Chapter 5

What happiness really means

Connor smiled at the text he just got from Robin as he walked in the corridor to the OR. She was going to drop off lunch for him since he had been complaining that cafeteria food was a flop. Today he had back to back surgeries and he might need a real lunch to get through the day, so much for his own department and flexible hours. Thing was, he had also come to Med with his string of patients, so work followed him around. Today he had a VIP scheduled for an artificial sternum construction. It was a major surgery, one of his own inventions that had got his name in the media and brought him a lot of offers. It was going to be a high profile case. It was going to be a busy day. Today he would have both Dr Latham and Becker assisting him, plus his own team. He was getting better at tolerating Ava assisting him in the OR, but he doubted he'd ever get to the point of being friends. Not when he still thought she killed his father and arranged Robin's kidnapping. Forget the other things but those two he could never forgive. The panic that hit each time he thought about the time he almost lost Robin for good, the sight of her in that grave, he could never forgive that. She almost made him live without Robin, and he didn't want to imagine what that would be like.

He had Noah on his inventive invasive team and the kid was doing great. He might just take him as his protégée just like Dr Downey had done him. Connor had gotten his fame as Dr Downey's protégée, but after his own successes and inventions in cardio and trauma surgery, he was riding on his own name now. Just like Dr Downey would come in and do his own surgeries on his own time and still got the red carpet, Connor was now like that. He was now just Dr Rhodes, they called him the Rockstar. He didn't unlike that. It suited his ego just right.

He texted his wife back that he'd really appreciate lunch, although he would have rather had it with her. He'll try and make it for lunch with her when he gets a break.

"Hey, you've got that silly smile on your face again. Who are you texting? Robin?" Will teased as he passed him in the hallway.

"Yeah, she's going to drop off some lunch for me this afternoon but I'd likely still be in surgery."

"What a sweet wife you've got."

"You said it. And now that Robin is in her ninth month, she has taken a break from work, but can't stay put. Bounds of energy. The baby can come at any time now. She just said she won't be able to stay and have lunch with me though , going shopping with Clare."

"Your sister?"

"Yeah, they have become real close since uh…Dad's death."

"That's great man."

"Yeah. Although the downside of that, you can always count on them to gang up on me." Connor said, laughing.

"Lucky dude." Will said, walking away smiling.

Connor smiled at that. Yes he was. When he first told Clare about Robin, it was over dinner. One of their very first dinners together after years of not talking. He really liked getting close to is sister again, getting to know her again.

"You look different Connor. Rested, more like." Clare observed.

"I do?" He smiled.

"Yeah, you even look…what's the word? Happy?" She teased.

He laughed, "Well maybe that's because I've finally found someone." He ventured shyly.

"Oh yeah? You? For real love?"

"I think it might be it." He sighed, "I don't know Clare. I've never felt his way before."

"Oh my, its real. Connor Rhodes in love. I never thought I would see the day." She teased affectionately, smiling at him.

"Never thought I would see the day either." He said

"Well, I would like to meet her. This mythical creature who has captured the elusive heart of my brother."

He showed her a photo in his phone.

"Wow, she is a beauty. Nothing less than supermodel doctor for Connor Rhodes." She teased.

"I really think she is the one, Clare." Connor confessed.

"I really want to meet her. Not on the phone, a real meet and greet."

"I would like that. My two favorite women in my life getting to know each other. I'll see if I can make that happen."

A few nights later, they had dinner. His two favorite women did hit it off quite naturally. He was happy. Then the illness happed, she left him, and all the ensuing drama followed. But she came back to him, waving a white flag. She would be his again. Then his father was killed on Connor's birthday. The day he had planned to take the bold step towards Robin. He had not planned anything for his birthday, one thing he was looking forward to, his dinner with Robin. He hadn't wanted a grand party or presents, he realized that this dinner with Robin was all he ever needed. It was going to lead to them finally coming together again, and he was so looking forward to it. It would have been an unforgettable birthday for him. It had been. Only in the opposite way. He remembered meeting up with Robin at the hospital cafeteria instead of the planned restaurant, having to tell her that his father had died. She held his hands from across the table and just listened most of the time. And he knew he would rather have her in any storm than to have anyone else in the most peaceful times.

She was there with him for his father's funeral. Helping out with the arrangements when he couldn't bring himself to. She held Clare while she cried, walked beside him and held his hand for strength when the cascade was gently let down into the grave. He never cried in public, never let anyone see him shed a tear but when she held him, in the privacy of his room after the funeral, he cried like a baby in her arms. She gave him the strength to hold his sister at such a vulnerable time and gave her strength that he got from Robin. She was his rock, when she stood by him he could stand.

When he told her about Ava that night after the funeral, after he had cried his heart out in her arms in his room. He told her about his involvement with Ava and his suspicions. He thought he was going to lose her this time, but he told her everything. The illusions he had about his mother, the mistake he had made about his father, what he wished he could have done differently and how he could have been a better son. He let the guilt out to her and she took it. Never flinching at any of his confessions.

She held his face, looking straight into his eyes. "Hey nothing you confess could ever make me love you less. Let it all out, to me. Let me be there for you like you've been there for me. You've seen me at my worst and never faltered. I want you to know, I'm right here. Whatever you need."

