacques fall apart from how terrible it was. Not even Lydia's dirty diapers were as disgusting as the messy horror that was in front of him.
"Zis… Zis iz a disaster!" Jacques muttered as he held Lydia protectively against his ribs.
Since he already knew that the bathroom was disgusting, that meant he had to be careful where he would step or place Lydia. While cautiously peering at his surroundings, he tip-toed to the bathtub as if he was trying not to get caught by the police. It was only a few feet away, but to a skeleton trying to protect his daughter from getting sick, it felt like a 100-mile escort mission. As he was trying his hardest not to get contaminated by Beetlejuice germs, he stepped on something flabby and squishy.
Squish!
The skeleton's eyeballs widened in shock as the wet sound traveled into his ear holes. He silently prayed to himself that it wasn't fecal matter as he slowly lifted his foot. To his surprise, he saw moldy ham stuck to the sole of his tennis shoe. Jacques contemplated the moldy ham on his shoe; he was about a few seconds away from losing his cool, judging by the grossed-out faces he was pulling. As Lydia stared off into space, Jacques scrunched his eyeholes and wobbled his mouth — it was like a time bomb about to blow up.
"BE-ATLEJOOZE! GET YOUR BUTT UP HERE RIGHT ZIS INSTANT!"
Jacques' screams of anger traveled into the dying room, where Beetlejuice and Ginger were peacefully watching TV. Well, it was peaceful, but not anymore. When Ginger heard the commotion going on upstairs, she glared piercingly into Beetlejuice's eyes.
"Come with me, young man," the spider hissed as she grabbed Beetlejuice's hand and led him upstairs to the bathroom.
"Young man?! Hey, I'm not young! I'm over 600 years old! You should know that by now!" Beetlejuice tried to protest, but then kept his mouth shut thanks to Ginger's intimidating glares.
In the bathroom stood Jacques, who was standing near the bathtub with Lydia nestled under his left arm like a football. He had the nastiest scowl ever formed on a skeleton, which one couldn't really blame because the bathtub was full of slime, armpit hair, dead cockroaches, and maggots.
"Do you zee zis, Be-atlejooze?" Jacques grabbed Beetlejuice by the tie of his suit and pulled him close to his face. "Zis iz ze mess you made! Eet's okay to bathe in slime, just make sure to clean up after yourself next time, d'accord? You got me, Be-atlejooze? Clean up after yourself!"
"Yeah, the baby can't bathe with all this slime crap! She'll get sick and we'll have to pay all these expensive medical bills! Oh, wait. Nobody will help us because she's a human! And nobody in the Neitherworld likes humans!" Ginger cried.
"Now, Be-atlejooze. You are going to help us wash little Babe zince you are one of her trusty caregivers. And because you ruined ze bathtub, we have to bathe her like a dog in a metal bucket!" Jacques calmly scolded Beetlejuice.
"A dog?! Oh, why didn't you say so, bonehead?!" Beetlejuice jested before transforming into an orange beagle.
Jacques and Ginger questioned their sanities as they watched Beetlejuice bark and frolic around them. It must be painful living with a childish ghoul who never shuts his trap, huh? The times where Beetlejuice actually realized when it was time to be serious can be counted on a single hand. Jacques prepared to remind Beetlejuice to cut his antics out by clenching his already visible teeth and furrowing his eye holes.
"ZAT'S ENOUGH!" Jacques shouted.
Beetlejuice stopped his frantic running around Jacques and transformed back into a ghost. He grumbled and crossed his arms petulantly as the skeleton stared him down.
"Be-atlejooze," Jacques began as he held Lydia close to his ribs. "Can you be a dear and find a bucket so we can bathe ze baby?"
"A deer?! Sure, Jacques! I'll do anything for Babe!" Beetlejuice transformed into a deer and trotted over to the nearest closet, which was right next to the sink.
The bathroom was bad enough, but the closet… It was a doozy. Not only were there dirty towels and underwear carelessly stuffed inside, there was also a whole assortment of dead bugs, slimeballs, and belly button lint. The closet and its messy contents could put a lazy teenager to shame. While Beetlejuice was digging through the closest, he began to realize something — why were these two idiots living in his house? Why were they complaining about the quality of his bathroom when it wasn't even their place to begin with?
