On a clear Sunday, the neighbors were walking down the street with baby Lydia in tow. They had promised to expose Lydia to the sights and sounds of the Neitherworld so that she could be "one of them". If she was going to permanently live with the crew at BJ's Roadhouse, she had to prove she could handle all the chaotic antics that would always go on. But knowing how obvious she was to danger, it was likely she would handle it just fine. In fact, she was babbling tunefully to herself as Jacques pushed her in a baby carriage.
"Are you enjoying your walk, Babe? Oh, you sound so cute when you blabber!" Jacques gushed as he pushed the baby carriage with Beetlejuice and Ginger walking alongside him.
Lydia turned her head toward Jacques and began to babble at him. The skeleton's non-existent heart melted as the "bababa" and "dadada" sounds traveled into his ear holes. His eyeballs glimmered as the stubby bear paws stretched toward him.
"Aww…" Jacques cooed before pulling the canopy of the carriage up for Lydia to get some shade from the smoldering Neitherworld sun.
Though she was a bit disheartened by Jacques taking her attention away, she still found comfort in chewing on the beret that he left in the carriage for her.
"Jacques," Ginger began. "What can we do with Babe? We gotta make this a memorable experience for her!"
"Hey, hey! I say we go visit Mount Grossmore! Now that's a memorable experience, huh?" suggested Beetlejuice.
"Sorry to disappoint you guys, but ze baby iz too young for vacations! You're already zinking of a family vacation and eet hadn't even been a full week zince we adopted Babe!" Jacques politely declined.
Beetlejuice thought up some more ideas for a memorable outing, which wasn't going to be easy at all. Planning memorable outings with a baby or a small child in tow should never be considered — they would much rather be playing in the sandbox at the park than watching an animatronic mouse dance on stage.
"Hmmm… Oh! Let's take her to see A Nightmare of Phlegm Street! That's one of my favorite slasher movies of all time! She will love it! I promise!" Beetlejuice cajoled.
"Vous plaisantez j'espère?! Zere's no way we're taking her to zee zat movie! She's gonna have nightmares eef we force her to watch a man sneeze on people!" Jacques snapped.
"Nah, she can handle anything! She's a big girl! Right, Babe?!" chirped Beetlejuice as he fist-bumped Lydia.
Lydia began to giggle and flap her arms like a bird trying to fly. She flapped her arms so rapidly, she lost her balance and toppled onto her back. Her little body couldn't handle the force of her flapping arms for much longer. Just as Beetlejuice gave up harassing Jacques for ideas, Ginger had to step in to fuel it up at the very last minute.
"If she's too young for slasher movies, why don't we take her to see Elbow Grease ?!" suggested Ginger, hopping up and down in front of the carriage.
"No! That musical is stupid! Let's take her to Bonebiz Pizza and Slop! That's for the kiddies, right?!" Beetlejuice shouted.
"That's a very nice choice, but I was thinking we would take her to the greenhouse so she could see all the pretty flowers and plants of the Neitherworld!" argued Ginger.
"Eww, flowers?! That's too girly! How about Clown World instead?!" retorted Beetlejuice.
"No Clown World! We're not scaring Babe on her first day out!" Ginger disagreed.
"Ginge, you're too politically correct! Babe can handle anything!" Beetlejuice argued, violently pointing his finger at the spider.
For the umpteenth time in a span of a 24-hour day, Beetlejuice and Ginger were arguing like an old married couple. What was the argument about, you ask? Oh, it was about the activities they were planning to do with Lydia, who was only a baby with limited ability to even decipher what was going on around her. This quarrel was also in public, in front of everybody on the street. Jacques could sense himself becoming annoyed at his neighbors' arguing — his eye holes furrowed and mouth closed to show that he wasn't having any of this nonsense. Without growling or uttering a word, he clenched his teeth and tried not to lose it. He ended up failing anyway.
"ENOUGH!" Jacques shouted so loudly, even baby Lydia turned to stare at him with shocked eyes (her black beady eyes expanded, leaving her with full eyes just like Beetlejuice — albeit white-colored).
In response to Jacques' scream, Beetlejuice and Ginger's quarrel came to a screeching halt. They quietly turned their heads toward Jacques, who was glaring at them with stern intentions.
"Eef you don't cut zis nonsense out, I am turning zis carriage around and we will not be going out at all! Understand?" scolded Jacques.
"No! Please don't go home!" Beetlejuice and Ginger whined like a couple of little kids.
Jacques sighed deeply, briefly glancing at Lydia before reverting his attention back to Beetlejuice and Ginger.
"You promised that we would expose Babe to the Neitherworld! You know, make her one of us?" reminded Ginger.
Jacques held his gaze on Beetlejuice and Ginger, who had their hands behind their backs while batting their eyelashes manipulatively. They weren't being manipulative in a way a villain might be, they just wanted the best for Lydia. But knowing how intelligent and aware Jacques was, it was likely he wouldn't give in to the old-fashioned eyelash batting. Second thought: where did Beetlejuice and Ginger even get those eyelashes from? Did they just randomly pop out when the scene called for it? Though it seemed Jacques would say no, he ended up giving in to the manipulation anyway because why not.
"Oh, alright," Jacques accepted, flashing a brief smile. "As long as you don't act like a couple of children, I am always willing to do anysing!"
