Chapter 9

Paranoia? Or just a heightened since of awareness.

...

He wasn't seeing right, because Ava was right beside him in his bed. He got up with a start.

"Ava, what the hell are you doing in my bed?! How did you get in?" Connor asked in horror.

Ava stirred and stretched as if she was coming from a deep sleep. "Connor…what…what are you doing standing over there like that?'

"Ava, answer me."

"What…we had some drinks and you…"

"I what? I remember pretty well that I got here alone, I have my room key with me and…how did you get in?" This was starting to shape out really really wrong for him.

"Connor, we slept together."

"You have got to be kidding me!" This wasn't happening. He tried to search is mind for any memories of that and he had no clue, no memory, he came up blank.

"Look, rather than deny what just happened last night…"

"I don't know what you're talking about Ava. Did you drug me? You put something in my drink or something?"

"Oh, come on Connor, not this again. You said it yourself, you came here on your own, with your room key. You're only conveniently forgetting that you came up here with me and we made love."

Connor laughed in derision. "No, I don't remember it that way. You made advances at me at the bar, I rebuffed you and came up here and made a video call to my wife. Whom I love and would never cheat on, no matter how drunk I am, and I wasn't even drunk."

"If that's what you want to believe Connor, then go ahead. I won't tell your precious wife if you won't."

With that she got into her clothes and left the room, leaving him still dump struck, frozen where he stood.

The trip back home was somber for him, only half hearing Noah and Bodoni arguing about which night clubs were the dopiest, New York or Chicago. Ava was quiet in her seat opposite him, with earphones on.

He looked out his own window and tried to remember what had happed last night.

…

Robin finished packing her things at the office, and glanced at her watch. Connor's plane would be landing in an hour and she had to go pick him up. It had been a slow day at the office, they allowed her to go an hour earlier. She was so excited to see him again, it had only been three days without him but it felt like forever. They had to get used to spending this much time apart, between medical conferences and surgeries out of town, this was bound to happen more often than not. It would still need getting used to.

She drove opposite the traffic to the airport, thinking about her husband and her son. She really had made it right. She had always been afraid of relationships, afraid of her heart getting broken, it almost always did. But with Connor, it had been a real risk. She had not known what real love was until him. She had never loved nor will ever love anyone the way she loved him. And that was what she had been afraid of. A drop from that kind of height would break her to tiny, unsalvageable pieces. But he had held her heart this whole time, and never let it drop. It was the kind of love she had always wished for, always prayed for, and yet always feared. Because love is only equal to the pain and she feared the pain. But trust was a good antidote to that, she trusted Connor and never had to fear. She had taken the risk, gave him her heart and held on. He was a good keeper of her heart, and she loved him freely now. It was free falling but she wasn't afraid, she was just happy. And so looking forward to seeing his face today, not the video chatting they had been doing. That wasn't anywhere near the real thing, as she saw him get through the arrivals with his team. She only had eyes for him, and a smile to match. His own eyes lighted up when he sported her waiting for him, and a smile followed. Her heart would never forget to skip at that smile of his. The one that was only for her.

With outreached arms she welcomed him and embraced him.

"Hey, sweetheart. Ohh God, I missed you." He said sinking into her hug with a sigh of relief.

"I missed you too." She laughed joyously, he laughed too, kissing her. There was a disturbed look in his eyes she glimpsed as she looked him over, but passed it off as jetlag or something. She will make him unwind when they get home, treat him to his favorite meal and some quality time.

"Hey, Dr Rhodes, the other." Noah joked as he greeted Robin with a little salute.

Robin laughed, "Hey Noah. Pardon me, Dr Sexton the great." She saluted him too.

"Robin." Bodoni said

"Leah." She greeted back with a smile. She and Leah had actually become friends, even though she knew she had a crush on her husband, but she wasn't a mean sort.

Ava actually came toward her to give her a handshake. Robin was surprised but politely took the hand.

"It's been a while Robin. I hear you're at east Mercy now." Ava said conversely.

"Uh…yeah, you heard correctly." Robin replied.

Ava gave Robin an assessing look. "Good." She said flippantly. "Connor, I'll see you around." She said, giving Connor a glance before she moved away probably to get to her Ubar.

"That was curious." Robin commented.

"Ignore her." Connor said, that disturbed look on his face again. "Let's go home."

….

"What's the matter?" Robin asked, glancing at him as she drove them though the traffic on their way home.

He had been quiet, Robin was bound to notice. "Nothing, just jet leg."

"Surgery went well?'

"Yeah, just exhausting but, yeah, the Mayor pulled through." Connor said.

"Good." Robin said. "When we get home, I have a few ideas to loosen you up." She gave him a naughty smile.

He grinned at her, all his other worries swept away for a moment. He took her hand which wasn't on the steering wheel and planted a loud kiss on it. He was already home. She was the place he called home. Anywhere with her and their son was home.

As soon as they parked they were greeted by Collete holding Dillon by the hand. He was joyously waving his hands, waiting to be taken into his father's arms.

"Daddy. Mommy."

"Hey, my ninja turtle." Connor took his son in his arms, kissing him on the cheek.