"You know, maybe instead of bathing the baby in a bucket, you can bring her over to your house and wash her there!" Beetlejuice told Jacques. "Wouldn't that be easier?"
"We already made a promise, Beetlejuice! We live as a close-knit family while taking care of the baby!" reminded Ginger as Jacques nodded his skull in agreement.
Beetlejuice growled at Ginger as she had deeply offended him like she told him off for eating a bowl of chocolate-covered beetles. After the brief stand-off, he reluctantly grabbed the side handle of a metal wash bucket with his mouth and pulled it toward Jacques and Ginger. Ginger, all while still shooting occasional dirty looks at Beetlejuice, pulled a couple of towels off of a rack and laid them flat on the floor. Jacques was about to place the bucket on the towels until he forgot something important — something that was the main ingredient for a bath. Realizing that he forgot the main ingredient, he held Lydia tightly as if she was about to get attacked by a tiger. This was one of the few signs that Jacques was starting to become overprotective of the baby girl; he treated the empty bucket like it was dangerous for her health or something.
"Oh, wait!" Jacques exclaimed as he immediately refrained from putting Lydia in the bucket. "Be-atlejooze! We gotta fill ze bucket wiz warm water!"
Beetlejuice transformed back to his normal ghost self and carried the bucket to the disgusting bathtub. He turned on the faucet, which let out a horrible screech with every crank. Instead of the clear water one would expect, the faucet poured out sloshy mud. As expected for a french skeleton with manners, Jacques facepalmed himself and shook his head out of disbelief and confusion.
"Uh, buddy? You have to fill ze bucket with water, not mud!" Jacques bossed as he pointed at the bathtub.
"Don't be such a bossy boots, Jacques!" Beetlejuice hissed as he zapped Jacques with his juicing powers, causing him to transform into a literal boot with Lydia nestled inside.
Fortunately, Jacques transformed back to his normal self less than a second later. Beetlejuice was more than happy to keep him that way, though; if his neighbor stayed a boot for the rest of his afterlife, that would mean no more unwanted visits and french drivel.
"Be-atlejooze, iz your water system out of shape? Eet seems like eet's separate from ze rest of ze roadhouse!" Jacques asked.
Beetlejuice laughed, " My water system?! Oh, it's working fine! I just hijacked the neighborhood water plant by filling it with fresh mud instead of water!"
Jacques and Ginger had the burning urge to call the police on Beetlejuice, but then they remembered that they were raising a baby with him, so they forced themselves to be patient with him. They held in their nasty words, replacing it with deep breaths and sighs.
"Alright, I guess mud will have to do for now," Jacques sighed.
Once the bucket was half-filled with mud, Beetlejuice turned off the faucet and carried the bucket to the bathing area. The bathing area was a couple of flat-lying towels with supplies neatly aligned next to each other. Beetlejuice whistled a French tune as he placed the bucket down on the towels — the whistling was to mock his neighbor for making his ears bleed with his constant singing. Whether it was cleaning the roadhouse or jogging, Jacques always found a way to bring music to the Neitherworld.
"And now little Babe will begin her bath!" Jacques declared as he removed Lydia's bib and tossed it into the dirty clothes pile in the corner of the room.
Lydia began to giggle and coo while kicking her legs.
"Oui, bathtime iz fun! Oh, you're gonna love being clean! Yes, you are!" Jacques cooed as he dunked Lydia in the bucket full of mud.
As Lydia continued to giggle, Ginger poured some soap into the mud. To be honest, mud and soap do not get along well together. Thanks to the mud's thick consistency, the soap sat on top like a stream of cake frosting. Lydia didn't seem to mind; in fact, she seemed to love bathing in mud more than water. It was evident with all the laughing and splashing mud everywhere.
"Is it too cold for you, Babe?" Ginger asked Lydia, who was busy laughing and splashing about.
