infatuations

An NCIS oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The NCIS characters belong to Donald P. Bellasario, not to me. A little study of Parknight as done by Parker and Knight themselves. B3 Read, review, and enjoy! *Note: Set during and after s19e16, "The Wake."

- ^-^3

They are professionals. They are damn good at their jobs. That's why Parker and Knight sit in Interrogation with Sam Radner, one of them starting the thought and the other finishing it—"Sometimes friendships turn into infatuations." "And infatuations turn into obsessions."—as they pick up on this case-solving lead at the exact same moment.

But every good professional knows how to multitask, especially this close to the finish line, and those words whir in the back of Knight's brain, flitting around longer than perhaps they should, when Parker holds her stare for a little longer than perhaps he should.

She tables her thoughts and feelings in that second, of course, as they leave Radner alone and rush to fill in both McGee and Torres on their theory. Time is of the essence.

Torres whistles while he pulls up a background on the Radners' family friend. "Yeah, always thought Walt Freeman was a little too nice," he mutters. He throws up the teacher's info on the plasma.

Knight glances at Freeman's department and the university. She checks back channels but comes up empty. "He seems squeaky clean…although he's had a lot of assistants over the years."

McGee raises his eyebrows. "We have numbers?"

"Printing them off now."

Parker grabs the list and his scissors, clipping it into three. "Knight, Torres, we'll cover the assistants faster this way. McGee, look into Freeman's own phone records." And he passes out sets of numbers, though this time he avoids Knight's eyes when returning to his desk.

Knight notes it but gets down to business instead.

With tasks doled out, they don't take long to discover Walt Freeman's easygoing attitude and unwelcome interest towards many of his previous T.A.s. But McGee's research into the wife, Nance, takes them down the correct path, and he puts up her texts on the plasma for the team to see. "I think we've got our killer. Tony always did say it's the spouse."

Parker quirks an eyebrow at Torres and Knight, who shrug off the namedrop, but their new team leader grabs his jacket. "Well done, McGee. I'd say it's time to take Nance Freeman in."

McGee blinks and smiles before realizing that's Parker's invitation for him to come along on the arrest. He grabs his gear and hurries after Parker, though, leaving Torres and Knight alone in the bullpen.

Torres whistles once more, but now it's more a sign of exhaustion. "I…have no desire to start paperwork yet," he mumbles from behind his hands, slumping in his chair. He drops his arms to his sides. "But to think—all this because Nance just assumed about Walt and Emma."

Knight hums in agreement. She pulls up forms they'll need to wrap up this case…processing, summation, detailed analysis…but she, too, finds herself reluctant to dive right in on the last, crucial part of their work. Just—not for the same reasons as Torres.

With her friend comfy in his chair and quite possibly napping already, Knight seeks her own reprieve elsewhere. And, given the bad things that happened up here a long while back, she's not surprised to find the roof unoccupied. Sure, Dalton didn't fall to his death after condemning his REACT team to die, but traitors leave a certain taint around NCIS, and few agents are willing to revisit where traitors once frequented.

But here, finally, Jess Knight is alone with her earlier thoughts. And now she lets them flow.

She gets Parker's professionalism, really. She respects and admires it, perhaps because Knight knows she doesn't always come across so polished herself. But there have been times lately, so many times, when she's seen him slip up, when Parker has shown the less perfect side of himself, and that's one of the sides that's endearing him to her.

She chews on her bottom lip and runs a hand through her hair. Is it just him finally warming up to the idea of a team? …no, she doesn't believe that, because he doesn't lean on McGee or Torres as much out in the field. And during that whole Billy Doyle debacle, he looked half ready to spill his guts to her about his past after they found Sean's body, half ready to apologize that she'd seen him behave differently when it came to his childhood friend and said friend's murdered nephew.

Knight leans her forearms on the ledge and looks out over the parking lot as it starts to get dark. She wonders what it is that always keeps drawing her attention back to Parker, who's so reluctant to let anyone in. Normally, she would acknowledge the other person's "back off" vibes and check herself. But with Parker—maybe it's that he's growing closer to them (to her), maybe it's that he keeps running into danger unexpectedly (they really don't need a repeat of the Stargazer), maybe it's that she and he are the freshest faces to this team and just…have that kinship (lonely souls seek out lonely souls).

