Chapter 17

Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wand'ring bark,

Natalie found Robin in her office at East Mercy General. She had come to congratulate her on the latest outcome of the whole scandal. Turned out, Connor never cheated on her. Natalie had a burning question, she could not sleep because of it. How did she do it?

"Heyy Nat. This is a surprise." Robin said, with a surprised smile on her face.

Natalie came forward to embrace her. "Just came to offer my congratulations. You stood by your man and it paid out."

"Phew" Robin said with a relieved smile, "It was quite a battle."

Natalie took her seat opposite Robin's. "So, I hear your testimony will make the difference whether Ava will be going to some cushy asylum for psychiatric issues or real prison."

"Yeah." Robin said and sighed.

"So, which one are you leaning towards?" Natalie asked.

"I talked this over with Connor, you know, because his father is the true victim here. The one who got murdered." Robin said

"Yes, but you got kidnapped and buried alive. How about that for victim?"

"Actually, I think those are the actions of a demented person. She has real psychotic issues." Robin said. "She was that obsessed with Connor."

"No way." Natalie said aghast at the implication in that

'Asylum. She has real issues and needs help. Frankly I just need this over with. Move on with our lives. She didn't break us, that's all that counts. What do they say? Two wrongs don't make a right. It's not like her sentence will be reduced, just where she's going to spend it. And asylum doesn't sound cushy at all. If it can offer a little more comfort then, maybe she will be able to learn from this leniency." Robin said.

"You're a better woman that I am." Nat said, leaning back in her chair. "Speaking of better women, the other reason I came here."

"What?"

"Well, I was just curious but it seems you're made from more saintly stuff than some of us."

"Not at all." Robin laughed. "Just not up to being vindictive and placing blame, it's too exhausting and I'm lazy. So, what's the question?"

"How did you know?"

"Know?"

"That Connor didn't sleep with her. That he didn't betray you. How could you be so sure, given there was a history between them?" Natalie asked earnestly.

"I…didn't know. I believed."

"What do you mean?"

"When you love someone, it doesn't just stop there. You must trust them too, and it's scary. It wasn't easy Nat, it was like holding on to a tiny piece of rope dangling over Mt Everest. But it's all you can do to just hold on."

"Yeah." Natalie said, contemplatively.

"I could have doubted him, given all the evidence. But I decided to take my eyes off the evidence to the man I know and love." Robin said. "That man loves me, and I know it. He has sown it to me so many times. Once I realized that, I felt foolish just believing even for a minute in Ava's schemes. I trust his love for me, and that's my faith."

"I'm inspired, truly." Natalie said, troubled. "I…do you think I could have trusted Will better? Just trust him, in spite of all the other things I couldn't understand, just trust? Because I think that's the only thing keeping us apart. We don't trust each other. Not like that. He does one little thing I don't understand and I blow a gasket and break up. Looking at you and Connor, what you've been through, I think we could have done better. I could have done better. But, he's with someone now and I'm with someone. Looks like it all worked out after all."

"Yeah, if you say so. If you say he's the one in whose presence you can't properly think or even breathe." Robin said, her eyes taking a faraway look as if she was trying to describe something only she knew. "If you say you feel that feeling." Robin said with a raised, knowing eyebrow.

Nat smiled at the teasing. "Of course, he is a very good guy, Robin. And of course I do have feelings for him. What feeling are you talking about?"

"Well, the one that makes it impossible to look away from him at any given moment. When your body and soul feel as if they could just burst into flames whenever the two of you are near." She had a wistful smile on her face now. "When all you're able to do in each other's presence is to fight the urge to lean forward and touch his lips with yours. When no one else but him will do. He is your very heart." She shook her head as if from deep imagining. "If that is the feeling you have when you're with this other guy then, I guess I'm happy for the two of you."

Natalie had had that feeling twice in her life but only twice. First with her late husband Jeff and then with Will. "When, if he's ever gone, your heart feels like it is literary broken inside your chest and the pain never really goes away." Nat completed. "I've felt that before, with Jeff and with Will."

Robin took Natalie's hands across the desk, an earnest look on her face. "You and Will, you still have a chance. Take it Natalie, and hold on tight. Go to him, start over, because that man still loves you. It's all over his face whenever he looks at you. It's something to hold on to and build on. Don't throw something like that away. Do you know how many people would be puzzled by the feelings I've just described? But you're not puzzled, because you've had it, and you still have it."

"I gotta go, Robin. Thanks so much." Natalie said, getting up with urgency. "I'm gonna risk my heart again, like you risked yours." And with that she was out of the door.

….

After the sentencing, Connor went to see Ava. She had killed his father, tried to kill Robin and ruin his marriage, but still once she had been sort of a friend. He didn't know what he wanted from her, closure for himself or for her. He just wanted to close this chapter and he did feel a little sympathy. So he visited her. She was staring out the window when he entered. It was not a prison, some may even call it cushy. She was going to be here for ten years and then be extradited to her own country or answer for her other crimes. God only knew how many.

She turned and looked at him when she heard him enter. The once ever present antagonism there was less detectable now. She just looked defeated. And the almost always present resentment in his heart for her wasn't there anymore, she was paying for his father's death enough.

"So, you wanted to get your last lap of victory? Couldn't wait to dance on my grave, Connor?" She said with resentment, coming to sit down on her bed.

"Nah, just wanted to see how you were and just to say I'm sorry for how things turned out."

"Are you really?" She snorted.

"A little bit, yes. Look, I'll never really understand how you could do the things that you did and call it love. I guess that's why you're in here instead of prison. But I do get something, in your own selfish kind of love, I guess you may have done it to have me. Never mind how you would hurt me by hurting the people I loved? I guess the reason I really came here was to get some closure. How you really could do that to me." Connor said.

"Well, I guess you got me all figured out then. I'm a psychopath. What else do you want?"

"Ok, it was a mistake coming here. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry it turned out this way." Connor made to leave.

"No. Connor, please stay a while." She pleaded now, the thought of him leaving still affecting her. Connor turned to look at her.

"Do you think if you had met me before Robin, if we had met before all this, we could have been happy, right?"

She had asked earnestly and Connor took time to really look at her. He did feel sympathy for her in spite of everything she had done. Ultimately, he was the cause of all of it. Yes, Ava had murdered some people back in South Africa with her psychopathic makeup but, for this, Connor had a part of the blame. He had given her hope, dated her, and pretended to love her. He may have just done this to her. He sat down in the empty chair across from Ava, facing her.

"Look Ava, I'm really sorry for whatever part I played in provoking you to do what you did. I would never understand it, I'll always miss my father, wish he could see my family, he would have liked that. And I'll never forget Robin's kidnapping, it's always with me. I wake up in a sweat from the nightmare every night. But I'll carry some of that responsibility. I may have led you on.

"Maybe in the next life, we will meet up and you'll love me instead." She insisted.

He could have said, 'yeah maybe' or something like that but he decided to answer her truthfully and not jinx any reincarnation future, if there was such a thing. He didn't want to take the chance.

"They say, the stars and humans have a reason to die, and it takes 2.5 million years for their rebirth. I think, if there is a next future, a next life, and you might even see the person you once knew again. You should run away from me if you see me then. Because whether I see you first or not, in 2.5 million years, I'll still love Robin. I just know that. And I'm sorry that breaks your heart, I never meant to."

She had tears in her eyes when he left, but he felt they had left things off on a good closure note. He had his closure and he felt he had given her hers. She was more settled in her restless spirit for him, enough to give a chance for others. Maybe now her heart can rest from looking for him, he would never be found by her.

….