Jacques dipped his hand into the bucket to test the temperature. He made a disgusted face as he took his hand out of the bucket to shake off the excess mud. For a skeleton who lived next door to a pig pen of a ghoul, this was a completely understandable reaction.
"Eet doesn't feel zat cold. Maybe room temperature, but definitely not arctic cold," Jacques stated.
Jacques squirted some shampoo into his hands and began scrubbing Lydia's head. The feeling of stick-thin boney fingers scratching deep into her hair felt ticklish for Lydia, so she began squealing and laughing harder.
"Wow, someone's extra giggly today," Jacques chuckled as he continued to scrub Lydia's scalp. "You've been laughing up a storm, haven't you, sweetie?"
Lydia let out a happy screech in response.
"And I can make her even more giggly!" Beetlejuice declared before snapping his fingers and vanishing, leaving a bat, a can, and an eyeball behind.
Lydia paused her laughing fit in response to Beetlejuice disappearing. She began to whimper softly while forming a squiggly mouth, indicating that she was about to cry once again. Luckily, before she could even start releasing the screams of the banshee, Beetlejuice reappeared in front of her.
"PEEK-A-BOO!" Beetlejuice exclaimed, stretching his arms out.
Lydia uttered a laugh that was so loud and abrupt, Jacques nearly fell into pieces from startlement. Jacques tried to keep himself from chuckling along with Lydia, but because her laughter was contagious for a baby, he simply couldn't help but utter a few giggles.
"Careful wiz ze baby! We don't want her to get too rowdy," Jacques warned Beetlejuice, trying to keep himself from losing it from laughter.
Beetlejuice smirked at Jacques and vanished again. Lydia giggled softly as she eagerly waited for Beetlejuice to come back and surprise her.
After a few seconds of anticipation, Beetlejuice reappeared and shouted even louder, "PEEK-A-BOO!"
Beetlejuice then got down on all fours and began running around while roaring like a dinosaur in the goofiest way possible. Lydia laughed and chortled so hard, she gagged on her own spit. As Beetlejuice continued to act like a doofus off his medicine, Lydia began to babble happily while splashing in the water like a dog trying to swim.
"Aww, she does the cutest things!" Ginger squealed, watching Lydia splash and spill about. "She's pretending to be a little dolphin!"
Jacques tried to be serious and firm, but he couldn't stop the chuckling caused by Lydia being cute. She had spent most of the day being happy and giggly and Jacques secretly wanted to cherish the calm before the crying storm came through.
"We know how much you love your bath, Babe! You may be a little bit of a handful right now, but your giggling… Your giggling is music to my earholes!" Jacques chuckled as he scrubbed Lydia's body with refreshing soap.
Peek-a-boo wasn't enough to satisfy Lydia's needs, so Beetlejuice decided to take drastic measures to make her day even better. He started by crouching down and growling like a tiger. This was apparently funny to Lydia; while watching Beetlejuice carefully, she began to copy him by swiping at his face and roaring. She let out a tiny giggle between every roar and lunge. If that madness wasn't enough, Beetlejuice decided to crank the game to the next level — he wanted to make Lydia laugh so hard, her head would fall off. He did exactly that by backing away on all fours while smiling like a Cheshire cat. Indeed, Beetlejuice was off his medicine. The rabbit hole will get even deeper, we assure you!
"RAWR!" Beetlejuice screamed, pouncing toward Lydia like an aggressive tiger.
He stuck his face close to Lydia's face all while growling. The baby surprisingly did not utter a single laugh during the game. Instead, she simply stared at him like he was a lunatic.
"Roaaarrr… Rawr… RAWR!" roared Beetlejuice as he circled around the bathing area on all fours.
As he was crawling around the bathing area, Ginger got tired of his antics and wanted to teach him a lesson about being obnoxious. This was both funny and hypocritical of Ginger since she didn't mind him crawling around earlier. Well, there came a time when enough was enough, and sometimes things just needed to end.
"Hey, quit that! Jacques said not to rile the baby up!" Ginger scolded as he bonked Beetlejuice in the noggin.