If only it were that simple, she thinks as her mind wanders to how her curious peeks at him and looks of concern have morphed the last several weeks into something more charged, something more electric—something that makes her stare last a little longer than it should when he's looking. Something that makes her heart hammer in her throat as she replays that scene from Interrogation with all their talk of infatuations.

If only it were that simple, Parker thinks at that same moment, far away from headquarters physically but with his mind back there, in Interrogation, hours ago. He rubs his chin, absentmindedly scratching his scruff as he stares at nothing through the windshield, waiting for McGee to finish the handoff of Nance Freeman to the local cops. The arrest went smoothly and one family is broken while another gets to heal, but Parker doesn't ruminate on that long. No, he can't after that synchronization with Knight.

Funny how that worked out, them solving the case as the critical detail occurred to them at the exact same time. He wonders, though, if he'd stared too long in that moment. He never realizes these things when they happen, only after; that was why he never thought too hard about getting into trouble with Billy way back in the day. But Parker can't help it, especially when it comes to Knight. It's hard to tear his gaze away when her eyes light up as things just—click.

It's not the first time he's done that, too, he knows. Knight's entertaining to watch in general, an open book of expressions that he's not accustomed to being around. This team is a cast of characters, sure enough—NCIS is not straight-laced like the FBI—but Knight stands out amongst them, somehow always managing to snag Parker's attention back to her, so effortlessly.

But that look in her eyes. Finishing each other's thoughts. And with infatuations being brought up in the same beat.

Parker shakes his head free of the notion. No. No, he isn't infatuated with Knight. Alden Parker isn't even the type to become infatuated with anybody.

…that said…

McGee opens his door, abruptly pausing Parker's musings. "All set. Felt good to wrap up this case, both for us and for Virginia State Police," he says.

"I'm sure," Parker says. He waits for the cop cars to pull away from Molly's house first before starting up the car. "But I'm glad we made the arrest. One for the podcasts," he quips.

McGee groans but laughs. "Yeah, we did good work, but I'll be plenty happy when I hear the last of Nick's harping on about the NCIS podcast." He glances at Parker out of the corner of his eye. "Nice of you, though."

"Hmm?"

"Letting Knight take the lead on this case."

And, just like that, his thoughts are back on her, with McGee making her their topic. But Parker downplays it. "Knight's a good agent. She knows what she's doing, and she and Kasie already had the background on Emma's case." He shrugs as if that sums things up.

McGee considers that and nods. "Fair point. Although it's a good thing Knight was there for Sam the other day."

Parker smirks a little, to himself. "She does have a knack for being exactly where she's needed," he agrees, but that's mostly just him thinking aloud.

McGee opens and closes his mouth, deciding there's nothing to add. Just like that, the ride back to headquarters is an easy, relatively quiet one.

They return to the office, finding Torres absent and his desk covered in half-completed work. Knight's nowhere to be seen, either. Given the hour, it's not unreasonable that either of them might've headed home already.

"Goodnight, Parker," McGee says, tucking some work in his bag and jogging to the elevator.

Parker doesn't get the chance to point out to him that it's not necessary, that the paperwork will still be there in the morning, that he can just go home to his family. But, eh, McGee will do what McGee will do, he's come to realize. As for himself…

Parker drapes his jacket on his chair's back but doesn't move to sit, letting his eyes wander first to the desk beside his. Looking at Knight's desk, his Knight-centric line of thought returns in full force, gleefully aware it won't be interrupted in an otherwise empty office.

He really had been thinking aloud, earlier. Commenting on Knight being where she's needed. Even when it doesn't always suit him, she's there—and that, he knows, comes in two different forms.

There's the Knight who's a damn good agent, putting herself in harm's way, like with Sam Radner. Parker had put on a bravado for Torres and Kasie, saying Vance's authority held the most sway. The only reason they hadn't hopped right over to the Radner house was simply because Knight had asked Parker they not. He trusts her, and he trusted her skills with Sam, but he knows the panic he experienced while she was alone in that house with an armed suspect.