"Daddy." His son hugged him back.

"Heyy you were good to mommy and Granny Collete right?"

"Yes I was."

"That's my guy. I've brought you something." He brought out a little power ranger toy from his pocket. His son loved the power rangers. And with that he had won him over.

Collete had really prepared his favorite meal for dinner. They had a cozy dinner. They put their son to bed and took the warm bath Robin had made them. Everything she had promised to welcome him home. When he had seen her waiting for him at the airport, his heart soared. He knew then she was the everything he might just lose. He looked into her eyes now, her love was sure and clear and just for him. He knew what happiness really meant. He made love to his wife that night as if it was the last time. Because it just might be. He didn't struggle with faithfulness to Robin, he didn't want to love anybody else. This was all he wanted, this love they shared was all he craved. He didn't believe he had slept with Ava in New York. Not in his right mind he wouldn't. He didn't even feel anything for her. He didn't remember what had happened but she had done something to him. He didn't know what to tell Robin even if he had wanted to confess, because he didn't know what had happed. He didn't know what Ava was planning but she was planning something. And right now he held in his arms everything as if he might lose it all tomorrow. Everything that Ava was determined to take away.

….

He woke up early in the morning, Robin was still sleeping soundly beside him. He looked at the watch, it was a little after 4am. He couldn't go back to sleep, instead he looked at his wife sleeping. Watch her every breath, and with every breath the fear in his heart grew. It was happening again, he was going o lose her. He cuddled her close, kissed her forehead. She stared and scooted closer into his arms.

She rusted him now, will she still so trustingly sleep in his arms if he told her that he might have cheated on her with ava in New York? How would he explain something like that? How will she understand? He kissed her awake, and made love to her just as desperately as he had done last night.

"I love you. So much. I want you to remember that. Ok?" He said, drawing her face back so he could look into her eyes. His desperation must have shown because as he cuddled her close she clung to him and searched his eyes.

"Is everything ok?" She asked him.

He kissed her forehead. "Everything is perfect." He said, cuddling her close.

As soon as Connor got to work he searched for Ava. He found her making rounds with some of the CT students.

"Dr Becker. A minute please." He politely but firmly asked.

"Sure. Good morning to you too Dr Rhodes." She said with that flippant tone of hers. But stepped aside to follow him to the on call room.

"Ok, what the hell do you think you're doing?'

"What are you talking about Connor? Rough morning?"

"I was to know what the heck you are claiming happening between us in New York." Connor kissed, making sure nobody could eavesdrop.

"Claiming?" She snorted in outrage. "Connor, I understand your need to want to keep this secret. Trust me, I wont say a word if you don't. What happens in New York stays in New York."

"Like I'm gonna trust you to do that. Look, I just cant remember you and I…" He finished without saying anymore, just dropped his hands in resignation.

"Well, that stings." Ava said. "If you have to know, it was just like old times Connor."

Connor sighed, out of patience. "Ava, did you drug me?"

"I can't believe this, Connor. First I killed your father and now I drug you? Beside all the other things you've already accused me of doing?" Ava said indignantly.

"Then how…."

"Ok look, I admit I'm the one who knocked on your door that night, but you let me in and you took one look at me and succumbed to the attraction, the love we share Connor." She said in desperation.

"Then why don't I remember that?" Connor asked skeptically.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Maybe the thought of cheating on Robin was too much for you so you decided to block the memory from your mind. What do I know?"

Connor shook his head and snorted in derision. "But here's the thing Ava, I don't love you, I never have…"

"But you are attracted to me." Ava insisted.

"Listen Ava, I don't see you. I never really did." Connor tried to explain. "Every time we were together I would always wish that it was Robin. She was the only one I saw, even when I was looking right at you."

"Your point." Ava asked, that hurt look on her face now.

"Look, I didn't say that to hurt you but that's just how it is. So, I don't buy this theory of succumbing to my attraction to you. Because it doesn't exist."

"Whatever you want to believe Connor. There is absolutely no need for you to say such hurtful words to me. If its you precious wife you're trying to protect, she won't hear it from me." Ava said. "Can I go now?"

Connor was not going anywhere with this. She was never going to admit what she had really done to get into his room and into his room. He shook is head at her and she left the on call room. He was going to spend most of his time in the ED today, the better to avoid her.

He did his work as efficiently as usual but his head was not in it, much less his heart. Will Halsted noticed.

"You ok man?' Will asked.

"Uh.." Connor looked at the man who had started off as his arch nemesis but had fast become one of his best friends. " Its…just stuff going on with me right now?"

"Robin and Dillon ok?" Will asked in concern.

"They are good, thanks. Its not that. "It's just…" Connor sighed in despair. "I'm good, Will thanks."

He went to the roof for some fresh air and to just look over the city, to try and think in quietness. His heart was so heavy it pained him to breathe. He sighed heavily. And that how Dr Charles found him, leaning over the roof rails, sighing heavily.

"You know, a burden shared is a burden lessened." Dr Charles said in that perceptive and intrusive shrink tone of his.

Connor so didn't want this right now. His father in law, the shrink, with father issues towards Robin. He didn't want him going into father of the year mode again and take his wife away.