Lydia began reaching her arms at Beetlejuice and Ginger while giggling happily. Although she couldn't crawl yet, she was trying her hardest to wiggle her way out of the bucket to play with Beetlejuice. Unfortunately, Jacques' paternal instincts restricted her from performing such an action. Had he not cared about her well-being, she would've got a concussion, which could possibly lead her to become deranged like Beetlejuice.
"Sweetie, hold still! I'm almost done!" Jacques begged, struggling to keep Lydia in place as he washed her.
Even after all of Jacques and Ginger's attempts to keep Beetlejuice under control with his playful behavior, he just couldn't stop. Right after he was told not to act like a tiger, he pulled the sides of the mouth and blew raspberries. The sound of mouth farting was funny to Lydia, so she laughed even harder than she ever had in her 6 months of living. She laughed so hard and loud, she began coughing from the stress she put on her lungs and vocal cords.
"Babe, shh! No need to laugh so loud! I get zat you're happy, but you gotta calm down a bit!" soothed Jacques as he rinsed Lydia's hair with muddy water.
The baby didn't listen to a single thing Jacques had told her — her mind was focused on laughing and only laughing, nothing else.
"Shh! Calm down, baby! Jacques iz almost done," the skeleton reassured, rinsing Lydia's body one last time before scooping her out of the bucket.
Jacques patted and rubbed Lydia's back in hopes of getting her to settle down; as always, the tactic had little effect on her mood. She wasn't crying — which was a good thing in itself — but she needed to learn that not everything was going to be entirely fun and games. Even something as mundane as bathtime had to be done and over with.
"Oh, is bathtime over already?! I'll dump the mud in the bathtub if you insist!" Ginger offered, walking over to the bucket to pick it up with her stick-thin hands.
The task of carrying the bucket to the bathtub proved to be very daunting for the little spider, considering that she was only 2 feet tall and the bucket was almost the same size. After only a few steps, her arms couldn't take it anymore and the bucket of mud spilled everywhere — all over the floor and all over herself. Now Ginger was the one who needed a bath.
"Ginger! Eet's nice of you to help, but I was going to do ze cleaning around here!" said Jacques.
"Sorry, bud! I… I'm in a bit of a pickle," Ginger chuckled as she shook the mud off of her like a wet dog.
Jacques turned his skull toward Beetlejuice as if he expected something from him.
"Be-atlejooze…" he began. "Can you clean ze mess on ze floor? Ginger tried to help out… but she did an oopsie."
The ghost shuddered at the thought of the word "clean". He hated that word more than sandworms, he hated that word more than getting arrested and thrown in the slammer. But because it was mud and not dish soap, he complied for once. Beetlejuice… actually agreeing to help out for once?! Oh, what a rarity!
"You want me to clean it with my tongue?! My tongue has been dying for the taste of fresh mud!" Beetlejuice eagerly asked, sticking his tongue out.
Jacques sighed, "Alright, you do you! I'm gonna put a fresh diaper on Babe!"
Jacques grabbed one of the towels off the floor and wrapped the baby tightly. After wrapping Lydia in the towel, he walked out of the bathroom while holding her close to his face and doting on her. When we mean "doting", we mean talking about how cute she was and how great she will feel wearing a clean diaper. Realizing that Lydia needed clothes to wear, he immediately stopped at the doorway and turned his head toward Beetlejuice, who was busy licking the mud off the floor.
"Oh, and would you pick out clothes for Babe? She doesn't need to be sitting in just a diaper all day!" asked Jacques.
Beetlejuice paused his mud cleaning job and looked up at Jacques, who was standing in the doorway shooting him a concerned look.
"Yes, sir! Roger that!" Beetlejuice exclaimed as he did a salute to Jacques.
"Zat's my boy!" Jacques chuckled before leaving the room.
The second Jacques stepped his foot out of the room, Beetlejuice teleported to his bedroom to find some clothes for Lydia. For some inexplicable reason, he had the audacity to store most if not all of Lydia's clothes in the pig sty he called his "bedroom". He really wanted to make Lydia a miniature version of himself, huh?