And then there's the Knight who's too damn curious for her own good. That's the watchful, perceptive woman whose eyes Parker feels on the back of his head a lot as of late. Maybe more so, after the Doyle case, but. She's been curious, amused by him from the start. And she's been deathly concerned, mainly after the stunt he pulled aboard the Stargazer.

He likes both of these aspects about her, really. Parker runs his hand over his mouth and finally tears his eyes from her desk, just in case these orange walls have eyes, but the casual motion coincides with his thoughts, and it makes it easier to accept his realization. He likes both these aspects of Knight. There's no harm in that, right?

…well, of course it's a relief to know she's got the skills to protect herself as well as others and his six, but that latter aspect gives him pause. Because that curiosity, that concern—sometimes he feels this close to opening up to her, to being himself with someone again.

And that's the most dangerous thing Parker can ever do.

"Oh. You're back."

He turns, finding Knight coming from the break room. Ha, thoughts really summon people… "Just got in," he states.

Her eyes crinkle even with a soft smile. Knight passes by him on her way to her desk. "I take it no issues with Nance, then?"

Parker shakes his head. "All that's left to do is cross our Ts and dot our Is."

Knight chuckles. "Yeah. Torres got partway through organizing the crime scene photos before his eyelids really started drooping. I told him to go home while he could still drive." She shuffles things around on her desk, but it's obvious she lingers, since she doesn't pick up anything to do. She fidgets as if debating grabbing her things to leave, too.

Parker raises his eyebrows. "Something on your mind?"

"Ah, just this and that about the case."

Doesn't he know it. "Some parts sticking with you more than others?" Except, the moment the question leaves his mouth, Parker realizes perhaps he shouldn't've asked. Instinctively, his eyes flick to hers.

He finds Knight staring back, but she looks away first this time. "Yeah…yeah, I think so," she admits.

Parker mindlessly pushes around the files and papers on his desk. Hell. He'll take the advice he would've given McGee and just go home, because he can't find it in him to concentrate on paperwork anymore. So Parker picks his jacket back up, gets his desk light, and asks her, "Heading out—shall we?"

Knight blinks. But, the next second, she has her things and is by his side, and they step into the elevator together.

He doesn't have to look to feel her eyes on him again. And, in the privacy of the elevator, he's well tempted to call out her curiosity. Maybe even tease it. He smirks, just a bit, to himself, wondering what expression she makes when put on the spot.

But he does and says nothing, and Knight purses her lips while she narrows her eyes at him, forever trying to decipher him. The elevator dings, and she gives his nearer shoulder a squeeze. Her smile is impish, as if she understands the game they play, when she says, "See you tomorrow, Parker. Drive safe!"

Huh. Not the expression he could've anticipated. She really keeps him on his toes.

…which is not exactly by design, from Knight's perspective. She doesn't picture herself having ulterior motives when it comes to Parker, even if he does pique her curiosity, even if his attention does make her wake up and smell the coffee. Besides, he falls outside her type, based on past history.

(But that's such a weak excuse, she chides herself, because history doesn't dictate the future.)

Still, the next couple days remind her that it's not just one type of connection pulling her Parker's way. Because, especially on calmer days full of paperwork and procedure and updates and devoid of new crime, the team is relegated to the office. And the office isn't that big to begin with. And the office means proximity.

Staring might just be her and Parker's favorite pastime, she admits to herself, certainly after catching his eye for the umpteenth time with the others' backs turned. But she doesn't mind, either, when they literally bump into each other by accident in the hallway.

He catches her shoulders, just in case she doesn't have sure footing. Then he shares in her chuckle, self-deprecating when he says, "Sometimes I think we oughta put a speed-limit sign in the hallway."

She likes that he's slow to remove his hands; he's got such a sure grip, it's comforting, pleasant. "You in a rush?"

"Ah, Vance needed a follow-up on an item from last week." Parker rolls his eyes, but the motion ends with his dark eyes taking the extra second to rove over her.

Knight grins and reaches up, fixing his hair. "Well, gotta look your best for the director."

Parker blinks once, twice. "Ah, right. I won't be long," he assures her.

She smiles and watches him go. So cute, seeing him the least bit disheveled or unbalanced… Knight enjoys the view before returning to her desk, and then she confronts the facts from the last few weeks, days—shit, just these last few hours, minutes.