Ginger turned her head toward Beetlejuice and smiled, "So, what place should we go to? Something for both parents and kids to enjoy?"
Beetlejuice scanned his surroundings — there wasn't much to do for Lydia other than dining out or shopping for goods and accessories. Let me tell you: kids, dining out and shopping go together just as well as ice cream and pickles — They would much rather be sticking objects up their noses or watching mindless cartoons over being dragged out by their parents to a place they don't want to be at. The only other place Lydia wouldn't find boring or forgettable was the town park, which happened to be located right across the street from where the neighbors were standing. It was quite obvious that it was the town park since there was a big metal sign that simply read "Park". Beetlejuice smiled at the big metal sign while scratching his chin thoughtfully.
"Hey, let's take Babe to the park! She'll love it there!" Beetlejuice chirped as he pointed toward the park entrance.
Jacques and Ginger happily nodded their heads in agreement.
"Zat sounds like a good plan!" answered Jacques before pushing the carriage toward the park entrance.
Beetlejuice and Ginger followed Jacques' lead while continuing to wear big smiles on their faces. The outing was already looking like a hell of a time; the neighbors were happy, Lydia was happy, and everyone had good moods in their systems. Well, if only the happiness lasted forever — that sadly wasn't the case for the neighbors and Lydia. The second they stepped foot into the park grounds, Lydia decided that it was the perfect time to unleash her demonic cries.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" bawled Lydia as she kicked her legs and flapped her arms.
The loud crying gained the attention of many bystanders who were enjoying their time. Whether it was devoted couples going on a date, joggers going on a run, or kids playing, everyone knew that there was a fussy infant in their tracks. Nobody enjoyed the sound of a crying baby, so there were dirty looks shot at the neighbors. The crying and the embarrassment that came with it couldn't be avoided; it was going to happen at one point during the neighbors' parenthood.
"W-w-we're so sorry! She can't help eet!" Jacques whimpered, clearly embarrassed from all the negative attention targeting him.
Ginger hopped into the carriage so she could find out what was wrong with Lydia.
"What's wrong, Babe? Are you hungry already?" Ginger crooned, placing her hand on Lydia's belly to feel faint rumbles. "Drat, we forgot to bring bottles…"
"No bottles?! What else can Babe possibly eat?! She can't eat solid food yet! She's not ready!" worried Jacques.
As Jacques and Ginger continued to figure out why Lydia was crying, Beetlejuice could feel his secret paternal instincts kick in. His limbs shook with anxiety, struggling to even look at the tears streaming down Lydia's face. If anybody thought Beetlejuice had no heart, they were surely going to be wrong once they see what happens next. Just see!
"Come here, baby! Shh, Daddy is right here… you don't need to cry," soothed Beetlejuice as he scooped Lydia out of the carriage.
He tightly cradled Lydia in his arms, causing her to pause her crying fit. The wobbly frown quickly transformed into a big smile as she snuggled against the ghost's chest. Jacques and Ginger stared blankly at Beetlejuice, who was smiling warmly at Lydia as he held her close. They were both stricken with awe and shock, refusing to believe how quickly Beetlejuice could get Lydia to stop crying.
"You did great, mon ami!" Jacques congratulated, giving Beetlejuice a pat on his pack.
"Thank you, bone ami," answered Beetlejuice before kissing the top of Lydia's head.
Once Lydia was calm and happy, the neighbors could continue their walk through the park. Ginger sat in Lydia's former spot in the carriage; she needed to rest her feet from all the tap dancing she had done in the past week — more like the past several centuries. Having Ginger sit in the carriage was a great idea since she was almost the same size as Lydia — she was only a little bigger than the baby girl, but not much. After all, the neighbors knew if they placed Lydia back in her carriage, her crying fit would start up again.
Speaking of Lydia, she absolutely loved the surroundings of the park. While it did somewhat resemble the parks in the Outerworld, there were a lot of differences that made it stand out. For instance, there were hanging eyeball trees, exotic plants, spiky plants, crooked stone structures, and even palm trees for some reason. Other than those differences, it still had benches and grassy ground like any other town park. But Lydia wasn't focused on the benches, she was focused on the odd-looking eyeball trees. She was giggling her heart out while trying to wiggle out of Beetlejuice's arms to touch one of the eyeballs hanging on the tree.
"Do you like the Neitherworld, sweetie? Is the Neitherworld fun?" Beetlejuice cooed, holding Lydia out in front of his face.
Lydia began to gurgle at Beetlejuice, reaching her arms out toward his nose to tug on it.
"Oh, no, no, no! We don't tug on BJ's nose! No, we don't!" Beetlejuice told Lydia, holding her tightly against his chest while raising his finger at her.
"Hehe, you can zey zat for my mustache!" chucked Jacques, pointing at his mustache.
"And my lips…" added Ginger.
"Careful, Ginger! Don't give Babe any ideas!" Jacques warned.
"Ooh?" Lydia cooed, curiously focusing her attention on Ginger's big purple lips.
The neighbors broke into a fit of laughter as they watched Lydia wiggle and squirm about in Beetlejuice's arms. The baby girl noticed the neighbors laughing at her and began to laugh herself. The laughing fit lasted until Beetlejuice spotted something very rare and exotic: an eye scream cart. Eye scream was the Neitherworld's equivalent to ice cream; it was actually a lot like regular ice cream, except with real eyeballs and mini tentacles along with other gross things. Yes, there were literal eyeballs hidden in the innocent-looking ice cream cone, hence the name: eye scream. Get it? Well, I surely don't.