"Why does Babe need clothes anyway? She's just gonna grow out of them in a couple of weeks!" he muttered to himself as he opened one of the drawers of his dresser.
The ghost dug through the drawer like he was trying to find buried treasure. He tossed the clothes that were deemed "too adorable" or "too pastel" to the corner with all the dirty clothes and mold — 80% of Lydia's clothes were so saccharine and pastel, ghosts like Beetlejuice would gag at the sight of them. The only other clothes he didn't toss to the corner were a striped t-shirt, a black onesie, a werewolf costume, and a bear costume. Like he was playing by chance in a raffle, he picked out the bear costume to examine it and its sickening cuteness. The designers of the costume obviously tried their hardest to make it look as close to a teddy bear as possible; the fingerless gloves and soft texture were a dead giveaway. Since it was designed to look like a teddy bear, that meant Beetlejuice would hate it. And he did; after examining the costume one last time, he scowled like an angry old troll.
"Nah, too cute!" Beetlejuice grumbled before tossing the costume onto the pile of baby clothes in the corner.
As the costume slowly began to collect dirt and mold from sitting in the pile of dirty clothes, Beetlejuice sat on the side of his coffin bed and rested his head on his hands. He switched from staring at his lap to the costume rotting in the pile of dirty clothes. Not taking the sheer cuteness of the costume anymore, he growled loudly and pointed his finger to zap the costume into ashes. It wasn't long before Ginger arrived to see the commotion. Upon seeing her neighbor disintegrating the costume into ashes, she pitched in to stop it before it could happen.
"Beetlejuice! What are you doing?!" Ginger asked, rushing toward the pile of clothes to retrieve the bear costume. "You can't waste a $40 bear costume by tossing it into a garbage pile! Babe will be very sad if she finds out you're trashing her clothes!"
"Why would Babe even care?! She's just a baby! Babies grow out of clothes every few weeks! It's not like they're gonna stay that size forever!" argued Beetlejuice.
"Well, we want her to look cute and cuddly!" Ginger disputed, crossing her arms.
"Blech! Cute and cuddly?! Oh, there's no way in heck I'm going to let my daughter wear cutesy-wootsy teddy bear clothes! That's for sissies, and my daughter is not a sissy!" Beetlejuice shouted as he stomped toward Ginger with his finger pointed at her.
"Um, Beej… Babe is our daughter! And she's too young to be called a sissy!" hissed Ginger. "And don't you dare squash me! I will not let you get away with-"
"Gimme that!" Beetlejuice interjected, rudely swiping the costume out of Ginger's hands. "This costume will go bye-bye in a few seconds! Watch closely, 'cause you're gonna see a big tear!"
Before Beetlejuice could rip the costume in half with his bare hands, Jacques walked into the room with baby Lydia nestled in his arms. He patted Beetlejuice on his head while flashing an exposed smile, partially oblivious to the fact that he was going to annihilate the costume into pieces.
"Oh, Be-atlejooze! You were going to dress ze baby, no?" Jacques asked.
"Uh, yes, I was going to dress the baby… in this stupid teddy bear costume!" answered Beetlejuice as he held up the bear costume.
Jacques' smile grew bigger upon gazing at the costume. He imagined Lydia looking like a plump little teddy bear as he gazed at the fingerless mittens and cottontail.
"Aww, zat outfit iz so cute! You should dress her up! Pretty please?" Jacques begged.
"Alright," sighed Beetlejuice. "If you want her to look like a fool… I'll do it!"
Jacques eagerly passed Lydia to Beetlejuice and began to chuckle. He watched the ghost dress Lydia up in her bear costume while continuing to let out the most forced giggles ever to come from a skeleton. Lydia was smiling and cooing happily as she was dressed up in the bear costume. Beetlejuice? Nope, the only time he would let out a smile was when Lydia would coo at him. After he was done dressing her up, he held her out in front of Jacques, who squealed even louder at the sight of the Care Bears reject.