Parker's handsome.

She likes his touch.

Knight bites her bottom lip, feeling…giddy? Delirious? It's indescribable, acknowledging she's seriously attracted to him on multiple levels.

But then her phone chirps with a text from Emma Radner's sister, Molly, and it's a rain cloud come to reset her sunny day.

…not that Parker is aware, because he fills Vance in as requested—yes, the Winstons are still due to testify in the hijacking case—and hustles back downstairs. He takes a moment behind the staircase to catch and arrange his thoughts.

Thoughts that are more Knight-filled these days.

He winces, thinking of his lame humor in the hallway. A speed-limit sign? Really? He's no stand-up, but he surely can do better…although, Knight laughed, so what does that say about her? (That idea alone makes him chuckle.)

He reflexively reaches up to run a hand through his hair—but he catches himself at the last second. He doesn't need to run a hand through his hair…nor does he want to, not after she fixed it for him.

The memory gives him pause. His poor hallway manners are to blame for crashing into her earlier, but he's grateful for them, actually. Without that little accident, he wouldn't've caught her. He wouldn't've had an extra moment with her today.

He wouldn't be wondering now what it feels like to have Knight running her hands through his hair, not just fixing it.

No amount of experience can keep a person from feeling that heat on the back of his neck the way Parker does as he sinks into his realization—that dangerous notion—that he might seriously be attracted to Knight. Still, he tugs on his shirt collar and calmly, casually peeks around the stairs before returning to the bullpen.

His eyes alight on Knight, as they always do. And he softens.

But something's wrong. Knight's a whirlwind of activity at her desk, shoving things aside and packing up early. Her features, forever eye-catching, aren't playful the way they were earlier, with Parker in front of her, with their easy banter keeping him wondering. No, she grimaces and ignores McGee's and Torres' questions about where she's off to, before the workday's even over. She doesn't answer them and, for once, she doesn't look back, doesn't sense Parker's stare this time.

So he tears his eyes away. Maybe he's imagining things. Maybe he's gotten rusty at this having feelings job.

(Maybe it's time to bury said feelings before they come to light.)

(But, if anyone has anything to bury, it's Knight, and she tries to keep skeletons in the ground where they belong, but that's so fucking hard to do when reality makes her face them at the most inconvenient times.)

Emma Radner can have a proper burial now that her body is found and her murder solved. Sam can mourn her properly and, little does he know, he can lean on Molly to mourn her.

Knight didn't expect the heaviness of Madden's, Ono's, and Vargas' deaths to weigh on her when she received Molly's request, asking for Knight's help to mend her bridge with Sam. But Knight can plow on, for others' sake. That's what she tells herself when she goes to the small ceremony they have for Emma, and that's what she tells herself as she exchanges words with Sam privately after.

Why does it have to be easier to handle grief when she's helping someone else?

Yet, the answer comes out of her mouth, surprising her yet again after she opens up to Sam about her own loss and when she gives him advice that cues Molly to show her face. She insists that Sam doesn't have to grieve alone, and Molly takes it from there.

Knight watches the in-laws with a speck of envy. But she dwells on that long enough to acknowledge it's not really envy she feels. Today's given her an epiphany.

She debates texting him, giving him a head's up on her way over, but Knight quickly chucks the idea. Besides, she's too focused on her revelation. It's not just about grieving alone—it's about letting herself feel everything that she's experienced since she lost her own team, the bad and the good.

That has her laughing sarcastically at herself by the time she pulls up outside his building. She peers up at the painted brick through her window but doesn't dawdle long in her car. She feels close to bursting, so she hustles inside as another tenant exits and goes up to the second floor.

Parker answers the door after two quick knocks. His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. "Knight," he says, a greeting and a question all in one.

Somehow, she musters a grin. Maybe because he lets her prop herself up against the doorjamb after dashing up the stairs? Always the gentleman, this one. "Parker," she returns.

He frowns. "Is everything all right? The other day—"

She shakes her head. "It's all good. Molly wanted me to help her ambush Sam at Emma's service," she states without elaborating.

"…that…sounds alarming."

