Chapter 3

You love who you love.

"Dr Rhodes?" No reply. "Hey, Dr Rhodes!" With a pat on the shoulders. Robin jerked and turned to the person.

"Oh, that's me, alright." She rolled her eyes at herself. She wasn't used to the name yet, every time someone said Dr Rhodes, they meant Connor. She was still attached to her maiden name, Dr Charles, but that was her father. Good thing she had taken a position at East Mercy instead if Chicago Med, the confusion would have been tremendous. Between her father and her husband, she didn't have her own name.

"What can I do for you?" She addressed the intern who had stopped her in the hallway, ready for whatever case he wanted to present to her. Someone must have some kind of bacterial ailment in the ED. She took the chart with one hand while one unconsciously rested comfortably on her stomach. She now had the habit of pushing her huge tummy around with one hand resting there to comfort her unborn baby, pure and natural motherly instincts. She gave attention to the information she was being given, walking back to the ED with the intern to see the patient. She was new here, again, but so far so good. When she and Connor decided to move back to Chicago, he took the offer from Med but Robin searched for anywhere else but there. It was not only about the confusion their names would cause, Dr Charles or Dr Rhodes, she could just be called Robin, no problem. It was the history she had with Chicago Med and it wasn't great, too much had happened there. Connor seemed to be doing ok, facing his nightmares there but she wasn't ready to. Connor still woke up at night sometimes from many a nightmare and she knew her kidnapping was one of them. She didn't remember much of it, she must have been unconscious for most of it. What she remembered was the feeling of Connor in danger and being unable to find him?

That afternoon, she had been swimming as she often did during lunch. A guy approach her while she was drying her hair, she was dressed and ready, just finishing blowing her hair dry.

"Hey, are you Robin Charles?" The guy asked as he approached.

"Yes, hi." She answered with a smile, the guy looked like any regular guy, even friendly but he had a worried look on his face. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, uh…I'm afraid I have some bad news…uh…"

Robin froze. What? Her mom was ill and maybe she had taken a turn for the worst or something. She took a closer look at the guy and he was wearing scrubs underneath his coat. She couldn't read which hospital he belonged to but probably Med.

"I…uh…" the guy continued to stutter nervously, making her even more anxious.

"Tell me." She insisted, looking at the guy anxiously.

"Dr Connor Rhodes was involved in a terrible accident. I… I'm so sorry…"

Her heart stopped, everything went blank. Terrible accident, the guy was sorry…oh no God please, he couldn't be…

"He's alive but in critical condition. It's just… someone asked me to come find you…you weren't answering your phone…"

"Oh God." She breathed for the first time since the news. He was alive, for now, that's all she needed to breathe. "Oh God…where is he?"

"I'll take you to him. Come with me." The guy said, leading the way out.

"Yes please, thank you."

Now she was breathing hard and fast, couldn't regulate her breathing well. She didn't want to know how he was in case she couldn't handle it out here, she needed to see him and make the assessment herself. She just needed to get to him, now. As soon as she got into the passenger seat of the guy's car, she turned to ask him if he was from Med, but before she could open her mouth to speak, it was covered by a white gauze along with her nose. The intense smell from the gauze is what she remembered last before she lost consciousness. The next time she came to, she was in a dark place, small and confining, she couldn't see anything. She panicked, hyperventilating, she wasn't claustrophobic but this could give anybody a lifetime of phobias. She searched for any opening and there was none, no light, no clue. But she remembered one thing, she shouldn't be here. Connor was somewhere, hurt and in a critical condition. That is what that guy had said, wasn't it? Then it all came back to her and she realized something. That might have been a ploy to get her here, to kidnap her easily. And she fell for it like a three year old. But one thing remained, Connor. If he wasn't in a critical condition from the accident like the guy had said then he probably was in some kind of container like this too, trapped or injured or…or…No. Please don't let him be dead. And that was what consumed her mind, panic attacked her, she couldn't breathe, the small space didn't allow for much air and her breathing was taking too much oxygen. Oxygen she did not have much of in this place.