"Eek! Look at dah widdle baby! Doesn't she look like a teddy bear? Doesn't ze tarte mignonne look like a teddy weddy bear?!" Jacques squealed, sticking his face close to Lydia while keeping his goofy smile.
Lydia giggled at Jacques while reaching at his mustache to tug it.
"Oh, no, no, no! We don't pull Jacques' mustache, no!" Jacques told Lydia, slowly backing his skull away from her.
Lydia stopped smiling when the skeleton politely scolded her for being the playful baby she was. It was as if she was about to burst into tears for a ridiculous reason. Fortunately, the frowny face didn't last long — she had spotted Jacques' beret, which was sitting at the top of his skull like it always had. Happy to spot her favorite teething toy, she resumed giggling and smiling.
"Ooh, do you want my beret, honey? Do you want my beret so you can chew on eet?!" asked Jacques in a dopey voice.
Lydia uttered a happy squeal while reaching her arms at the beret.
"Oui, here you go! You can have my beret for as long as you want!" chirped Jacques, handing his beret to Lydia.
The baby snatched the beret out of Jacques' hand and shoved it into her mouth.
"Yep, right in ze mouth… everyzing must go in ze mouth," the skeleton chuckled.
"You know, I sometimes put things in my mouth," stated Beetlejuice as he transitioned Lydia to the crook of his arms. "Especially beetles!"
Jacques and Ginger covered their mouths and gagged as the ghost began cackling like a maniac.
"Disgusting, Beetlejuice! Why do you eat beetles in the first place?! Why?!" Ginger rasped.
"Uh, Ginger," said Jacques. "You already eat flies and bugs… and you don't consider zat gross?"
"Oh, yeah…" Ginger realized. "But even I have standards!
The neighbors briefly held a staring contest with each other before resuming their conversation, which was honestly all over the place. There was no context to the conversation — they were throwing words at the wall to see what stick. Literally.
"OK, back to ze baby!" Jacques declared. "So what do you zink of her cute costume, hmm? Don't you zink she looks like a little teddy bear?"
Ginger scrutinized the baby, who was nestled in Beetlejuice's arms. To be fair, Lydia did look like a plump teddy bear with the face of a human baby.
"Aww, she does look like a teddy bear!" Ginger answered, folding her hands. "This is perfect for concealing her identity from the rest of the Neitherworld!"
"Wait? Why are we still bringing up the fact that monsters hate humans? I thought we were over this! I thought this stupid myth about human germs was over!" complained Beetlejuice.
"Beetlejuice! Not everybody has gotten over their fear! Jacques said earlier that his family still believes in the myth about humans being poisonous! My family still believes in the myth!" explained Ginger as Jacques nodded his skull in agreement.
"Oui, we were both very sheltered growing up," added Jacques.
"Your parents are terrible," Beetlejuice grumbled. "It's no wonder you are so annoying and pretentious! You always pester me to do good deeds and to not pull pranks! You even try to get me to clean my room!"
"But Beetlejuice-"
"NO BUT!" Beetlejuice interrupted Ginger as he lunged toward her like an aggressive dog. "I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ARSE ABOUT WHAT YOU TELL ME!"
Jacques and Ginger glared at Beetlejuice while crossing their arms.
"You do not have the right to yell at us like that! We were just saying that it's from our experiences, not everybody thinks the same way as you do, Beetlejuice!" Ginger chided.
"Uh-huh, and zat's an important life lesson! You need to learn to zee from ozeres' point of view!" ordered Jacques as he scooped Lydia out of Beetlejuice's arms.
The ghost growled and snarled, upset that his daughter got taken away from him against his will. Beetlejuice got himself so worked up, he resorted to charging toward Jacques like an out-of-control tiger. Lydia began to giggle and coo at Beetlejuice, unaware that he was about to pounce on the poor skeleton and mutilate him to pieces.
"Ah-ah-ah! Before you get yourself too riled up, allow me to announce somesing!" Jacques warned as he pushed Beetlejuice back, causing him to fall backward onto his coffin bed.
"What is it, bonehead? Are you going to drag us to the gym so we can watch you bench press for five hours?" snarked Beetlejuice as he got up from his bed, dusting himself off.