"Hey, let's go to that eye scream stand!" chirped Beetlejuice as he pointed at the eye scream cart.
Without any more words or questions, the neighbors excitedly dashed toward the eye scream cart with huge smiles on their faces. A reptile-like monster noticed the neighbors rushing toward his eye scream cart and sighed annoyedly, knowing that he was going to deal with a bunch of rowdy customers. He took a brief glance at the three Neitherworlders, who were staring at him with creepy yet eager faces.
"Hello, welcome to the eye scream stand… how may I take your order?" the eye scream worker monotoned.
"Do you have a milky mold deluxe sundae?! Do you have a milky mold deluxe sundae?!" Beetlejuice eagerly asked.
"Sorry, sir… but we don't sell milky mold deluxe sundaes," the eye scream worker answered. "I can offer you a vanilla eye scream cone… if you want."
Beetlejuice looked down at the ground and pouted like a little kid. He would continue to briefly pout until he noticed the eye scream worker glaring at him with his dozen eyes. It looked as if the eye scream worker was going to pummel him, so Beetlejuice couldn't do much except chuckle nervously and give in.
"Oh, fine! I'll take the vanilla eye scream cone!" Beetlejuice begrudgingly accepted.
"Good choice," answered the eye scream worker. "How about you, skeleton and spider?"
Jacques and Ginger gave brief glares at the eye scream worker for calling them "skeleton and spider".
"Well, I'm actually on a diet… but I guess one eye scream cone can't hurt me!" chuckled Jacques.
"What flavor would you like?" asked the eye scream worker.
"Chocolate, please… wiz no eyeballs!" answered Jacques.
"Excuse me, do you have a strawberry eye scream cone?" asked Ginger.
"Uh-huh, do you want that flavor?" the eye scream worker asked Ginger.
"Yes, please!" answered Ginger.
"OK, one scoop of strawberry eye scream, one scoop of vanilla eye scream, and one scoop of chocolate eye scream without eyes, coming right up," the eye scream worker declared in the most monotone voice possible as he took out three waffle cones from the rack.
The neighbors eagerly watched the eye scream worker prepare their eye scream cones. The eye scream worker shot occasional glares at the neighbors as he tried to focus on doing his job. While Ginger and Beetlejuice were staring creepily with huge smiles on their faces, Jacques managed to stay somewhat humble while still keeping a rather big smile on his face. Indeed, the neighbors were like kids trapped inside the bodies of centuries-old adults.
"Here are your eye scream cones… enjoy," the eye scream worker said, handing the eye scream cones to the neighbors.
"Hooray!" The neighbors cheered. "Thank you!"
The second Jacques handed him a $15 dollar bill, the eye scream worker immediately flipped the paper sign back to "closed" and wheeled the cart off into the distance as if he never wanted to deal with customers ever again. For some reason, the neighbors never noticed the strange incident; this was because they were busy trying to find a spot to eat their eye scream cones. Just as they were about to settle for sitting on the grass instead, Beetlejuice found a nearby bench.
"Hey, guys! Why don't we sit on the bench?! It's much nicer than sitting on the grass! You don't want tiny little blades poking at your skin, don't you?!" Beetlejuice declared as he pointed at the nearby bench.
"But, Be-atlejooze! Zere iz a "wet paint" sign on ze bench! We can't sit on eet or else our bums will be stained wiz paint!" warned Jacques.
"Nah, don't worry about it! Clothes don't matter! You're all bones, anyway! You'll be fine!" reassured Beetlejuice as he led Jacques and Ginger to the bench.
As Beetlejuice led Jacques and Ginger to the bench, they decided to make the smart decision by simply not listening to him. After all, Beetlejuice can be an unreliable friend who nobody likes. Ginger, who was glaring rather intensely, took Beetlejuice by the hand and led him to an open grass area in the park.
"We're not sitting on the bench! Jacques said that there was wet paint, so we're gonna sit on the grass instead! Got it?" hissed Ginger.
"Got it…" sighed Beetlejuice as he plopped his butt down on the grass.
Once the neighbors settled into their spot on the grass, they were able to begin eating their eye scream cones. Beetlejuice sloppily licked the ice cream like a labrador retriever licking out of his bowl, while Jacques and Ginger ate their eye scream cones like normal civilized monsters. Unlike Beetlejuice, they would pause every few seconds to "savor" the flavors of their eye scream cones rather than shoving them into their mouths like savage beasts.
"Mmm… this is yummy! I love eye scream cones!" chirped Beetlejuice as he continued to sloppily eat his eye scream cone.
As he ate his eye scream cone, he realized that Lydia would want some too. Although Jacques had already declared that she wasn't ready for real food, Beetlejuice didn't care — he gave less than two craps about what his bonehead of a neighbor told him, he just wanted to make the best of his daughter's "afterlife".
"Look, Babe! An eye scream cone! You want some?" asked Beetlejuice as he held his eye scream cone in front of Lydia.
Lydia stopped sucking her thumb and began to observe the eye scream cone in front of her. The color of the eye scream reminded her of the milk she would usually drink, so she immediately gave in to trying to eat it. Little did she know that the eye scream was packed with tiny eyeballs, tentacles, and dismembered lips. She didn't seem to mind the extra ingredients since she already put gross objects into her mouth all the time — in other words, she was used to the taste of gross stuff.