"I want to leave. I have already left Med, I want to leave the City. I don't know yet where I'll go but…will you come with me?" He confessed to her.

"I will." She didn't hesitate or take her eyes off his. "Whichever road you take. I don't care if you're wrong, I just want to be there with you." She held his face in his hands. "Ok? I don't care if it's the right thing or the smart thing, for me, being with you, it's the only thing."

And he kissed her, with is heart and soul and body, he gave it all as he made love to her. And he could never take it back. He had left Clare, again. She probably should hate him but Robin had made sure they stayed in touch. Made sure whatever rash decision he made would be reparable. She was the one who made him stay a little while longer in Chicago to make sure Clare found her feet as the new CEO and that she had enough support while he was gone. Made sure that he visited at least once every month so that Clare wouldn't feel completely abandoned. Yes, he was dealing with his crap but so was Clare, and she needed him. So, he was there, once in a while or a phone call whenever he couldn't make it back. He became even closer to Clare than before, because Robin remained a pivot for the two of them. She was an accomplished, independent and ambitious woman, but she gave that up to follow him around. Put her roots wherever he put his, uprooted them whenever he uprooted his. She was his constant. He had spent the first three months in Japan learning the more advanced artificial heart transplant technique, and Robin was with him, learning new strategies in epidemiology too, but she was really just there for him.

Now he was this rock star surgeon and he could have sunk without her. He loved her too much, was emotionally dependent on her completely. And he didn't want it any other way.

….

Robin walked into the Med ED, so familiar and bringing back strong memories. She had been a patient too many time in this place, but even as she saw the bad memories, she also appreciated that this was the place that had given her Connor. And for that, she will always owe this place.

"Heyyy Robin" Maggie said, coming with outstreached arms and a big smile on her face to give Robin a welcome hug. "I see you're still growing." She teased.

"Hey Maggie." Robin said, giving Maggie a hug back.

"Connor told me you were going to drop off something for him. He just got into surgery unfortunately. But I'm sure he'll really appreciate this delicious looking homemade food when he gets a break to eat. He just got into his high profile surgery. Busy guy, your man." Maggie said.

"Yeah, I know. Thought he could use a real meal with the day he's having today. Besides, I had too much time on my hands, just beng at home. Connor insisted I take the last week before my due date off work. So, I'm going shopping with Clare. Baby clothes." Robin said, that radiant smile fixed on Maggie.

"Nice. You do like you're about to pop any moment. What's your EDD?" Maggie asked.

"Any day this week. Connor already has a go bag and scenario all worked out. He thinks its going to be in the middle of the night." Robin joked.

Maggie laughed. "First time dads." Then shook her head at that.

"Anyway, Clare is waiting for me in the car, I better rush." Robin said, waving goodbye to Maggie. Giving the same wave to Choi whom she had glimpsed dashing into an ED room.

Then as she was taking a step out of the ED the worst thing happened. She peed herself. Only it wasn't pee, her water had just broke. Right there in the middle of an ED her water had just broke. Well, there were no better places to have that happen than in an ED.

Maggie came rushing to her. "Ooh, looks like the day is today, Robin." She said.

"Looks like it," Robin said, panic and excitement at the same time.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of you." She said to Robin. "Monique! We need a wheelchair here." Maggie yelled.

Oh no, she could not be a patient here again. That was one thing Robin didn't want ever again.

"I…uh…I'm still feeling ok Maggie. I…I was going to give birth at East Mercy, they have all my charts. Any chance I might make it there?" Robin asked.

Maggie saw through her to that fear. "Look, honey, I know you went through so much here. Especially the last time. But, I promise we'll take the best care of you here Robin. Your husband is here, your father is here and your friends," She said holding her hand, "Your friends are all here. We'll help you." Maggie squeezed her hand as she sat her in the wheelchair. "Let us help you here."

Robin breathed deep, she was starting to feel some cramps, sweating a little. It was happening too fast, when she had not been feeling anything before the water broke. She looked up at Maggie, seeing the sincerity in her eyes, Robin nodded. "Please tell Clare that I'm…I'm otherwise indisposed now." Robin joked with a smile.

"You got it." Maggie assigned someone the task. "And I'm gonna have someone tell your husband right now…."

"No no…Maggie, don't pull him out of surgery just yet, please. This surgery is too important to him and …I mean its goanna take me a while, isn't it? Just let him finish, I'm sure he'll still find me in labor when he's done with his surgery."

"Ok. Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She said, as she was being wheeled to the labor ward.

"He'll chew my head off. You know how he can get when it comes to you." Maggie joked.

"I'll tell him it was all my idea." Robin looked up and saw Clare rushing in to take her hand. "And Clare is here. It will be fine."

"You ok, honey?" Clare asked anxiously. "What can I do?"

"In a few minutes you will be required to walk with her. Be her rock. It's usually daddy's job but seeing as daddy is still in surgery, you're it." Maggie joked.

"Can you let my Dad know?" Robin asked.

"I'll let him and everyone else who is not in that surgery know." Maggie said excitedly. "I'll be back to help once I find someone to cover for me. I won't miss delivering Connor's baby." Maggie made a little excited jump with an excited yelp. Robin and Clare laughed. "It's Connor's baby people!" Maggie shouted as she exited.