"No! I was zinking we expose ze baby to ze sights and sounds of ze Neezerwerld! She iz one of us, after all," declared Jacques, looking down at Lydia as she giggled. "Right, Babe?! You're a monster now! Well… a human monster."
Lydia laughed harder while kicking her legs. Pleased that his daughter was happy, Beetlejuice leaped forward, landing on his feet right in front of Jacques.
"Yes, Babe! You're gonna love the Neitherworld! It's got wacky buildings, loop-de-loop roads, a ton o' eye scream shops, and opportunities to prank people!" Beetlejuice chirped before giving Lydia a brief chin tickle.
Lydia grabbed Beetlejuice's hand and pulled it toward her mouth to bite it.
CHOMP!
As expected for a ghost whose hand got severely bitten by an innocent baby, Beetlejuice let out a terrifying shriek, complete with tears streaming down his eyes from the pain. He clutched his hand while continuing to pant rapidly from the pain that was inflicted on him. Because she had no sense of empathy, Lydia giggled at Beetlejuice as she tried to reach for his hand so she could bite it again.
"That was not very nice of you! Be-atlejooze's hand iz not for biting! You can have ze beret instead!" Jacques gently coaxed as he jingled his beret in front of Lydia.
"Ooh," Lydia cooed at the beret before snatching it out of Jacques' hand and chewing on it.
"Sorry, buddy! I'll be downstairs preparing for ze outing if you need me!" the skeleton apologized, patting Beetlejuice on the back.
As Jacques walked downstairs to prepare for the outing, Beetlejuice turned toward Ginger to spark a new conversation with her. Before he could have a chance to utter a word, Ginger opened her mouth to speak first.
"I'm sorry that Babe bit your hand off! She's a wild baby, isn't she?" said Ginger.
"Yeah, quite literally," affirmed Beetlejuice.
The ghost kneeled down to Ginger's level while flashing her an unironic smile. This was one of the rare moments where Beetlejuice wasn't acting like a sadistic jerk toward his neighbors — he would usually tangle her in her own legs or squash her like the oversized bug she was. Wearing a genuine smile on his face, Beetlejuice brought Ginger over to his lap and began stroking her abdomen. The spider had thoughts of escaping, but once she realized Beetlejuice meant to be nice, she ultimately gave in.
"I did not expect you to treat me like one of your cats," Ginger stated, still puzzled by Beetlejuice's rare attempt to be nice.
"Ginge," Beetlejuice said as he continued to pet Ginger like she was a lap cat. "You are my neighbor and my co-parent. And you said that we must care for each other like family, so that's why I'm showing you love!"
Ginger felt like she was dealing with a robotic replacement of Beetlejuice; the way he spoke to her and the inflection in his voice just screamed "I am not myself!". The shocked look on her face remained as she realized that the replacement she was dealing with was the ghost with the most himself — dead from the Neitherworld.
"OK, can you put me down and act normal, please?! You don't have to act too lovey-dovey toward me!" ordered Ginger.
"Alright, alright, whatever you say, Ms. Debby Downer!" Beetlejuice acknowledged as he roughly tossed Ginger out of his lap.
"You gotta learn some personal space, Beetlejuice! When people feel uncomfortable, just give them space!" Ginger lectured.
"Oh, said you! You wanted me to act nice so we could be a good role model for the baby!" argued Beetlejuice.
"Yes, that's true! But she also needs to learn that the world isn't always fair! There will always be people who won't necessarily care about her… except for her family, of course!" Ginger winked and pointed toward herself.
Beetlejuice smiled warmly at Ginger before walking downstairs to meet up with Jacques and baby Lydia. Similar to before, Ginger couldn't believe that Beetlejuice was showing genuine kindness toward her. Perhaps taking care of a human baby must've softened up the toughness of his heart. Realizing that the day wouldn't be so chaotic after all, the spider simply shrugged her shoulders and followed Beetlejuice downstairs. According to her mind, everything was going to be okay and will hopefully stay okay. It all depended on everybody's moods and what antics they were going to brew.