"Connor, oh God please, Connor "she said, over and over as she tried to pry herself of the confinement, but nothing was giving, there was no way out. And as her energy sapped, the air becoming thinner she was gasping, she knew she was dying. She was dying, and Connor, oh God if he was alive somewhere, he was never going to know. He was probably never going to find her, not in this hole. He would never know that she had been searching for him, with her last breath she was searching for him. That even as she lost the fight to hold on, lost her strength to call out his name one more time, even when her mind lost his name as she lost consciousness, her heart never stopped calling for him. Then it was over. Until she woke up again in a hospital room at Med. She opened her eyes before trying to figure out where she was, heaven or earth, she turned her head to the side to search for him. And there he was. Sitting in a chair, head dropped on her hospital bed, one hand holding hers, sleeping. She just looked up and said a prayer of thanks to God, before drifting back to sleep.

When she woke up again he was still there, awake this time, sitting up with her hand held to his lips. And at that moment she thanked God he was someone who loved her. Because he did and if she had ever been in doubt of it, back when she was going through her recovery and she saw a look or had a feeling to the contrary, she had no such doubts now. There was a time she had thought he was too good of a guy to leave her but he wanted to, when it got too hard to love her. She wondered during the time she was left alone at home while he went to work if he was late coming home because he didn't want to be with her. She wondered if he wouldn't take care of any other patient the way he took care of her or if this was special because he did love her, like he always told her he did. But other than the look in his eyes and the way he would proclaim his love for her regularly, she started to look for other confirmations of his love. That it wasn't just obligation, just his need to save someone, but he swore he loved her. She could feel it. But the more she screwed up, or burnt something in the oven when trying to make him dinner, the more she failed was the less confident she felt about that love lasting on his part. And when she was caught shoplifting and she realized what she had come to, who she had become in his eyes, another patient, it hurt too much. She had learned to trust his touch more than the look in his eyes or the words he spoke. He could swear his love for her or give her that same old look, but his touch is what made her secure in his love. However, after this last stunt, she couldn't even trust his touch. She didn't know what to trust anymore. She couldn't even love herself, how could she expect Connor to still love her after this? And even as he swore it, she was no longer convinced of his love, only that she was a burden to him. So she left to set him free and to find a self again. Looking at him now, he didn't need to say anything. She knew. And she hoped he knew too the love she could never put into words for him.

"Hey." He said, leaning onto her bed, bringing her hand to his cheek.

"I love you." Was all she could say, what her heart needed him to know. Her eyes carrying everything her words wanted to convey.

He didn't say anything, couldn't. Just brought her hand to his mouth again, tears streaming down his face. And he didn't need to speak at all, she heard him clearer.

Later, when she had given her statement to the police and the investigation was over, the reunion with her friends and family started to feel real now. She had really survived that. It turns out the guy was a serial killer who liked games. How he got her information was still a mystery. But the guy was the one who had left her ring on her grave for a clue in that sick game of his. He had also left a video for the police, in case they ever won the game. Well they did but only with Robin, turns out the other victims were not so fortunate. There was no one else to arrest, the guy was the dead end to this investigation. She was discharged the next day, other than the hypoxia, nothing else was damaged on her. She recovered quickly. Physically, that is.

She was finishing up with her case in the ED, having solved the case and updated the patient. She looked at her wrist watch, it was almost time to finish work. Connor was going to be here any minute to pick her up to go to Molly's tonight. This was going to be the first time in a year she had seen some of her colleagues and friends from Med. She was looking forward to it. She may not have missed the place but she did miss her friends.

"Hey Dr Rhodes!" Someone said.

She looked up this time. No, it was Connor coming in through their ED. That's the Dr Rhodes they were greeting. She smiled, watching him greet some friends, wave at others. And she thought she had been alert to the name this time, only she wasn't the one being called. It would be extra funny at Med wouldn't it?

"Hey babe."

She welcomed him with a hug as he came to her and gave her a kiss. "Hey"

"You ready?"

"Give me a few minutes to get my stuff from my office and I'll be right out."

Later as they made their way into Molly's, the whole party was waiting for them. Connor must have assembled everyone to come see her tonight. She gave him the 'you've been naughty look.'

"Hey, here she is." Herman said.

"And Connor wasn't lying."

"You do look like a drum in there."

Laughter, hugs and congratulations on the pregnancy went around. Catching up with Maggie and meeting her husband. Natalie, Reese, Will, everyone was here.

"Hey Jay," she greeted him with a hug as he came in a little later. Sylvie, Casey and Kelly came in a little after that. She didn't know she had these many friends who wished her well. Everyone was drinking and chatting, having a good time. Of course she could only drink orange juice but she didn't mind. She was just glad to be here, catching up with friends, laughing, leaning on her husband's shoulder sipping on her orange juice, she was just glad.

….