"Aww! Are you trying to inhale the entire thing?!" cooed Beetlejuice, holding in his chuckles as he watched Lydia try to fit the entire eye scream cone into her mouth. "Sorry, buddy, but your mouth is way too small!"
Lydia did not give up. She continued to try her hardest to get that eye scream cone into her mouth. She let out a frustrated whine as she widened her tiny mouth to the point where it took up most of her face. Her little bear paws were clutched onto the waffle cone, and her legs kicked out of sheer determination and frustration.
"Are you trying to be a big girl, Babe?! Aww, you little stinker! You have to lick the eye scream, not shove it into your mouth!" giggled Ginger.
Jacques, on the other hand, wasn't too pleased with Lydia getting her first taste of eye scream. As stated before, he strictly promised that she would not eat solid foods on a regular basis. But since this was an occasional treat, he decided to let it slide. He was more concerned about Lydia potentially choking to death on the eye scream than her eating solid foods.
"Make sure you don't let her have ze entire cone, Be-atlejooze! She'll get a tummy ache if she eats zat in one bite!" warned Jacques as he licked his eye scream cone.
After she finally managed to snatch the eye scream cone out of Beetlejuice's hand, it ended up slipping out of her hands at the last second. This created a mess of vanilla eye scream, stained all over her clothes and face. Being the partial neat freak he was, Jacques began to freak out as he frantically dug through the diaper bag in search of a towel. Beetlejuice laughed at Jacques, making fun of the fact of his ridiculous behavior over spilled eye scream.
"Get over yourself, Jacques! She's just playing right now! No harm done!" Beetlejuice assured as he watched Lydia play with the scoop of eye scream that fell on her.
"You may find eet funny, but I don't! She does not need to be a filthy pig like you are!" grumbled Jacques as he continued to dig through the diaper bag for a towel.
"Why, excuse me, Jacques-O pal! Babe is already a filthy pig! I mean, just look at her! Doesn't she look… adorable?!" squealed Beetlejuice, trying not to lose it over Lydia's cute behavior.
Lydia suddenly began to roar while raising her arms up and kicking her legs. Why she decided to do that, I honestly don't know. It probably chalked up to her being a baby. This baby behavior further grabbed the attention of Beetlejuice and Ginger, who were already smiling attentively at her as she continued to act like a bear.
"Aww!" Beetlejuice and Ginger cooed.
Lydia giggled at Beetlejuice and Ginger, reaching her arms at them while kicking her legs.
"Ooh, ooh, Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! You should place her in the grass! You should get her to act like a real bear!" Ginger chirped as she hopped out of the carriage to grab her camera from the diaper bag. "I'm gonna save those photos for when she's older…"
Beetlejuice smiled at the thought of taking photos of Lydia doing cute things. She may not be phased as of now, but once she reaches the age of adolescence — which was a time for self-discovery and self-awareness — it would become easier to embarrass her with petty things such as baby photos.
"Embarrassing baby photos, you know I love them!" exclaimed Beetlejuice before gently placing Lydia on the grass.
Although she had probably felt the texture of grass before, Lydia still did not like the tiny blades poking through her clothes. Combined with the fear of Beetlejuice not holding her in a distressing situation like this, she began to cry loudly.
"Oh no, Babe! Why are you crying now?!" Ginger panicked, rushing toward Lydia to calm her down.
Lydia's eyes were scrunched and her crying mouth took up the majority of her face; she was seriously ticked off about having to sit in the grass. She was crying and screaming loudly as if somebody had killed her parents. Ginger began to make funny faces at Lydia in hopes of calming her down. She pulled the sides of her lips and crossed her eyes while making ridiculous sounds. Unfortunately, that made Lydia cry harder and louder. Did Lydia lose her trust in Ginger? Let's hope not!
"It's not working! Sh-she's still crying!" worried Ginger.
"That's because you're not doing it right, idiot!" Beetlejuice chastised as he rudely shoved Ginger out of the way to meet with Lydia. "Watch how the ghost with the most does it! Watch… and learn."
Beetlejuice transformed his face into a scary goblin, complete with sharp teeth, maggots, bloodshot eyes, and warts popping everywhere.
"RAWR!" Beetlejuice roared, raising his hands in the air while keeping the scary goblin face.
As expected for a future goth in the making, Lydia stopped crying in response to Beetlejuice's scary face. While most babies would cry more at scary things, Lydia did not. In fact, she loved to be spooked — the feeling of feeling spooked gave her a boost of adrenaline and endorphins. She began to laugh at Beetlejuice with a huge smile on her face while attempting to crawl toward him. Beetlejuice was both surprised and amazed by Lydia making her first attempt at crawling. With a huge smile on his face, he kneeled to Lydia's level and held his arms out.
"Come to daddy, Babe! Come here!" chirped Beetlejuice as he held his arms out in hope that Lydia would crawl to him.
Lydia tried her hardest to crawl forward, but she ended up rocking back and forth on her hands and knees instead. She was cursed with the inability to accomplish her goal thanks to her underdeveloped gross motor skills. Beetlejuice, Ginger, and even Jacques apparently found this cute and they smiled broadly at Lydia as she continued to laugh. Ginger especially found Lydia's antics to be cute and the very moment when she was attempting to crawl was the perfect time to take a photo.
