A/N: There may be stuff that could be a trigger. Be advised.

Clear Blue Sky Ch. 6

Evie was laying down on her couch, her feet over the back and her head on the floor. After the last 3 days off work, she was feeling restless. Dr. Wendy told her to turn off all forms of communication, she of course explained it to Hondo, Jessica, and her family, but the rest of SWAT she didn't even bother, she wasn't even sure what she was going to say. Her mind kept drifting back to Hondo putting her on the good doctor's couch.

FLASHBACK

She could see that she was inside HQ, taking a few deep breaths, she looked around, sitting across from her was Wendy, and the warm body next to her was Hondo.

"I don't know why I had a panic attack." Her voice cracked.

Hondo looked over at Wendy, his face marred with concern, "She told me to bring her here, so I did."

Wendy smiled at him, "Thank you Hondo, I got it from here." Her eyes were soft, but she could see that he wasn't willing to budge.

Evie looked over at him, "I got it from here, promise."

Leaning over he kissed her head, "I'll be just outside that door." Standing up, he looked over at Wendy, "Take care of my girl."

They watched as he walked out of the room and gently shut the door.

Letting out a deep sigh, "I always wanted a big brother." Blinking rapidly, "So, how does this work?" she asked, never really being one to have therapy before.

Sitting back, "Generally, you just talk to me about what happened, I ask you questions, and we work together to make sure you are on the right path to healing."

Nodding her head, "Sounds simple enough." Leaning back herself, she rubbed her shoulder, "I was fine, all day, didn't feel panicked around anyone, I was able to focus on my job, and I even went into the field." Looking up she could feel the tears start running down her face, "It wasn't until Deacon asked me what I did, that I just shut down." Wiping her face, "I don't know what about that made me crack."

Listening intently, "My guess, it sounded accusatory, so you thought you did something wrong." Leaning forward, "Did you do something wrong?"

Thinking about the whole day, and mission, "Not directly. I don't think. Mumford told me to evacuate the building, but I told him that I was the only one that could hack it, and I respectfully decline his order."

Wendy couldn't help but smile, she heard that Evelyn was strong willed but respectful. "Sounds like a good reason to me." She knew that she needed to talk about the club. "Did you feel you did something wrong when you were out last night?"

Closing her eyes, she knew that the sooner she could talk about it, the faster she could do the work to move forward. "No, not really. I didn't really want to go out, but Brie told me to try something new, and I swore to myself that I would try something new anytime it's presented to me."

"So tell me about everything you remember from that night, start from the beginning." Sitting back, she put her body in a relaxed position, wanting to show Evie that this wasn't an interrogation.

Folding her hands on her lap, "What are the rules, what is shared with the world, what is private?" wanting to know what she should share.

Giving her the rules, she could see that Evie was still mulling something over. "What is it that's keeping you from starting from the beginning?"

"Can I speak about another SWAT member, does that go in the official report to the powers that be?" she asked.

"Unless misconduct happened, like stealing, falsifying records, things of that nature, outside that, the rest is between you and I." She said doing her best to reassure her.

Chewing her lip, "So, here's where it started…" It took a good 30 minutes to get everything out. "I don't blame him, it's not his fault, or is it Brianna's fault. But that feeling of being unwanted and Brie talking about going out and just flirting with a guy sounded so appealing." Picking her nails, "I know I'm not ugly or have a self-image issue, but my experience with guys have been so tragic, my first love was in love with my sister, the second man I loved slowly isolated me from everyone I loved, it wasn't until he started demanding I quit school to get married to him that I realized how toxic it was."

Reaching over she handed Evie a tissue.

Wiping her face, "Thanks." Quickly blowing her nose, "I come out to L.A. not in rush for anything, but when I have gone on dates, they were either pigs, or after a couple dates, I'm told I'm a great friend, but they don't see me as girlfriend. It's hard not to think that maybe Tommy, my abusive ex, was right. No one would love me other than him." Wiping her face from the tears again, "I know logically he's a douche bag, but emotionally it's hard to separate it. So, then I think wow, Rocker, he's smart, handsome, kind, and holy shit, he's interested in me. Then after that amazing kiss, nothing. I mean I didn't expect him text me every 30 seconds, but after 2 days, that sting of rejection hit hard." She said, with that she leaned over and tossed the tissue away.

"I remember letting Brie play dress up with me, she said something about a life size barbie, and what the hell, she's Hondo's sister, why not. I remember dancing, laughing and having a good time." Closing her eyes, "I remember Brie pushing me towards the man, and honestly, he didn't scream rapist. He looked kind of nice, so as Brie went to dance with some friends, I made my way to the bar, figured I could have a drink, he was so kind, he talked to me about…" that's where it got fuzzy, "I don't remember actually."

"That's normal with the Rhopnal, what else do you remember?" she asked gently.