"No, they've made up. They're doing well." She pauses. "Sam's doing well."

Parker furrows his brow, and Knight doesn't blame him because even she thinks they're having two-thirds of a conversation. "Sorry, I'm a little lost," he admits, leaning a hand on the door's frame.

"He and I had a little talk," Knight explains, standing up straight, standing an inch closer to Parker. Her smile is brittle, but she's done her share of crying for her friends, her family. She blinks the dampness from her eyes and hates the catch in her voice as she adds, "I explained to him the importance of not grieving alone."

It's strange: All at once, Parker's eyes darken with sympathy, but his posture goes that much straighter, tenser. "That's good advice," he comments, but she knows a deflection when she sees it. Same as she can see the gears turning in his head, catching on to her train of thought.

That time in Interrogation, being on the same wavelength, wasn't the first time. And it won't be the last.

She can read it on his face, that he's reading between her lines, and she feels shaky again, that maybe her people-reading skills have rusted, that maybe she's wrong about him, that maybe she's taken too big a risk because office flirtations are one thing—but coming to Parker's apartment? Shit, what was thinking?

Good grief, burgeoning feelings are the fucking worst.

Yet Knight stands there, begins to tear her eyes away and run a nervous hand through her hair, and suddenly her big, bright presence dwindles in his doorway, and Parker hates that, he hates that so goddamn much.

He knows it's a risk.

He knows this could end badly (and he tries not to think of the last time he cared too much about someone).

He knows that Knight's not here to talk to him about grieving alone.

But he also knows a gorgeous blend of chaos like Jess Knight will enter his life exactly once, and he finds himself craving to get things right with her. So…he lets his resolve crumble. He reaches out, drawing her up, drawing her to him.

Knight's breath hitches.

Parker runs his thumb along her right cheekbone. He hasn't done this in a long while. He's probably lost his touch—

Whatever personal qualms he has, Knight doesn't care. Bold as ever, she places her hand on his jaw and kisses him. Just once, at first, though she lingers with a small, uncharacteristically bashful smile on her lips.

This time, he takes the step closer…or, rather, he pulls her closer to him. He kisses her, and Knight presses against him, and he no longer has to daydream as she winds her hands in his hair. No, all he has to do is walk backwards a bit, a silent invitation for Knight, who breaks for a breath and the chance to close the door behind them before she's back in his arms.

Sometimes friendships turn into fascinations, which turn into infatuations.

And infatuations can turn into obsessions.

But, really, "obsession" is just another word for "passion."

- ^-^3

:3c Me, writing this fic: *the "NOW KISS" meme* XDDD Honestly, I've had this itch to scratch for a bit, since e16 aired—altho it was difficult to write this only after "The Wake" and not including any of the Parknight goodness that came out of e17, "Starting Over." (Alas, for that, I wrote "close, closer, closest." XP) But! I knew I wanted to do a few things here: write a stream-of-consciousness Parknight, get them to analyze their attraction (and also emphasize that they're physically attracted to each other, too, which I've not played up much in previous Parknight fics), to get together for real (bc it was there but less definite in both "Plus One" and "quick hands"), and, yeah, to kiss and oooohh lookit that some implied yumminess. ;) Honestly, tho, I dearly appreciate all the scenes in the show where these two rly do look over at one another, like. Is there potentially Parknight in the far horizon?! Who tf knows! But they have such good chemistry and I sincerely love them for a million reasons. I also wanted to include a few headcanons here, tho I think they're mostly subtle (i.e., why Knight thinks of "the other person" and not "the guy" when reminiscing on her love life, why Parker is v cautious about relationships) and tied to canon anyway. I deffo need to expand more on the growing list of hcs I have for them, both as a ship and as individual charries…which I'm off to do in my next story! XD But UGH. I just. Come scream at me if you love Parknight, too, folks. TT-TT (Also, this was deffo one of those fics that I was like hrmm :L when writing it, esp bc the notes/outline for it were scant, but loved it when I edited it, *lol*. Sometimes time rly ages things nicely! XD)

Thanks for reading, and please review! Check out my other NCIS fics if you liked this. And, as with my other NCIS fics, show your support via tumblr with a reblog~

-mew-tsubaki B3c