"Smile for the camera, Babe! Look over here!" Ginger called as she shook a rattle to gain Lydia's attention.
Lydia, who was still laughing her head off at Beetlejuice, turned her head around toward the rattle Ginger was shaking. At the right moment, Ginger snapped a photo of Lydia laughing while in a crawling position. The flash of the camera surprisingly did not phase Lydia — Her eyes did widen a bit from the sudden flash, but it didn't stop her from continuing to be happy.
"Perfect!" chirped Ginger, as she slipped the photo out of the camera slot.
She rushed toward Jacques with the photo in her hand while calling out his name.
"Jacques! Jacques! What do you think of my photography abilities?! Did I do well?! Doesn't Babe look like the cutest thing you've ever seen?!" Ginger excitedly peppered Jacques with questions as she hopped up and down, showing the photo she had just taken.
Jacques scrutinized the photo; while the contrast of the photo was a bit too bright and blurry, it still looked decent enough to go in a scrapbook. He wasn't focused on the details though, he cared more about Lydia and how adorable she looked. She looked like a chubby bear cub in that costume and the smile she was wearing made it more obvious that she was a naturally cute baby.
"Aww! She looks so adorable! You did a great job, Ginger!" Jacques congratulated Ginger.
He walked toward Lydia to pick her up and hold her in his arms.
"You are so cute, ma chère! Ooh, just look at zat plump little body… and ze cute little face! You're gonna keep wearing zat costume because eet makes you look so cute and cuddly!" Jacques gushed as he cuddled Lydia against his face.
Lydia giggled as Jacques cuddled her against his face like a teddy bear — a literal teddy bear.
"You are so cute, I could just cuddle you and squeeze you forever and ever and ever and ever! Oh, are you a cute baby? ARE YOU A CUTE BABY?! Yes, you are a cute baby! Yes you are! Yes you are! Mmmm…" Jacques continued to cuddle and hug Lydia against his ribs and face as Beetlejuice enviously watched from a short distance.
Speaking of Beetlejuice, he grumbled and crossed his arms, envious that his neighbor was showering Lydia with love and he wasn't.
"So, now zat you are a bear, can you growl?! Growl like a bear for Jacques! Rawr!" Jacques encouraged as he held Lydia in front of his face.
"Rah-rah!" Lydia uttered, raising her arms up while furrowing her eyes to a "scary" expression.
Jacques' smile turned upside down; he was confused about Lydia's attempt to roar. He tilted his head with a confused look on his face as he stared at Lydia, who was busy chewing on her sleeve.
"Can bears really say… 'rah-rah'? I do not zink zat iz part of ze Neezerwerld dictionary!" Jacques asked as he held Lydia close to his ribs.
"Ha, ha! Anything is possible in the Neitherworld!" laughed Beetlejuice, pointing at a family of anthropomorphic bears walking through the park.
The family of bears was rather similar to the neighbors. There was the father bear, who was built similarly to Beetlejuice and even had the same type of shaggy blonde hair; the mother bear was shorter than the father bear and wore a pink top hat similar to Ginger; the brother bear wore a blue crop top and pink shoes similar to Jacques; and the sister bear, who just like Lydia, wore nothing more than a white diaper. The family of bears was talking to each other in some type of language similar to Lydia's babbling — it was as if they never progressed past the level of a 9-month-old in terms of language and communication development. Perhaps it was a family custom.
"Hm! Strange, but not unusual!" Jacques exclaimed before passing Lydia over to Beetlejuice.
Now that Lydia was safe in Beetlejuice's arms, the neighbors could continue their walk. Strangely enough, Ginger wasn't sitting in the carriage as expected, so Jacques was essentially pushing a carriage with nothing but the diaper bag in tow. Lydia was more than happy to not be stuck in the carriage of confinement — to her, it felt more like a prison than an object for transport. As she played with her feet, she began to babble to express her happiness. Beetlejuice noticed Lydia babbling and decided to pull her into a conversation by babbling himself. Soon, both Beetlejuice and Lydia were taking turns babbling at each other like a couple of foreign aliens.
"Dah-Blah-Gah!" Beetlejuice babbled as he held Lydia in front of his face.
"Bah-bah! Bah-bah!" Lydia babbled back before blowing a raspberry.
Beetlejuice blew a raspberry back at Lydia, causing the two to engage in a raspberry-blowing contest. Jacques and Ginger turned toward each other and chuckled as they watched Beetlejuice and Lydia blow raspberries at each other.
"They have such a way with words," gushed Ginger, trying not to laugh out loud.
As they continued to blow raspberries at each other, Beetlejuice bumped into something unfamiliar. He was so distracted playing with Lydia, that he lost all awareness of his surroundings. The impact of the bump caused him to fall to the ground — thankfully, Lydia wasn't hurt by the impact. Beetlejuice looked up to see a 9-foot-tall ogre growling at him with a furious expression. Beetlejuice had always claimed to not be afraid of anything, yet he was shivering and chattering his teeth in fear as he stared up at the ogre. Talk about a ghost who had the confidence of a chihuahua with small dog syndrome.
"What are you staring at?" growled the ogre, who was progressively getting angrier by Beetlejuice's eye contact.
"N-n-nothing!" stuttered Beetlejuice.