It was like sorting through the muddy water, but she locked onto one memory, "I remember being scared, I felt weird, I know instantly something wasn't right, I had only one drink, so it wasn't enough to make me feel that way. I only thought about calling Hondo, from day one he's been like a big protector for me. I can vaguely remember being followed to the bathroom, and pushing the door open, after that. I have no idea. When I woke up earlier this morning, I could see that I was in the hospital, and Hondo was there telling me that the guy didn't touch me. For which I'm grateful for." Looking down at her hands, then back at Wendy, "So, what's the game plan here doc?" she asked.

Wendy smiled at her, "Honestly, you're doing well, you're able to identify the problems, and you have a rational thought process to work with. I suggest you take a few days off work, and come back Monday, we talk for a bit, and then I think you're good." Standing up, "I do recommend going offline, you would be surprised how unplugging helps."

Standing up behind her, "Do I have to talk about it to anyone outside you or Hondo? And what should I do about the Rocker thing?"

Pulling her into a hug, "You can talk or not talk about it, that's your choice. As for Rocker, I know him, he knew your sister was in town and you had a few days off, he probably wasn't trying to interrupt your time. So, when he comes to you, remember that."

END FLASHBACK

Rolling off the couch, Evie stood up and grabbed her keys, she knew it was time to start living again, letting out a breath, she quickly showered and headed into HQ, it was Monday, and she spent the last 3 days being inside her own head.

Rocker was antsy, this would be the first time he's seen her since that Thursday she shut down. He remembered watching her leave HQ, tears in her eyes. Everyone bugged Hondo when they saw him the next day. All he said was that she was dealing with things, and that Wendy wanted her to have a few days alone, and that that everyone was to leave her alone until we saw her Monday.

That was the hardest part for him, all he wanted to do at every free moment was to bust down her door and comfort her, but if Dr. Wendy said to back off, there must be a damn good reason.

Mumford watched his second pace in the locker room like a caged animal, "What's going on?" he demanded to know.

Leaning against the lockers, "I'm just worried about Evie. Hondo knows what's wrong, she went MIA for the last few days, and no one knows what happened to her."

Trying to keep the smirk off his face, it was obvious that Rocker had a little crush on her, "She'll be good. That girl is tough as nails." He knew it.

Evie walked into the locker room just at the tail end of Mumford's comment. "He's not wrong. I'm tougher than I look."

Jack turned quickly, seeing her stand there in her black slacks and SWAT shirt. He couldn't keep the smile off his face, "Hey kiddo, you doing, OK?"

Nodding to him, "Yes." Looking over at Rocker, she could see that he was staring at her like she was going to run out the door, giving him a small smile, "After shift, anyone that wants to know what happened, I'll be more than willing to discuss it, but not here. Please."

Mumford knew that Rocker needed a moment with her, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze, "Sounds fair, I'll let the other knuckle heads know."

Evie watched him walk out the door, her eyes turned to Rockers, "Can you stop looking at me like I'm gonna run out of here. You're freaking me out."

Moving with precision he pulled her into a hug, "I'm so sorry, Evie." He could feel her hug him back, after days of wondering what happened if she was mad at him, it felt nice to hold her again.

Her face was in his lower chest, turning slightly, "What are you sorry for?" Not knowing what he was saying sorry for.

Not letting her go, he pulled her onto the bench and sat with her practically in his lap, "I should have texted that night, or the next day, but I didn't know when your sister was leaving, I didn't want to interrupt you time with her, and I feel like if I would have just gotten my head out of my ass, whatever you went through wouldn't have happened."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, "No, it's not your fault, I promise you that." She could feel wetness on her neck, sitting up, she could see a few tears in his eyes. Lightly touching his tears, "Why?" worried for him.

"I don't think I could bare the thought of losing you." Squeezing onto her tighter.

Stunned at his confession, she knew that she cared for him deeply, but she learned her lesson with Tommy, you need to take your time on these types of things. "Hey. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Holding him for another moment, but eventually she could feel her phone going off, using only one hand, she read the message, "I have to head to Cortez, kidnappings and such." Gently letting herself untangle from him, "After shift, I'll talk to you and anyone that shows up, my place. OK?"

Letting her go, stood and kissed her gently, "OK. I'll see you tonight; after shift."

Without another word, Evie bolted towards the war room, she hoped that Mumford did spread the word that right now wasn't the time to talk about her or her issues. Rounding the corner, she could see 20D staring at her, but thankfully they let her get to work. It seems like the S.L.A wanna bees were back. Great.

The hot water felt great on her body, she needed to wash the stress off the day, Hondo was barking at the team, the Emancipators were now in custody, but it felt too simple.

Knowing that people were going to be coming over to get some answers, and she spoke to Wendy about it, and she agreed that if it felt right to have the discussion, then it should be done.

Shaving her body as she finished up her shower, Evie shut the water off and grabbed some jeans and her favorite shirt and dressed quickly. Braiding her long hair, she didn't want it in her face, by the time she was done, she could hear the doorbell. Grabbing the food she prepared, she took the time to put it on the island.

Heading towards the door, as she opened the door she found everyone from 20D and most of 50D on her front porch.

Stepping aside, "Come in, please." Her eyes following them as they found the food, "Please grab something, made plenty."