"I'm good, Dr Charles, thank you." Connor clipped.

"Robin and Dillon ok?" Dr Charles persisted.

"They are fine, thank you very much."

"You know, whatever it is, you can talk to Robin about it. She'll understand."

The guy was creepy. Did he already know what was going on? Or was this his dose of marital advice?

"Robin and I are fine Dr Charles. I'm fine. I was just taking a break from the busy day. I better go back inside." Connor said dismissively and walked back into the hospital.

Dr Charles looked after him until he disappeared behind the door.

No, he wasn't. Connor was exhibiting signs of real psychological trauma. The self protectiveness, the evasive behavior, not to mention the red flags for stress there. Something was going on and it was terrifying him. Maybe something about his father's death in this hospital had been triggered, or Robin's kidnapping. He never really got over that one, neither had Dr Charles for that matter. So, maybe one of those memories had hit and he triggered some dormant fear. Dr Charles made a note to keep an eye on him nonetheless.

A few hours later Connor was sitting at a private bar, drinking his second shot of whiskey neat. He didn't want to go to Molly's, too many people he knew there. Too many people who would pick up on his mood and deduce that something was wrong. He wanted to be alone and not have to explain to anyone why he didn't want to go home.

"Ok, now you really have to tell us. Whiskey neat, at this hour when you should be happily having diner at home like you usually do? Something is wrong." Will had come to sit at one side of the bar from him while Ethan took the other side.

Connor rolled his eyes. "I take it it's not a coincidence that you guys didn't go to Molly's tonight but also chose this very secluded bar as me?"

"Connor, the way you've been this whole day, we feared you were gonna sneak off somewhere and take poison." Ethan said.

"Case in point." Will pointed at the glass of whiskey.

"So talk to us man. What is going on with you?" Ethan asked.

Connor looked at him then shook his head in despair, then guzzled the rest of that whiskey down his throat. The burning sensation good for him to get his head straight.

"See what I mean." Will said.

Connor signaled for the bar tender to pour him another. He contemplated lying to his friends about what was really going on with him. Say it was a patient or something. But they would read through that. And he had been lying way too much already. More than that, he needed to tell someone. Will and Ethan had become his confidants since Robin's kidnapping, they only wished him well, he knew that. They had his back.

"Uhhh…" Connor sighed, his new whiskey in his hand. "Ava is claiming that I slept with her in New York." He said and took a shot of his whiskey.

"What?"

"Claiming?"

Hey both said at the same time. Connor nodded, and took another shot.

"And which is it? Did you?" Ethan asked.

"I don't know. I certainly don't remember it." Connor said morosely.

"Then...she's lying obviously…?" Will said. "I'm a little confused. How can you not know?"

"I'm just as confused." Connor said. 'She did make advances at the bar, I rebuffed them very firmly. I went to my room and video called with Robin until I fell asleep. When I woke up she was in my bed."

"Ava strikes again!" Ethan slapped his hand on the bar, looking away in derision..

"Drugged?" Will asked

"That's what I thought, had a tox screen done before I left that morning but they found nothing." Connor.

"Wouldn't be the first time she would use some kind of untraceable drug to kill someone." Ethan said

"In this case, seduce.' Will concurred.

They both knew of Connor's suspicions about his father's death and how conveniently the murder could not be proven because the insulin could never be traced.

"And let me guess, Robin doesn't know." Ethan said

"Of course she doesn't man. Because there is nothing to tell." Will said. Trust me, no woman wants to know about any hypothetical or possible cheating scenarios from her husband." Will's protective custody with the FBI had made him a little bit more pragmatic. And secretive. Reason why he couldn't be with Natalie now.

"What is Ava saying?" Ethan asked. "She wants to rat you out?"

"That would be the whole point." Will said

"Surprisingly she says she won't say anything. And I don't believe her." Connor said.

"Yeah, that would be too benevolent of her, after going through all the trouble of framing you in the first place. You can be sure she's got some sort of evidence. Blackmail? What do you think she wants?" Ethan said.

"Besides money?" Will said with sarcasm.

"No." Connor said contemplatively. "Its me she wants to ruin. She wants me."

"Connor Rhodes." Will snorted. "Why am I surprised that some women don't want to be ditched by you. They go wacko."

"You can take a chance with Robin and hope that she doesn't up and leave you or you could trust the snake to keep her word not to tell." Ethan said

Which wasn't very helpful, that was the exact thing he was struggling with right now. And he didn't exactly tell him what to do, did he? He couldn't lose Robin. He just couldn't.

I wouldn't tell her." Will weighed in.

"I think you and Robin have something too special to throw away over some woman's manipulations. All I can say is protect what you have with everything you've got. When April told me she had kissed Marcell, I went crazy. I don't know if it was because she had told me after so long or she told me at all."

"It was because she had done it at all." Will said.

"I gotta go home." Connor said , getting off from the bar.

"And what are you gonna do?" Ethan asked.

Connor didn't answer, just shook his head in despair.

"I'll drive your car. Ethan can drive me back here to pick up mine." Will said. "You can't be driving in this state buddy."