Beetlejuice was screwed. He had to find a way to scare the ogre off or he would become a ghost pancake. Before he could panic even more, he realized that he had the powers to scare the ogre off his wits. Knowing that he had powers, he smiled evilly at the ogre like he wanted to pummel him really hard. If the beast dared to even touch Lydia, heads were going to roll.
"Hold my baby, I'm gonna show this overgrown beast why people fear me!" Beetlejuice declared as he handed Lydia to Jacques, who was staring blankly at the ogre.
Beetlejuice stood in front of the ogre; he was ready to settle a dispute with him — that dispute being an epic wrestling match at the Parasite Square Gardens. No, they weren't actually gonna start a wrestling match at the Parasite Square Gardens because that would take away half the plot. But still, Beetlejuice stood his ground strong and determined. He clenched his fists, bared his teeth, and furrowed his eyebrows as he glared up at the big beast.
"Well, well, well, Mr. Big Guy!" Beetlejuice chortled like a stereotypical supervillain before transforming into a giant pin needle. "You can't pummel me with your oversized puppy feet! I don't even think you have the capability to be as sharp as a needle as I am!"
Yes, bad puns were to be expected from Beetlejuice. He was the ghost with the most, after all. The ogre certainly did not find Beetlejuice's pun to be funny in the slightest. He was so enraged by Beetlejuice's bad pun, he stormed over to whack him to the sky. Little did he know that Beetlejuice was a needle waiting to stab his foot. The prediction was right; when the ogre was finally able to stomp Beetlejuice with his foot, he was met with a sharp stab.
"YEOWCH!" the ogre screamed, clutching his left foot in pain while hopping up and down.
It wasn't long before the ogre ran into the horizon like a little boy running to his mommy. He was indeed a cowardly puppy trapped inside the body of an intimidating 9-foot ugly ogre. Although she wasn't a target, Lydia laughed regardless. Beetlejuice shot a smirk at Jacques and Ginger and transformed back to his normal ghost self.
"No need to thank me! Let's move on!" Beetlejuice stated as he walked toward Jacques to pick Lydia up.
Now that the "scary" ogre obstacle was clear, the neighbors could keep moving forward on their outing. So far, the outing had felt like an episode of that one show with the Spanish little girl and her talking monkey; there were always obstacles that the neighbors had to clear on their own in order to move on. From the eye scream cart to the ogre, The Neitherworld was an unpredictable place.
As the neighbors continued walking through the park, Ginger spotted a playground in the distance. It was a park, so the occasional playground was expected. There were slides, monkey bars, swing sets, see-saws, and sandboxes all waiting for children to come to play in them. It resembled any other Outerworld playground, except most of the play structures were built out of hard stone.
"Look, guys! A playground! We should take little Babe there!" stated Ginger as she excitedly pointed at the playground.
"Why, Ginger? Babe doesn't zeem too playful right now," asked Jacques as Lydia squirmed and babbled in Beetlejuice's arms.
"Don't you see, Jacques? Babe needs to burn her energy! She is a little girl, after all!" Ginger tried to convince Jacques.
"Look, we understand that she is a little girl, but that doesn't mean she can go to the playground! Why does she even need to go to the playground anyway?! She can't even crawl or walk yet! What's the point of taking her there when she's not mobile?!" ranted Beetlejuice.
"Careful, Beej! The baby will be tearing through the roadhouse in no time! You know what they say!" warned Ginger.
"They grow up so fast," Ginger and Beetlejuice exclaimed simultaneously.
"Jinx, you owe me a soda!" Beetlejuice laughed right after he and Ginger said the same sentence at the same time.
"We don't have soda!" stated Ginger. "Anyway, Babe needs to burn her energy, so can you please take her to the playground?"
Beetlejuice sighed and reluctantly carried Lydia to the playground with Jacques and Ginger following behind. As he carried her to the playground, he spotted a group of babies playing with toy trucks in the sandbox. Because this was the Neitherworld — a place inhabited by monsters and supernatural creatures — the babies weren't human like Lydia was. They were literal crotch goblins — one of them was, at least.
"Um, there is no way I'm letting my daughter play with a bunch of kids she probably won't see again!" Beetlejuice declared as he protectively held Lydia close to his chest.
"And come to zink of eet, where are ze kids' parents? Zey can't leave a bunch of kids by zemselves!" added Jacques.
Coincidentally enough, the parents of the babies were busy either sleeping on the park benches or chatting with each other. They didn't seem to care about what antics their babies were getting into. It was as if they wanted to get the responsibilities of parenting out of their hair for a while.
"Yeah, we're not irresponsible like these mothers are! Come on, let's go somewhere else!" announced Beetlejuice as he pushed Jacques out of the way to push the carriage to the main sidewalk.
Before Beetlejuice could move anywhere further, Ginger stopped him with the help of her open palm. She walked in front of the carriage to prevent Beetlejuice from continuing their walk.
"Listen, meeting strangers is how you make friends! I mean, we were strangers before you moved into the roadhouse with us, right?!" Ginger tried to reason with Beetlejuice.
"Ginge, you don't know a single thing about my afterlife! I've known Jacques since we were babies, and you?! Well, it's been about a century since I moved into this filthy dump! You were always an annoying little pest, doing nothing but tap-dancing and crying over stupid crap! At least Jacques wants me to stay active and healthy! What purpose do you even serve besides those aforementioned things?!" ranted Beetlejuice.