Hondo watched her and could see that she was being a good host, walking over to her as the team started filling up their plates, "You sure about this Dixie?" his voice hushed only for her ears.

She could only nod, "Yea. If I don't say something, you know them, they'll keep poking and prodding, best to just get it out of the way, so I can move on from it." She whispered back to him. "Go get something to eat." Shoving him towards the food.

After everyone had their food, and drinks, Evie found herself sitting on the fireplace ledge, watching everyone enjoy their food. Almost snorting with out Street was inhaling it. Turning her head, "Enjoying yourself?" she asked him in a teasing tone.

With his mouth full of food, he could only just nod.

Rolling her eyes at him, she locked eyes with Rocker, "How's the food?" she asked him gently.
Taking a swing of his beer, "It's amazing, what is it?" he asked.

Smiling at him, "Chicken fried steak, with red rice, and cornbread. It's comfort food." Looking around the room, "My mama made it for me when I was feeling some sorta way."

Once everyone was finished and the plates were put in the sink, Evie took up her spot on the fireplace and looked at everyone. Her eyes finding Hondo, she needed his strength. Getting his nod, made it much easier to talk about.

Closing her eyes, she took a sobering breath, and just let the details out. Leaving out the Rocker stuff, that was for them, no one else needed to know until they were ready. "So, yea. I guess after running through the building and using my extremely ineffective tiny shoulder to bust down the door, my adrenaline from what could have happened, to what was happening hit me all at once."

Rocker was vibrating with anger. Not at her, but at the man that thought it was OK to drug her. His eyes found hers, he could see that she was already feeling vulnerable. Needing to redirect some of the anger, he looked at Hondo, "So, did you find him? The guy that tried to rape Evie?" his voice was harsh.

Hondo looked around the room, "Yes. I did, but unfortunately after talking with the D.A, there is nothing that can be done. No witness, no crime, there is nothing to prosecute." Truth be told, that was one of the things that has been weighing on his mind, he looked at Evie, his eyes filled with shame. "I'm sorry, I confronted him Evie, I swear, I told him I'd be the last face he'd see if anything like this happened again."

Standing up she went to him and hugged him, "Don't you dare blame yourself. Laws need to be able to change." She could feel his arms squeezing her, "You're like my big brother Hondo, you came when I called, you saved me."

The pair held that moment for a bit, but Evie knew that there maybe more questions. As she let go of Hondo, she kissed his head. "I love you." Turning towards the rest of the team, "OK, any other questions?"

Chris didn't have a question, she knew the trauma of being raped, her ordeal happened when she was younger. She was grateful that Evie didn't have to deal with that. Standing up she pulled her into a hug, "I'm glad that you're safe." She could feel Evie put her arms around her, turning towards Hondo, "You did good boss." Letting her go, the girls shared a look, and Chris sat down.

Blinking away a few tears. "Seriously, any more questions, because after this, I'd prefer never to speak of it again." She looked at everyone. No one said anything, but each person came up to her, and gave her a hug. After the last person hugged her, she smiled at them, "Thank you."

The rest of the evening was filled with a little laughter, and some video games, but soon enough, people started to make their way home, as she shut the door, she found that Rocker didn't move from his spot on the couch.

Tilting her head at him, "Are you OK?" she asked, her voice was filled with concern.

Hearing her voice made him snap out of it, standing up, he pulled her into a deep bear hug, "I'm so sorry Evie, how are you not mad at me?" his voice broke a bit.

Turning her head slightly so that she could breath, "It's not your fault, you could have texted me, but if Brie made plans with me to go out like she did, I wouldn't have cancelled them, so it still could have happened. It's not your fault, it's not Brianna's fault. It's that douche bag's fault." Keeping her arms wrapped around him, it felt safe here.

Squeezing her tighter, only letting go when he heard her make a yip noise. "Sorry." Realizing that he squeezed her a little too hard.

Snorting, "It's fine, I needed to have my spine cracked anyhow." Yawning into her shirt, "You're not going to let me go, are you?" sensing that he needed to hold her.

He knew that he should, but something was preventing him from doing so, "I really don't want to." He said honestly.

"OK, well I need sleep, and so do you. Do you want to sleep over?" she asked. Hoping he didn't think that she was ready for sex.

Pushing her away gently, "I'd really like that. Is it OK if I sleep in my boxers?" he asked, praying that it wouldn't make her uncomfortable."

Shaking her head no, she took his hand and led him towards her room, as she entered, she grabbed her favorite pjs, and headed to the bathroom, brushing her teeth, and using the toilet, she washed her hands, and headed out to the bedroom. "I put a spare toothbrush on the counter."

Walking past her, he brushed his teeth and went to the bathroom, after he washed his hands, he could see that she was already in bed. Not wasting anymore time, he crawled into bed with her. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close to his body, for the first time in a long time, he felt at peace as he drifted off to sleep. His last conscience thought before he was out, was figuring out what he needed to do to prove to Evelyn that he was worth taking a gamble on.