Ginger was moved to tears by Beetlejuice's hurtful speech toward her. Her co-parent was tormenting her and treating her like she was dirt in the corner of a room, and that made her feel very upset. It was unfair that Beetlejuice was still treating her poorly, yet he promised to become a better ghost by raising Lydia along with her and Jacques.
"I've had enough, Beetlejuice!" cried Ginger. "Just take Babe to the sandbox! It's not that hard!"
Without saying another word, Beetlejuice placed Lydia down in the sandbox. Beetlejuice staying silent was for the better since Ginger was at her breaking point. Realizing that she was no longer nestled in Beetlejuice's arms, Lydia began to frantically study her surroundings. It was understandable that she was scared because she was in a rather big sandbox with a bunch of other babies she hadn't met before. Given that she would scream and cry every time she was alone in a room, she was definitely not ready to make friends.
"Ahh!" Lydia uttered as she nervously switched between staring at the neighbors and the babies in front of her.
"There's no need to be scared, Babe! We're here for you!" comforted Ginger as she walked toward Lydia, who was sitting in the sandbox, ready to release her waterworks.
Lydia began to whimper loudly while flapping her arms like she was on fire. It was becoming apparent that another meltdown was on the way.
"Shh, Babe! The babies aren't mean, they're nice!" Ginger continued to comfort Lydia as she carried her closer to the babies.
The three Neitherworld babies stopped playing with each other and turned to study the weird human in the sandbox; they were in the same shoes as the neighbors when they met Lydia for the first time just a day ago. Although they were probably less than a year old, they were already judging Lydia like she was part of a freakshow. The snobbish looks on their faces caused Ginger to feel unsure about letting Lydia play with other children.
"Uh-oh! The babies don't look happy!" Ginger nervously thought to herself. "I must make Babe feel better! She's not going to trust Neitherworld people if this doesn't go well!"
Ginger smiled at the babies to assure them she was Lydia's mother and that she meant no harm.
"Try to make a good impression, honey. We'll always be here if you need us!" Ginger kissed Lydia on the head before walking out of the sandbox.
Lydia tried to follow Ginger as she walked out of the sandbox. We all know that she wasn't mobile, so she ended up toppling onto her face at the first lunge. She began to quietly sob as she tried to push herself back into a sitting position; she expressed both feelings of embarrassment and pain, trying to ignore the possibility of the other babies teasing her. Luckily for her, one of the babies was generous enough to step in and help her into a sitting position. The green goblin baby, who was previously busy building sandcastles, actually showed concern toward the human baby. It was as if he was oblivious to all the ancient myths about humans being toxic — to be fair, almost everybody in the Neitherworld was past the mindset of human hatred.
"Lemme help!" the goblin baby exclaimed as he crawled toward Lydia, who was struggling to push herself back into a sitting position.
The goblin baby grabbed Lydia's arm and pulled it as hard as he could. Ginger, although she was disheartened by the goblin baby treating Lydia poorly, still gushed over him for trying to help her out. She found the babies' interactions one of the cutest things to come out of the Neitherworld.
"Aww!" cooed Ginger, folding her hands. "That kid is so sweet! Look at him help Babe! He's such a gentleman!"
"Are you blind?! The rugrat is trying to snap her arm off!" fretted Beetlejuice.
"Don't worry, he's being gentle," assured Ginger as the goblin baby continued to roughly pull Lydia into a sitting position like she was a ragdoll.
When the two other babies saw that the goblin was having trouble pulling Lydia up, they all pitched in to help. Soon, three monster babies were working together trying to pull a human baby into a sitting position. Ginger anxiously tapped her fingers as she watched the babies help Lydia. Surprisingly enough, the ordeal didn't last long and soon, Lydia was sitting on her own with the help of the three generous babies.
"Hooray!" The monster babies cheered as they flapped their arms.
Lydia giggled and began to babble at the babies to thank them for their hard work. The goblin baby babbled back at Lydia, instigating a one-on-one conversation between the two. Even the slime and werewolf babies joined in the nonsensical conversation of baby gibberish; they needed to work on not butting into the conversation uninvited, but at least it was an effort at social interaction.
"Aww! They're so adorable blabbering at each other!" gushed Ginger before immediately taking out her camera and snapping a photo of Lydia and the babies.
Ginger squealed and eagerly showed Beetlejuice and Jacques her masterpiece of a photo.
"Doesn't Babe look cute with her new friends?! Oh, I just wanna take them all home! We could have a playdate! They can play together, we as the parents can relax, and I can hug them and squeeze them like they're cute little dollies!" Ginger rambled on.
"Zat iz adorable, Ginger, but we do not need three more babies to take care of," chuckled Jacques, glancing at Ginger's photo.
"Yeah, let me tell you, I am not going to deal with a bunch of rugrats crying at the same time! We already have to deal with one baby, but adding three more?! The roadhouse is gonna feel like a daycare if we keep adopting babies!" added Beetlejuice.
When the neighbors weren't paying attention, the goblin baby abruptly crawled on top of Lydia like she was playground equipment. He then proceeded to lick poor Lydia as she and the other babies stared blankly.
"No, no, sweetie! We have to play nice!" Ginger corrected the goblin baby.
The goblin baby stopped licking Lydia in response to Ginger's warning. After staring at her for a few seconds, he decided to defy her by chomping on Lydia's bear costume like it was steak. The plush fabric of the costume must've felt comfortable for the goblin's gums; it was likely that it was teething just like Lydia was. Because she was a protective mother who cared about her adopted daughter, Ginger began to panic while making no attempt to pull the goblin baby off of Lydia. Had she been smart — rather brave — enough to save Lydia, she wouldn't have been standing there screaming like a wuss.
"NOOOOO!" screamed Ginger with her hands on her head.
Before Ginger could react anymore, Beetlejuice abruptly shoved her out of the way to save Lydia from the literal crotch goblin.
"Hey, pal! You have no business biting my daughter like she's a candy bar!" growled Beetlejuice as he stomped into the sandbox, causing all the other babies to stare at him in shock and surprise.
Beetlejuice effortlessly yanked the goblin baby off of Lydia.
"So, you wanna know what it feels like to be bitten?! THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE DOGGY CHOW!" roared Beetlejuice as he dangled the goblin baby in front of his face by his legs.
Without any hesitation, Beetlejuice chomped on the goblin baby's back as hard as he could. Of course, since he was bitten by a strange man who was punishing him for being a brat, the baby goblin began to scream and cry in pain. Had the police caught him at the moment, he would've immediately been charged with child abuse and assault. He was lucky to not get caught by any bystanders; he was lucky that Jacques and Ginger didn't call the police on him.
"You know how it feels now?! It must hurt real bad! This is what my little Babe felt when you bit her!" Beetlejuice scolded the goblin baby. "Now, are you ready to fly to wonderland, sweetie?! 'Cause you ain't coming back! Nope, you're never gonna see your mommy or your daddy ever again! You got that?! You need to be reformed so that you won't become like me! A rotten little ghost …"
Beetlejuice took out a bottle of bubbles from his pin-suit shirt and smiled mischievously. He swiftly opened the bottle and dipped the wand into the bubble solution multiple times until he was sure that he could blow the biggest bubble ever — a bubble that would encase the little brat and send him flying in the sky.
"Don't look Babe, this could be disturbing," Beetlejuice reminded Lydia.
Lydia covered her eyes with her bear paws in response to Beetlejuice's request. Beetlejuice cleared his throat and began to blow a big bubble around the goblin baby. The bubble grew larger and larger, encasing the goblin inside like a floaty prison. Though most babies would love to float around in a big bubble, the goblin baby hated it. He screamed and cried as he floated higher and higher in the sky in the big scary bubble.
"Bone voyage, brat! Have fun in Toledo!" Beetlejuice called out as he watched the bubble float into the horizon.
As Beetlejuice cackled to himself, the other babies continued to hold their stare at the bubble flying away in the sky. That was their friend who was trapped in the bubble and Beetlejuice was the culprit behind the abuse he inflicted on their friend. Surprisingly enough, they directed their anger toward Lydia, who had done nothing at all in the incident. When she noticed the babies glaring at her, she giggled nervously and tried to crawl away, only for her to once again topple onto her face.
"Attack!" the werewolf baby shouted before chucking his toy truck at Lydia, who was struggling to pull herself back into a sitting position.
It wasn't long before the babies were aggressively throwing their toys and sand buckets at Lydia, The poor baby began to bawl her eyes out, begging for the babies to stop treating her so harshly. At this point, it was likely her views on Neitherworld residents would be tainted forever. The neighbors' biggest fear was confirmed; their precious Lydia was being bullied and ridiculed by other kids. Being the protective father he was, Beetlejuice marched into the sandbox to put an end to the battle.
"Hey, stop this racket!" Beetlejuice commanded as he turned himself into a tennis racket. "Babe didn't do anything wrong! Why are you taking it out on her?!"
To punish the babies for bullying Lydia, Beetlejuice whacked them repeatedly until they were flat as pancakes.
"Yeah, you saw your little friend fly away! Now I shall banish you to Sandwormland!" raged Beetlejuice as he transformed back to his ghost self.
As Beetlejuice prepared to zap the babies away with his finger, a cacophony of screams and cries traveled into his eardrums. The babies had somehow unflattened themselves and decided to let their mommies know that a strange man was trying to kill them. They cried and screamed for a few seconds before turning their heads toward their mommies, who were still busy doing their own things. Since they weren't getting the attention they wanted, they had to resort to drastic measures; throwing all of their toys at Beetlejuice. True to the manchild he always was, Beetlejuice began to cry himself as the babies chucked their toys at him. The toys were made of hard plastic material, so nobody could blame Beetlejuice for showing his pain. Well, except for Jacques and Ginger, who were embarrassed by their neighbor's childish behavior.
"Apparently we're caring for two babies now," snarked Jacques as he walked to the sandbox to pick up Lydia.
Jacques plopped the baby girl in her carriage as she cried and screamed.
"Come on, Be-atlejooze," Jacques sighed. "Let's go home."
Like a toddler following their parents in the store, Beetlejuice got up and followed Jacques and Ginger as they walked out of the park. One could feel extremely sorry for Jacques and Ginger. For one, they were stuck dealing with two crying babies — the second baby being Beetlejuice, despite the fact that he was a fully grown ghost. Jacques and Ginger's faces were heavy with blush as they tried their hardest to leave the park as soon as possible. They didn't want to risk being ostracized for being bad parents, so it was best that they leave anyway. After all, nobody could stomach babies and grown adults crying obviously, right? I surely can't.